


Second Chance

by Shinocchi



Series: Same Heart; Different Universe [6]
Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angel/Demon Relationship, Bittersweet, Body Worship, Dirty Talk, Double Penetration, Finger Sucking, Fingerfucking, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multiple Orgasms, Switching, Tail Sex, Teasing, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 100,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2439038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinocchi/pseuds/Shinocchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone is given one chance to live; but what if you're given a second chance? And this time, you could choose how you would lose your life.</p><p>When Aoba was involved in an innocent, unintentional death, he was surprised to find himself "still alive", waking up in a surrounding he was more than familiar with and his head filled with questions about what had happened to him. He has met with new contradictions and challenges. The world he once lived in was a huge lie; the faith of people he cared about was now in his hands and more importantly, he was caught up with a demon, a being very much opposite from him, who would change his worldview completely.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Português brasileiro available: [Segunda Chance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6913144) by [Aoba_Sera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoba_Sera/pseuds/Aoba_Sera)



> I have to be honest. Supernatural/fantasy genre was never my cup of tea (except Harry Potter, that series is a sole exception) but I'm desperately drawn to the idea of seeing life in a different perspective - from a human's POV, where they actually live it; and from both angel's and demon's POVs, which make up of an imbalance of good and bad. On top of that, [Mindy](http://incompletionist.tumblr.com/)'s idea was also a great fuel to my inspiration, and hence, this Halloween collaboration :D
> 
> Bear in mind that I've stated that this is a Halloween collaboration and that I've labelled it as 5 chapters but knowing me, it'd probably go beyond Halloween and beyond 5 chapters ^^;
> 
> Also, please check out [Mindy](http://incompletionist.tumblr.com/)'s beautiful art and the [beautiful cover art](http://incompletionist.tumblr.com/post/99700597506/here-you-go-shino-cchi-you-can-have-flying) I've attached together with this first chapter c:
> 
> Self-beta'd, all errors & mistakes belong to me and I apologize in advance.
> 
> p/s: If you think this is a happy story, think again. Also, rating changes in next chapters so B)

__

 

 

_How can one be so happy at one second – revelling in the way your lips curl at one corner, the way someone responds to your smile with a brighter one of their own, the way you feel the warmth spread inside you – and in the next moment you feel everything stop, the world crumbling before you in mere seconds, your breath is being taken away from you at the same time, as if your lungs suddenly cease to function._

 

He couldn’t hear what anyone else was trying to tell him. He couldn’t even feel his own breathing, let alone his own heartbeats. Staring blankly ahead of him, he ignored the prayers, ignored all the over embroidered words that sounded like nothing but lies. It was when the casket was lifted and moved into the fitting space under the ground that he felt himself quaver a little, voice still stuck in his throat as he pushed his way to the front of the line. He wanted to scream, to stop them, and to say sorry – again and again – until the man in the coffin opened his eyes and gave him an upbeat ‘ _it’s okay!_ ’, like he always did.

But despite possessing this strong temptation to do just that, he found his body betraying his heart as he ended up doing nothing but staring as soil shielded the fine wooden material, taking away his final chance to see him, to say his farewell.

For a long time, he merely stood entrenched on the spot. Even when his friends patted him on the shoulder and gave him words of consolation over and over again, his response was scarce. He found himself staring at the carved words on the tombstone, still having difficulties believing that this was actually happening. It was surreal – and all he ever wanted was for everything that happened now to be just another nightmare.

It took one pat against his arm for him to come back to himself again, just to realize that all living beings were gone.

“Koujaku.”

Many had tried calling out to him and none of them had managed to attract any sort of response out of him. But this time, it was different. He jolted slightly as he turned around to meet a pair of gentle eyes, as gentle as both his voice and his touch.

“Go home,” the man before him said. But Koujaku simply shifted his gaze back to the tombstone in front of him, refusing to respond.

Sei gave out a soft sigh before he patted Koujaku on the head instead.

“I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again,” he said, his voice reverberating loud and clear in Koujaku’s ears, breaking the quiet atmosphere even more. “It’s not your fault.”

As if that was the one thing that Koujaku wanted to hear, he turned and looked at Sei again, a thin frown now appearing on his face.

“Shh,” Sei quickly pressed a finger against his lips before he could say anything.

It took another few unobtrusive moments and another pat on the head before Sei moved away, distancing himself from Koujaku and giving him a compassionate smile.

Then, he was left alone again.

Sei was wrong. _It was his fault_. _He_ , above everyone else, did not deserve this. And the one who had caused it was none other than Koujaku.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

As if the weather was reflecting his mood, droplets of water started to fall on him, mingling with the water on his face that he didn’t even know had begun falling from his eyes.

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone is given one chance to live. But there would come a time when we would lose that chance – either accidentally or intentionally. What if you’re given a second chance to live? What if, this time, you could decide how to lose it?

The last thing he remembered was the sweltering sensation in his throat, intense heat spreading out to every part of his nerves, blinding his senses. He remembered hearing the cracking of his skull, how he felt like his head was splitting open and how his vision was smeared with a layer of red. He remembered losing his voice, then his hearing, and gradually, his vision.

The last thing he felt was a pair of hands seizing his body. Someone was shaking him. Violently. He knew he shouldn’t sleep, because he had a good idea of what was happening and that losing himself now would probably be a decision he’d regret.

But there were things that he couldn’t control. And under the influence of heavy, _life-threatening_ dosage, the white flag won the war.

Everything turned black – his vision, his hearing, his smell, his touch – every one of his senses went dull.

He thought he’d died. He could still feel regrets pooling within him, his qualms still throbbing in his chest. But when he opened his eyes, the first thing he felt wasn’t any of those – instead, it was a revelation.

Slowly lifting himself up, he looked around, noticing that he’d woke up in his own room. His body was paler than he remembered it to be as he shifted his gaze to his own being. He tried moving his limbs and was glad that everything was still intact – he could still feel pain when he pinched himself on the arm.

Thinking that perhaps everything was just a bad dream, he stood up, intending to find someone he knew to ease the agitation within him.

But his steps came to an abrupt stop when he caught sight of himself in the mirror.

There wasn’t any damaged skin; all his limbs and his features were still whole and unscathed. But what made him drop his jaw was when he saw something _different_ on top of his head.

It was a _halo_.

“Wh-what…”

Feeling the hoarseness in his throat, he reached out and attempted to touch the small glowing shape floating above him. His fingers tingled when he felt faint warmth against the tips but when he tried to pull it off his head for a better look, a sudden crushing electric shock pounded through his entire body, almost causing his heart to jump out of his throat.

He’d seen stories like these but he’d never thought that he’d be seeing it in reality. A sense of surrealism hit him as he tried to make sense of what was happening. The first thing that occurred to him was to talk to someone. There was no use standing around and trying to figure the answer for himself when he had absolutely _no clue_ at all. With that thought in mind, he opened the door and headed down the stairs.

He needed assurance, that was all he needed.

Besides himself, nothing else was out of place. He could hear the sounds of glass clanking as he wandered across the room. A swift glimpse at the wall clock told him that it was dinner time, so instinctively, he walked into the kitchen. A bright smile immediately spread on his face the moment he saw the two persons he wanted to see most, with their backs facing him.

“It’s okay, Granny. Let me do the rest,” his brother said, taking the dishes out of his grandmother’s hands as he smiled softly at her.

Despite her stubborn self, this time, his grandmother obeyed without any objections. As soon as she seated herself on the dining table, Aoba immediately rushed up to her, only to realize then that she was not too similar to the usual granny he knew.

He was standing right in front of his grandmother, but her head remained low as she stared at the empty place in front of her, without any sign of recognition towards Aoba. Moving closer, Aoba’s hands were almost touching his grandmother’s on the table when Sei joined them on the table with two bowls of rice.

 _Two bowls of rice_.

“Please eat something, Granny,” Sei said as he settled himself opposite Tae. “You haven’t been eating anything since yesterday.”

The room was filled with a shadowy air of grief as both of them ate their meal quietly. He didn’t need too much of a conviction to figure out what had actually happened. The fact that no one noticed him at all, that something uncanny had materialised on top of his head, and that the usual items that were evidences of his existence in the household were nowhere to be seen – all these told Aoba enough about what was happening. The moment reality stroke him, he felt his insides tighten up, the devastating crush of emotions almost making him choke.

 _So he died after all_. It wasn’t supposed to come as a bombshell to him; his memories of his final moments were the best proof. He’d come to embrace this decision by himself. He shouldn’t be too awestruck by the consequences. In fact, what was suffocating him was the way people around him were taking his sudden passon. His death wasn’t something they’d expected and Aoba felt a strong sense of remorse knowing that he’d decoyed them into this situation without a consideration of how they’d feel about it. No one should be responsible about this besides himself. He’d brought everything upon himself.

But obviously, this was simply his own egotistic thought.

“How’s Koujaku doing?” Tae finally voiced out. There was no mistaking the lack of power in her voice.

Sei gave out a silent sigh.

“He’s holding himself together, but it’s obvious that he’s still blaming himself over it.”

Tae’s actions stopped as she considered the situation.

“Granny,” Sei called out. “Do you blame him?”

This time, it was Tae who gave out a sigh.

“Of course not. It was an accident,” she said as she resumed her meal. “He needs time.”

Lifting a higher smile, Sei nodded as he took a piece of meat and put it into Tae’s bowl.

He was glad to know that both his grandmother and his brother had been holding themselves together, although there was no mistaking the melancholy that was still haunting them. They needed time – in fact, more time than anyone else – and it was perfectly normal.

But Koujaku was different, and it worried him now that he knew about Koujaku’s condition. It wasn’t his fault. Yet, it was true that his death was somehow, in a way, directly linked to Koujaku and he couldn’t blame Koujaku for feeling wretched and mortified about it. But this shouldn’t be the case. Koujaku had yet to understand everything.

And for that, he needed to see Koujaku for himself – to clear his final task before he could leave in peace.

Feeling the sense of urgency, he hurried back upstairs, back to his room where he found his bag – one of the very few things he could actually touch – before something else inside the bag snatched his attention.

If it wasn’t peculiarly black in color – a colour that stood out strikingly in the midst of bright-coloured items he possessed -- he’d probably miss it. He hesitated for mere seconds before he warily traced the edge of the material with his fingertips, as if to confirm that it wasn’t poisonous. Then, after making sure that it wasn’t going to harm him in any way, Aoba took the envelope out, flipping it over, his eyes brightened when he saw a seal with a pair of white wings behind it.

Slowly yet vigilantly, he tore the seal open and took the piece of paper out.

> _`Task`_ _:_ _`Recover`_ _`target`_ _.  
>  __`Trial`_ _`date`_ _:_ _`One`_ _`month`_ _.  
>  __`Target`_ _:_

His heart picked up speed again when he saw the name written in the ‘target’ column, causing him to drop his jaw.

> _` Koujaku.` _

What was this all about? Firstly, he woke up to find himself not only dead but also acquiring a different body part that he didn’t know was even possible to have. If that didn’t make things even more bizarre, now, he found this suspicious letter from an unknown source with Koujaku’s name – printed in red – in his bag. There wasn’t any description as to what he should do from now on. As the night fell, he merely stood in the centre of the street, in a neighbourhood he was more than familiar with, feeling grotesquely out of place. He couldn’t feel the wind brushing through his hair, stray dogs walked past him as if he was just another tree, even passersby strolled past him without a glance.

It was a world of loneliness.

But nothing really changed.

Nothing.

Except him.

 

* * *

 

He rushed down the streets as if his whole life depended on it, following the pavement he could practically walk on with his eyes closed, then turned a corner heading to a bar. The town has become pretty quiet. Most of the residents either turned in earlier or decided to spend the remaining of the night in places that served this very purpose.

And this was exactly where Aoba was headed to.

The overwhelming sound of brash music complemented by the barely audible ring of the bell when he opened the door of the bar did nothing to calm his already tensed up nerves. The bar was as packed with people as he remembered it to be. Usually, this meant good news. Having a lot of customers in the bar meant a pocketful of income. When things went well he’d even find himself and Koujaku greeting sunrise with worn-out yet contented smiles on their faces. It had only been two years since they started working in this local bar – Aoba needed the money to support his family, while Koujaku wanted to start his own business, a dream which both of them had come to embrace.

But today, he found himself missing his usual joviality when apprehension showered upon him as he squinted through the crowd. It might be the worst time to drop by. No one would be expected to resume work within the next twenty-four hours of their best friend’s death. But obviously, it wasn’t the case with Koujaku. The moment he saw Koujaku at his usual spot behind the bar counter, he broke into a reflexive smile as he squeezed his way past the crowd – despite knowing that no one would be able to touch or see him – and settled himself right in front of Koujaku.

He regretted it the instant he did that. As expected, Koujaku couldn’t see him, didn’t even notice that he was there. He was still wearing a smile that could effortlessly melt souls but it wasn’t the same smile Aoba had come to adore. If only he could see him at this very moment, he’d find a hand – two times bigger than his – making its way across his head and ruffling his hair with rough yet gentle way that would often responded with a pout from Aoba. Then, Aoba would brush his hand off, telling him that he’s not the small kid Koujaku used to know anymore and God knows what kind of embarrassing words Koujaku would blurt out in response to that.

“ _You’ll always be that little kid I used to protect._ ” was one of those sentences that would paint a deeper shade of red on Aoba’s face.

He never understood how Koujaku could easily say shameless things like that in such a chivalrous manner, like it was the most natural thing to do. Perhaps that was just part of him being himself, and perhaps that was the reason why he’d gained himself so many admirers… and enemies at the same time.

Koujaku definitely had the looks, but that was not the only thing that had drawn him to many. He was also naturally protective, and there was no way he would turn a blind eye if injustice was to ensue within his eyeshot. Being a natural worrywart, Aoba had told him off many times, telling him that he’d invite troubles if he was to continue beating men up and slaughtering their insanely high pride. Koujaku, however, had assured him that he knew what he was doing and Aoba had chosen to believe in him.

He always did.

Now that he thought about it, this might be the reason why Aoba’s death was hurting Koujaku way more acutely than it did anyone else. He knew that Koujaku was strong and that he definitely didn’t need anyone to teach him the proper way of living. But he also knew that he was a protector by nature, perhaps even on the same level as Koujaku. If Koujaku was able to do anything to keep him safe, then _he_ could do the same to Koujaku too.

Aoba probably never predicted his own death. He never even thought about life in general, let alone death, and he didn’t want to count how many times Koujaku had saved him from troubles just because of his tendency to jump straight into the pit, allowing his body to do the talking before his head could. Unconsciously, he’d lodged the belief that he would be fine, that nothing would happen to him as long as Koujaku had his back. Simply letting it be, he left his back open, thrusting his head right into the core of the matter without putting into consideration of how much it’d cost him from this mere action.

But _this_ was the one and only time Koujaku hadn’t made it on time. As his memories gradually returned to him, he could – once again – hear Koujaku screaming his name before he lost his consciousness. He could feel Koujaku’s weight on him, and he could – _almost_ – feel the dampness on his skin that he knew were Koujaku’s tears.

He didn’t even know how exactly it happened. All he knew was this wasn’t Koujaku’s fault and that he’d brought it upon himself. Two weeks before the incident, he’d caught sight of a group of hooligans in the alleyway near their bar. He’d recognized them thanks to the number of times Koujaku had crossed paths with them. So, instinctively, he snuck towards the noise, hiding behind a wall and trying to catch what they were up to. No matter what it was, he was sure that it was definitely nothing pleasant, seeing how they’d tried to lay their hands on Koujaku multiple times before but constantly failing miserably.

“ _Oi, isn’t this a bit too much?_ ”

He heard one of them whisper, instantly proving his suspicions right.

“ ** _He_** _was the one who was too much!_ ” the other man responded belligerently. “ _We have a reputation to uphold. We can’t allow him to keep crushing us like that!_ ”

It was obvious from the look on the first man’s face that he had his own reluctance towards whatever the other man had proposed. Then, Aoba heard a muffled scream of pain, shifting out from his hiding place just to see that he timid man was punched in the stomach by his comrade.

“ _If you don’t want to do it, then fine,_ ” the man screeched. “ _I can do it myself!_ ”

Aoba still sensed the hesitance from the smaller man. But for whatever reason, he nodded in the end. It definitely spelled trouble and there was no way Aoba could pretend that he didn’t hear anything.

So when he saw the same man in the bar the next day, he sauntered straight to him, seizing him and pulling him into the toilet, forcing him to spill the beans.

“ _I’m not going to tell Koujaku_ ,” he’d said, eyes stern with clear-as-sky warning. ” _If you tell me what you are plotting now I’ll pretend that I didn’t hear anything_.”

His interrogation turned more and more vehement with every passing minute. His heart pounced frantically from within his chest, huge question mark pinning him against the wall as if _he_ was the one being interrogated.

At long last, it was Aoba’s “ _Do you want to be remembered as a murderer?_ ” that had gotten through the man. In a rush of horror, the man grasped Aoba instead, warning him not to tell anyone and spilling the beans at him before he ultimately promised that he would try to stop it from happening. When he finally left, Aoba merely stood, staring at his own reflection in the mirror with shock written all over his face. It wasn’t the fact that someone was plotting an actual murder, right in this very bar he was working in that was sullying distress all over him; but it was the fact that Koujaku might _die_ that’d frozen his insides.

He didn’t know how much he could trust the man when he said he would try to stop it from happening. Probably not. He needed to stop them, no matter what the consequence may be.

When he saw Koujaku later on, Koujaku gave him a loud “ _Where have you been?_ ” accompanied with a slap on the shoulder. Despite being showered with terror, Aoba forced out a bitter smile and was shortly rushed home by Koujaku who simply assumed that he was tiring himself out.

He never expected, never knew what he was facing when he lunged into this treacherous pit. All that was in his mind was _Koujaku, Koujaku, Koujaku_ , completely ignoring the fact that he was also human who could possibly lose his very own life.

He never knew when they’d return. Every day was filled with interminable fear. He considered telling Koujaku about it, knowing that he could probably handle the matter better than him. But the thought of Koujaku making things worse had him swallowing the words down before they could make their way out. He didn’t even have any evidence to prove his accusations. What if everything was simply a prank? He’d need to bear heavier responsibilities if this turned out to be a false alarm.

And so, he waited – for something he had no idea of.

A week after that, he literally felt time stop when he saw _the same two men_ walking into the bar, sickening grins on their faces that immediately told Aoba that he was far too naïve to believe that the man was really going to ‘try stopping it from happening’. Immediately, he pushed Koujaku out of the way, away from his murderers, away from danger.

“ _Hey, you know where Koujaku is?_ ”

The men had approached him after they weren’t able to find his target but Aoba shook his head, shooting the two lowlifes a glare so sharp he hoped that it could physically thrust through those nasty grins. He heard a click of tongue, saw the two men exchange eye contact, but even over the loud noises, Aoba could clearly hear one of them mouthing “ _We don’t have much time left before the drug effects weaken_ ” at the other. It pricked every one of Aoba’s nerves. He wanted nothing more than to seize the collars of these two disgusting men, push them against the wall and break all of their bones. How could one plot something so twisted as murder in such a casual way? How could they take life so easily? Did they even know what they were talking about?

“ _Koujaku is not in. Please leave_.” Every one of his veins was at the verge of exploding, his tone far from friendly.

“ _If that’s the case… Can you just give this to Koujaku?_ ”

One of them handed him a glass of blue-coloured liquid, the horrid smile on his face almost made Aoba smash the glass on the floor.

“ _It’s Blue Fountain. Tell him that we’re—oh hey, Koujaku!_ ”

His entire body turned cold. He didn’t even need to look at the bartender to know that he was wearing an overwhelming dissatisfaction on his face upon seeing Aoba interacting with two members of the most infamous cliques he had to deal with.

“ _We were just talking to Aoba and we want to apologize for everything we had done. So we’d like you to accept this drink as a small gift of apology._ ”

Lame, Aoba thought. There was no way Koujaku would fall for that.

“ _We’re sorry, Koujaku. We have learned enough to know how wrong we are._ ”

He was expecting Koujaku to crush the glass of poison on his behalf. But when he turned to see fury disappearing from Koujaku’s eyes, his heart dropped. Instead of giving the troublemakers a few deserving punches, he was reaching out to grab onto the glass of “Blue Fountain”, grasping death right into his very own hands.

No way.

Sure, Koujaku could be tough on the outside; but Aoba knew him too well, too long to know that soft spot he’d masked from the public eyes. He was too forgiving, a trait that could be due to his past, but this was definitely not the time to be hitting in that spot.

Forcefully pulling the drink away, Aoba stepped a foot back, eyeing the two grinning men snappishly before he shifted his gaze back at Koujaku.

“ _You drank enough tonight. You shouldn’t drink anymore_ ,” he said while Koujaku gave him a staggered look.

“ _What’re you talking about, Aoba? I didn’t drink anyth—_ “

“ _It’s fine!_ ” Aoba’s voice rose, almost shouting. “ _I-if you really—_ “

“ _Aoba, I’m fine_ ,” Koujaku insisted as he made a step towards Aoba. “ _It’s just a drink_.”

Aoba felt his back hit the wall and knew instantly that he was cornered. There was no way he would admit defeat. Not even towards Koujaku.

He wanted to throw the glass. He wanted to defeat death. He wanted to—

…he wanted to… what?

“ _I’ll drink it for you._ ”

His hand moved by its own, the only sound he heard in his ears was the buzzing of a tiny voice and all that he could see was a spark of white light before the glass was brought to his lips. Koujaku was obviously trying to stop him but he was one second too late. Drowning the liquid down his throat, Aoba immediately felt his throat burning, heat spread through his insides, his chest, all the way down to his toes. For a moment, he stared, petrified, his voice stuck in his throat. Then, when Koujaku gripped his shoulders and shook him in an almost violent way, he took a deep breath, slowly coming back to himself as he held onto Koujaku’s arm for support.

He told Koujaku that he was fine, that it was only a passing effect of alcohol that was too strong for him to handle. But the way the two men was gaping terrifyingly at him before they fled gave him an impression that something wasn’t as easy as what he wanted it to be.

“ _You sure you’re okay?_ ”

Koujaku asked him again and again, even after they had closed the shop and had started making their way back. And – again and again – Aoba told him that he was fine, that he was feeling nothing more than a stinging warmth in his chest. He knew that Koujaku was concerned and he couldn’t blame him for that, not when he _knew_ that something was definitely wrong with the drink. He was even surprised to realize that nothing had happened to him yet.

But his relief was short-lived. He was only a few steps away from home when he finally felt it – that _suffocating_ , _breathtaking_ , _intense ache_ within him that immediately made him fall to his knees. His vision started flickering; he could barely hear Koujaku’s voice. He tried to talk but his throat ached so much it felt as if he was swallowing millions of needles.

Then, he lost his consciousness.

The memory still remained fresh in his head. Being in the exact same place where he was “murdered” made him feel uncomfortable. But he also knew that someone else was taking it worse than him; his childhood friend still wearing that very forced smile when he shifted his attention back to him.

He wanted to touch him, to hold his hand, to tell him that everything would be okay and that this pain was only temporary.

But the thing was – _he couldn’t_.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Before he knew it, he was following Koujaku home, just like how they usually did. He didn’t even know what the purpose of him dropping by where he used to work anymore. He was hoping to make sure that Koujaku was fine with his own eyes, perhaps to even gain at least a bit of a hint about what was happening or what he was supposed to do next. But instead, he had gotten his chest filled with complicated emotions, which did nothing but distract him further from his initial intentions.

When they reached Koujaku’s house, he hesitated a bit before he slipped past the door, still on Koujaku’s heel. He had been to his house countless times before; he and Sei used to drop by on days when their grandmother had to work late during their younger years. Koujaku’s home was like a second home to him. But under this circumstance, the nostalgia that attacked him only further intensified the despair within him.

Stepping into the room, he could only stand in one corner, not knowing what to do, not even knowing what he was doing here. He should move on, go elsewhere for an answer. But then Koujaku released a sigh and that very consideration was immediately wiped off his brain.

Aoba could make out Koujaku’s low-spirted expression from the very limited source of light pouring into the room. He could only stare as Koujaku gazed into nothing before he buried his face into his hands, giving out another sigh.

He knew that Koujaku couldn’t feel him but he put both of his hands on Koujaku’s head regardless, leaning close to press his forehead against it as he muttered,

“You’re gonna be fine, Koujaku, I know you will.”

Koujaku always listened to him, no matter what he had to say. But now, regardless of how hard he tried, there was no way he could hear him anymore.

 

 

Aoba ended up spending the rest of the night in Koujaku’s house. When he woke up, Koujaku was nowhere to be seen. Assuming that he’d gone out for an early start of the day, Aoba walked out of the house before he felt an unknown weight in his bag. There shouldn’t be anything heavy in his bag, especially considering the fact that he didn’t need anything else to ‘stay alive’ now.

In the bag was a book he’d never seen before. At first glance, he thought it was some kind of notebook that he’d forgotten inside, but another better look told him that it was more than that. In fact, it looked more like a diary than anything else. He flipped through the pages, realizing that nothing was written in there and was about to keep it way until he accidentally caught sight of a faint hint of ink on the first page:

 

>   ** _`Day 1`_**      
> 
> `It was tough. I know time is what I need but how does one ever go through this period of time? I force myself back to work, thinking tha it would probably distract me for a while. But it won’t work. In fact, I don’t think it’s even possible. Aoba is not only another friend, he is way more important than that.`
> 
> `How does one get over the fact that a person who’s always been your life support has now left you? How does one face this reality?`
> 
> `Everyone told me that I’m strong. But I know I’m not. If Aoba was still here, he’d see through me in a heartbeat. But he’s not. I know it’’s just my problem but not only is it hard to face, it’s also going to be hard to recover from it as well. Especially when I know that it’s my fault that this happened.`
> 
> `How does one live normally after losing a best friend?`
> 
> `How?`

 

“No, Koujaku. It’s not your fault,” Aoba mumbled under his breath, as if Koujaku was standing right in front of him. These must’ve been Koujaku’s thoughts when he was faced with kind-hearted people who had attempted to console him. Aoba hated that fake smile Koujaku wore. It was not because of the fact that he was a good deceiver that’d bothered him, but it was also the fact that he could no longer be himself that was eating Aoba up from the inside. That was not the right way to live. Aoba had always been the more upfront one when it came to expressing feelings. That was why he could never understand why Koujaku needed to fake his emotions like this. Even when he asked Koujaku about it, he only gave him a sour smile, unsure of how to explain. Across time, he gave up trying to understand, letting him be and simply warning him to be sure to always know what he was doing.

He told him that he was allowed to show that he was angry, sad, or whatever emotions that he felt that weren’t positive – he was allowed to show them simply because he was human. He had all the rights to show them and he shouldn’t be obliged to please anyone, especially not if he had to compromise his own happiness for that.

He had never understood Koujaku entirely when he was alive, even more so now that he was dead.

This diary must be here for a reason. It was probably giving him a chance to finally figure out who Koujaku really was, or maybe it was here for an entirely different reason.

Aoba didn’t know. All he knew was that he needed to keep it safe.

 

Without knowing where he should go, Aoba headed back to the bar again. Koujaku wouldn’t arrive until late evening but he didn’t want to waste his time stalking Koujaku anyway. For some reason, the bar had ironically become the place where he sought the most relief, despite it being chaotic and raucous most of the time. Perhaps the fact that this was where he had poured most of his time into had contributed to that. Or it could probably be because this was where his life was forcefully taken away from him.

Smiling to himself, he collapsed on an empty couch as he thought about how absurd his thoughts tended to be. He’d heard stories about ghosts – or spirits, whatever they are called, he couldn’t care less, anyway – often finding comfort in a place where they lost their life. But he was also sure that ghosts wouldn’t have a halo on top of their heads like how he had now. If he really wanted to define who he really was now, it could only be…

…an _angel_.

Almost choking on his own saliva, he coughed drily before he started laughing at himself. He had thought about this the first time he saw his own reflection in the mirror, but it was an assumption too far-fetched for him to accept and thus he’d decided to push it to the back of his head.

Now that he had time to spare, he couldn’t help but bring the possibility back up again. He didn’t know how angels were formed but he was pretty sure that they were supposed to be holy, pure beings, and he was pretty sure that he hadn’t been doing enough good deeds to earn the title. It must be something else, it _had_ to be.

While he shook his head to clear his mind off more ludicrous thoughts, he felt the cushion beside him sink, turning to see a man sitting beside him.

“H-Hi!” he greeted without thinking. All these years of working as a waiter in the bar had granted him the offhand nature to greet someone when they were within eyeshot.

When the man gave him no response, he laughed to himself again, feeling stupid.

Of course. He was dead. Was he really expecting someone to see him?

Sighing, he leaned back against the seat, was about to consider what he could to do pass time when he caught sight of the stranger’s bare neck.

He was used to seeing people with piercings, but this was the first time he’d managed to catch a proper glimpse of how exactly piercings looked like on one’s skin. Driven by raw curiousity, he moved nearer to the stranger, the man’s blond hair shimmering charmingly under the spotlight, and stared fixedly on the metal studs.

Before he could touch them, though, the stranger moved, joining him in leaning against the couch. It was then that Aoba managed to catch sigh of his face. He was surprisingly young -- about eighteen or nineteen of age -- and he was wearing this blank expression on his face, a total contrast with the atmosphere around them. The man’s maginificent pair of eyes scanned around the space, eyes so strikingly gorgeous that if one was not careful they’d probably find themselves being riveted into them. They were a perfect match to his facial expression; there wasn’t any light in them, not even a tiny hint of emotion. If Aoba was to describe them, they looked almost… _devilish_.

So he quickly looked away before he could become too absorbed. That was when the stranger turned around. Judging by the direction of his gaze, he was technically looking at him – well, he would be if Aoba wasn’t invisible to him. But the gaze lingered for a bit too long for a normal glance, urging Aoba to turn around in attempt to see what he was looking at. There was nothing where he sat. What was behind him was merely a wall with typical decorations one could find in any other bar.

When he turned back again, the stranger was _still_ staring at him. This time, though, as he finally made eye contact with him, Aoba felt a sudden shiver traveling down his spine. He was right, after all. If one wasn’t too careful, they would probably be sucked into the gaze of this exquisite young man. It was as if his eyes possessed a kind of magnetic power that Aoba had never encountered before. Taken aback, Aoba could only sit and hold his breath as the man moved closer towards him, until their noses were almost touching.

Their gaze lingered for another few seconds, both of them not moving a single inch, as if they were waiting for the other to make their move. Then, one corner of the stranger’s lips curved upwards, and Aoba swore his insides froze for two seconds before he saw a tiny hint of emotion in the said man’s eyes.

“You’re pretty new, aren’t you?” the man said, his voice truncated and husky, possessing a kind of perilous temptation that made it sound as if it existed for a terrifying purpose.

At first, Aoba waited, assuming that the stranger was talking to someone else. But when he heard no response, he swallowed down his throat.

_This man could see him._

“W-why…”

“Why can I see you? You’re _really_ new,” the man continued, increasing their distance a tad and looking at Aoba with an expression that spelled of nothing but mortification.

“What do you mean?” Aoba asked with quiet voice. This must be the first time he had spoken to anyone ever since he died.

Who was this person? Why could he see him? Did he know something about him? Did he know the answers to his questions?

Instead of replying, the stranger gave out a hum and averted Aoba’s eyes. Aoba was aching to throw all the questions he had at him but before he could even open his mouth, the door swung open and Koujaku walked into the room, interrupting their conversation.

He stood up. The man did the same. But the stranger was faster, already pacing towards Koujaku while Aoba followed, heading right towards were Koujaku was standing.

“Hey,” he said, causing Koujaku to look up at him. “I’m supposed to fill a spot.”

Koujaku stared at him for a few seconds, scanning him from head to toe before he smiled at him.

“Ah, yeah,” he said. “It’s today, huh?”

The man hummed under his breath.

“Wait a sec,” Koujaku said hastily before he walked into the changing room. While he waited, the man shot Aoba a sideway glance, the smirk he was wearing on his face once again threatening to trigger something out of Aoba.

Koujaku came back a few minutes later with a new uniform in his hands, telling Aoba just what he wanted to know.

“Here you go,” Koujaku said as he pushed the new set of clothing into the man’s hands. “Shift is from 6.00 p.m. to… as late as it could be.” Pulling out a hand, he gave the man another grin, this time, more genuine than the one he’d given him earlier. “Koujaku, I’m the bartender here. And you are?”

The man paused for a brief second before he took Koujaku’s hand.

“Noiz.”

A loud laugh emitted from Koujaku’s lips.

“Perfectly suitable for the job,” he joked, giving Noiz’s hand a firm grasp at the same time. “Just take it easy, okay? It can be hectic at times.”

Pulling his hand away, Noiz smirked.

“I know what I’m getting myself into,” he said nonchalantly, his voice a perfect reflection of both his attitude and his expression. “I’ve handled way more chaotic jobs than you think.”

Koujaku was taken aback for a short while. The next time he spoke, the cheerfulness was no longer present in his tone, replaced instead by urgency that sounded almost like a warning.

“I’m not joking, young man. Make sure you watch your back when you’re here.”

Noiz hummed again, staring at Koujaku with a gaze that looked as if he was looking at a laughing stock.

“Why are you so worked up? Is it because of what happened to the person I’m filling in?”

He stepped on a bomb field. Even from a distance, Aoba could tell how hard Koujaku was suppressing the urge to shout at the new man, or even to pull him by the collar and beat some sense into him. But all he did was merely clench his fists as he gave out an unnatural sounding cough.

“Whatever it is, watch your back,” he repeated, fury evident in his voice.

Aoba was almost grateful that Noiz decided to keep his words to himself this time. No longer able to endure the overwhelming tension between them, he walked towards Noiz, folding his arms and glaring at him.

“Hey,” he called out and all Noiz did was give him another sideway stare. “Don’t go step on Koujaku’s tail. That’d be the last thing you want to do.”

“Hm,” Noiz’s voice dropped to a whisper. _So this guy could both see and hear him after all_. “How so?”

“Koujaku might seem nice from the outside but his temper isn’t too… well, pleasant,” Aoba said, intending not to sound too intimidating. The last thing he wanted was to drive a new helper away when that was what Koujaku needed at this very moment.

“Clearly,” Noiz said with a deep voice as he shifted his gaze back to Koujaku, who now went back to work. “I can smell it. But it doesn’t matter, anyway. It makes things more interesting.”

“Huh? Wait, wait,” Aoba frantically responded, selectively ignoring what Noiz meant by ‘smell’ as he advanced closer to him. “Listen, this is not a game.”

“It _is_ a game to me,” Noiz said, now turning around to face Aoba. “You still don’t know who you’re dealing with, aren’t you?”

As Aoba gave him a curious look, his smirk deepened as he bent slightly forward to stare straight into Aoba’s eyes.

“Don’t blink,” was all he said before he took a step back.

Aoba did as he was told. Chills aroused from the deepest of his groin as he watched the very scene in front of him. The atmosphere around him turned a degree colder as he waited. And while Noiz was giving him that aggravating smirk, _something_ about him was changing.

His eyes, which were already spellbinding, turned sharper and if Aoba’s own eyes weren’t play tricks on him, he swore that they’d also turned brighter when he blinked. Then, while he was still trying to process what he was looking at, _something else_ happened. Even with the very limited lighting in the room, he could still make out the shadow of two oddly-shaped, undefined objects _growing_ out of Noiz’s head.

His mind wasn’t prepared for his, just like how he wasn’t prepared to face the truth that he could potentially be a supernatural being on this Earth.

The changes occurred in such a sudden way that it left Aoba gaping with his mouth wide open. But Noiz clearly wasn’t here to give him more time to consider things for himself. The flash of dark shadow right past his eyes had told him so.

“Thought you might like this,” Noiz whispered. He couldn’t see what was that mysterious item, but he didn’t need to wait too long to know ths answer, because as soon as he was about to ask about it, it was right there, in front of him, so near that it was almost touching his face.

 _It was a tail_.

The tail was arrow-shaped at the end, long and metallic red in color, similar to the color of blood. Taking pleasure in the terrified look Aoba was giving him, Noiz kept his tail out of sight before letting out a satisfied sigh.

“W-who—no, _what_ are you?” Aoba was almost shrieking.

“Isn’t it obvious enough?” Noiz said, again with that careless tone Aoba had begun to label as a trait of this newcomer. “What do I look like to you?”

He couldn’t stop staring at the two pointed horns on top of Noiz’s head. When Noiz spoke, he was _sure_ that he caught sight of his fangs, not big enough to scare him, but definitely sharp enough to draw blood, or even to tear skin apart. And that _tail_ suggested that Noiz was definitely _nothing_ human.

Noiz was tapping his fingers on the counter as he waited. Swallowing thickly, Aoba took a deep breath, still feeling the chills inside his chest before starting.

“Y-you’re…” He could feel the trembling in his voice, and when Noiz turned to stare at Koujaku instead, he _swore_ he could see a hint of hunger in his eyes.

He didn’t want to acknowledge that all of this was real; that this was _happening_ right in front of him and _to_ him. He needed more time to understand everything, to _accept_ everything – especially this feeling that the world he once lived in was a huge lie. But the only thing he was lacking was indeed, _time_.

> _` Trial date: One month.` _

“So?” Noiz taunted. Aoba knew that he was enjoying his misery but it was exactly because he was being put into this situation now that he couldn’t allow himself to fool around like that, no matter how ridiculous or how cruel the truth might turn out to be.

“Just to confirm,” he said with a scowl, and was glad to find that his voice was a lot stable than before. “You’re a demon, right?”

It felt like a joke, especially now that he’d said it out loud.

He could see one corner of Noiz’s lips lifted higher, proving him right instantly.

“And I’m…” he trailed off, feeling the burning in his chest and on top of his head, where his new body part glowed.

He didn’t finish what he intended to say. But he didn’t need to anyway, because from the way Noiz was staring bemusedly at him again, he knew that his guess was right.

Now, the only answer he needed was – why?

 


	2. Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it came to Aoba’s new predicament, complications were an understatement. Not only did he not manage to fit in in an entirely new universe, he also realized that he was stuck in the future – and in the present as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still plot. Very heavy plot. And details. A lot, a lot of details.
> 
> But we're going somewhere. Definitely.
> 
> As usual, thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) for being a wonderful beta & a even more gorgeous friend.
> 
> Gorgeous chapter cover art by the beautiful [junjoupurelove](http://junjoupurelove.tumblr.com). Apparently it's the summary of the fic, which I... agree :'D

No one knows what happens after death. No one knows if there would be an afterlife, or if there would simply be nothing. For people who believe in an afterlife – or even reincarnation – they wouldn’t mind testing out their life, constantly believing that there’d be a better world after this one, that this world is simply not meant for them. These are the people who tried to capture happiness, but failed. It doesn’t mean that they have given up. They might try again and again, until one day when they find a better solution than giving up – or when their only solution is to give up.

On the other hand, there are also people who don’t believe in the afterlife. These are people who want to live their life to the fullest. They are the ones who believe that this life is all they’ve got and all they need to do is to make use of the very limited time they have.

But not matter what type of people they are, everyone would eventually face the same fate – death.

No one can escape death, let alone cheat death. It’s _how_ you die that matters, not _why_ you die.

It is believed that ten minutes before you die you would hear voices, feel touches, or if you’re lucky enough you could even catch glimpses of the last few moments of your current life.

It is also believed that five minutes before you die you would start seeing something else – something that is no longer your present life but a past life instead. You would see bits and pieces of your memories flashing past your eyes like a film reel, highlighting your ups and downs, your bests and worsts. It’s not something you could avoid. Even when you are to close your eyes, you would still hear the voices of those distant memories, as if they are speaking inside your head.

But they would pass, just like how your life did. And once everything’s over, you would see not your past, not your present, but your _future_ , or rather, what lies ahead of you after death.

But the question still remains – is there _really_ something that awaits us after life?

Or is it just another life after the one we thought we knew so well?

 

* * *

 

 

There are a lot of philosophies about what happens after our death. The common belief is that if you’ve done enough good deeds, you reincarnate into human again, or better yet, into an angel. But if the opposite is to happen, you would probably go to Hell, or maybe your entire existence would disappear just like that. The worst scenario is a possibility of one becoming a lost soul, stuck in between two very different worlds and at the end of the day, you might end up being unable to do anything but wander around pointlessly, with no direction whatsoever.

Yet, no matter which it turns out to be, there is no proven answer to how one could become any one of these at the end of their life. What is crystal clear about life, however, is the fact that there needs to be a balance. It is an undying, strict philosophy of the world. Young versus old, evil versus good, living versus dying; everything comes in a pair – a contrast. And now, we are introduced to another set of opposites: angel versus demon. Just because there _needs_ to be a balance, undoubtedly, the afterlife is not an exception even to this rule.

Angels are technically humans who are given a second chance because their deaths are fortuitous. In other words, they died an innocent death, either caused directly or indirectly. It is believed that angels evolved from common human beings simply because they have a greater tendency to be able to understand them, being humans once themselves. Demons, on the other hand, are naturally born. With absolutely no clue about what living is all about, the sole purpose of their existence is to feed on human’s desires that usually stem from their sins – gluttony, lust, pride, greed, sloth, wrath and envy. The more sins that particular human possesses, the better ‘food’ they are, although demons tend to focus on nurturing one specific sin they desire to devour the most. While each demon has their own target, they would often come to face an angel, who serves as a total opposite of their intention. They would fight and damage each other, just to satiate their own needs. For demons, these are merely touch-and-go undertakings. They would move on after they are done with their prey. For angels, however, it’s a whole different story altogether.

If an angel could pacify the soul of a broken human being, then a demon could break them as well. There needs to be a contrast, simply because it is a universal rule that states that human life shouldn’t be too easy, but it shouldn’t be too hard either. The whole purpose of ‘living’ is to overcome and survive, after all.

As of now, Aoba was Noiz’s competition, and Noiz was a figure Aoba could scarcely understand. The first time he met Noiz he could already feel the strong sense of rivalry directed towards him. He couldn’t define what it really was but all he knew was that he was now stuck with him, no matter if he liked it or not. Noiz was the only person who could see and hear him. His ‘ _you’re pretty new, huh?_ ’ further convinced Aoba that this seemingly unrealistic reality he was forced into was, in fact, a world that someone else was more than familiar with.

“Do you want to start today?” Koujaku leaned against the counter, all done with his preparation as he called out to Noiz. “I would suggest you to officially start tomorrow, though.”

Turning around to meet Koujaku’s gaze, Noiz nodded as he gave him a smile. His devilish appearance was still conspicuous but for some reason, Koujaku said nothing about it. He wasn’t even shocked when he returned Noiz’s smirk with a gentle one of his own. Probably he was not able to see those horns and tail after all, just like how he couldn’t even sense his best friend who was practically standing right in front of him.

“I’ll still hang around, nonetheless,” Noiz said nonchalantly while Aoba noticed the two pointy horns on his head alongside his tail slowly fading out of sight. So demons could control their appearance as they like, huh? That was kind of… intimidating.

“Of course,” Koujaku agreed. “You can observe the place and see how things work here. If there’s anything you don’t understand, feel free to hit me up.”

Noiz wanted so much to say that the only reason for him to stay in this filthy place was to keep an eye on Koujaku – his prey. But he was dreadfully aware of the glare Aoba was giving him from the back of his head. So, knowing that anything he was to do at this point would only invite more unnecessary hindrance, he turned around to finally face Aoba.

“I need to talk to you,” Aoba said. Blunt and stout-hearted – a label Noiz immediately put on him. Shrugging, he pointed his chin towards the exit.

“Out. This place is starting to annoy me.”

“You should start getting used to it,” Aoba reprimanded as he followed Noiz out to the cold street. “You’re supposed to work here for most of the time now.”

“Not for long.”

Noiz’s voice was still small yet the deadpan tone he was using did nothing but further rile Aoba up in ways he couldn’t define. There was something about Noiz’s aura that sparked a sense of undefinable tension within him. This probably had something to do with the positions they were in. They were supposed to be _enemies_ , after all.

Even without asking, Aoba already had a good hunch of what he was about to tell him. The current situation was still surreal to him, that’s for sure. But there was no way he could accept this new reality so easily: the key to believe lied within this very demon he was about to confront now.

“About that,” Aoba started. “There’re a lot of things that I don’t understand. I would prefer to figure everything out by myself but I don’t have the time and you’re the only person I could communicate with. So…” He stopped to take a deep breath. “Can you please tell me what’s going on? What am I supposed to do now?”

He heard Noiz give out a barely audible snort. He knew how ironic he sounded. Him, an angel, seeking help from Noiz, a demon.

At first, Noiz merely gave him a sideway glance. Then, he shifted so that he was properly facing Aoba, before he took a step towards him, causing Aoba to instinctively step back, just in case Noiz changed his mind and decided to hurt him instead. But all Noiz did was inching closer towards him, leaving him with no choice but to keep retreating. He knew that Noiz was doing this on purpose. He might even be on his food list without him knowing. But he couldn’t think of any way to defend himself. The moment he felt his back hit the wall, an uncontrollable small gasp escaped his lips.

“How do you know that you don’t have enough time?” Noiz voiced out. He had both his hands on either side of Aoba’s head, forming a cage and trapping him against the brick wall.

“I… I found a letter and it has a thirty-day trial thing written on it,” Aoba mumbled. He knew that Noiz was a perilous character, but at this point in time, there was literally nothing he could do but follow his own instincts. If he ended up being eaten, then so be it.

Noiz’s lips curved higher.

“I guess we’re stuck with each other then,” Noiz said uncaringly. Aoba could feel his hot breath against his cheek when he spoke. It was not the kind of temperature he’d expect from one’s breath, no matter how hot it usually was. Probably it was because Noiz was a demon that he possessed a different level of temperature than other beings, human or not. Or it could probably be due to the frostiness of the weather that had made his breath feel sultrier than it was supposed to be.

“What do you mean?” Aoba asked. He _knew_ what he meant. But he couldn’t help but ask.

“My target is that old man as well.”

“What are you going to do to him?” Aoba’s voice raised faintly, fretfulness evident from his tone.

“What do you think?” Noiz’s voice, however, turned into a hushed whisper, a contrast from Aoba’s. By now, it wasn’t even hard for Aoba to realize that everything Noiz said, everything Noiz did, and probably even everything Noiz believed in, was a contrast to him.

“He’s my meal,” Noiz said after a moment-too-long pause.

How could one deal with a person – or technically, an uncanny being – when one was so clueless about how this alternate world functioned?

“And you’re going to stop me,” Noiz continued without waiting for Aoba’s response. He was so gravely close to Aoba now that the only thing Aoba could see were his striking lime-green eyes that had captivated him ever since the first time they set sight on each other.

“Why me?” Aoba asked quietly. It wasn’t a question that was stanched out of desperation, and it definitely wasn’t stemmed from regrets, either. But it was, nonetheless, a genuine question – why, of all people, this had to happen to _him_?

“Because you’re Koujaku’s guardian angel.”

That wasn’t answering his question at all.

“Why?” he asked again, spelling it out loud and clear for Noiz to grip the hint.

But this time, it was a different ‘why’ with a different meaning. Why did _he_ have to bear this heavy responsibility? Why, above everyone else, did _he_ have to shoulder someone else’s fate?

And why, above everyone else, did _he_ have to be responsible for his best friend’s happiness?

“Tell me, angel,” Noiz broke their distance ever so slightly. Now Aoba could properly make out his small fangs when he spoke. “How did you die?”

“Huh?”

It wasn’t a question Aoba was expecting from him, and it definitely wasn’t a question Aoba thought a demon would be interested in.

“W-why do you ask?”

“You clearly died against your will,” Noiz said matter-of-factly. “Angels are formed from humans who died an innocent death.”

He didn’t know about that.

“I… I was supposed to keep Koujaku away from danger. But I took the wrong step.”

Noiz grinned amusedly.

“Probably that’s your fate. You’re to be his guardian angel until the day you fade out. No matter if you’re human or angel, nothing ever changed.”

 _Is that really the case?_ Aoba couldn’t help but ponder. He was sure that he wasn’t divine enough to earn a title of someone else’s ‘guardian angel’, let alone Koujaku’s – a person so strong that Aoba was sure he’d be able to find his own way out, with or without Aoba by his side.

What should a guardian angel do anyway?

“Like it or not, it’s your responsibility now. Unless,” Noiz paused as he eyed Aoba with a mischievous light in his eyes. “you give up now and we wouldn’t need to fight.”

That suggestion sounded good at first hearing, but giving up mean putting Koujaku in danger again.

No way.

“No,” Aoba responded determinedly as he shot Noiz a stare as strong as his voice. “No way I’m gonna let you take Koujaku. He’s still alive. He should be living his life.”

Noiz was stumped for only two seconds before he let out a small chortle. Aoba could see him mouthing an ‘interesting’ before he got distracted by his glare again.

“Well then. Probably you would also make a good meal once everything is done.”

Triggered, Aoba pushed the demon away, infuriated at the way the demon was taking life in such an off-the-cuff manner. But the moment he did that, he immediately regretted his rash action.

The pain he felt wasn’t even this intense when he was actually _dying_. It was a type of pain that burned so viciously across his skin and straight into his bones, as if it was attempting to crush his insides into ashes and dissolve him completely.

But the throbs disappeared as soon as Noiz broke their ephemeral skin contact. Looking up, Aoba noticed that Noiz was wearing a frown on his face. Did he also feel the same thing as Aoba?

“W-what’s that?” Aoba asked, still panting from the fleeting ache he’d experienced as he tried to regulate his breathing.

Clicking his tongue, Noiz turned his back towards Aoba and stared agitatedly at him from across his shoulder.

“Figure it out yourself.”

Then, he walked into the shop without another word.

Did that mean that they couldn’t touch each other? Well, that sure saved Aoba a lot of troubles then. If Noiz couldn’t touch him, it also meant that he would not be able to harm him as well, let alone _eat_ him.

He didn’t know how long this effect would last but that realization relieved Aoba significantly. Pressing a hand against his chest, he stared at the spot where Noiz had disappeared, feeling his own furious heartbeats against his chest as he took a deep breath.

Noiz was right. Regardless of whether he liked it or not, he was stuck with this situation – together with Noiz. He needed to figure out how exactly how he could help Koujaku out.

History had repeated itself.

 

 

As if the turn of events wasn’t enigmatic enough, Aoba immediately found his life drifting into another level of complications the moment he stepped into the bar again the next day.

Not only was his usual spot being conquered by _someone else_ , he also noticed that that _someone else_ was doing his job a lot better than him. Noiz definitely had this exceptional, undefinable aura around him which was perhaps the reason why he was drawing so much attention to himself.

Aoba couldn’t help but feel miserable at how easily he could be replaced by someone else – someone better than him, no less – once he was gone. Sure, he wanted people to move on with life even without him but he couldn’t help the solitude beneath his chest, especially now when all of it was happening right in front of him. He shook his head, looking up just in time to see his fellow colleague smiling blazingly at Noiz. Despite the indifferent expression Noiz had been wearing on his face ever since he started the job, the cheerful man continued guiding him with his job scopes and necessary protocols, seemingly undisturbed of the others’ hostility. Aoba knew that Noiz wasn’t interested with whatever he had to say at all. But with the very limited knowledge he’d gathered about Noiz, he had to applaud his endurance through everything without a single complaint.

Even the customers were goggling at Noiz. It wasn’t hard to notice that he was attracting both intentional and unintentional attention when he was barely starting. Aoba should be very relieved, Noiz seemed to be fitting into the job, but Aoba had his own qualms about this overly convenient assumption.

Koujaku obviously shared his thoughts. When Noiz was taking a break, Aoba had to squeeze his way to the bar so that he could catch what Koujaku was telling Noiz behind the counter.

“I’m glad you’re doing well but just remember to watch your back. Be careful with how you deal with people,” Koujaku said. Noiz had his eyes elsewhere but the bartender knew that he was listening to everything he had to say, a small frown in between Noiz’s eyebrows being a clear indication.

Koujaku had a point, though. Noiz’s style of waitressing obviously wasn’t the one that Koujaku would’ve expected from Aoba. When Aoba was still around, he effortlessly vivified the bar’s atmosphere with his approachability and natural joviality. He was, in fact, exactly the type of person who would never gain pointless enemies like how Koujaku did. That was also why his death came as a shock to many.

But Noiz, however, was a huge contrast to Aoba. Not only did no one see him crack a tiny hint of emotion on his face, let alone a smile, he was also gracing this ‘don’t come near me’ aura the entire time he was walking around the room. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he also wasn’t courteous to his customers at all. He’d take orders with a poker face, slam the drinks on their tables, and walk off without a single word. Under normal circumstances, he would have probably earned some complaints and Aoba wouldn’t even be surprised if he lasted less than a day in the bar. But this place, along with the people that visited the bar, was anything but ordinary. Instead of the expected negative feedback, what Noiz earned himself was, in fact, the opposite.

It was obvious from the ogles people were giving him – a few girls had been trying to hook him up but Noiz’s blasé stare was all he needed to brush them off. Even the guys were trying to strike a possibly pointless conversation that had Noiz turn his back towards them and acting as if he’d heard nothing. The new addition to the bar could probably feel all fresh and interesting at first, but Aoba – and Koujaku, as well – knew that it was just a matter of time before Noiz started breaking a few patience borders and magnetising troubles to himself.

Assuming that Noiz was just an inexperienced brat who had yet to understand what he was putting himself into, Koujaku heightened his voice. Now, the next statement he blurted sounded like a warning more than anything else.

“Noiz, listen. I know you said you’ve been through worse but I’m sure that you don’t want to go through those again, right?” When Noiz finally turned around to look at Koujaku, Koujaku gave out a trifling sigh. “At least try not to be too rude. When people talk to you, respond. Properly.”

Koujaku almost cursed himself for being fretful towards Noiz at all. Because the next thing he knew Noiz was giving out a small whistling sound that obviously told Koujaku how apathetic he was towards what Koujaku had told him, an action which commendably had the blood pressure rushing to Koujaku’s head.

“Like it or not, this is your job. Take it seriously,” Koujaku continued, a desperate final resort to kick some sense into Noiz.

“I know,” Noiz retorted. “I’m taking it seriously.” He wasn’t looking at people around him anymore. Instead, he was staring so penetratingly at Koujaku that Koujaku was sure that he’d gotten himself a chock-full body shiver if it weren’t for the raucous atmosphere they were surrounded with.

Sensing that this conversation wasn’t going anywhere, Koujaku scratched his head and gave out another heavy sigh. Without a word, he returned to work, leaving Noiz alone to smirk at his retreating back.

“I told you, don’t go annoy Koujaku on purpose,” Aoba said with a scowl.

“I don’t have any intention to be thoughtful towards my food either,” Noiz replied insouciantly as he stuck his hands into his pants pockets and made his way back to the dance floor.

It was easy for one to forget that Noiz was anything but human when he looked so _normal_ like this. It scared Aoba; if he was to be completely honest. Now that he was a part of _this_ world, it finally occurred to him that these beings might have been lurking amongst them and have been a _part_ of them for the longest time ever. The mere fact sent shudders all over his body. Following Noiz, Aoba only stopped when he settled himself in front of the counter again.

“But you don’t want your… food to be mad at you, right? Or is that your intention?” Aoba asked vigilantly. He still had a lot of unanswered questions and he had yet to figure out the right way to properly understand the situation he was in (heck, he didn’t even know where to start). So the only thing he could do now was to try and unearth something out of Noiz, the only being who was actually _responding_ to him.

The cocktail Noiz was drinking barely made it to his lips when he halted, seemingly considering Aoba’s words.

“That doesn’t sound too bad.” And then he drowned the rest of his drink down his throat.

“I was aiming for something else. But ‘wrath’ might work too, although I don’t really like the taste of it.”

Whatever Noiz said sounded like a foreign language to Aoba. But he was also sure that Noiz wouldn’t tell him what he wanted to know if he were to ask him in such an blunt way like how he did before.

“If that’s not what you like, then what _do_ you like?” he asked as he took the empty seat next to Noiz.

That seemed to catch Noiz’s interest as his lime-green orbs shifted sideways to look at Aoba before he started considering his words again.

“’Wrath’ gives a bitter taste on my tongue and I wouldn’t be able to get rid of it for a while so it’s not really my favourite. But it isn’t the worst. ‘Greed’ is. I don’t understand how anyone can eat that. ‘Pride’ is fine. It tastes slightly better than the rest but what I _really_ like is…” Aoba quivered a little when he saw hunger returning to Noiz’s eyes, just like when he’d accidentally caught it the first time Noiz interacted with Koujaku.

“’ _Lust_ ’.”

It made sense now. All that Noiz had mentioned were some of the seven deadly sins. He didn’t even know essential human emotions like these actually possessed their own taste.

“’Lust’ is great. It leaves a sweltering sweetness on my tongue and when I actually _devour_ my food, the taste spreads through my entire body and gives me a kind of feeling I can never experience under normal circumstances.”

Aoba overawed emotions at the new information had him staring startlingly at Noiz. If Noiz was to tell this to any normal human being, they’d probably laugh at him, ask him if he was out of his mind and ultimately brush him off.

“D-do you happen to be a…” He could feel the drought in his throat when he spoke. Noiz was no longer looking at him. Instead, he was looking at _Koujaku_ and Aoba had a very bad feeling that he’d just unintentionally strengthened the need in this hungry demon. Shaking his head, he quickly continued, purposely heightening the volume of his voice to hide its trembling.

“Are you, by any chance, an _incubus_?”

Noiz turned to stare at him, looking almost stupefied, before he chortled.

“Incubus? Unfortunately, I’m not. Don’t compare me to those lowlifes.”

 _Ah, so he’s a pure demon, after all,_ Aoba thought, feeling insensitive for trying to be a know-it-all. But at least now he knew Noiz wasn’t what he thought he was.

“You need to keep up,” Noiz continued, standing up from his seat. “Otherwise I’ll take away what’s precious to you.”

Aoba didn’t need Noiz to tell him that. He _knew_ that he didn’t have time to slack around like this but yet his problem still remained unsolved – _what_ exactly should he do?

While he considered his options, Noiz had gone back to work. There was no need for Aoba to look at what the demon was doing to know that he was potentially offending another group of customers again. Both Koujaku’s and his words obviously never knocked sense into him and Aoba understood completely why that was the case. Noiz was a _demon_. There was no reason at all for him to conform to human rules, let alone actually _listen_ to them. In fact, humans were the ones who should be mindful of him. Who knows, he could probably kill everyone in this very place before they could even blink.

Feeling helpless, Aoba let out a loud sigh. He was about to look around for Koujaku when he heard garish shouts from behind him, turning just in time to see Noiz being pinned against the wall by a burly man.

He recognized the delinquents. They belonged to the same group as the two men who were responsible for his accidental death.

His throat constricted as he rushed towards the source of commotion. As much as he wanted to do something to get Noiz out of it (but then he immediately changed his mind, he needed to get these innocent people out of the way first, not the demon Noiz) he couldn’t. His voice and his touch weren’t working on anyone else but Noiz and all he could do was skim around frenetically, praying hard that help would come soon.

It did. _He swore Koujaku just run through him_.

Across time, he realized that Koujaku was not only the bartender of the bar, but also the guardian everyone looked up to whenever someone was trying to cause troubles in the shop. When he pulled the man off Noiz, the man staggered, almost falling on the floor if he hadn’t been grasping onto a nearby chair just in time. He was about to launch a punch but upon realizing that it was Koujaku that he was dealing with, the man immediately halted, his fist stopping in midair, before he ran out of the place. Soon, everyone went back to their previous activities while Koujaku glared irately at Noiz.

“What the hell happened?” he asked through gritted teeth.

Noiz shrugged.

“He was too drunk to form proper words so I gave him some help.”

“And _what_ exactly did you help him out with, may I ask?” Koujaku asked, obviously trying to control his anger, his fist clenched tightly.

Noiz, however, looked up at him and flashed him a smirk.

“I told him to ‘get lost before he’s too drunk to even pay’.”

Aoba wanted nothing more than to turn into human again because at the exact moment that Noiz finished speaking, Koujaku grabbed his collar and slammed him against the exact same wall he was pinned against just a few minutes ago.

“Koujaku!”

“How many times do I need to tell you to _be careful_ , you little shit!” Koujaku growled into Noiz’s face, his fist wobbly as he seized Noiz on the collar.

“There’s no need to be considerate towards trash like that, as if you humans aren’t filthy enough—“

“Noiz!”

That was it. The next thing happened so fast that even Aoba, now a supernatural being, wasn’t quick enough to follow. Suddenly, everyone’s attention was on them again. Koujaku had just sent a punch right into Noiz’s abdomen, but it wasn’t the fact that Noiz had finally managed to break Koujaku’s patience that was alarming Aoba. It was the fact that Noiz was _still_ giving Koujaku the smirk that had now become his signature trait along with a gaze so powerful, as if he was _devouring_ Koujaku from staring at him alone that had Aoba gaping at him.

 _Wrath doesn’t sound like a bad idea after all_.

He needed to stop Koujaku. This was not just a guileless breakdown of emotions. If this was to continue, he was going to be devoured for real.

“Koujaku, stop!"

Aoba rushed up to Koujaku, attempting to grab his arm but all he could grip was air. He tried, again and again, but no matter how many times he did that, nothing worked. Koujaku was still pinning Noiz against the wall, his wrath no longer concealed as he returned Noiz’s stare with the same level of intensity Noiz was giving him.

Knowing that his voice would never reach Koujaku, Aoba turned to Noiz instead. At least Noiz could _hear_ him.

“Noiz, please stop!”

He was sure that Noiz caught his words, the trifling smile that played around the curves on his lips a clear indication. But instead of responding to Aoba’s panicked cries, he called out to Koujaku instead.

“Say, remember the question I asked you yesterday?”

Koujaku stopped, distracted by the abrupt change of topic.

“I asked you ‘why are you so worked up?’” The scowl returned to Koujaku and Aoba could literally see him shaking in fury. “You didn’t give me an answer yet. Is it because of what happened to the person I’m replacing? Did he die because of—“

“Noiz, stop!”

No longer able to withstand the situation, Aoba cried out. _No, don’t say it. Don’t say it to his face._

Another punch, this time, on the face. And another, and another. Aoba knew that a demon wouldn’t be killed by blows like these but Noiz wasn’t his concern anyway. _Koujaku was_.

Acting completely out of raw impulse, he stood in between Noiz and Koujaku, witnessing Koujaku’s punches going through his elusive figure over and over again. He felt a burning sensation at his back and was reminded of how excruciating it was when he’d touched Noiz. He knew that he was extremely close to Noiz now and that another touch might even destroy his entire existence. But he didn’t care. All that mattered to him now was Koujaku.

_Koujaku, please, Koujaku!_

Now he no longer screamed his name out loud. Instead, he bawled it in his head, trying as hard as he could to reach him. if he was Koujaku’s guardian angel, like how Noiz had told him, then there _must_ be a way for him to reach out to Koujaku. He needed to make Koujaku listen, he needed at least his _voice_ to get to Koujaku.

_Koujaku, stop!_

Suddenly, everything halted. Looking up, he saw Koujaku staring at Noiz, anger gradually fading away.

“Kou… jaku?” Aoba called out, his own voice hoarse from the shouting.

Then, Koujaku released Noiz and turned his back to walk out of the shop.

He didn’t know what happened. But as soon as he realized that everything was over, Aoba gave out a sigh of relief.

“Oi.”

He almost jumped when he heard the voice behind him.

“Move.”

Obeying, he quickly sprang out of the way as Noiz skidded against the wall and into a sitting position.

“Are you… okay?” Aoba asked guardedly. Noiz wiped the blood off the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. Blood trickled down his forehead but there was no sign of pain on his expression at all when he looked up at Aoba.

Was this another one of a demon’s traits that he didn’t know of?

“You’re a thousand years too early to worry about me,” Noiz said, spitting blood on the flood before he clicked his tongue.

“I told you not to annoy Koujaku.”

Noiz gave him a look that clearly told him how he’d just ridiculed himself with that statement.

“It was just a test.”

“A test?”

Noiz, again, refused to answer as he pulled his bowtie back to place.

“Seems like I can finish this job faster than I expected.”

The demon left him in a state of dismay.

 

Ever since he became an entirely new being, Aoba noticed a few things: firstly, no one could see him, let alone touch him; secondly, his sensation towards his surroundings seemed to be subdued as well. It was almost the end of December now, the streets covered in a thick layer of snow. Usually, if he was to step on it he’d feel chills traveling from his feet up to his head. But now, as he stepped out of the shop and into the chilly winter, he couldn’t feel any of those. He couldn’t feel how cold it was, despite wearing nothing but a normal T-shirt and jeans while people around him were in thick jackets and boots.

But in this very moment, it seemed like he wasn’t the only person who was being too-tolerant to the cold.

Koujaku leaned against the wall, a cigarette dangling in between his lips as he crossed his arms, staring into nothing. He didn’t even grab anything thick to wear before he stormed out of the shop but the weather was obviously not part of his concern now as he inhaled a lungful of smoke and exhaled it the next second, still distracted by his own thoughts.

Giving him a bitter smile, Aoba walked and rested right beside him.

“Smoking is bad for health, you know,” he said, mirroring his pose as he gazed at the space Koujaku had been staring at for a while now.

He had been telling Koujaku countless times about this. Even though Koujaku had stopped smoking in front of him, he knew that he was still doing it when Aoba wasn’t around. He didn’t want to consider how many times Koujaku had been doing this ever since his passing; he didn’t want to consider how many times he’d been pushing Koujaku towards the end of his emotional endurance limit, even when it was done unintentionally.

“Hey, Koujaku,” Aoba started, intending to break the silence between them, even though he knew that Koujaku couldn’t hear him, even when he knew that solitude was exactly what Koujaku needed now. “What happened to ‘no matter what, stay composed’, I wonder?”

It was something Koujaku had been telling him whenever he tended to lose his temper at unreasonable customers in the bar.

“What happened to ‘don’t waste your anger on undeserving people’, huh?” he continued. “What happened to ‘focus on what would make you feel better’? What happened to all of those?”

The Koujaku he knew was always strong, always in control. _He_ was the one who had the higher tendency to step on the wrong tail. _He_ was the one who had always rushed into possibly dangerous situation on a whim. And every time, Koujaku was the one who’d hold him back, telling him the exact same things over and over again.

But this time, when Koujaku was at the verge of losing control, he wasn’t able to hold him back like how Koujaku did him and it hurt him. Critically.

“Look at how pathetic you are,” he said, words that were intended for both Koujaku and for himself. “You said you’ll be fine but look at how you almost lost your life back there.”

He never knew what would happen to the person if they were being devoured by a demon. But he was sure that they wouldn’t end up like how he did. He didn’t want to think about the possibilities. He was just going to make sure that it won’t happen.

He watched the smoke ascent and vanish into thin air. He didn’t know what was on Koujaku’s mind now but no matter what it was, it was definitely hurting him. He had never seen Koujaku wear an expression like this before, at least not when he was within close proximity.

Then, he sank down the wall and sat, edging close towards where he could see Koujaku’s hand from the corner of his eyes. He could try grabbing onto Koujaku’s hand. But all he did instead was lifting his gaze to capture Koujaku’s profile.

“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever know,” he mumbled. “Don’t give up, Koujaku.”

And by the way he’d grasped Koujaku’s hand even though every ounce of his nerves was stopping him, he came to understand that perhaps being a guardian angel wasn’t about being able to protect Koujaku physically, but emotionally as well.

 

Koujaku returned to the bar shortly after. Without the intention to follow him, Aoba continued sitting on the ground outside the bar. It didn’t bother him anyway. He couldn’t feel the temperature around him and there weren’t be any questioning looks directed at him. For once, he actually appreciated the solitude he was indulging in now until he felt a shadow towering over him.

“Giving up?”

Looking up, he saw Noiz looking down at him, a trash bag in a hand and another hand on his hip. There were palpable marks of bruises on his face, but apart from that, he looked as normal as usual.

Aoba merely scowled at him before he stood up to face him.

“Did you apologize to Koujaku/” he asked instead, without any intention to answer Noiz’s question.

“Like hell I did.”

Why was he not surprised? Following Noiz to the back alley where they found a huge trash bin, Noiz halted right after he threw the trash bag into the bin and Aoba soon saw him tampering with something that had caught him off guard ever since he first saw it.

“What do you do with it?” he asked. The back alley was not as well lit as the street but it wasn’t hard to miss the long, thin tail anyway.

“This?” Noiz said, and again, lifting the tail up to flash it in front of Aoba. “Who knows?”

Scowling, Aoba looked away. Noiz hadn’t been cooperative with him ever since they met but he wasn’t expecting him to anyway, especially when they were in such opposing position. He’d even be flabbergasted if Noiz was to tell him everything he wanted to know just like that.

“Listen,” Aoba voiced out again as he watched Noiz checking on his own tail. “I’m not gonna tell you off again. You won’t listen to me anyway.”

“I’ll consider if you give me a reason to,” Noiz said provocatively, now rubbing on the pointed part of his tail.

“I’m not going to.”

“Giving up?”

“No,” Aoba responded with a voice that sounded way too rushed than the one Noiz was used to hear. “I know what your objective is. I know it very well now. You’ve demonstrated it very clearly.”

“So my message got through after all.”

_That was intended for me?_

“Anyway,” Aoba continued, acting as if he didn’t hear anything. “You now know how hot-tempered Koujaku can be. But he’s not only that. He’s also a sharp man. If you continue doing what you’re doing now, you’ll raise suspicions and I’m sure you don’t want that to happen.”

Noiz eyed Aoba with distrusts written all over his face.

“Why are you telling me this? You realize you’re assisting your enemy, don’t you?”

“I…”

Noiz was right. He shouldn’t be telling him this. He should let him be and when Koujaku became sceptical he’d throw him out and that’d be a great ending to all his misfortune. Koujaku, for one, clearly did not deserve more complications when he had to deal with losing Aoba at this very moment.

“I just don’t want Koujaku to go through this every single day. He’s got enough on his shoulders and he—“

“Why should I listen to you? What can you give me in return?”

Noiz’s blunt question stopped Aoba’s sentence in midair as he stared intently at the demon, his lime-green eyes now even more daunting under the very limited light source they had.

“You know what, I think you should learn how humans function after all,” Aoba said, indirectly avoiding Noiz’s questions.

“What good will that do for me?” Noiz asked again. He clearly wasn’t going to give up until Aoba convinced him.

“You said it yourself, right? That you’re stuck with me—“

“We’re stuck with each other.”

“Th-that’s right,” Aoba stuttered before he coughed. “I just feel that while we’re stuck with each other now, we could probably gain something from each other, just like how you put it.”

Aoba seemed to finally manage to make Noiz listen. Totally abandoning his tail, Noiz’s attention was now fully focused on Aoba, waiting with a feeble hint of impatience for what Aoba could offer.

“I can teach you more about the human’s world. I can tell you things that you never know about us.”

“You mean when you were still alive.” Even now, Noiz never forgot to taunt him, making Aoba’s nerves twitch.

“Y-yeah. And in return, you can tell me more about yourself, about your world, about anything at all.”

“Why?”

As Aoba gave him a questioning look, Noiz crossed his arms, his stare so sharp Aoba felt as if he was looking straight into his soul, if he even still had one.

“Why are you doing this? We’re enemies.”

“Enemy or not, it’s just sad that you, being naturally smart, don’t know what living is all about.”

Then, Noiz released a small laugh, a gesture that always managed to stir something unknown out of Aoba.

“If I remember correctly, _angel_ , I’ve lived far longer than you and you’re now trying to teach me how to live?”

With every word he said, he made a step closer towards Aoba until he found his back hitting the brick wall again, a repetition of what happened the day before.

How old was this demon, anyway?

“I’ve seen everything. Humans are filthy. They cheat on each other, they rob each other, they betray each other. They only want something from each other. They deserve nothing but death.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m not.” Noiz was now practically breathing into Aoba’s face. “I’ve seen things and I’ve heard enough to know exactly what humans are made of.”

“Have you made friends with any of them?” Aoba interrupted before Noiz could continue. “Have you talked to them properly? Have you visited any of their families?”

Noiz froze for a while, staring at Aoba as Aoba returned his stare with an intense one of his own.

“Have you laughed at jokes? Have you cried when you heard something sad? Have you wondered how to make someone else happy? Have you ever been in love?”

Aoba’s words got stauncher with each question he threw at Noiz. Without knowing what Aoba’s intention was, Noiz increased the distance between them, wearing an expression that looked as if he was struggling to talk.

“What’s the point of experiencing all of those?”

“Because, Noiz,” Aoba straightened his body, finally feeling himself with an upper hand. “Without experiencing all those, you’re merely being alive, not _living_.”

He wanted to talk sense into Noiz, even though the idea itself could be extremely ridiculous. Who was he to tell a demon off anyway?

But Noiz was clearly considering what Aoba had just told him. A few seconds later, he let out a small chuckle, now completely moving away from Aoba before he spoke again.

“That’s not possible, angel,” he said, the insolence gone from his face, replaced instead with a softer expression that Aoba couldn’t see properly. “No matter how hard I try, it’s not possible.”

He wanted to throw more whys at Noiz. But then, he stopped himself before the word could roll out of his tongue. There must’ve been a reason to it and he wanted to know why was it not possible for someone to actually _live_ instead of only being alive.

But then, he thought, that was probably another one of the common demon traits that he didn’t know of.

And that was probably one of the saddest things Aoba had ever heard in his entire life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sagta drew [a really gorgeous comic](http://junjoupurelove.tumblr.com/post/100856789944/because-noiz-without-experiencing-all-those) for that one scene that is apparently my favorite in this chapter. Thank you <3


	3. Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'His' world was beyond his comprehension. But it was the world he needed to adapt to now, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to stomach more than he already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait. I'm back now and I'm gonna focus on delivering more in the next few weeks. 
> 
> A piece of caution, though: This chapter is pretty graphical at some parts so please proceed with care.  
> Other than that, enjoy~ 
> 
> As usual, thank you [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13/pseuds/fio13) for being the best beta in the entire world. <3

` **_Day 2_ ** `

` It’s only been two days. Yet, things seem to have only become worse. I’ve tried telling myself over and over again that I need time. I’m trying. I really am. But I can still feel the tension so clearly within me. It’s as if…’something is sleeping inside me, waiting to be awakened. I want to stop it but it’s hard. It’s harder than usual. I can feel the blood rushing to my head and I can feel that ‘something’ crushing me from the inside. It’s trying to destroy me, maybe both physically and mentally. It’s not something I’ve experienced before. It’s not anger. Or maybe anger is not the only thing I’m dealing with. It’s something else. There must be something else. Perhaps something far more terrible.`

`Can I really get over this? Will time really help me out? Do I even have enough time for this? Or will I have to live like this for the rest of my life?`

 

Aoba’s fingers felt numb from seizing too hard on the diary. Trying to get rid of the relentless ‘ _I need time. I need **more** time_ ’ in his head, Aoba slammed the book shut and returned it into his bag. He didn’t need more convictions to know that he wasn’t the only one who’d noticed that there was _indeed_ something wrong with Koujaku. Koujaku clearly noticed it as well. It was true that his best friend was easy to ire; in fact, he was probably one of the most hot-tempered people Aoba had come to know. He’d seen him losing his temper a few times and he’d lost count on exactly how many times he had to step into a scene to prevent Koujaku from landing in jail. But no matter how grave the situation was to become, Koujaku was always able to come back to himself, his self-conscious slapping him in the face before he could go overboard. Deep within him, Koujaku still possessed a sense of sanity and self-control that always helped critically in pulling him back from the deepest of abyss. But this time, when he continuously punched Noiz in such a brutal way, the lack of emotions Aoba had noticed in his eyes became an ostensible warning of how he’d _almost_ lost himself.

Aoba wasn’t sure if it was because of the fact that a _demon_ was influencing Koujaku that had elicited such a huge reaction out of him, or if it was solely because the hefty, suffocating pressure he had been suppressing within him that had finally taken a toll on him. But whatever it was, it was definitely something that he couldn’t ignore. And now that Aoba was so close to him to witness everything – not to mention that on top of all, he actually _knew_ why this was happening – the urge to be there for Koujaku was greater than before, even more so than when he was still alive. There was no space, no time for them to take the matter blithely. Not only that they needed to act fast, but they needed to treat it meticulously as well.

Though, when Aoba dived deep into the core of the problem, trying to find the source once and for all, the weight returned to his chest. The answer was too obvious – _he_ was the one who was causing all of these. Aoba had yet to know what his role was and what exactly he needed to do to help Koujaku so that he could finally die. But he knew for a fact that now, at this very moment, he needed to pull Noiz away from Koujaku before everything was too late.

 

* * *

 

 

Ever since he realized that he had turned into something that he couldn’t comprehend very well himself, Aoba also noticed that he no longer needed to take care of his own basic needs, or rather, _human_ ’s basic needs. He didn’t need to sleep, didn’t need to eat either. Slowly, it finally dawned upon him that his existence was pretty much like air, the only difference being that he still had his own soul, emotions and consciousness, all well-intact to allow him to make a verdict for himself.

Waiting for daybreak was torturing, though, now that he couldn’t even sleep at night. He was never fond of the dark, when everything around him was so quiet as if he was suddenly thrown into a world of the dead. Most of the tiem, he’d find himself hugging his legs and burying his face in between his knees as he waited desperately for light to appear. It was ironic, really. Waking up in the morning was a task too tough for him when he was alive; he remembered how he _never_ wanted the sun to rise just to grab a few extra minutes of sleep.

But now, he wanted the day to come, just so he could feel himself a bit better.

When the first ray of sunlight poured into the alley, he sprung up, taking hasty steps to the streets again. He didn’t want to go back to the Seragaki household despite knowing that his room was still vacant – perhaps everything inside still remained the same as how he’d left it before his abrupt death. The visual of his family members having to go through challenging times just so they get over him (the mere fact that they were actually _getting over_ him) was too much for him to stomach. Without anywhere else to go, he was already sitting in the alley next to Koujaku’s house before he knew it, hiding as if people could see him. For some reason, staying near to Koujaku made him feel safe, as if he already figured out ways to pull Koujaku away if threats were to surface.

Just like that, his entire day was spent tailing after Koujaku – from following him to his part time job in a salon to him having his afternoon tea in a café and finally, on the familiar part that led to Koujaku’s final job of the day.

Aoba’s heart sank the moment the bar came into view. Visiting the bar meant he’d have to face Noiz all over again and he wasn't sure if he was in the right state for it. Noiz definitely seemed to be more headstrong than him, the myriad times Noiz had jabbed on his pride had been a clear indication. But what gave Noiz an upper hand was the fact that he knew exactly what he wanted, unlike Aoba who didn’t even know why he still existed. Half of him wanted to knock some sense into this ingenuous demon, but another half told him that it’d be a waste of time, especially when he had more pressing matter to handle at the moment.

Giving out a loud sigh, he slapped his hands on both his cheeks, and was about to follow Koujaku into the bar when something _bizarre_ caught him off guard.

_He bumped into someone…_

…which would be something normal – that was, if he wasn’t dead.

As soon as he felt the impact, Aoba quickly adjusted his posture and turned around to find himself facing a white-haired man who was standing a distance away from him and staring at him as if he was a ghost. While he tried to make sense of what had just happened, his heart skipped a beat upon capturing a frail smile on the man’s face before he turned away.

“W-wait!” Aoba exclaimed as he chased after the man. He was tired of not being able to carry out any sort of communication with anyone else but Noiz. The fact that this man had just _touched_ him presented a swarm of new hope and a chance to find out more about this befuddling situation he was forcefully thrown into.

It didn’t hurt when they hit each other. Does that mean that he wasn’t a demon, that he could be an angel just like he was? But he didn’t have a halo, unlike him.

So was he just… a regular human?

“I’m sorry! Hey, I just…” Aoba called out again, the back shadow of the man gradually disappearing down the street. He could undoubtedly hear him – there was no way Aoba would miss the staggering in his steps when Aoba called out to him. As Aoba was about to call out to him again, the man halted his steps, gave Aoba another mysterious smile, then walked towards him and pressed a finger against his lips.

“Later.”

That was all he said before he turned his back towards Aoba and hurried down the street again, disappearing around a corner. When Aoba ran after him, he was nowhere to be seen, as if he’d vanished just like that; as if he was merely an illusion.

“Wh-what…”

He spent two whole minutes gaping at the space where he’d lost the man before he shook his head, attempting to snap himself back to reality and made rapid steps towards the bar.

It was frustrating. Not only did he already have a bunch of unsolved questions in his head, a new one was now added to his list. It did nothing but aggravate him even more.

But as soon as he walked into the bar, he found himself opening his mouth in disbelief again as his eyes met the bar counter.

Noiz was leaning over the counter, staring at Koujaku, who was mixing drinks, a conversation shared between them. His expression was a palpable contrast from yesterday, the fury from before nowhere to be seen. It seemed like he was instructing Noiz while the latter continued gazing at him with his usual disinterested expression. It was a turn of events that Aoba didn’t expect so, allowing his impulse to take over his coherent thinking, he strode speedily towards the both of them and sat beside the demon, shooting him a glare the moment their eyes met.

At first, Noiz acted as if he didn’t see him, ignoring him and only concentrating on what Koujaku was telling him. Then, the moment Koujaku turned his back towards them to fetch more drinks, Noiz gave Aoba a sideway smirk, almost causing Aoba to shoot up from his chair.

“This is the final mix,” Koujaku said, his attention shifted back to Noiz, who immediately returned the impassive expression back onto his face. “and once you’re done mixing it, leave it for two minutes before you shake it. Slowly.”

Noiz nodded, a meek gesture that had the bartender smiling luminously at him.

“You can practice if you want,” he said before he wiped his hands on his apron and headed to the changing room.

“What is this all about?” Aoba immediately confronted Noiz the moment Koujaku was out of sight.

“What?” Noiz responded nonchalantly as he twirled the glass, the neon colour of the drink – a mixture of two liquids – reflected dimly in his eyes.

“Aren’t you targeting Koujaku? Why are you trying to be nice to your ‘food’?” Aoba’s voice was stern, almost intimidating. The demon didn’t look like he’d budge if he were to ask politely anyway, so naturally, it gave him no reason to be nice to him either.

But all Noiz did was give him another sideway glance as he put the glass down on the counter. Still not meeting Aoba’s eyes, he looked away and leaned against the counter, eyes scanning around the place, anywhere but Aoba. It was still early and there weren’t a lot of people in the bar yet. While Aoba frowned, Noiz stopped his drifting gaze, focusing on a couple who was sitting intimately at a far corner of the room.

“See that?”

Still irked with the lack of response, Aoba scowled deeper as he followed Noiz’s stare.

“’ _Sweet nothings_ ’,” Noiz mutterd under his breath. “That’s what it is.”

“Huh?”

Noiz had the upper hand, and he knew it. But it still exasperated him to no end when Noiz was obviously toying around with his limited knowledge by giving him vague answers like these.

Noiz had already moved his attention elsewhere while Aoba tried to figure out what he meant by that very ambiguous hint he’d given him. It didn’t make any sense to him, Was it a code?

 _Sweet nothings_.

At the very least, Aoba knew what that term meant – they were words people wanted to hear; words that were too good to be true since they were meant to lure people into a trap.

_Words that were meant to lure people…_

Aoba jerked his head up, the meaning behind Noiz’s hint hit him like a brick on the head as he glared at the demon again just to see him drowning the last of the alcohol Koujaku had mixed down his throat. When he looked up at Aoba, his stare was no longer blank; it was strident, tense, and so _alluring_ that Aoba had to clench his fists to sustain the brisk heartbeats against his chest.

It was a trap. Noiz, being a demon, knew the best of what human’s greatest weaknesses were. His existence was to instill despair, luring his prey into a situation that seemed so forlorn that the only solution was to give up, or rather, _give in_ to whatever temptations that were presented to them.

It was just an easy way to escape Hell; but yet, it was also the easiest way to _fall_ into Hell.

Noiz was taking advantage of Koujaku’s anguish now. Using his _sweet nothings_ , he was decoying Koujaku into a solution too good to be true – a trap that was so sweet and so wonderful that not even human’s basic instinct could resist.

“Took you quite a while,” Noiz mocked him as he licked his lips, tasting the alcohol before he brought his thumb to wipe the corner of his lips.

“Sweet.”

“…what do you plan to do to Koujaku?” Aoba said after a fleeting pause. He knew that Noiz wouldn’t give him an answer but there was nothing else he could do now beside of clinging onto the tiniest bit of hope he could grip.

“Why ask when you already know the answer?” Noiz said, finally looking Aoba in the eye.

“Yeah, but, I mean…” Aoba swallowed before he picked his voice up again. “ _How_ do you plan to do it?”

“Why would I tell you?” Noiz answered flippantly. “Do I look stupid enough to reveal my plan just like that? Or are you too dense to even decipher the hint I just gave you?”

He couldn’t understand Noiz at all. If Noiz wasn’t about to give him even the slightest idea of how he planned to devour Koujaku ‘just like that’ – as he had sophisticatedly put it – then why did he give him the hint earlier in the first place?

What was his intention?

“I… I got an idea of what you meant,” Aoba retorted, intending to uphold the very weak pride he still possessed within him. “I’m just… curious, I guess.”

“Hmmm.”

Noiz hummed as he scrutinized Aoba. Aoba cold see an elusive spark of interest in his eyes before the light disappeared, returning to the airy one Aoba was more familiar with.

“An angel, curious about a demon.” He heard Noiz mutter. “Interesting.”

He didn’t know what else to say. He didn’t know how to face Noiz, and now that he actually knew a bit more about how a demon _might_ work, it left him in a graver state of confusion as he looked imprudently at Noiz, constantly struggling with his own dignity and forcing his brain to work out a solution which would _at least_ help him move forward.

“Why not see it for yourself then?”

Noiz’s voice was still small over the buzzing sounds around them. There were slightly more people in the bar now and it was starting to become hard for Aoba to capture every one of Noiz’s words. Even though he knew that this might not be the best decision, he moved closer to Noiz, feeling a trivial tingling sensation on his skin when their faces came only inches apart.

“I’m not going to sit around and do nothing until it happens, thank you very much,” he gritted through his teeth with a scowl, drawing a grin on Noiz’s face at the same time.

“But it doesn’t seem like you have anything to do anyway, angel,” Noiz scorned him further, purposely bringing his hand closer and acting as if he was about to trace his fingers across Aoba’s face before he pulled them back again. “I think it’d be a more productive thing to do rather than squatting in that alley and waiting for dawn to arrive.”

“How did you…”

Noiz elevated a smirk.

“I know everything about you, angel,” he whispered into Aoba’s ear.

At this rate, not only Koujaku, but _he_ as well would eventually fall into Noiz’s trap if he wasn’t careful.

“Wh-what do you do during the day, anyway?” he asked instead, intending to switch the topic just to break the treacherous atmosphere that was starting to spread between them. “Do you, you know… go into hibernation? Are you afraid of the sun?”

It worked. Noiz’s expression relaxed as he shot Aoba an incredulous look before he broke into a small laugh.

“What do you think I am? A vampire?”

“Well… You all seem the same to me anyway,” Aoba defended himself with another scowl.

He stepped on a bomb field. The sharpness returned to Noiz’s eyes as he propped closer and gave Aoba a shrill stare, sending an instant chill down Aoba’s spine.

“ _Don’t_ ,” Noiz growled under his breath, “compare me with those lowlifes,” he finished, voice low but powerful enough for Aoba to make a retreat.

For a while, all Aoba could hear were his own heartbeats and all he could feel was a tremor traveling from the top of his head all the way to his toes. Noiz could be so emotionless at times that Aoba could never figure out what exactly was in his head. But sometimes, he’d give off such a spitefully horrendous aura that had Aoba fear for his own life. It was almost as if he was facing death all over again.

“T-then,” Aoba stuttered, swallowing down his throat to contain the quivering in his voice. “What do you do?”

He almost released a sigh of relief when Noiz pulled a distance between them.

“That’s what I was saying,” he said coolly as he seated himself back on the tall bar stool. “I can show you what I do.” He gave Aoba another piercing look. “And how I _eat_ , if you’re so interested.”

And Aoba wasn’t sure if it was even a good idea when he nodded at Noiz, because the grin the demon was wearing definitely meant nothing good.

 

* * *

 

 

He expected Noiz to meet him at night, assuming that nightfall was simply what most demons preferred to be lurking in. But what he never expected was to see Noiz towering above him in the same alley the moment the first ray of sunlight casted a long shadow towards where he was sitting. He didn’t even hear him approaching, as if he’d just appeared out of thin air.

Hurriedly standing up, he patted the dust off his clothing while Noiz stuck his hands into the pockets of his trench coat, seemingly waiting for Aoba to adjust himself to the situation. It only occurred to Aoba that this might be the first ever time he’d seen Noiz during the daytime, his classy style of clothing one of what Aoba would never imagine him to wear. He hitched a breath when sunlight irradiated Noiz’s face, giving Aoba a clear view of his features. He looked like a different man all of a sudden, one who looked more like a… human.

“Ready?” Noiz asked. Well, at least this voice of his was something Aoba was still familiar with.

Without waiting for an answer, he walked out of the alley and into the busy streets with Aoba stroding behind him. Noiz walked just like any other living beings, still with his hands in his pockets and still with a lack of expression on his face. But on top of that, what fascinated or even slightly intimidated Aoba was how _well_ Noiz was fitting himself into the human society. He was able to walk tersely on the streets and literally no one would doubt that he wasn’t human. Regardless of how apathetic a person he could look like, he _still_ looked like a human nonetheless.

That realization stabbed Aoba in the heart. Seeing how Noiz was so _normal looking_ now made him realize that _he_ was the one who could no longer fit into this world anymore – that he was just a superflous being and that he wasn’t supposed to even be here…

… which he wasn’t wrong at all.

In an attempt to chase unnecessary thoughts off his mind, he shook his head, catching up to Noiz, various conversation starters recoiling off his head.

“Can I ask you something?”

Noiz didn’t respond, but Aoba knew that he was on all ears.

“Why would you eat when you already have a target in mind?”

A smirk curved on Noiz’s lips upon hearing his question, an expression Aoba had acquainted himself with the demon.

“Let me ask you something instead,” Noiz said. “Would you _not_ eat for the rest of the day if you already had pizza on that same day?”

“…If I’m hungry, then I’d need to eat,” Aoba responded almost instantly, realizing how stupid his previous question sounded.

Even so… _pizza_?

“Precisely. Besides,” Noiz slowed down his steps just to shoot Aoba a sideway glance. “You’re talking to a demon here, angel. One piece of advice – never underestimate demon’s hunger.”

“But,” Aoba continued, unwilling to drop the topic. “you wouldn’t need to set a target for yourself after all, right? I mean, if what you said means that you could just eat whatever anytime you want…”

Noiz halted his steps, causing Aoba to almost crash into him before he turned around to look pointedly at Aoba.

“Koujaku is my ultimate meal. The others are just side dishes,” he said, voice truncated, benignly ignoring how people around him were staring curiously as if he was speaking to himself. “You don’t understand, angel. You don’t understand how gratifying it is to nurture your meal into becoming the type of food you love most. Then, when they are in their best state,” he paused to lick his lips, his Adam’s apple visibly bobbing up and down. “the taste you’d feel on your tongue when you devour them… that’s the taste I’m yearning for.”

“What do you get out of it at the end of the day besides satisfying your hunger? Is it _really_ worth all the effort?”

Unconsciously, he knew that his curiosity was doing the talking for him. But at the same time, he was aware that this was also a rare chance to pull Noiz away from Koujaku.

He was surprised to see Noiz actually _consideingr_ his question before he answered him.

“It’s what makes me feel alive.”

He didn’t know how to respond to that, not when insecurity was what he was hearing from Noiz’s answer.

 

The rest of their walk passed in mere silence, with Aoba not knowing how he should approach Noiz after they’d stopped talking about the rather ominous topic of his ‘meals’. Noiz seemed to know where he was heading to, though, and when they reached their destination, Aoba found his jaw drop.

They were standing in front of a hospital.

“You know how humans say that hospitals are often haunted because of the high rate of deaths that occurred in there?” Noiz said, eyes locked at the white building. “They’re right.”

Aoba had never heard a lot of ghost stories, never wanted to hear any of them. But now that Noiz had thoughtfully reminded him, all the urban legends that he’d come across resurfaced from his forgotten mind. He couldn’t help but think that perhaps other beings from different worlds or dimensions were indeed constantly trying to communicate with them, just like how he tried to communicate with Koujaku and even his family members after he died.

Perhaps that forbidding joke Koujaku had told him about malevolent beings lurking under his bed was true after all.

Noiz led them into the building, stopping at the entrance where he skimmed around, seemingly looking for something before he headed to the elevator. Aoba didn’t even want to ask where they were heading to. He wasn’t even sure if he was prepared to face what he was about to see, and the last thing he needed was regretting his decision and backing out like a coward after he had so boldly confronted Noiz. It’d be a damage to his pride.

He was almost grateful that Noiz kept his usual taunting to himself this time as he brought them along a corridor on the fourth floor, stopping in front of a door where Noiz sniffed a few times before he turned the doorknob open.

There was nothing in the room besides a bed, where a body lay, white sheet pulled up to its face. Noiz merely gave the body a disinterested look before he looked around the room, his eyes brightening when he found what he was looking for.

In a corner of the room crouched a woman, who had her face buried in between her knees, her hair so long that they couldn’t make out her face.

“N-Noiz…” Aoba called out weakly, his voice barely making out of his throat when Noiz strolled right towards the woman, clearly ignoring him.

It was when Aoba followed him and came closer to the woman that he realized that she was _semi-transparent_.

His chest felt heavy, his breath seemed to be trapped in his own lungs. Completely transfixed, Aoba stood frozen on the spot, unable to move an inch as he witnessed Noiz crouching down in front of the woman.

“You’re fine,” Noiz whispered. “It’s over.”

The woman looked up upon hearing his voice, as if she’d just discovered that there were others around her. Her face was awfully pale with dark circles under her eyes. Her lips quivered when she opened her mouth. She was obviously trying to say something but she seemed like she didn’t know exactly what she should be saying either. So all she did was open and close her mouth, again and again.

That was when Noiz leaned closer, reaching out to her as he lifted her chin up with his fingers, fixing her gaze with his.

“You’re fine.”

“N-no…”

Her voice was weak, barely audible. She clutching on Noiz’s arms but her grasp was so powerless her hands quickly fell helplessly by her side, tears starting to roll down her cheeks.

“I… I don’t know… what to do…” she mumbled weakly.

“Just listen to me.”

Noiz’s voice was a contrast to hers; he appeared like a saviour that had come to pick her up after her death – the only irony being that it was the exact opposite.

He half-heartedly wanted to run and stop Noiz from doing whatever he was about to do but then he was reminded of how this was supposed to be a truth that wasn’t meant to be changed. So all he did was stare, unsure of what to do and allowing himself to simply locking his gaze at the scene in front of him.

“You’re fine,” Noiz repeated, his voice deeper as he inched closer to the woman, hand caressing her long brown locks, the benevolent gesture a perfect balance with his steady voice. “You’ve done well.”

“I didn’t…” the woman retorted, albeit sounding vain due to her shaky voice. “I’ve sinned.”

“That’s fine,” Noiz continued, obviously trying to interrupt the woman’s thoughts. If Aoba blinked in that exact second, he would’ve missed the small smirk on Noiz’s face. Now stroking her cheek, Noiz moved his lips closer to her ear. “You’ve done enough. All the people you cheated on, all the dirty tricks you carried out, all of these were done with a purpose.”

“But…”

“And now,” Noiz interrupted with his firm words, a kiss he placed on her cheek a second later further succeeding in disrupting the woman’s thought process. “You’re mine.”

Curiosity graced the woman’s face almost instantly, and Aoba was _sure_ that he was wearing the same expression as well. He heard an alarm ringing in his head – if he wanted to run, this was the time to do it. But he didn’t; he only continued watching as Noiz started licking his way down the woman’s neck, all the while with the smirk on his face. When Noiz looked up again, Aoba swore his heart stopped beating for two seconds.

The intense hunger reflecting in his lime-green eyes was one that Aoba had never seen before. As if the sudden rush of emotions wasn’t enough to take Aoba’s breath away, the next thing that happened literally made him _forget_ to breath.

“Look at me,” Noiz whispered, clenching the woman on the chin in an almost brutal way so that she was forced to look into his hunger-filled eyes. “Listen only to me.”

 _No, stop, no!_ Aoba screamed on the inside. He was almost shouting out loud when all of a sudden, he saw the familiar tail of Noiz making its appearance from under his trench coat. He stared in fright as a pair of huge, black wings appeared from Noiz’s back, almost blocking his view of the both of them. But Noiz shifted his position – which Aoba assumed was done on purpose – so that Aoba could see it all.

He’d assumed that demons would have wings. But this pair of wings was beyond all the imaginations he ever had. They looked heavy, and most definitely dangerous.

There was nothing he could do besides waiting for the next thing to happen. But Noiz chose that specific moment to send him another smirk, waving his tail in front of him once again before he pointed the arrow-shaped end direction at the woman’s chest.

 _No_ , Aoba’s thoughts gaining speed again. Noiz must be doing this on purpose. He was the one who’d mentioned that he was about to _show_ Aoba how he fed himself after all. And it was happening _right in front of him_. Any second now, he would see something so fearsome – gruesome even – that might crush his sanity into dust.

Any moment now, he’d witness a preview of how his best friend would be _devoured_.

 _Stop_ , he heard his own voice in his head. _Stop, please, no._

But that was all he could do. His whole body froze, his eyes stuck on Noiz and the woman. And when Noiz spoke again, he could physically feel himself shivering.

“The only right thing you could do now to compensate for all your sins is to be mine,” Noiz whispered heatedly. “That’s the last contribution you have here. Be my food.”

That was it. It happened before Aoba could even blink. The tail pierced right through the woman’s heart, blood spurting everywhere – on the walls, on Noiz, on Aoba. Aoba was in too much devastation to comprehend what he just witnessed. He could feel dampness on his skin, smell the scent of rush, and it took him a few moments to blink the red out of his eyes, just to see that one of Noiz’s wings was blocking what Noiz was doing to the woman from view. He shifted a bit, his legs finally obeying him, and felt a drop in his stomach when he saw Noiz kissing her – or rather, _sucking_ the life force out of the woman.

He could make out how Noiz’s hand was searching inside the woman’s body, squelching and dripping sound that was the flow of blood hitting his ears like a mantra. He didn’t want to consider what Noiz was about to do, treating his _food_ as if she didn’t matter at all. And he regretted every ounce of his nerve when he saw the wound where Noiz had pierced the woman becoming bigger and bigger with each passing second, until he witnessed the shape of a _real_ heart beating beneath the ribcage that he felt the nausea surging up to his throat.

The kiss was a clear distraction, but Noiz obviously knew what he was doing. His fingers traced charily against the bones, pressing teasingly on the beating heart, until he separated the kiss that the heart stopped beating, pulling a grin out of the demon before he gave the life force one final poke that it withered into dust.

Completely horrorstruch, Aoba could only stare as Noiz licked the blood off the woman’s now petrified face before he let go of her and stared at the spot where he’d just stabbed her. Aoba didn’t know what happened after that. He closed his eyes when he saw Noiz licking his lips and pulling his tail out of the woman’s body. But he felt a distinct, scorching presence that made him open his eyes just in time to force his legs to move backwards out of instinct, his heartbeats beating deafeningly in his ears before Noiz stood up and fixed his eyes on him.

It was petrifying. He already knew how fearsome Noiz’s hunger could be, but now that he was faced with a demon who had just finished his meal, it was a whole new level of terror altogether.

“N-Noiz…?” he called out. But Noiz didn’t seem like he’d heard him. Walking towards him, he wiped the blood off the corner of his lips, his eyes a precarious glint as he fixed his stare on Aoba.

“Noiz,” Aoba called out again, gasping when his back hit the door. He was cornered.

“Noiz, hey—“

His words were cut short when Noiz slammed his hands against the wall, on either sides of Aoba’s head. He felt lightheaded. The smell of blood was so strong but above all, Noiz was so close to him that he was starting to feel the hot, stinging sensation all over his skin once again.

There was nothing he could do, not when he couldn’t even touch the demon without risking to burn a hole through his own skin. Desperately trying to find a hint of sanity beneath that pair of menacing eyes, he gripped the wooden material of the door, almost breaking his own fingers when he caught sight of Noiz’s tail behind him, the pointed end swinging _dangerously_ close to his chest. He knew Noiz couldn’t touch him, but he never knew if his _tail_ could.

The tail inched closer towards him with every passing second. Noiz was sniffing him, his scorching breath smearing all over Aoba’s neck. He could feel the burn against his skin, choked gasps escaping his lips as he felt twinge of pain mixed with the unbearable heat. Then, a low growl later, the blistering sensation was replaced by a soft and wet one, tracing right against his neck before he let out a loud scream.

The pain was so strong that his vision flickered, his body felt as if it was being snapped into multiple pieces, his mind pulled off his skull. Noiz clearly felt the same because in that exact same moment when Aoba had started screaming, he bounced backwards, pulling a distance between them and covering his mouth. He was visibly caught off guard and Aoba was almost relieved to see the hunger slowly fading away from his eyes.

The impact seemed to have effectively snapped him back to reality.

“N-Noiz?” he tried again, clutching his neck and gently massaging the spot, intending to soothe the pain.

Noiz took a while to respond. Sticking his tongue out, he gave Aoba a revolted look before he turned around to look at the fading soul.

“You feel it too, didn’t you?” Aoba asked. He didn’t need to explicitly state what he was referring to. Noiz understood him perfectly well because then, Noiz turned around to look at him again, his facial expression returned to the usual emotionless one as he started to wipe the blood off his clothing, lifting his tail after to clean it.

“I can’t,” he finally said after he cleaned the remaining stains. “I can only feel it on my tongue.”

“Oh.”

So demons can’t feel pain besides of their tongue. But that didn’t explain that bellicose response Noiz let out when they first touched, though. What was that?

As if reading Aoba’s mind, Noiz continued,

“And here,” he said, waving his tail in front of Aoba before it disappeared from view. “These are the only two parts of my body that can feel.”

As Aoba stood staring, Noiz gave out a quiet sigh.

“I can only feel a very numb sensation similar to electric shocks on my skin. That’s about it. I don’t know what exactly you’re feeling when we touch. We don’t need to feel anyway, it would only get in our way. Without the ability to feel, we wouldn’t feel the need to empathize with our food because we would never understand emotions anyway.”

“Oh.”

He had yet to recover from the disturbing scene he’d just witnessed, and the fact that Noiz was taking it in such a carefree way, as if what happened was the most natural thing he’d ever encountered, wasn’t helping in easing the agitation still pounding stridently within him.

“So, satisfied?” Noiz said. Before Aoba could answer, he continued. “Greed. No wonder it tasted weird.”

“How do you know?” Aoba asked instead.

“I can see everything that had happened to the person when I eat – things that made them feel the strongest desire, things that made them commit the greatest sins. All I saw was how she corrupted herself, completely consumed by her own greed, and how she betrayed people around her just to fulfil her own desire.”

 _Oh, so that’s how it was,_ Aoba thought.

He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to ask how Noiz chose his targets, and more importantly, how he’d decided on Koujaku. But then Noiz opened the door, leaving behind the mess he’d created as Aoba followed him out.

Silence spread between them again when they stopped outside of the hospital. The gory image repeated in Aoba’s head like an unceasing film reel. Now that he got to know more about Noiz – about how demons fed in general – it was even harder for him to approach Noiz, not helping when he came to realize that this was exactly how Noiz planned to kill Koujaku.

Did he really stand a chance against such a terrifying being? He didn’t have any weapons with him, and not even their physical difference could be his support.

He only had his words. And the whole idea was ironic because _words_ were exactly what Noiz’s weapon was.

Could his _words_ work on Noiz?

“You didn’t answer me.”

His own voice in his head almost distracted him from Noiz’s question.

Was he satisfied? How could one even feel satisfied after seeing something so… inhuman?

“I guess… it was an eye-opener,” he could only say, for a lack of better words.

“Eye-opener,” Noiz repeated under his breath before he gave him a smirk, telling him enough that the demon had found his answer to be amusing. “I’d never expect that answer from an angel.”

“Really?” Exactly how many angels have you met?”

It was a question asked out of sheer curiousity. He’d expected Noiz to run into many angels, at least judging by how long the demon had been around.

“A lot,” Noiz replied meekly. “But angel like you? It’s a first.”

“H-huh…?”

He didn’t get what Noiz meant, as usual. But for some reason, the hint of confusion he’d spotted in Noiz’s voice relieved him. In that fleeting moment, Noiz felt just like any other human, and this was exactly what led him to blurt out his next question.

“You know the thing you said about being alive?” he paused for a while, allowing Noiz to put context into his question. “You said that you only feel alive when you eat, and you told me that humans are cruel beings and that they only do unforgivable things.”

Noiz’s response was little but Aoba knew that he was considering his words, probably even trying to make sense out of them.

“I think you’re wrong,” Aoba said, which effectively triggered a slight reaction out of Noiz, who now gave him a scowl.

“I’ll show you how wrong you are.”

He didn’t want to let his chance slip. If making Noiz understand how wrong he was was the only way to pull him away from Koujaku, then he would do it. But above all, he knew that this wasn’t the only reason why he wanted to do this. There was _something else_ within him that had urged him to make this decision, but he couldn’t properly define what it was. All he knew was he needed this step to move forward, and probably to find out what his remaining task as a living being was.

“What will you get out of it?” Noiz asked, the intimidation no longer present in his tone.

“What do you mean?” Aoba threw his question back at him.

“Are you telling me that you’re trying to assist a _demon_? I’m not sure if you get it, angel, but I’m—“

“I know, _demon_ ,” Aoba retorted, purposely emphasizing on Noiz’s species just to make his point clear. “I just want to help.”

Noiz released a small laugh, and Aoba could clearly make out how he mouthed the word ‘help’ before he glared at him again.

“If you need a reason for this,” Aoba quickly said before Noiz could say anything. “Take it as a returning favour for showing me part of your world.”

Noiz seemed to be pondering as he supported his chin with his hand.

“How do you intend to return the favour then, angel?” he asked, his sardonic tone now overtaking the initial curiosity that was in his voice.

Feeling a heavy stone lifted off his chest, Aoba smiled, his grin only becoming brighter when he witnessed how Noiz seemed taken aback by the simple gesture. Perhaps that was a trigger of its own, because before he could even suggest anything, Noiz put up a hand, stopping him.

“Can I suggest,” he interrupted. “that you show me _your_ daily life when you were once human, Seragaki Aoba. You have only one chance to prove me wrong.”

And again, he didn’t even know if his nod was a good idea at all.

But like how Noiz had put it, it was indeed a chance – a chance to feel alive again.

 


	4. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was it possible for a demon to switch roles with a human so that they could at least feel a bit of what it meant to be alive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) is the best beta in the entire world.

There were things that he once presumed were normal; things like listening to the footsteps and the whispers between humans, or things like the sound of the wind wafting past his ears. But yet, these seemingly insignificant things now suddenly became too distracting. Footsteps were too gaudy for him, the wind too strong; he’d come to notice things that never mattered before.

The only physical sensations Aoba had managed to feel being those that came from Noiz, nothing else. The abrupt magnitude of trifling things around him side-tracked him, but only ephemerally. Now that he could hear _everything_ so loud and clear like this, he found the frustration in him gradually fading away, replaced instead by a sense of appreciation.

No one could see him; he was sitting on a bench, beside a couple, in the middle of a busy street, like it was the most natural thing to do. Under normal circumstances, he’d feel all awkward and probably leave the moment they settled beside him. But now, he sat rooted on the spot, sending them sporadic stroppy glances and looking away the moment he caught sight of an intimate action. He told himself that he wasn’t eavesdropping, that he just happened to be sitting beside them and that it was fine because neither one of them knew that he was there.

He was slowly but surely allowing the truth of him being something he never thought was possible to sink into him now. The undertones in his ears perpetually convinced him that this was the reality he had to accept and that it was time for him to move on. Despite that, he couldn’t help but feel disconcerting, feeling extremely out of place at most times.

Noiz had once pointed out a couple to him, telling him about ‘sweet nothings’ and how he used them as a ‘weapon’. He never expressed his opinions before but now that he thought about it, he wondered if Noiz actually understood the insinuation behind these ostensibly gratuitous actions. He wondered if Noiz actually understood the gratification those ‘unimportant’ sweet nothings had brought to these couples. For Noiz, they probably meant nothing at all, or maybe they were just pathetic actions that were done in a spur of the moment. But Aoba knew that these words were what bonded two souls together, that they were perhaps the strongest form of pledge these couples could sought from each other.

He stared vacantly at the sky and sighed. As he slumped back against the bench, he could still hear how the man beside him was telling his girlfriend how precious she was to him and how he wanted to build a family with her. The sky was a blanket of grey, like a great grey carpet. Only the merest quantity of sunlight managed to penetrate through the thick layer of clouds, casting the busy streets into a shadowy world that was a clear signal of nightfall came early. It would probably start raining any moment now, but the street was still busy, everyone was still living their lives like normal, unconcerned with what was happening around them. It reminded Aoba greatly of himself, how he’d never be concerned of anything until it happened _to_ him. Shrugging, he stretched, trying to clear his thoughts before he reached into his bag and took out a diary that he assumed was a collection of Koujaku’s daily thoughts.

It has been empty for the past three days. He didn’t know what this implied, but he guessed it shouldn’t be too bad if it meant that Koujaku had slowly recovered from beating himself too hard.

He’d stopped tailing Koujaku as well, finally realizing that it served no purpose and that he’d only end up wasting more of his time. Koujaku wasn’t a person who’d portrayed his emotions on his face anyway. He wouldn’t tell anyone that he was facing a problem until someone confronted him about it. Aoba used to be the one who played that specific role. But it was impossible to do that now, and he knew that he needed to search for an alternative.

Meeting a dead end exasperated him. It’s been days already, and he was just sitting around wasting time while both his and Koujaku’s lives were running out. So intuitively, he tried to distract himself, eventually finding his mind occupied with the suggestion Noiz had thrown at him two days ago:

> _You have only one chance to prove me wrong._

If he was going to bet on something, this could be it. If he managed to convince Noiz that humans were actually not that bad, he might be able to bait Noiz away from Koujaku once and for all. It seemed like a fairly simple task. On the surface, all Aoba needed to do was to show him what he did every day, just like how Noiz had suggested. But was it enough to show Noiz how momentous human life was? Was _his_ daily life even meaningful to begin with?

He didn’t know the answer, and that for precisely why it was so hard for him to make his decision. While he strolled around the streets, he put his bet on other things, things that could serve their purpose better. But no matter where he ventured into, what he heard or what he saw, everything only gave him an impression that nothing but using _himself_ as a bait would work the best.

He was running out of time. He could do what Noiz had suggested him and just try whatever he could. Leading a humble life was exactly what made life meaningful in the first place after all. His weapon wasn’t as strong as Noiz’s, his words weren’t nearly as powerful as his; but it was the truth, and probably, this time, he could even prove _himself_ wrong.

 

 

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting on the bench. When he came back to himself, the couple was gone and the space was replaced with an old man, who was smoking and reading the newspaper. He must’ve spaced out again. The gloomy clouds were gone and the moon was starting to emerge from beneath the clouds, telling him that nightfall was quickly approaching.

Standing up, he stuffed the diary back into his bag and ran down the streets.

He caught sight of Koujaku right before he stepped into the bar. Koujaku seemed fine – no new wounds on him and still wearing the same expression he’d wear every time he was facing a customer. Aoba was about to follow him into the bar, but he froze upon realizing that Noiz was leaning against the wall beside the door. It was too late for him to avert his eyes as the demon straightened himself up and walked towards him after sending a vague gesture to Koujaku, telling him that he’d be right back.

“So, how did the observation go today?” he asked in a nonchalant manner.

_Was he waiting for him, anyway?_

He knew Noiz had been observing every one of his actions, but it still spooked him out when Noiz admitted it in such a blunt way.

“Nothing worth mentioning.”

“Figures.”

Trying to ignore him, Aoba looked away and was about to walk into the bar when Noiz stopped him again.

“Did you make up your mind?”

Noiz hadn’t been asking him about it ever since the day he’d proposed. But now that Noiz had brought the matter up again, there was no way he could lie to himself any longer.

“I… I’m still thinking about it,” Aoba muttered, feeling Noiz’s penetrating gaze on him as he tried to move his legs, but to no avail. What was with this breath-taking atmosphere? Why was he so tensed up when Noiz wasn’t even doing anything at all? Was it because it was _Noiz_ he was dealing with that was making him feel this way? Or was it because Noiz simply had the ability to control his surroundings?

“You don’t have much time,” noiz merely said as he walked past Aoba and into the bar.

He _knew_ that he didn’t have much time; he didn’t need Noiz to tell him that. But he also knew that this was the only chance he had to make things right and he didn’t want to rush into making a decision just like that.

Nothing seemed to be exceptionally out of place as he sat on one of the unoccupied tall bar stools. Koujaku acted the same as how Aoba remembered him to be. In fact, he didn’t even look like the person who’d just lost a best friend few days ago. Unconsciously, Aoba drifted his attention away from Koujaku and focused on Noiz instead. It was ironic how the one person who should be the most out of place was acting so normal now. Aoba was suspicious, curious even, about why Noiz hadn’t been attempting anything lately; the strong distress that had coursed throughout his body when he saw how Noiz fed himself wasn’t something he could forget so easily either.

Noiz clearly saw through him. But instead of using that as another weapon to scare Aoba away, all Noiz did was continue being an obedient waiter without laying his hands on Koujaku.

And yet, Aoba knew that he was waiting. And obviously, he was waiting for _him_.

But… why?

 “Hey.”

Aoba managed to catch him before the closing of the bar, right before Noiz could walk out of it.

“How about tomorrow?” he asked, trying to sound as resolved as possible.

At first, Noiz merely looked at him with his usual impassiveness. Then, a faint hint of light flickered in his eyes as his lips curved into a small smirk.

“See you in the morning then.”

Noiz was _definitely_ waiting for him to make his move. But he wasn’t sure of the meaning behind that amused smile, or why Noiz appeared to be so engrossed with this turn of events.

 

* * *

        

The first thing Aoba saw when the first ray of light decanted into the damp and shady alley was Noiz, leaning against the wall right opposite from where he was sitting, again in such an unnoticeable way Aoba was almost sure that he’d appeared out of thin air.

They didn’t need to exchange any words between them, not even a simple ‘morning’ greeting, simply because both of them knew that mornings and nights meant nothing to them anymore. The world has become such a forlorn place to Aoba now and across time, he’d come to slowly understand how Noiz felt – the implication behind those emotionless eyes, and the way he described living beings as cruel and good for nothing.

If one lived for a few centuries and witnessed so many births and deaths, it’d be natural to feel this way.

He had only been living in this _new reality_ for a week and he was already feeling the seclusion. Noiz must’ve felt like this for a very long time.

Perhaps that was why he sought for a tiny hint of touch, of warmth, or he was simply waiting for someone to prove him wrong. It wasn’t only about Aoba or Koujaku anymore. It was also about Noiz – a supposedly vicious demon, yet unexpectedly fragile with a soft spot inside him: a spot Aoba hadn’t been able to reach. Yet.

Noiz was walking in front of him, as if he actually knew the way to his house. Aoba wouldn’t even be surprised if he _did_ know the way. For all he knew, Noiz would already know everything about him as well. To what extent, he didn’t want to know. The more he thought about it, the more confused he became. If Noiz _really_ knew everything about him, then why would he bring up the suggestion for Aoba to show him his life?

What was his motive?

He never understood Noiz. He assumed that every unexplainable action from him was just normal demon behaviour. Noiz was too far for him to reach out, anyway. Sometimes he couldn’t even bring himself to talk to him.

It turned out that Noiz _really_ knew the way to his house. As they stood in front of the building Aoba was already more than familiar with, Aoba peeked up, instantly feeling a pang of pain hitting him on the chest. He hadn’t been visiting his house ever since the first day of his death. He had no idea at all about how his family was doing now, if they had finally gotten over him, or if they were still clinging onto the memories they had of him.

“Scared?”

Noiz’s voice lacked a bit of his usual taunting, but Aoba was too distracted with his own feelings to care as he continued staring at his house. When he finally came back to himself, he shook his head, then slapped his face with both hands before he turned around to look at Noiz.

“Let’s go.”

“Wait.”

He was afraid, anxious, terrified even. He was genuinely surprised when Noiz stopped him; it was definitely not something he’d expect from the demon.

Was _Noiz_ scared, then?

“We need a strategy.”

Oh, that.

“Do you have any plan on how you want to do this?” Noiz asked instead.

Aoba had no plans. He didn’t even know why he was here in the first place. He’d just followed Noiz blindly but somehow, both of them seemed to have reached the mutual understanding that they’d start with Aoba’s house before doing anything else.

“I’ll show you my room,” he answered, only now starting to form a plan. “That’s the best place to start, I guess, since everything of mine is in there… well, that is if they haven’t cleared it out already.”

Noiz didn’t say anything. Instead, he gazed up at the second floor, at the window which belonged to Aoba’s room.

“I guess you just need to tell them that I told you to drop by to collect by stuff,” Aoba continued, supporting his chin with his hand with a scowl on his face as he considered the success rate of this last-minute plan. “My headphones, maybe.”

“Headphones?”

Noiz lifted a teasing smirk.

“Well, just say that first. I can’t think of anything else now.”

Without another word, Noiz strolled towards the door, with Aoba following closely from behind.

He pressed the doorbell a few times, every ring had Aoba’s heart skipping a beat. Any time now, his brother or his grandmother would appear on the doorway. He missed them, and he thought he was doing well attempting to get over them. Until now.

The moment the front door opened, he realized that every one of his self-assuring thought was in vain after all.

He wasn’t prepared. There was no way he’d be prepared.

“Hello,” Sei greeted the instance he met eyes with the guest on the front door. “Can I help you?”

“Aoba asked me to drop by.”

Sei’s eyes widened the instant Aoba’s name fell from Noiz’s lips, a good enough hint that told Aoba that none of his family members managed to get over him either.

The uncomfortable air around them only lasted for a few seconds before Sei flaunted Noiz one of his gentle smiles and stepped back to allow him entrance.

“I’m supposed to pick up his headphones. He… asked me to,” Noiz continued, almost sounding stroppy as he took his shoes off in the entranceway. He assumed that Sei would throw more questions at him, but all Sei did was smile as he led him into the house without another word.

“His room is the one on the right,” Sei directed when they reached the second floor. “Everything remained the same. Let me know if you need help.”

That was all Sei said before he retreated back down the stairs while Noiz continued giving him a curious stare.

“Is your brother always this defenceless?” Noiz asked as they made their way down the corridor.

“…I guess so.”

It was hard to speak. He didn’t expect Noiz to question him further, either. As they stopped in front of the door Sei had guided Noiz to, Noiz bent forward, sniffed the door, before he put his hand on the doorknob.

“It has your scent on it,” was the only thing Noiz said before he pushed the door open.

Sei was right. Everything remained the same. Everything, literally. He’d left his room in a mess on the morning of his death; he’d overslept and hadn’t had the time to make his bed. He remembered promising himself that he’d clean everything up once he came back. The stack of magazines was scattered around the floor – he remembered almost slipping on them when he rushed his way out of the room – his clothes, his computer, and other things that once belonged to him still filled the space, He could only stand in reverence, huge wave of nostalgia crushing him from the inside, as he watched Noiz enter the room. His face was unreadable as usual, his eyes darted from one corner to another, visibly scanning the space until he stopped by the window.

“So, tell me your story, angel,” he said in a barely audible tone, one hand on the curtain, glancing at the street below them before he turned around to face Aoba. Aoba took a deep breath, just to find his words stuck in his throat upon meeting eyes with the demon.

His eyes were so sharp and so fixated on Aoba that he instantly felt as if he was being scanned from the inside out again. “Tell me your story as a human.”

Only then, Aoba walked into the room, carefully avoiding the own disarray he’d created on the floor as he strode towards his bedside table. He turned, giving Noiz a backward glance, who got the message as he walked towards Aoba. Pointing at the drawer, Aoba directed Noiz to open it, retrieving a photo album.

“This is my graduation album,” Aoba explained as Noiz flipped through it. “I was in the same high school as Koujaku but since he’s older than me, we only got to spend one year together before he graduated.”

Noiz’s response was just a small hum as he skimmed through the faces on the album, his facial expression a contrast to the ones he was looking at.

“It was a turning point in my life,” Aoba said, joining Noiz to look at the photos. “I was glad that I managed to finish school, but it was when real life began.”

“Real life?” Noiz repeated, obviously trying to understand what Aoba meant by that, but he didn’t have to wait for long before Aoba continued,

“It was when I should stop being a brat and live life as an adult.”

“What difference does that make?” Noiz asked again, flipping a page and stopping to stare at the photo where Koujaku slung an arm around Aoba’s shoulder, smiling so blazingly at the camera with Aoba pouting and frowning at him from under his arm. It was a smile Noiz wasn’t used to seeing. Something was missing; something that he couldn’t quite identify. Perhaps this was the ‘emotion’ Aoba had been desperately trying to show him.

“When we were young,” Aoba explained as he glimpsed at the same picture Noiz was looking at. “We could do whatever we wanted and even get away from punishments just by using the excuse that we were still young and had yet to learn a lot of things. It was true. We were reckless, unreasonable and immature. But time stops for no one. We all need to grow up one day. And for us, it was the day when we left school.”

“The graduation was like one for ingenuous kids rather than one for high school kids,” Aoba laughed soundlessly at how he momentarily lost his direction when he first set foot into this so-called real world. It was Koujaku who had pulled him back to the right path. If it wasn’t for Koujaku who’d offered him a job in the bar, who’d been so impossibly patient with him and who’d insisted that he should continue his tertiary education, he was sure that he’d end up wasting his days doing nothing but being involved in street fights and futile arguments.

Aoba shifted his attention elsewhere then, while Noiz flipped to the last page and discovered a photo that looked _different_ from the ones he had been looking at.

“Cute.”

He couldn’t believe what he just said, but he didn’t have the time to figure himself out when Aoba turned around snappishly and shrieked at him.

“H-hey! Put that back!”

It was Aoba’s picture as a baby.

“I’ve seen a lot of these,” Noiz said with a smirk. “It’s a new life.”

Aoba pondered at his statement. It was embarrassing to have someone other than his own family and Koujaku to witness him being a baby. But Noiz’s way of putting it led him to a new discovery.

“Yeah, it’s the day when I was born,” Aoba said, the fury from before vanished into thin air.

The smirk disappeared completely from Noiz’s face then. Without saying anything, he budged his gaze back at Aoba’s baby picture again before Aoba coughed raucously, breaking the silence in the room.

“Come to think about it, if you had destroyed this baby twenty-three years ago, you wouldn’t need to deal with such an annoying angel now. Do you regret it?”

It was another attempted comeback. Noiz should know it. But all he did was scrutinising the picture, then at Aoba, still with the same deadpan expression.

“No.”

His answer was short and it left Aoba in a daze. But before he could conjure a response, Noiz was already closing the album, putting it back to where it belonged.

"Next one, Seragaki Aoba.”

Aoba was stunned for two seconds before he shook his head, coughed, and started looking around the room again.

“I was rushing on the morning of my death so it was a bit messy,” he said inelegantly as he got closer to his bed. “I forgot to make my bed, I wasn’t paying attention and all I cared about was how Koujaku could be potentially killed.” Sitting on the bed, he touched the soft material vigilantly, a spot he used to find the most comfortable, a place he was once so very fond of. “I totally overslept. I ran out of the room, almost fell thanks to those,” he said as he pointed at the scattered magazines on the floor.

“That’s my wardrobe, all of my clothes go there,” he said. “And those,” he pointed to the row of delicate handmade cranes along the window sill. “were some of the things Koujaku gave me to decorate my room. He said my room was too monotonous and that new things could spice up the place a bit.”

He was about to talk about his computer in one corner when Noiz interrupted him.

“What are these?”

Following Noiz’s finger, he realized that Noiz was pointing at a tower of green cubes. When he didn’t answer, Noiz gave him a fleeting stare, just to see Aoba smiling and nodding at him. Picking up the message, he shrugged and reached out, taking one of the cubes in his hand.

“I once worked in a nursery and one kid asked me to make him a rabbit. I’m not good with handicraft, this is the best I’ve got,” Aoba started, stopping once he was done with his very brief explanation and looking at Noiz instead.

“What?” Noiz asked, swirling the cube between his fingers, occasionally throwing it into the air, allowing it to fall gently on his palm.

“Come to think of it, that kid looked a bit like you,” Aoba said, hand supporting his chin as he squinted at Noiz from head to toe. “He also had blond-coloured hair, green eyes like yours and—“

“I’m a _demon_ , angel,” Noiz interrupted again, his voice cavernous and perhaps even slightly intimidating. “Don’t compare me with humans.”

“Say…” Completely unaffected by Noiz’s statement, Aoba continued. “You really hate being compared to someone else.”

Noiz shrugged.

“All that you’ve mentioned – vampires, humans – all of them are lowlifes.”

“Including me?”

He caught Noiz off guard. He could see it in his eyes.

“What do you think of angels, Noiz?” Sensing a chance, he immediately asked, a faint rush of thrill flaring through him when he saw the unobtrusive hint of waver in Noiz’s gaze.

“Angels are…” Noiz started, still staring intensely at Aoba. “…distracting.”

“Is that all?” Aoba pressed, but Noiz only avoided eye contact with him, an action that clearly told Aoba that he was no longer interested in delving further into the topic. Still, Aoba refused to give up.

“Humans are the most interesting to me. They can feel, hear, see, both in a physical and mental sense. They are the ones who are truly alive. If you learn more about them, perhaps you could be more… alive.”

Obviously, it sounded like a huge joke to Noiz. Aoba could almost hear him giving out a disapproving hum but when he was about to retort, something else caught Noiz’s attention.

It was the mirror that had first helped Aoba realized that he’d come back to this world as something other than human.

Truth be told, he hadn’t gotten the courage to even walk past the mirror ever since he entered his room, because the mere visual of him being so different from how he used to look like still terrified him.

“This is… nothing special. It’s just something I used to groom myself in the morning. Koujaku is the one who’s very particular with appearance, though,” Aoba whispered, trying not to catch his own reflection in the mirror when he walked over the join Noiz.

“I know,” Noiz responded quietly. Koujaku must’ve given him a long lecture about that as well.

The mirror wasn’t something Aoba wanted to explain to Noiz futher, but Noiz seemed to be particularly interested in it as he stared at his own reflection, not a single hint of emotion present on his face. Aoba tried not to be caught in that reflection so he retreated backwards, leg almost hitting another pile of books before he grabbed onto the window sill to balance himself. From the angle where he stood, he could clearly see the light pouring through the window and falling directly on Noiz. The gradients the light created on his features giving precise shape to his lean build, his body shape perfectly outlined under the soft light. No one would’ve thought that he was a demon at first glance. In this very moment, he looked just like any other human.

 …a very good-looking one, in fact.

He wanted to get closer for a better look but suddenly, Noiz pulled his tail out, causing Aoba to immediately step out of the way before it could hit him. As soon as he managed to calm himself down, he saw the pair of horns emerging out of Noiz’s head, and finally, before he could even blink, Noiz pulled his wings out of his back, having Aoba to quickly crouch down just to avoid the strong impact.

“N-Noiz?!” he screamed, clapping one hand on his head to protect it when the tail almost hit his face. Noiz ignored him, eyes still glued to his own reflection, his wings flapped ever so slightly.

With lips slightly parted, he looked as if he was concentrating on something; something Aoba couldn’t see.

“N-Noiz…?”

If Sei or his grandmother were to come in now, they’d get a shock of their life.

 “Noiz, what’s wrong?” Aoba called out, intending to draw the demon’s attention back onto himself so that he could at least persuade him to keep all these foreign features away before he could cause any trouble.

But Noiz remained still, without any response. Swallowing down his throat, Aoba mustered enough courage to walk closer, attempting to wave his hand in front of Noiz’s eyes when he got distracted by the way Noiz’s chest moved up and down as he breathed slowly. Moving his gaze up from Noiz’s torso to his face, he found his own breath catching in his throat, felt the heartbeats in his ears, no longer able to tear his eyes away from Noiz.

Noiz’s expression was unreadable, even with the sufficient source of light they had in the room. He looked calm, yet, there was a sense of hesitance, of insecurity, even of _fear_ beneath the undecipherable layer of his outlook. When Noiz blinked, Aoba found himself fidgeting a tad. The way Noiz’s eyes darted from his horns to his wings, and then ultimately his tail when he brought it up to look at its reflection in the mirror clearly told Aoba that something wild was running in his mind – perhaps a demon instinct that Aoba would never understand. He wore a frown when he caught sight of every one of his own feature, then, a small smile was elicited from his mouth, a reaction Aoba never expected.

He would never know what was in Noiz’s mind now. But the mist of sorrow he witnessed in his eyes pricked Aoba directly in the heart. He wanted to touch him, to do _anything_ that could wipe that melancholy off his face. Following his instinct loyally, he raised his hand, reaching out to Noiz, the strong urge to touch him resounding intolerably in every one of his nerves – he wanted to touch his face, to feel his skin, to feel how _alive_ he looked like at this very moment. And he wanted to tell him that very fact, to prove to him and to make him remember how genuine his emotion was right now.

At the very least, he wanted to be able to comfort him. He wanted to bring him into his arms and to tell him that no matter what was happening, and no matter what had happened in the past, he would be fine eventually. He wanted him to know that he would be there to…

…to what?

He was almost feeling Noiz’s skin against his fingertips when Noiz gave out a laugh, so loud that his voice echoed around the room. He brought his hand back and stepped back, as if trying to defend himself in any case Noiz was to go berserk and attack him all of a sudden.

“N-Noiz?”

“Don’t make me laugh.” Noiz was almost _growling_. Aoba could no longer see his face, but he knew that he was still laughing. Even when he spoke, he was _still_ laughing.

“Look at me, angel,” he said, straightening himself up and stretching his wings high above his head. “Which part of me looks human to you? Saying things like ‘ _if you got to know humans better maybe you can become more human_ ’? Don’t make me laugh.”

Without warning, he took a step towards Aoba, spreading his wings as wide as he could.

“Look at these wings,” he whispered, inching his face closer to Aoba, his voice dropped with every new word he breathed. “Look at this tail.” He swung it in front of Aoba for a good measure before he scratched the tip against the wall, just few inches beside Aoba’s ear. “Look at _me_.”

Aoba could only stare, the hot breath on his face pricking his skin. Every one of Noiz’s words felt as if they were crushing something deep inside him.

“How do you intend to make me more human when I don’t even _look_ like one? How do you intend to make me feel more _alive_ when I’m dead from the beginning?”

Their eyes met, unswervingly. He could literally feel his gaze burning into him. When he opened his mouth, all that came out were discreet gasps, but he quickly straightened his resolve, clenching his hands into fists before sending a glare at Noiz’s direction.

“You’re wrong,” he muttered, trying to find his breath.

“Prove it,” Noiz said with a suggestive smirk.

“Appearance doesn’t define humanity.” He raised his hand, almost trailing Noiz’s jaw line, almost touching his skin for real as he traced an invisible trail along his neck, ultimately stopping at the place on his chest where the heart was located. “It’s the heart that does.”

 Noiz merely stared at him with a completely disinterested expression on his face before he broke into laughter again.

 “Sorry to tell you, angel, but demons don’t have a heart,” he said. Imitating Aoba’s action, he brought his hands up and traced Aoba’s chest instead. Even when their skin contact as separated by cloth, the heat that was spreading on his skin where Noiz had touched him was real and menacing. “We are born without one. Technically, we are born dead.”

What a thing to say, Aoba thought, the squeeze in his heart only heightened his tension. Shaking his head, he sighed faintly, his voice louder when he spoke to Noiz again.

“You can do it,” he regurgitated, returning Noiz’s intense stare with a fierce one of his own. “If you believe you can, they you _will_ do it.”

“Do what, angel?” Noiz growled, sounding almost precarious.

“Feel _alive_.”

For a few seconds, they merely stared at each other. Both of them were waiting for the other to open their mouths, to challenge each other and finally and officially declare rivalry. But nothing happened. They only continued to glare at each other, as if they were trying to read each other’s minds.

“Why?” Noiz was the one who finally surrendered to the temptation to speak. “Why are you so persistent with me? You do know that I’m a—“

“—demon who intends to kill my best friend and maybe even me,” Aoba interrupted, amused by Noiz’s taken aback expression as he gave him a smirk. “I know. But I also know that you’re Noiz, the demon who’d proved me wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I always thought that demons are cruel and heartless, but you proved me wrong. Despite knowing how fearful you could be when you feed yourself, I still believe that you’re not entirely evil. I’m not sure how it happened. It could be just a hunch. But,” he said, boring deeper into Noiz’s eyes before he smiled at him. “…maybe it’s because you aren’t just any other demon. Maybe I never met a _demon_ after all—“

“You’re ridiculous,” Noiz commented.

“—maybe I simply meat a person called _Noiz_ ,” Aoba continued, ignoring Noiz and acting as if he didn’t hear what he’d just said. “And he’s gonna continue learning how to properly live.”

He knew how nonsensical he sounded, just like how Noiz had put it. But to his amusement, Noiz broke free off him, making his tail, wings and horns disappear before heading towards the door.

"W-wait!” Aoba called out as he pointed at the bedside table. “You need to at least take something with you so that Sei does not become suspicious.”

Clicking his tongue, Noiz walked back into the room and grabbed the pink headphones from the bedside table before he paced out of the room.

 

Spending time alone with Noiz always gave him a sense of indescribable tension. He assumed that perhaps it was a demon’s exclusive ability; maybe demons were able to influence others’ emotions like it was the most natural thing to do. He wanted to believe that this was the case, because he refused to believe that he’d just invested too much of his time and emotions into someone who would only do him no good.

When they got downstairs and when Sei greeted them again with that gentle smile on his face, Aoba felt the familiar squeeze in his heart all over again as he looked away, unwilling and unable to see his brother in such a close distance. He couldn’t help it. When Sei’s eyes involuntarily flashed past the spot where he was standing, he was sure that he almost caught his brother’s gaze, but then he other looked away again, unaware of his presence.

Noiz remained quiet for the entire time, simply nodding at Sei as he walked towards the front door. Sei opened the door for him. In front of the gate, Noiz was about to bid his farewell when Sei stopped him.

“I didn’t get to ask your name,” he said, stopping Noiz in his tracks as he looked over his shoulder.

“…Noiz.”

"Noiz… right? Thank you for dropping by.”

The moment Sei gave Noiz another one of his tender smiles, Aoba immediately turned away and walked down the street, no longer able to handle the overwhelming rush of emotions in him. Noiz was about to do the same when Sei stopped him again.

“If you don’t mind, may I ask a favour of you?”

That caught Noiz’s attention. It was rare for someone else to ask a favour from him, but Sei didn’t wait for him to respond – he simply handed him a small bag.

“What’s this?”

“It’s a present.”

Noiz stared at Sei, confusion written all over his face.

“It’s supposed to be Aoba’s birthday present but… well,” Sei explained when he saw Noiz’s confounded look. “It needs a better place to belong.”

As Noiz peeked at the content inside the small bag, Sei released a small chuckle.

“You can take a look if you want.”

Noiz didn’t need to be told twice. Without hesitation, he reached his hand into the bag and retrieved a delicate-looking, blue-coloured box. He put it close to his ear, shaking it a little, then sniffing on it before he finally pulled the ribbon that was securing it off and opened the box.

His eyes brightened upon seeing the contents inside.

It was a necklace with a letter ‘A’, carved on a heart-shaped pendant.

“The ‘A’ is supposed to represent Aoba, as you would know,” Sei said, taking a step closer to join Noiz in staring at the necklace. “The heart is a representation of his heart… as you would know too.”

It was ironic.

“Are you sure you want to give this to me?” Noiz asked prudently. Half of him wanted to pick the necklace up just so he could feel the cold, metal material against his fingertips. But another half of him hesitated, as if a mere touch of such pure item would poison his entire being.

“Of course.”

“Why?” he asked instead, without knowing what else to say. “You don’t even know me. Why do you trust me with such an important thing?”

This time, it was Sei who was giving him a confused look.

“But you’re Aoba’s friend, right?”

For some reason, his answer touched something unknown inside Noiz. He never felt this way before. He never accepted benevolence from human beings before. No one has ever treated him like this before.

The Seragaki brothers were dangerous, he immediately concluded, closing the box rashly and stuffing it back into the bag.

“Can I ask you something?” Sei’s expression remained unchanged even though it was clear that Noiz was ignoring him. “How’s Aoba been?”

“What?”

“There must be a reason why you’re here,” Sei continued, taking a step back and putting both of his hands behind his back. “You must have met Aoba.”

“What makes you think so?”

Sei paused for a while.

“It’s a hunch.”

The Seragaki brothers were dangerous, the belief strengthening itself even more.

“To be honest, I was supposed to clean up Aoba’s room but I hadn’t been able to do so.” Sei’s tone was sprightlier now. “It’s a strange feeling. Like he’s still alive. Maybe somewhere, somehow, he’s telling me not to because you’re coming.”

Were brothers connected even though one of them had died? Noiz couldn’t help but think. Then, Sei was leaning closer towards him, looking at him with an interested look on his face.

“Did you meet Aoba, Noiz?”

 Noiz remained silent. He wasn’t even sure how to answer that question. But Sei was still waiting for him, and without even realizing it, Noiz found words spilling from his lips.

“I… did. He was…”

He stopped.

He was… what?

Sei’s smile widened as he waited for Noiz, who was caught in a complication of his own emotions.

“He must be very beautiful,” he said in the end, causing Noiz to stare in surprise.

Now he was _sure_ that the Seragaki brothers were dangerous.

 

He didn’t even know why he was running away. As he leaned against a wall, trying to catch his breath, Aoba couldn’t help but curse at how cowardly he had become. How would be expect his family to move one when _he_ was the one who couldn’t? When he gave out a disgruntled groan of frustration, he felt someone approaching him. Instinctively, he was about to walk away, assuming that another human being was about to run into him again when the person in question made him halt his steps.

“Y-you…”

“We meet again.”

The man was white-haired, smiling lustrously at Aoba with an umbrella in his hand. It was the same person he’d accidentally bumped into a few days ago.

“I’ve been looking for you, Aoba-san,” he said. His voice was loud and clear, and he would almost sound cheerful if it weren’t for the slight restraint Aoba could sense behind his seemingly casual demeanour.

“How do you know…”

“My name is Clear,” he said as he held out a hand. Aoba hesitated. Would it hurt if he took it? But it didn’t hurt when they bumped into each other so it should be… fine?

Surrendering to the intense curiosity that was pooling in his chest, he took Clear’s hand as the other gave it a firm shake.

“I’m glad to see you again,” Clear continued, his eyes glistening with excitement so obvious Aoba had to pull his hand back to contain himself.

“How… are you able to see me?” Aoba asked. This might be his chance – chance to discover _another_ chance in this bedlam. “What are you?”

“It’s not the time to know yet, Aoba-san.”

“But…”

“More importantly,” Clear’s voice dropped a note and Aoba could instantly sense the urgency in it. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

He was anticipating this. No matter what Clear was about to tell him, at least it would be _something_ that’d help him move forward.

“Please remember what you’re supposed to do and…” Clear paused for a brief moment, breaking eye contact with Aoba to glint behind him. “Stay away from Noiz.”

“Wh-what—“

His question was left hanging when he felt a sudden impact flashing past his face, aiming unswervingly at Cleat. The wall beside him collapsed as he covered his head, completely forgetting that it couldn’t do him any harm anyway. He couldn’t quite get what happened after that – dust blurred his vision, an explosion was heard. When everything calmed down, he realized that Noiz was standing right beside him, staring at the spot where Clear had stood only moments ago.

“What was that?” he asked Noiz.

“You don’t need to know,” Noiz said impassively without looking at Aoba. Aoba wanted to ask more but the fury on Noiz’s face – something that he had never seen before – distracted him from his question.

“I believe I have the—“

Then, he felt it – the same intense ache that he’d felt when he first discovered that he’d become an angel; the same suffocating pain that made him feel as if he was being torn apart from the inside.

The same breath-taking pain that made him fall to his knees.

He wanted to scream; he felt as if he was experiencing death all over again. His insides were burning up, his voice got stuck in his throat, his vision flickered, constantly going from black to white. It took almost all of his energy to look up at Noiz, who was looking at him with an anxious expression before he squatted in front of him.

“Oi.” He heard Noiz call out. Through hazy vision, he could barely see Noiz’s eyes shifting upwards, probably staring at his halo before the demon frowned and clicked his tongue.

“ _It’s turning red._ ”

All that he could remember after that was how he was desperately trying to keep breathing as he leaned against the wall. He could feel his world crumbling, his consciousness fading away, and soon, his world fell into complete darkness.

Suddenly, it felt like home.

 


	5. Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Because we can never have a heart, angel. We don't need it."
> 
> "But what if... what would happen if you start developing emotions?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) is an amazing beta <3
> 
> Also, I decided to add in more details so the fic is now extended. I'm not responsible for broken hearts. 
> 
> .... I'm joking. I'll take full responsibility for it.

“ _Say, have you thought about death?_ ”

“ _Wh-what?! What are you talking about? It’s too early for that!_ ”

_He remembered having this conversation with Koujaku, when they were still young and heedless and still trying to find their paths in life. He didn’t know why he’d brought up that conversation. It was probably another one of those spur-of-the-moment things but when he thought about it, somehow, he realized that he’d felt these anonymous jitteries within him since a very long time ago – something he couldn’t properly explain. His contradictions must’ve shown on his face because then, Koujaku was patting him on the head and giving him a bright smile._

_“You’re thinking too much. Our life has just started, we have a long way to go. Besides, you don’t need to worry too much anyway.”_

_Aoba gave him a curious stare._

_"I’d be the one going first before you, no?”_

_“Shut it,” Aoba scowled. “Don’t say things like that!”_

_"But you were the one who started it,” Koujaku laughed. “And I say the same to you. We’re too young to even think about that. Don’t think too much.”_

_He tried not to. But the thought of losing his friend hit him harder than the thought of having to experience it himself, and there was no way he could ignore how upset it made him feel._

_“Whatever. Just promise me not to take your life away easily no matter what happens,” Aoba pouted. “Then we might be able to live longer together.”_

_"I don’t know why we’re talking about this, but sure,” Koujaku said with an earnest smile._

_“I promise you. Promise me you will do the same as well.”_

_“Of course.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“Oi.”

For a second, Aoba was stuck between the fine line of a dream and reality. A few blinks later and Noiz’s face came into view, instantly snapping him back to himself as he quickly sat up, the pain that rushed through his entire body causing him to close his eyes again.

That was one of his memories when he was still alive, and it reminded him of what Noiz said about being able to see the life of a person when they were near death.

“Wh-what happened?” he asked, voice hoarse and eyes watery. When Noiz didn’t answer, he struggled to open his eyes, looking up just to see Noiz giving him an intense stare with a deep scowl in between his eyebrows.

“What is it, Noiz?” Aoba pestered. He was about to support himself up but the moment he did that, the sweltering pain travelled from the top of his head to every part of his body as he fell and slumped back against the wall.

Something must have happened – something he didn’t know.

While he was attempting to calm his breathing, he heard Noiz give out a click with his tongue. Then, the pain intensified when Noiz literally _grabbed_ onto him and pulled him up.

“Ouch, ouch! Stop! Let me go!”

It wasn’t the firm clutch that had hurt him, but the scorching pain that came with it. All he could see was red in his eyes, his heart beating raucously in his ears. It felt as if every one of his nerves was set on fire and for a few seconds, he lost his vision, his hearing, and almost all his sensations before he found himself being tugged down the streets by Noiz, who was still grasping him steadfastly by the wrist.

"Noiz?! Let me go, it hurts!” Aoba screeched. His head was in intense pain now, and his entire body was burning. If he didn’t let go now, it’d probably burn a hole through his skin. He struggled, trying to break himself free but Noiz’s grip only tightened.

“Noiz!” he called out again. And again, and again. Noiz’s breath became heftier with every passing second as he towed him down the streets. He didn’t even know what was happening now, but he didn’t have more strength to retort anyway. All that he could do now was pray and hope that this pain would fade soon.

His ‘soon’ came a few minutes later when they found themselves in front of the hospital again.

“Noiz? Wait, I don’t have the strength to see you eat agai—oi!”

Completely ignoring him, Noiz let go of him before he quickly took his burned hand in the other. While he felt a blazing burn on his hand, Aoba took a speedy glance at Noiz’s hand before he could hide it out of view only to see a deep red patch had formed on his palm – an obvious burn mark.

But why? Why did Noiz do that?

“Follow me,” Noiz’s voice was throaty too, and it sounded as if he hadn’t been speaking for days.

“Wait but—“

“I’m not going to eat,” Noiz interrupted. But Aoba stood on the spot, refusing to move an inch until Noiz released a sigh. “Follow me if you want to know what’s happening.”

Noiz stuck his hands in the pockets of his trench coat and took rash steps into the hospital. Aoba, not yet fully recovered from the intense pain earlier, struggled to keep up as he followed Noiz into the building.

He didn’t expect them to revisit this place – the horrible experience he’d witnessed here was still vivid in his mind – and he didn’t expect them to stop in front of an emergency ward either.

“Noiz, why are we here again?” Aoba finally asked as they stopped in front of the door. Noiz was looking at the red sign above the door before he retreated to the side and leaned against the wall.

“Noiz?”

“Just wait,” Noiz simply said before he closed his eyes.

Was Noiz about to show him another one of those horrifying scenes again? Aoba wondered. But looking at how oblivious Noiz was now, he knew that he’d never get any of his questions answered even if he asked, so he retreated to the other side of the hallway, imitating Noiz and leaned against the wall.

Aoba didn’t know what Noiz was waiting for; he didn’t know what _he_ was waiting for. He didn’t know what to expect. But there was this loud and frantic sound of his own heartbeat in his ears that he couldn’t ignore. His head still hurt from the impact earlier, his body was still burning. It was hard for him to completely soothe this tension, especially when he didn’t even know how. So instead, he took a few deep breaths, exhaling unhurriedly in hope that it would help in calming him down.

But nothing he did helped him in the slightest. Fifteen minutes later, he found himself collapsing onto the nearest bench, burying his face in his hands as he continued taking deep breaths. The silence around him was deafeningly loud; he could hear voices in his head which he suspected were from his memories when he was still alive. It was hard to breathe, and every second that’d passed felt like a direct stab into his lungs, eroding the air out of him and causing him to finally straighten himself up to breathe open-mouthed.

“Ignore the voices,” Noiz finally spoke after what felt like an hour.

Aoba merely nodded. By now, he wouldn’t be surprised if Noiz actually knew everything that was happening to him, and the fact that he had just pointed out what Aoba was experiencing was solid evidence of that.

“Noiz…” he called out weakly, and this time, Noiz turned to look at him, as if he had been anticipating it.

When Noiz walked towards him, he raised his hand out of reflex, wanting to seek the nearest, most accessible support he could grasp. But he stopped halfway, letting his hand hang in mid-air before he withdrew it and pressed it against his head instead.

The throbbing was getting worse, his head would split open just like that if the situation continued any longer.

“I’ve never done this before,” Noiz said quietly, effectively distracting Aoba from his pain as he looked up at Noiz, who was now leaning against the wall beside him.

“Done what?” Aoba asked, voice still small and struggling to ignore the prick of pain in his throat when he talked.

“Waiting like this.”

He was too tired, head filled with too much pain to figure out what Noiz was saying. So instead, he blurted out the first thing that came into his mind.

“Th-that’s because you’re changing…”

Noiz fell silent momentarily, allowing only Aoba’s rough breath to fill the quiet space.

“…changing, huh?” he said with a smirk. “I wonder how that happens.”

“Just because you’re demon doesn’t meant that you don’t have a heart,” Aoba said again, trying to make sense of his words in his head but ending up saying out loud before he could even process them properly.

“It’s true, we don’t have a heart.”

He remembered Noiz telling him this before, but he didn’t expect him to mean it literally. So when a hint of disbelief appeared on his face, Noiz gave out a small laugh that sounded almost sarcastic.

“Here,” Noiz placed his hand against his own chest, where a heart was supposed to be located. “…it is empty.” Then, he pressed his hand harder against it, scowling as he continued. “I can’t feel anything beating against my chest.”

“Because emotions are unnecessary?” Aoba probed.

“Because there’s no need for us to feel alive when we’re already dead the moment we’re born,” Noiz added. “Emotions would only get into the way. It’s against the law of nature.”

It was ridiculous, Aoba instantly thought. Exactly _who_ set this law of nature and why did they have the rights to decide that?

“Wh-what happens if…” Aoba swallowed down his throat. His headache was slowly subsiding, the new topic piqued his interest prominently as he stared at Noiz. “…if you start developing emotions?”

He saw Noiz’s eyes brighten before a scowl appeared on his face. Without warning, he let out another small laugh.

“We’ll be terminated.”

“Wh-what…”

How was one able to terminate demons when they were already dead?

“Like I said, it’s against the law of nature. Demons who aren’t themselves anymore don’t have any use to their species. They’ll just get in the way.”

“But… termination… that’s…” His throat felt dry and the loud beating of his heart was back in his ears full force. “…that’s cruel.”

“We’re cruel beings from the very start,” Noiz commented calmly.

“No,” Aoba said before he could stop himself. “You’re not.”

This time, Noiz’s laugh was loud enough to echo across the corridor.

“That means I’m not doing my job well,” he said. “I’d just get in the way after all.”

‘ _After all?_ ’

“You’re not getting in the way,” Aoba said with a steady tone.

“I’m getting in _your_ way, angel,” Noiz retorted. “You’ll see soon.”

“Huh?”

After that, they fell back into silence, both not knowing what else to say to the other. As if on signal, the red light on top of the operation room went off and Aoba looked up just in time to see Noiz’s scowl deepen. When the door opened and the patient who was operated on for the past few hours was pushed out, Aoba felt his whole body turn ice cold.

 _It was Koujaku_.

He ran up to him while Noiz indulged in a conversation with the doctor, explaining to him that he was Koujaku’s friend. Aoba couldn’t hear exactly what their conversation was about – he couldn’t care less about anything that was happening around him but the person before him. Koujaku was obviously severely injured and it frustrated Aoba badly since his voice couldn’t even reach him. He could only stare when they pushed him away; he could only follow when they brought him to an emergency ward, which could only mean that he wasn’t completely out of danger yet. He paced outside of the door, waiting until Noiz was permitted to enter and forcing his tears back while he buried his face in between his knees.

He only looked up when he heard the door open, and he only stood up and walked into the room when Noiz was allowed to step into it. When they were finally left alone, Noiz found him sitting by the bed, still staring at Koujaku.

“What happened…?” Aoba finally asked, the room so quiet now the only sounds in it were the sounds of their breathing, alongside the steady ‘beep, beep’ sound that was the only relief Aoba found at the moment.

When Noiz didn’t answer, he turned around to look at him, just to see him bearing an expressionless face and – he scowled upon noticing – averting eye contact with him.

“Was it you?” he asked again, his tone now firmer than before as he stood up, pacing towards Noiz and standing right in front of him.

“Noiz,” he called. “Was it you who—“

"So?” Noiz returned coldly, his eyes boring straight into Aoba’s, his stare as cold as his voice. “So what if I did?”

“You…” Aoba’s voice stuck in his throat. This was it. He let his guard down. He was the one who’d allowed this to happen.

“You shouldn’t be surprised,” Noiz continued, still emotionless and cold. “You forgot who I am, angel. I’m demon. You should’ve expected this.”

He had been expecting this, and he had been trying so hard to prevent this from happening. He thought he was on the right track, that he had managed to influence the demon even a little, and that this demon would ultimately leave Koujaku alone when he realized how _wrong_ he was.

But these were all his one-sided assumptions. No matter how hard he tried, there was no way he could change him. He was too naïve. It was impossible after all. Noiz was too far for him to reach.

He thought he was doing the right thing by diverting Noiz’s attention away from Koujaku. But he was wrong. _Noiz_ was the one who was doing the right thing – by diverting _his_ attention away from Koujaku.

He slumped back on the chair, hiding his face in his hands. He was too immature for this world. There was no way he could win. The surge of hopelessness that was spreading through his chest made it harder for him to breathe. As a desperate attempt, he reached out to place his hand on top of Koujaku’s, still covering his eyes as he tried very hard not to break down.

As he tried very hard to silence the voice that kept telling him that it’s his fault that Koujaku’s like this.

“I’m sorry…” he muttered. Even for a non-human, there was a limit to how much sorrow one could take. Before he knew it, his palm was damp with his tears and he was sniffling quietly, his hand unconsciously tightening around Koujaku’s, a very weak attempt to contain himself – but to no avail.

“I’m sorry…” he repeated. “It’s my fault.”

He didn’t know what else he could say. He didn’t know what else he could do to compensate for this, or what else he could do from now on to stop the worst from happening.

This was probably the end.

 

* * *

 

 

He has seen it so many times and there wasn’t any other time that had made him feel what he was feeling now. Every choked sob, every word Aoba said from then on triggered a weird spasm from beneath his chest. It was ironic. He had only told Aoba about how demons didn’t possess a heart a few minutes ago, and now he was feeling this suffocating sensation beneath his chest that made him feel as if he _did_ have one. Unconsciously, he placed his hand against his chest, merely wanting to make sure that his own thoughts weren’t deceiving him.

That very relief he sought for was crushed into dust the moment he _felt_ it.

“What actually did you do?” Aoba asked quietly, effectively distracting Noiz from the fear of his own speculations.

“I planted a seed,” Noiz said without thinking, without even considering if this was the right time to tell Aoba this or if he should even tell him anything in the first place. “I let it grow, so it intensified the sin and sped up the process of growing.”

Aoba remained quiet.

“So in others words, instead of one month, thanks to this I can devour my food in two weeks’ time,” Noiz continued nonchalantly. “Logically.”

Aoba didn’t seem to catch the last of his words as he proceeded to rub his eyelids with his hands.

“So all this while you have been distracting me away from Koujaku so that I wouldn’t notice what you’ve been doing?” he said through gritted teeth. “I assume that the fact that I can’t even read his emotions in the book is all your doing as well?”

“It’s part of the plan.”

“’Plan’, huh?” Aoba gave out a sarcastic laugh. “Well, good news, brat. You’ve succeeded. You and your brilliant _plan_. So what now? Are you going to devour Koujaku next?”

Noiz didn’t answer.

“Is there no way at all to stop you now?” Aoba asked again, although he wasn’t sure if the question was directed at Noiz or at himself.

All Noiz could give him was more silence and the next time Aoba spoke, the fear mixed with anger was so prominent in his tone it made Noiz shiver a little.

“For you, it may be just food. But for me, for us, _humans_ , it’s a life – it’s someone’s _life_ , Noiz.”

Noiz couldn’t understand why he didn’t tell Aoba that he wasn’t entirely right. It was not the end of the process yet and Koujaku obviously wasn’t dead so he couldn’t devour him now no matter how much he wanted to. Besides…

“Can you just… leave me alone for a while?” Aoba requested weakly.

Noiz didn’t need to be told twice. Before he closed the door, he was sure that he heard Aoba crying, the sobs now more prominent than when he was in the room.

               

* * *

 

 

They didn’t talk to each other for a few days. Koujaku remained in a coma. Even though he knew that he wouldn’t be able to do anything at this point, Aoba insisted to stop by every day, sitting by Koujaku’s bed and just staring at him. He was completely helpless, he couldn’t even ask the doctors or the nurses about Koujaku’s condition and the least he could do was scan through the daily medical check-up report to make sense of the complicated jargons written on it.

It was exasperating. And he hated himself for that.

Noiz wasn’t in the hospital the entire time he was around, causing Aoba to suspect that he might have given up on his food. But then he shook his head, wiping the thought off his mind as he reminded himself of how persistent the demon could be.

Noiz didn’t seem like a person who’d escaped from things he hadn’t accomplished either. And if his intention was to lure Aoba into this trap, he might as well finish it until the end.

He could never figure out what was on Noiz’s mind. But as of now, that was the least of his worries. Because he didn’t even know what Koujaku’s situation was, and nothing mattered more than Koujaku at the moment.

On the fourth day since Koujaku was hospitalized, Aoba found Noiz in the ward when he stepped into it, immediately causing his eyes to brighten before he scowled and strode hurriedly towards him.

“What did you do?” he asked warily, quickly switching his gaze to Koujaku and giving out a relieved sigh the moment he saw that he was still unscarred and breathing.

“The doctor said that he could be waking up any time soon,” Noiz said with a small tone.

“They called you?”

“I was registered as his friend.”

“…’Friend’, huh?”

It was ironic how demon who had all the intention to kill him was registered as Koujaku’s _friend_ while all his _real_ friend could do was sit and watch everything happen before his very eyes with absolutely no power to help.

With edginess pronounced in his veins, he didn’t notice how different Noiz’s voice had become; how a tiny hint of emotion was hidden within in.

“Why are you so concerned, anyway?” Aoba asked coldly as he slumped on the nearby chair as usual. “You could’ve just waited for him to die then you could happily start your meal. I bet you even know how much life he has left in him now.”

“I do.”

His answer did nothing but enrage Aoba even further.

He wanted to retort, to scream into his face and tell him that he didn’t need to act like he cared if he didn’t, but the small stirring of Koujaku’s finger instantly pushed these thoughts away as he jumped from his seat.

He thought he’d forgotten how to breathe. Koujaku opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times to adjust to the light before he turned his head around.

“Koujaku!” Aoba called out, but the next thing he heard made his heart drop.

“Noiz…” Koujaku said weakly. His voice was hoarse but when Noiz nodded at him, a weak smile quirked at the corners of his lips.

“How are you feeling?” Noiz asked with a flat tone. There was no sign of concern in his voice but Koujaku seemed to know better, his smile widened.

“Powerless.”

“Figures.”

He was happy that Koujaku regained his consciousness, but the fact that he couldn’t even sense that Aoba was near him despite how much he cared about him hurt him badly.

“I’ll get the doctor,” Noiz said briefly, shooting Aoba a quick glance before he left the room.

When Noiz left, Koujaku’s smile vanished, his gaze shifted to stare out of the window instead. The sky was slightly cloudy and it seemed like it was going to rain anytime soon. Aoba followed his gaze but before he could make out what Koujaku was looking at, Koujaku looked away and stared at his own hands instead, which were still heavily bandaged. He tried lifting them, but gave up the moment he realized that they were still useless. Sighing heavily, he sank his head deeper into his pillow, staring vacuously at the ceiling and seemingly thinking of something.

“Koujaku…” Aoba muttered. He knew perfectly well that Koujaku wouldn’t be able to hear him but if there was any chance of reaching out to him, any possibility at all, he would take it, no matter what the cost would be.

“I’m sorry.”

 “I’m sorry.”

Aoba’s eyes widened. Did they just say the same thing at the same time? But Koujaku obviously didn’t notice it as he continued fixing his vision at the ceiling. Aoba couldn’t tell exactly who he was apologizing to, but he had a hunch that it could be him. He remembered Koujaku promising him to cherish his own life, to not take his life for granted no matter what happened. He didn’t know what happened to him but since he apologized with a voice filled with so much guilt like this, it could only mean that he could’ve broken his promise in a way. Aoba should be incredibly angry then. But he knew that he didn’t have the rights to.

Because _he_ broke his own promise as well.

Luckily, Noiz returned with a doctor shortly after, breaking the suffocating atmosphere in the room as Noiz and Aoba retreated out of it. When the doctor came out, Aoba let out a sigh of relief upon learning that Koujaku wasn’t in any danger anymore.

“Thanks for dropping by,” Koujaku said the moment he saw Noiz emerge from the door.

“Do you remember what happened?” Noiz said, obviously ignoring Koujaku’s words.

Aoba stared at him in disbelief. He thought Noiz would’ve known what happened. Or was he asking for _his_ sake? Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, he shifted his attention back to Koujaku, who was now giving Noiz a bitter smile.

“I think I got a bit overheated back in the bar.”

“This is obviously more than just ‘a bit’,” Noiz said with a sarcastic tone.

“Ah… haha, to be honest,” Koujaku said as he scratched his head. “I cannot really remember what happened. All I know is there was this group of troublemakers, you know, the ones who—“

He halted, leaving his words hanging in mid-air. But both Noiz and Aoba knew perfectly well what his remaining words were.

“Keep going,” Noiz urged, pulling a chair from the side to sit by his bed.

Koujaku stared in confusion when he did that, probably wondering why he didn’t sit at the ‘empty’ one beside him, but Noiz was staring so fervently at him that he decided to drop the case.

“I only remember being very angry at them and before I knew it, I was hitting them. Very aggressively. I can’t really remember what I was feeling or what I was thinking back then, my body acted as if it was controlled by something else. And then, one of them drew a blade and started slashing me.”

Aoba shivered; it was horrible to even imagine what had happened. He didn’t even want to think about how Koujaku looked like when he was first brought into the hospital.

“Excuse me,” Noiz said, leaning closer to Koujaku as he picked his right arm up. “Can I?”

“Huh?”

“I need to check on something.”

“Oh,” Koujaku gave out a small sound. “Y-yeah, sure.”

Half of Aoba wanted to stop Noiz in case he was up to something dangerous, but another half of him wanted to know what Noiz had in mind as he watched him slowly push the sleeves out of the way, revealing Koujaku’s scarred hand.

The unusual patterns had him hitching a breath.

“This is from the fight?” Noiz asked quietly, eyeing the dark swirls of patterns carefully as a small frown appeared on his face.

“I’m not sure,” Kouaku said as he joined him in staring at the very pattern on his skin. “I don’t think so.”

“Me neither,” Noiz agreed as he covered Koujaku’s skin with the fabric again, lifting his eyes to catch Koujaku gazing curiously at him. “How are you feeling now?”

“I’m fine,” Koujaku said with a small smile, as if trying to assure Noiz that he was really doing well.

Noiz didn’t say anything after that. While the awkward air spread between them, Aoba spoke,

“Can you ask him to take care of himself better from now on?”

Noiz didn’t even look at him.

“By the way, you should take care of yourself better from now on,” he said to Koujaku. “Aoba would want that.”

“Aoba?” The mention of Aoa’s name evoked an almost exaggerated reaction from Koujaku. “You know Aoba?”

“…we used to hang out,” Noiz said after a brief pause. “We weren’t very close, though,” he continued in order to avoid any suspicion.

“Ah, I see…” Koujaku said. “He never told me about you. But yeah, he’d want that.” He laughed at the end of his sentence, as if laughing at how he needed someone like Noiz to point out such an obvious point.

“He could kind of, you know, worry too much sometimes,” he continued. “But I guess that’s just him being him. He cared too much but well, that’s what so endearing about him, right?”

“Koujaku…” Aoba murmured in spite of himself.

It was weird, hearing someone else commenting about you right in front of you, not knowing that you could hear them.

“I owe him an apology,” Koujaku said.

“Why?” Noiz asked.

“I promised him that I would look after myself better. But then,” he gave out a profound sigh. “I allowed this to happen. If he’s around now, I’m sure he’d shout so loud at him and wouldn’t stop until I’m deaf.”

For a while, all that was audible in the room was Koujaku’s bitter laughter, until Noiz spoke softly, a contrast to Koujaku’s tone.

“It’s not your fault.”

“Huh?... oh, thank you,” Koujaku was taken aback for a moment but he smiled as he ruffled Noiz’s hair, reminding Aoba of how he used to do this to him as well. “I was too blinded by my own wrath to make sense of things. It’s my fault for not being able to control myself better. Aoba warned me a few times about it.”

“No,” Noiz replied firmly, instantly causing Koujaku to withdraw his hand and look at Noiz in surprise.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“The reason why you lost control was because of the intensity of emotions the seed provoked. You would have a better grasp of yourself if not because of me and—“

“Noiz!” Aoba exclaimed, halting Noiz’s word in mid-sentence.

“What are you talking about?” Koujaku asked, a face of confusion. “What seed? What is this all about?”

Noiz paused, seemingly thinking about how to get himself out of this mess he’d created.

“Tell him that it’s an urban legend you heard about possession or something,” Aoba said, a desperate attempt to save Noiz.

“I… I read somewhere that that’s what happens if you’re possessed… or something,” Noiz said slowly, not entirely confident with what he was saying.

“Oh,” Koujaku gaped at him before he let out a garish laugh. “You mean like an urban legend? I wouldn’t know, but maybe you’re right. Maybe I should seek help from an exorcist or something.”

Koujaku obviously wasn’t taking him seriously but that was the least of Noiz and Aoba’s concerns now. At least it had effectively distracted Koujaku from suspecting Noiz.

“If Aoba was around, though,” Koujaku suddenly began. “he would probably say the same thing.”

Aoba felt the familiar stab in his heart again.

“Do you miss him?” Noiz asked before he could stop himself.

“Hm?” Koujaku responded as he stared outside the window again, eyes glazed with consideration. The sky was so dark now; small droplets of rain had started to fall, tapping on the window became a pitter-patter as the soothing sound of rain drowned out every other noise.

“I do. I’ll always miss him.”

It took all of Aoba’s nerves to stop himself from breaking down again.

“But, he would probably want me to move on,” Koujaku continued after a fleeting pause. “I want to. And I will. But he will always stay with me. I will always remember what he taught me.”

Then, he turned back to look at Noiz, who was still wearing an unreadable expression on his face.

“We can’t avoid death. But we can cherish the time while we are still alive. I don’t want all the memories I’ve created with him to go to waste. And by that, I mean that I’ll always remember him, keeping him close to my heart. And I’ll always be grateful that I had the opportunity to meet him in this life. That’s what made our lives so meaningful, don’t you think?”

There was no way Aoba could hold back his tears now. A second later, he finally broke down and started crying into his palms. Noiz lowered his gaze as well, staring into his own hands and considering every word Koujaku had said to him.

“You’re the same,” he said inaudibly. The sound of gushing wind and rain so loud that Koujaku almost missed Noiz’s words.

“Hm?”

“You and Aoba. Both of you said the same thing.”

“He said that to you too?”

Noiz nodded.

“Well, it’s true,” Koujaku chuckled. “If we can’t avoid death, then all we have to do is to make sure that we are living a meaningful life, don’t we? That’s all that matters.” In response to his final words, he reached out to ruffle Noiz’s hair again. “You can do it too. It’s not too late.”

Seragaki brothers were not the only ones who were dangerous, Noiz thought. _This man_ was dangerous too.

“You’re wrong,” Noiz said determinedly as he glanced up to look Koujaku in the eyes. “It’s too late.”

He didn’t bother to clear the confusion he saw on Koujaku’s face before he stood up and dashed out of the room without a second word.       

 


	6. Angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would happen if you start feeling? When suddenly you're gaining all these incomprehensible emotions and suddenly, you don't feel like you anymore.
> 
> Or rather, suddenly, you feel like your world has only just started moving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a smut chapter, and also a turning point. It's probably the largest chapter of the entire story. I hope it makes up for the long wait ;;;
> 
> [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) is, yet again, the best beta <3

He didn’t even understand why he escaped. There wasn’t a need for him to do so. His winced as he strolled out of the hospital and into the garden. Rain fell in insane chaotic drops, the light pitter-patter from before turned into damp thuds as water as cold as ice raced to meet the ground. But the wetness that had soaked all the way to his skin wasn’t part of his concern now as he slowed his pace down and ultimately sat on a bench.

The sound of thunder appeared to be irksomely loud now as it trundled through the area as lightning bolt split the sky, as if threatening to send one to his direction. The coldness seeped through his thin layers of shirt and chilled his skin. Water streamed through his hair, trailing down his neck and dripping on the back of his hand. He could clearly feel the frostiness on his skin; his sensations became so sharp that he could literally tell how many drops of water were running down his body.

It was wrong. Everything was wrong.

He knew it. He was still having trouble acknowledging the truth but when the call came for him telling him that Koujaku was now safe and that he would wake up anytime soon, all he could hear was a proclamation that was telling him loud and clear that he could no longer deny this sense of bliss he felt within his chest.

Aoba was right. He was changing. But since when – he didn’t know.

When he put his mind into it, he thought it could be from since he first met Aoba, because angels were distracting by nature and this time, _this particular angel_ made him go overboard.

Sighing softly, he unconsciously placed his hand against his chest again, still clinging to the tiny hope that what he was feeling now and what he assumed to be happening were simply illusions; that all of these were simply an insensible miscalculation.

That he had _never_ developed emotions in the first place.

He laughed when he noticed that something _different_ had indeed formed within him – something that was the biggest fear of any demon alive.

There was no turning back. This was the end.

“Noiz?!”

He looked up to see a shadow running towards him, ultimately standing right in front of him just to realize that he was looking up at Aoba, who was also wet from head to toe with an agitated look on his face.

“What are you doing?!’ Aoba screamed through the loud sounds of rain and thunder.

Noiz merely looked at him, unresponsive.

“You suddenly ran out like that, I was wondering what happened,” Aoba continued upon realizing that Noiz wasn’t going to answer him.

“Why do you care?” Noiz asked instead. “Wouldn’t it be better if I disappear just like that? Then you would’ve successfully completed your duty and would no longer need to fear for the life of your best friend.”

He knew how cold he sounded – he could see it on Aoba’s face, who was shooting a frown at his direction.

“I care because it’s you!”

He snorted.

“You’re ridiculous, angel,” he said. “You do realize that you’re talking to a demon?”

“I do! I knew it all along but I’ve told you this before and I’ll say it again – you’re not just a demon. You’re Noiz!”

“What difference does that make? It’s just a name. At the end of the day, I’m still a demon.”

“But you’re no longer _just a demon_ , right?”

Aoba’s words made Noiz’s heart drop.

He never wanted to admit the truth. He didn’t know what went wrong but it was clear that he was no longer who he remembered himself to be. He thought he had a good grasp on what was happening but this time, having to face something that he’d never experienced before, it caught him off guard, left him in a state of powerlessness and despair, and all he could do was ponder about what would happen to him from then on, knowing that there was absolutely no way for him to fix this situation he’d landed himself in.

It was even ironic for Aoba to notice it before him, when he was so used to being the one who had always caught Aoba off guard.

“How do you know?” he muttered, crossing his hands and squeezing them snugly, only letting them go the instant he felt _something_ and diverting his attention to stare at the puddle of water in front of him instead.

Aoba took a while to answer, visibly finding his words.

“I guess it’s… the way you do things? You’re more expressive and more… considerate,” he said unhurriedly, sitting beside Noiz as he did.

Noiz released another chuckle.

“How so?”

“I don’t know how to explain. It’s like… maybe you could call it a hunch?” Aoba said, joining Noiz to stare at the same puddle of water before he turned around to look at him. “I can feel it from you. You were really cold when I first met you but now,” pausing, he inched closer, urging Noiz to return his gaze as he continued with a smile. “I can see emotions in your eyes.”

This was the last thing he ever wanted, Noiz thought. How did he manage to land himself in such a dreadful situation?

“Did you notice it yourself?” Aoba hounded. “Since when?”

He didn’t want to remember how petrified he was when he felt heartbeats beneath his chest for the first time. And he didn’t want to remember how he had managed to _touch_ Aoba without burning himself too much.

Reminded of the unpleasant sensations he’d transiently felt from before, he reached out, shifting towards Aoba’s hand which was placed on his lap. He needed assurance; he needed to prove himself wrong.

 _He wanted to know if he was_ really _becoming more human_.

Aoba almost jumped when he felt Noiz’s hand on his. But before he could even slip it out of his grasp, his eyes brightened, he shivered, and suddenly he didn’t know what to do anymore.

It didn’t hurt. Above all, it was very cold and yet, when Noiz gripped it slightly tighter and brought it up to his face, he could even sense the hint of warmth that he had yearned to feel from others ever since he lost his human label.

Noiz took his time to stroke Aoba’s hand, starting from caressing the back of it to carefully pressing harder on the palm. When he traced the outline of his fingers, his mind wiped blank, his rationale overpowered by a sudden hunger that had him bring Aoba’s index finger to his mouth, slowly kissing it, brushing it against his lips before he gave the tip one hard suck.

“N-Noiz!”

Aoba’s voice acted as a warning alarm, freezing his motions. Starkly pushing Aoba’s hand away, he went back to bury his head in his hands.

He couldn’t believe what had just happened. He only wanted to make sure that his speculation wasn’t true but the truth hit him harder than he expected. He was literally _lured_ into the sensation, reminding him of how he tended to act when he was washed with an intense sense of hunger.

When was the last time he ate, anyway? When was the last time he felt hunger as overwhelming as this?

Everything was progressing according to his plan; one he’d made up fantastically to nurture his best food. Everything was on track, except… _himself_.

“Noiz?” Aoba was calling him again, but he refused to look at him. He was experiencing these complicated tousled emotions within him that were trapping his breath within his chest. It was hard to breathe, suffocating even – in every sense of that very word.

Then, he felt a pat on his shoulder, instantly triggering a tremble out of him as he finally locked eyes with Aoba just to see him smiling at him. In that precise moment, he finally understood what went wrong; or rather, what _he_ had done wrong –

 _He encountered a real angel – an angel that had become the end of him_.

He took Aoba’s hand off his shoulder. It was surreal how Aoba’s skin texture felt against him. It’d been decades since he considered the touch of another person, but when he actually felt it now, the feeling was way beyond all his expectations.

He didn’t know what Aoba’s purpose was. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do now to move forward. Standing up, he ignored Aoba’s curious stare and walked out of the garden, then down the street, rain still heartlessly pouring on him.

He knew Aoba was tailing him again. This time, though, he no longer called out to him, merely following him quietly from behind. He could vaguely feel the solitary between them – both wet from head to toe, walking quietly down the pathway, without a word to each other despite being deeply aware of each other’s existence. Aoba probably wanted to say something, but he was obviously refraining himself from doing so. Noiz had stopped thinking at this point; he no longer knew what he should think about, or how he should be reacting.

They walked in silence for almost an hour, until they stopped in front of a house down the corner of the street, not far away from Aoba’s house.

“Is this your house?” Aoba finally voiced out as he stood behind Noiz, glancing at the building in front of him.

Noiz didn’t answer. Instead, he took quick steps towards the front door and, still sensing Aoba behind him, unlocked the door.

He wouldn’t call it his house; he didn’t have much attachment with the place anyway, being a space he stopped by when he had nowhere to go, and even that wasn’t often either. He heard Aoba closing the door behind them, and then there was another moment of silence before Aoba walked warily to stand beside him.

“It’s almost like how I imagined it to be,” Aoba whispered, keeping his voice small as if any volume louder than this would evoke an explosion of some sort. As he glanced around the place, Noiz gazed at him from the corner of his eyes, mesmerized at the way Aoba was showing apparent interest in things he deemed insignificant. His house wasn’t too spacious, just nice to occupy a person. The furniture was basic, and the only conspicuous item in the room was a bed, located at the centre of it and looked like the only most used item in the place. The lightning was dim, yet bright enough to make out every one of the corner of the space, and everything was well kept in where they were supposed to be; nothing seemed out of place, a stark contrast with Aoba’s own room.

“It’s almost like you – simple and quiet,” Aoba continued at long last, turning back to look at Noiz only to see him quickly shifting his gaze away. “Also,” he made quick steps towards Noiz’s bedside table and picked up a green-coloured cube. “This is stealing, brat.”

It was the green cube Aoba had shown him back in his house.

Noiz ignored the accusation as he gave out a disinterested hum, then walked across the room and sat on his bed.

The coldness on his skin was still giving him shivers and he didn’t know what to do about it either. Aoba continued glancing around the place, taking interest in almost everything, his reaction reminded Noiz of himself when they went to _Aoba_ ’s house. It was ironic, really. He wasn’t supposed to bring anyone else to his ‘house’ in the first place but now, he had none other than _actual angel_ in this very space, pacing and looking around without a hint of fear that Noiz could attack and devour him any moment now that he was practically cornered. And not only that – now, he could also _touch_ him as he pleased, the invisible forbidden wall between them crumbled into nothingness.

Hit by that thought, Noiz found himself swallowing down his throat, the heartbeats starting to sound like a wild aggravation. He shook his head, wanting to distract himself before the real urge to devour Aoba could crash upon him.

“…choo!”

Aoba turned around almost immediately, eyes widening at the sudden disturbance of the tranquil space. Noiz just _sneezed_ , which would be more than normal if it was to happen to any other being rather than to the _demon_. The realization caused Aoba to stroll hastily towards Noiz, joining him to sit on the bed and giving him a penetrating yet questionable stare all at the same time.

“You’re going to fall sick at this rate,” Aoba said, calm despite the obvious bewilderment on his expression. “Are you cold?”

Noiz scowled, avoiding eye contact with Aoba again but before he knew it, Aoba was pulling on his wrist, effortlessly making him turn around and meet his eyes.

“You’re feeling it.”

He didn’t need Aoba to spell it out for him. He didn’t need another reminded for the reason of his fear.

“Noiz, you’re—“

“Why did you follow me here?” Noiz interrupted. His throat felt sore – it wasn’t something he’d experienced before and that _burn_ he felt against is throat did nothing but further heighten his terror. “You do know that you’ve just entered demon’s den?”

If this was the last thing he could do, he’d do it. He wanted to know if he could still trigger fear, if he was suitable for the label of being a demon.

“That’s not how it is anymore, you know it yourself.”

But he was failing tremendously and he didn’t want to acknowledge it. He was going to keep trying until this _angel_ in front of him crumbled and started begging him to spare his life.

“I’m a demon, _angel_ ,” Noiz said, now with a solider and almost hostile tone of voice.

“’Was’,” Aoba corrected. “You’re not a demon anymore.”

“I can tear you apart now, right here, before you could even blink.” It was a threat that he said purely out of despair. But Aoba’s strong and determined stare crushed his willpower almost immediately.

“Do it, then,” Aoba said with a voice that was as strong, if not stronger than Noiz’s threat.

Noiz felt his fingers tremble. This was the worst. Before he could make sense of things, he was leaning towards Aoba, his stare boring straight into Aoba’s eyes as he opened his mouth, feeling the shudder on his lips at the same time.

His entire body was shaking.

If he didn’t reaffirm his position now, he was sure that he’d lose himself sooner or later.

“Say, angel.” His voice was small now, almost like a whisper. The scornful tone from before gone, replaced instead by a hint of tease that had Aoba raise a curious brow at him. Noiz purposely stopped his words in mid-air as he raised a hand, reaching out to twirl a few strands of Aoba’s hair and bringing the tips to his lips. “You think you know everything, but there’s one thing you never knew.”

He was expecting to hear a ‘what’ from Aoba but when it never came, he kissed the tips of Aoba’s hair, sniffing in the smell of rainwater before he continued,

“You were supposed to be my food.”

Aoba released a small hitch of breath and Noiz felt a vague sense of triumph upon realizing that he could still draw out that kind of reaction from Aoba. Feeling the confidence gushing back into him, he let go of Aoba’s hair and encircled an arm around his waist instead, pulling him closer in the process before he pressed his wet tongue against Aoba’s neck.

“You’ve been my target all along,” he muttered fervently against Aoba’s skin, smirking at the instant quiver he dragged out of him.

“What do you… mean?”

Aoba’s fear was properly satiating his hunger, even when it was merely a vague bit of it. But it gave him a sense of accomplishment as he dragged his tongue along Aoba’s neck, mingling saliva with rainwater before he glanced upwards to meet Aoba’s wavering stare.

“I couldn’t touch you when you were still alive. Your guardian angel was too protective of you, and he was… unique. So I was no match for him. But,” Noiz sat up a tad, just to send a smirk at Aoba’s direction. “if you were _dead_ , then it would’ve been a whole new story altogether.”

“You mean to say that you…” Aoba gulped, his heart beating stridently in his ears. “…you _killed_ me?”

That wasn’t possible, Aoba thought. He killed himself. He was sure of it.

But Noiz’s silence was a firm agreement.

“Koujaku always thought that it was too unlike you to pour the drink that was obviously poisonous down your throat when you could simply toss it away. You could even _tell_ him about the drink,” Noiz said, as a matter-of-factly. “But you didn’t. Why?”

It was something Aoba had never considered. Now that he thought about it, whatever he had done was done out of pure impulse. But… there were so many options before and like Koujaku had said – there really wasn’t any need for him to drink it.

So _why_ did he do that in the first place?

When he stared at Noiz for an answer, Noiz gave out another smirk.

“That’s because _I_ made you do it,” Noiz answered, his searing breath on Aoba’s cheek, their noses almost touching. “I couldn’t do anything to you with an angel so strong by your side, but if you did it to _yourself_ , then it’d save the trouble.”

“…how…?”

“You know how certain nerves in our brain help us make decisions. And you know how emotions can affect the decisions we make?” Noiz was clearly not waiting for a response because he continued, without a pause. “The more intense your emotions are, the bigger chance there is for me to intrude. Human’s biggest flaw is that they’d be disrupted of their thought process when you throw them into the worst emotional mess. They’d do things out of their pure impulse, forgetting about reasoning and logics, about anything. I’m good at that.” As if giving Aoba time to consider, Noiz stopped for a while before he continued. “I’m good at manipulating emotions, nurturing them into becoming the food I want them to be, remember?”

“Your emotions were raw. You being human was your biggest weakness. You having all these emotions gave me the perfect opportunity to break into your consciousness without you noticing.” Aoba could feel goose bumps all over him as he spoke, his heart beating so fast and hard as if it’d burst out of his chest any second now. “I didn’t do much, though. I merely enhanced that impulse you had, triggering it, blurring your rational thoughts, pushing you towards a corner, towards despair. This is how we are, _angel_ , it’s our nature to bring the worst nightmare to you, to make you believe that there’s no other way but to surrender. _We_ are the worst nightmares to living beings with emotions. We are demons, demons that lure you into a trap, who whisper things that only do us good and cloud your thoughts with things that sound too good to be true.”

“…sweet nothings…”

This explained a lot. Aoba had always regretted his absurd action back then. He never deemed sacrificing himself necessary but the urge to save Koujaku clouded his shrewdness and eventually, causing him to sweep the reasonable voice in his head, surrendering to his desire and falling into this very trap Noiz had set for him. He thought that he should let it go; what was done was done and there was nothing else he could do to erase history. But now that he knew the truth, he felt something else within him, replacing the initial guilt that’d been bothering him for the longest time ever since his death.

It was wrath.

Body completely taking over his mind, he threw a punch at Noiz’s face.

“It’s a human life, Noiz!” he exploded at Noiz, who scowled and massaged the spot on his face where Aoba had just hit him. “How can you treat life so lightly like that?! You… you _killed_ me! Just like that!”

“…just like that, yeah,” Noiz repeated as he shot Aoba a glare. It’s normal, and easy.”

“You…” Aoba was literally shaking in fury now and he had to clench his fists to contain the urge to land another punch at Noiz.

“I can do it again,” Noiz continued, acting as if the _pain_ on his face didn’t matter anyhow. He was succeeding and he didn’t intend to stop right there. Now that Aoba knew the truth, there was no need for him to suppress his intention any further. “I can kill you again,” he said, inching closer towards Aoba and grabbing his wrists to keep him in place. “Then I can eat you, I can…”

He trailed off at the end of his words, his voice trapped in his throat, the sudden surge of guilt suffocating him. As he stared at Aoba, he could see himself in the reflection of Aoba’s eyes, he could sense the outburst of emotions from Aoba… and from himself.

The idea of devouring angels used to be very alluring to him, especially when it came to _this specific angel_ – pure, innocent, clean. But above all, the thought of devouring _this_ angel was even more enticing because this very angel was all he wanted –

\-- because this angel was _lust_.

But now, as intense silence spread between them, he started to feel something else but the need to eat – the warmth of Aoba’s skin on his hands, Aoba’s breathing as he pulled their distance closer, Aoba’s entire existence that was so pure it was intoxicating. And suddenly, he didn’t want any of that anymore. The urge to eat was gradually disappearing; he could no longer imagine himself devouring Aoba, he was no longer gratified by the thought of finally being able to taste his very skin. Above all, he could no longer imagine how it’d feel _losing_ Aoba.

He’s addicted to the overwhelming emotions in Aoba’s eyes, he’s drawn to Aoba’s warmth. He wanted Aoba to scream at him, to call his name with his voice.

He wanted Aoba to be _here_ , by his side, so that he could keep feeling him – so that he could feel alive for once.

He didn’t know how long he had been distracted by his own thoughts and he only snapped back to himself when Aoba called out to him.

“Hey, Noiz.”

Hastily letting go of Aoba, he looked away, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, intending to calm his flooded emotions down.

“I wanted to bring you here so that you could see how different we are,” he muttered, catching Aoba’s shadow at the corner of his eyes when he opened them again. “But I can’t see it anymore. I can’t see the difference anymore.”

His heart skipped a beat when Aoba gave him a comforted smile. Aoba must have noticed his struggle. His wrath from before nowhere to be seen. Noiz thought that the upper hand was his, but being confused about his own identity and his own existence as a whole obviously crushed every willpower within him. He gave up. Aoba was right. He was different now and there was nothing he could do about it. There wasn’t a need to struggle anymore.

“I thought so,” Aoba replied as he placed a hand on top of Noiz’s head. “I saw how you changed from emotionless demon to a person filled with so many emotions now. You still need time to get used to them but this is the first step, it’s a stepping stone in helping you live a proper life.”

Noiz couldn’t help but laugh at himself. There were so many things that Aoba had yet to understand and here he was, trying to make him, the former _demon_ feel better.

Aoba didn’t know what this implied – what demon gaining emotions meant. Aoba didn’t know that he wasn’t joking when he said that demons would be terminated if they gained emotions. Aoba didn’t know how little time Noiz—

“Noiz?”

Aoba’s voice interrupted his thoughts again. Sitting up, he took another deep breath. This angel was too much for him to handle. He shouldn’t be too ambitious in the first place. He shouldn’t even be involved with him. But it was too late now. Not only had he become _too_ involved with Aoba, this particular angel had also affected him in ways he could never imagine, dragging him into a whirlpool of emotions, trapping him in _his_ own trap, and catching him off guard when he least expected it.

It wasn’t hard to figure out what all the emotions he was feeling now meant once he had calmed down. He was just having a hard time admitting it. But the truth about what would happen to him hit him so hard that he realized there was no time for him to hesitate further now.

It was about time he _lived_ , like Aoba had said.

“You once asked me what angel’s task was, what they should do to finally move on.” Aoba’s eyes brightened at the sudden change of topic but he nodded nevertheless, patiently waiting for Noiz to continue. “I can tell you now.”

“An angel has one and only one task – that is to distract the demon from its prey.” He saw Aoba swallow before he let out a smile that was directed at himself. “The trick is to distract the demon so much their focus falls entirely on you. You’ve done it very well.” Picking Aoba’s hand up gently, he lifted it and pressed his lips against the back of it. “You’ve done a good job in distracting me. In fact, you did it too well.”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

The tantalizing gesture was definitely not something Aoba would’ve expected from Noiz. But he knew perfectly well what Noiz meant. He was confused at first – when Noiz told him that his whole intention from the very start was to distract Aoba away from Koujaku, he thought he’d failed his task.

But he was wrong.

“I’m saying that I’ve fallen into my own trap,” Noiz answered, now raising a hand to caress Aoba’s cheek. “I’ve fallen into _your_ trap, angel.”

Aoba didn’t intend for this to happen. Before he knew it, he cared too much for the demon, he cared too much about his whole worldview, he worried too much for him, and he didn’t even realize how happy he was to know that Noiz had gained emotions.

He never realized that he was falling for this demon. He thought it was mere obsession that was stemmed from the need to protect his best friend. But now, it had become something else entirely – he wanted to see more emotions from Noiz; he wanted to be there to witness them, to feel them if possible, to see Noiz grow and smile and be genuinely happy.

He wanted to be there, by Noiz’s side. Not anyone else, but _Noiz_. Because Noiz deserved it so much, and for some reason, he wanted him to be able to _feel_ it, to escape from the cage he’d created for himself – the cage his species had created for him – and to properly _live_.

It was no longer about Koujaku, or himself – it was about _Noiz_.

“You cared too much for me, even though you _knew_ what I was,” Noiz said quietly, the emotions in his eyes so tender now, a huge contrast to what Aoba used to see in them, and it was making him hard to breathe. “You don’t see me as a demon.

“I never did.”

“You’ve made that clear enough,” Noiz chuckled, instantly making Aoba’s insides flutter. “I can feel it. Here.” Noiz led Aoba’s hand to his chest and Aoba’s breath hitched upon feeling the furious heartbeats on his palm. He could feel the steadfast thuds simply through a single touch and he wonder how Noiz felt right now, feeling such an _alive_ sensation beneath his rib cage. It brought tears to his eyes – knowing how _alive_ Noiz was, knowing how he was touching this very proof of _life_ , of Noiz as a real existence, right on his hand.

“Take responsibility, will you?” Noiz said with a grin, an expression so genuine it almost forced the tears out of Aoba’s eyes. “I’ll probably be terminated but at the very least, I want to know how living a real life feels like.”

"You’re serious about that?” Aoba literally had to force his words out of his throat.

“I am. There’s no use for me anymore. Now that I can feel emotions, they’d get in the way for me to make rational decision for the good of our species. From now on, I’ll just be a nuisance.”

Noiz’s words threw Aoba into a state of vulnerability. Sure, he’d wanted Noiz to be able to feel but if that meant costing him his life, then what was the point of doing so?

“It’s mostly my own fault,” Noiz’s voice pulled him back to reality. “My decisions and my ambition backfired on me. I touched a being so pure and so sinful at the same time – a being I shouldn’t have touched from the very beginning. I killed you for that mere purpose, I took away life so precious, life that wasn’t supposed to end then. And now,” Noiz inched his face closer to Aoba, their lips barely touching. “It’s your turn to kill me.”

Noiz’s lips were warm. They lingered on Aoba’s for a few seconds before Noiz pulled away.

“I’m not going to kill you,” Aoba mumbled. “I want you to live.”

Noiz gave him a bitter smile.

“I took your life.”

“That doesn’t mean that I should take yours too. You’re just…” Aoba paused. “You were just doing your job.”

"I wanted to be fed. But I went overboard. I deserve this.” Noiz was still smiling at the end of his words.

“You’re demon, and just like us humans, you need to be fed too,” Aoba replied, stubborn. “I don’t blame you.”

Noiz stared fixedly at Aoba for a while before he gave out a sigh.

“I can never win with you.”

“Because I’m an angel, remember?” Aoba said playfully, grinning as he reached out to pinch Noiz on the nose.

“Yeah,” Noiz agreed with a smile of his own. “You’re _my_ angel.”

Aoba could literally feel his face burning up and Noiz’s smirk told him that Noiz noticed it as well.

“B-by the way,” Aoba said frantically as he carefully traced his fingers on the spot where he had punched Noiz on the face earlier. “I’m sorry about this, does it hurt?”

Instead of replying, Noiz grabbed onto Aoba’s hand, brought it away from his face and pressed the tips of his fingers against his lips as he kissed his fingers like how he did in the garden.

“Hurt?” Noiz said with a light chuckle, murmuring against the tips of Aoba’s fingers. “Maybe. It stings. I’ve never felt this before.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“Oh, and…” Curious of the sudden change of tone, Noiz looked up to see Aoba staring at him.

“What?”

“I know you’re slowly, well, losing your demon status but,” Aoba took a deep breath before he continued. “Do you still have your horns? And your wings?”

“Hmm.” Noiz didn’t seem like he knew the answer himself and before Aoba could even blink, he had spread his wings out, his horns appearing vaguely, then vividly on his head. “Seems like they’re still attached. What about them?”

“No, I…” Aoba stuttered, his eyes now fixed on the huge pair of wings. “Can I… t-touch them? I couldn’t touch them before because it hurt, but can I touch them now?”

Noiz hesitated; he flapped his wings twice before he pulled them closer to Aoba, wrapping them in a bubble-like space as Aoba slowly and carefully caressed the outline of it.

“They’re… hard.” He knew he was stating the obvious. Noiz was staring so passionately at him now Aoba swore his gaze could pierce right through him if Noiz tried hard enough. “They’re so strong.”

“They are.” Noiz didn’t seem to pay attention to where Aoba was touching; all his attention was fixed on Aoba’s intrigued expression. Aoba’s touch on his wings was extremely elusive. Slowly tracing the lines, he seemed to be taking his time to feel every inch of it, tracing an invisible path inside it as he paced a path along the joints. Noiz stayed frozen, too engrossed to even move in case he’d hurt Aoba accidentally. With his actions restrained, all he could do was stare as Aoba leaned closer to take a better look. He was _so close_ to Noiz that the moment Noiz felt him shifting and was almost sitting on his leg, he had to take a breath, realizing that he’d forgotten to breathe.

“There are a few scars here.” Aoba’s breath hit his face as he squinted at the fading wound, barely visible at one of the thin flaps beneath the wing. “You get into fights too, huh?”

“Sometimes.” Noiz couldn’t really hear his voice; all that was in his ears were loud heartbeats. This was the first time he’d seen an angel up close, let alone allowed one to _touch_ him. He could see every detail on Aoba’s changing expressions – the small gasp Aoba let out when he noticed a deeper wound that was obviously not well taken care of, and the small frown that appeared in between his eyebrows when he spotted more of them on other parts of Noiz’s body. He could feel his hands _aching_ to reach out to Aoba, to bring him closer, to press their skin together so that he could properly feel the warmth that he didn’t realize he’d become addicted to.

“Ouch, these are quite sharp.” Aoba was now touching his horns. When he reached the tip of them, he purposely pushed his finger deeper just to feel a small prick of pain before blood dripped out of the light cut.

“Careful,” Noiz said quietly. Before Aoba could check out his own wound, Noiz took his hand in his, shooting the cut a momentary stare. In the next second, that very finger was sucked into his mouth, where Aoba could feel Noiz’s tongue licking on the wound – evoking a yelp out of him – and he quickly held onto Noiz’s shoulder for support before he could lose his balance. It wasn’t before long that he realized that Noiz wasn’t only licking and sucking his blood away, but he was also swirling his tongue around his finger, giving the tip an occasional suck that wasn’t the spot of his wound and eventually sucking in the entire of his finger.

“N-Noiz!” Aoba called out. Noiz only stopped for a while as he gave Aoba a smirk, accompanied by a sharp stare that froze his insides in an instant. Taking his finger out of his mouth, Noiz wrapped his arm around Aoba’s waist instead, pulling him over and guiding him to sit in between his legs.

“You forgot one more thing,” he said intensely. As Aoba waited curiously, his attention was distracted when he saw something flashing past his eyes, reminding him of something awfully familiar.

It was Noiz’s tail.

“O-oh, yeah, you’re right.” He didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to touch the tail but Noiz pulled it out of his reach before he could, his smirk deepening.

“When I couldn’t feel sensations, this is the only place that allowed me to feel a least a vague hint of how sensations feel like,” he said as he stuck out his tongue for Aoba to see before he continued. “And here.”

He teasingly poked Aoba on the nose with the arrow-shaped tip of his tail, effectively drawing a pout out of Aoba before he wrapped his tail around his neck; not tight enough to suffocate him, but just enough to spell his intention out.

“My tail in particular is very sensitive to sensations,” Noiz said as he traced the tip tenderly across Aoba’s face and ultimately stopped near his lips. “If it touches something hot, it’d feel multiple times hotter – something like that.”

Aoba remembered Noiz telling him about this, when they first met. He also remembered how this very tail had pierced through the chest of a person and sucked the life force out of the. He was intimidated by the mere idea of it, but he wasn’t afraid, not when it came to Noiz.

Even though he knew that Noiz could still kill him now, despite already at the verge of losing his demonic nature.

He had yet to touch this part of Noiz. Acting on impulse, he bit on the tip when it got a tad too close to his mouth, instantly feeling Noiz shiver slightly, his hands gripping harder on Aoba’s wrist out of reflex.

“You’re telling me this like you want me to know your weakness,” Aoba teased as an act of revenge.

Noiz returned his taunt with a smirk.

“Maybe I am.”

Aoba chuckled. Then, he licked his lips, one finger pointing at his mouth as he said,

“Be my guest.”

Noiz didn’t need to be told twice; his tail moved into Aoba’s opened mouth as if on signal. The moment he felt Aoba’s tongue on it, he released an instinctive breath, and when Aoba managed to wet the whole tip and sucked a little bit too hard, Noiz literally had to bite his lips to contain the sudden rush of ecstasy that conquered his entire body.

He’d encountered lust before, but not to this extent.

Noiz wanted nothing more than for Aoba to continue doing what he was doing to him now, but there was something that Aoba needed to know first. Finding the right time was tough, but perhaps there wasn’t a right time at all. So he leaned in to kiss Aoba on the cheek, then on his neck, licking it slowly to taste every inch of Aoba’s skin as he traced his tongue across it, ultimately stopping at his ear.

“Hey,” he whispered into Aoba’s ear. Shivering in reaction, Aoba stopped. Carefully pulling his tail out of Aoba’s mouth, Noiz wrapped him in a tight embrace and took another few seconds simply to feel Aoba’s warmth spreading across his chest before he started talking again.

“You never asked why I targeted you.”

Aoba probably never thought so far ahead. He was still new to this world after all, still new to how everything worked and he probably had yet to understand what was right and wrong in this reality. But Noiz felt that Aoba needed to know. It was only fair

“Because I’m lust?” Aoba made a cautious guess. But soon, he chuckled, placing a hand behind Noiz’s head and patted it lightly. “Or maybe there’s more to that? Do you want to tell me about it?”

Aoba’s response was one that he’d never expected. He laughed quietly to himself. He could never predict what Aoba would do or say anyway.

Aoba was always out of his reach, in his own way. Just like how he’d never expected to see Aoba again after what he’d done to him almost a hundred years back.

“You’re right. You’re lust,” Noiz admitted, feeling Aoba hugging him firmer. “You’re my favourite food.”

“Haha… Bingo.” He could literally hear Aoba’s weak laugh in his tone. “I remember you telling me about it. I’m just curious how I managed to turn into a sin – into lust, at that.”

“You were lust from the very beginning,” Noiz didn’t answer his question at all, but Aoba caressed his head nevertheless. None of this mattered anymore. Noiz wasn’t going to devour him and – surprised with himself – he didn’t feel the slightest hint of fear even when he was literally in the hands of a century old demon now. “There’s only one time that I had tasted lust. Maybe it’s some sort of comeback aimed at me.”

He was going somewhere with this, Aoba was sure of it. A weird stir of emotion raised within him, his nerves petrified while he waited for Noiz to continue – to break the truth at him.

“It was almost a hundred years ago when I first ate. And ironically, my first food was lust. Makes me wonder if it’s true that people get attached to their first love, even though I never planned to fall so hard for you.”

…What?

“That ‘lust’ was you.”

Aoba almost wanted to take back what he just thought.

“When I first saw you again recently, I knew you were reborn but I didn’t know how it happened. Consumed souls weren’t supposed to be reincarnated. They were supposed to be gone forever. Then I thought, perhaps I didn’t do a good job when I ate you before after all. Perhaps in a corner of my lost heart, I still preserved a small sense of sensibility that was stopping me from doing so. I put you through a cycle of torture again and now,” Noiz paused and separated their hug as he looked into Aoba’s wavering gaze. “you’re here again to destroy me. I thought I’d finally eat you once and for all.”

This was too much for Aoba to consume in one day. If Aoba was to summarize all this, it literally meant that Noiz had been after him all this while – for a century, regardless if he was conscious of it or not.

It was like a wheel of destiny, or like an unbreakable cycle. At the end of the day, they found their way back to each other. For what purpose, they didn’t know. Probably to settle matters that were left in the dark; or maybe, this time, they’d have to face what life had in store for them once and for all – tying all the hanging knots, facing their life as who they really are.

“Why are you telling me this?” Aoba asked.

“I think it’s just fair.”

“It probably wasn’t me,” Aoba retorted. “It was probably someone that looked like me.

“No, it wasn’t,” Noiz responded almost immediately. “I remember the scent. It’s not something I can forget easily, especially not when it’s stuck with me ever since I first ate.”

“It’s not the same,” Aoba replied firmly. “I’m not the same as before. I could be the same lust you’re looking for. But in this life, I’m Aoba, no one else.”

 Noiz was slightly taken aback by the strong reaction he’d drawn out of Aoba, but then he smiled, leaning forward to kiss him on the lips before he said,

“You’re right.”

"The Noiz I know now is not going to eat me, right?” Aoba asked cautiously, gaze wavering as he wrapped his arms around Noiz’s neck.

“I’m not,” Noiz said. “I can’t deny the fact that the urge to devour you is still very strong, but I’m not going to kill you. I want you to live. And you made a promise with me, remember?”

“Indeed,” Aoba broke into a bright smile, relief visible on his face. “I promised to show you how beautiful this world is.”

It wasn’t necessary after all, Noiz thought. As they were caught in passionate kiss once again, he thought that perhaps he was really thinking too much, that the past should remain as a past and that he wouldn’t betray Aoba this time – and that this time was finally the time for them to properly confront each other’s feelings, regardless of what was to happen to either of them.

It might be the end for Noiz and even for Aoba, but for both of them, it could also just be another turn of their wheel of destiny; it was their second chance to open up a door of possibilities.

And with the very limited time both of them had left, Noiz wanted to try it. Just like Aoba had said, he wanted to try how to be _human_ , how to be species he longed to be.

Aoba gave out a small moan when his tongue accidentally hit Noiz’s sharp canine. It wasn’t painful enough to draw blood but the numb sensation he felt on his tongue sent a shiver all over him as he clung harder onto Noiz, the strength in his knees leaving him bit by bit as intense heat pooled in his gut. He could feel Noiz’s tongue licking at every corner of his mouth, frequently tangling his tongue with his own as saliva dripped out of his mouth.

This could be a very dangerous act, Aoba thought in between breath-taking kisses. Noiz had openly told him that Aoba was lust, and that he was his favourite food. And he knew that Noiz didn’t completely lose his demonic instincts yet. Everything Noiz had told him until now could just be another round of sweet nothings – another one of those traps Noiz had used on many others just so he could _devour_ him. He supposed to be more cautious, but he couldn’t. Because deep within, he knew that Noiz wasn’t just a demon anymore. He was also _Noiz_ – someone Aoba had come to like.

He trusted Noiz. Even if he were to be devoured now, it would be fine. Noiz had changed because of him; his life would no longer be the same. Even though it may be true that Aoba’s absurd actions could potentially lead Noiz to losing his life, it didn’t matter anymore.

 _Nothing_ mattered anymore.

Because simply being alive was not living. And he wanted Noiz to understand that – to know that there was so much good to life than just a game of prey and predator.

Noiz’s embrace was warm. Aoba wondered if Noiz could feel the same warmth he was feeling now; he wondered if he could get used to this new sensation he was experiencing. He wondered if these sensations were scaring him or if it was pleasing him, or if he was completely enticed by it. He couldn’t stop the thoughts in his head, even when Noiz started leaving wet trails along his neck, and even when Noiz slipped his hand under his clothes to touch his bare skin. All that he felt was a sense of gratification, of _happiness_ that was slowly engulfing him from the inside.

“I want to feel you.” Noiz’s voice was right beside his ear, echoing in a heated whisper that had Aoba’s body temperature increase to an alarming rate. “I’ve never touched an angel like this before.”

“Is it just because I’m angel that you’ve gained interest in me?” Aoba asked in between soft pants. But Noiz was giving him a smile, before he felt warm and wet lips pressing against his jawline, trailing up to his lips before Noiz sucked on his bottom lip.

“I have indeed been craving to touch an angel – a being so pure that it’s almost sinful to taint. I always wonder how it’d feel to hold one in my hands. Would they burn? What kind of expression they’d show me? But more importantly,” he halted to enfold his hand around the back of Aoba’s neck, another hand encircling around Aoba’s waist, pulling him closer until no air was allowed to pass between them. “You’re my angel now. You’re Aoba and you’re special. It makes me want you more.”

It was dangerous, Aoba concluded. He was falling into Noiz’s trap – his sweet nothings – but there was nothing he could do about it. Noiz was being so honest with him and it was too late for him to pull out of this addictive game. As a response, he trailed his finger along the outline of one of Noiz’s horns, feeling the rigid sensation against his skin until he reached the front of Noiz’s hair, where he gently twirled a few of the blond-coloured strands – a contrast of sensation – before he pressed his palm against Noiz’s face and finally, returned Noiz’s intense stare with a sincere one of his own.

“Feel me all you want,” he said, then burying his head against the place where Noiz’s neck and shoulder met, wrapping both of his arms around Noiz’s torso, hugging him so firmly that Noiz could literally feel his heartbeats against his chest. “Tell me about it – tell me how good it is to finally feel another’s warmth.”

If only he had a chance to experience the feeling of another’s heartbeats against his chest before, Noiz would probably not feel so overwhelmed with his own emotions now. It was becoming difficult for him to control that almost wild instinct within him. Every one of his nerves was pumping, _raging_ , he could literally feel the desire flowing through his body – the desire to sink his teeth into the skin of this very beautiful creature, to leave marks on him and proclaim him as his, to feel every part of him and make him feel the same until he was so lost in pleasure that he forgot who he really was.

“You’re too good at seducing me,” Noiz chuckled.

“My task is to distract you, isn’t it?” Aoba replied, clear tease present in his voice.

 “Indeed,” Noiz agreed. Not before long, he was pulling on Aoba’s shirt, his impatience clear as day, and Aoba could do nothing but surrender to his will. “Do it until the end, will you?” Noiz smirked as gazed down at Aoba, who was now completely shirtless and laying on the bed like a sacrifice waiting for his destiny to fall upon him.

“I’ll gladly do so,” Aoba smiled as he opened up his arms for Noiz. “Come here.”

He couldn’t remember when was the last time he’d felt so aroused. He wouldn’t be surprised if Noiz had intentionally enhanced the _sin_ in him – doing what he did best – but it didn’t matter. Having a demon, complete with a huge pair of wings and a pair of horns alongside a very seductive tail hovering over him was something too intimidating yet too alluring for him to reject. He could see the outline of Noiz’s wings under the weak source of light in the room; he could see how they blocked out the moonlight that was pouring in, leaving only a big shadow that made making out Noiz’s expression difficult. But soon, his view was replaced by a pair of striking lime-green orbs that effectively hauled him into a whirlpool of indescribable passion.

“What are you thinking? Do you regret going this far with me?” Noiz whispered zealously in his face, but Aoba countered his insecurity with a smile and shook his head.

“Not really, I’m just thinking how impossibly beautiful a demon can be.”

“Beautiful? Me?” Noiz was almost laughing – Aoba could tell how he’d been supressing it from his voice.

“You are,” Aoba reached out and slid his finger around Noiz’s eyes, gaze boring deep into each other. “I can perfectly understand how you lured your food into your trap now.”

“I didn’t do anything to you this time,” Noiz said almost immediately, as if trying to defend himself, as if trying to tell Aoba that his actions and whatever he was trying to do next were all sincere impulses.

“I know,” Aoba smiled lightly. “I’m attracted to you, Noiz. I understand my own emotions the best, and I can tell that what I’m feeling here now,” he paused to bring Noiz’s hand to his heart, letting him feel the heated heartbeats from beneath his chest as how he’d felt Noiz’s earlier. “is all genuine feelings I hold towards you.”

Noiz wanted to tell Aoba that _Aoba_ was perfectly capable of luring him into his trap as well, but he decided to respond by pressing his lips against Aoba’s, capturing him in a passionate kiss that had him gasping for air. Noiz’s actions were slightly more assertive this time, telling Aoba just how much he wanted him. His restraints were taken off; his raw instincts making all the decisions for his body. It was exactly what Aoba wanted – he wanted to feel Noiz’s _lust_ , to make Noiz expose his emotions in front of him. He wanted Noiz to know how good it’d feel to _feel_.

Noiz gave his upper lip a provocative lick after they broke their very desperate kiss. Wiping the corner of his mouth with a thumb, he straightened up, standing with his knees to take in the sight of Aoba’s red and completely aroused face, before he trailed the tip of his tongue across his cheek, cleaning the trail of saliva dripping from the corner of Aoba’s mouth to his neck. Then, as if savouring the taste of Aoba’s skin, he left more wet trails along Aoba’s neck, licking on the sweat that had started to form on his skin, sucking intermittently on the side where he deemed to be the most sensitive and grinning hungrily when he saw _his_ marks started forming on Aoba’s pale skin.

Aoba felt as if he was being pinned on the bed, his nerves disobeying him, his brain stopped functioning. Completely abandoning the idea of moving even a bit, he clutched powerlessly on the sheets, breathing open-mouthed as he caught sight of the apparent desire in Noiz’s eyes. Suddenly, Noiz lurched forward as if triggered, scrapping his canines along Aoba’s throat, then gave it a hard suck that was quickly replaced with a hungry lick.

“This is dangerous, angel,” Noiz said at long last, teasingly swiping the place bruising mark on Aoba’s throat with the tip of his tongue. He looked up at Aoba, chin resting on his chest and one hand brushing the tangled strands of Aoba’s hair. “You’re triggering my desire to devour you. Badly.”

Aoba took a few seconds to regulate his breathing before he intertwined his fingers with Noiz, feeling a contrast of texture that was his hair and Noiz’s coarse skin at the same time.

“But you won’t, right?” They’d talked about this just minutes ago. Aoba trusted Noiz, and especially when he’d come to understand how Noiz felt towards him now, there was no way Noiz would harm him.

The corners of Noiz’s lips curved into a smirk, licking on his upper lip, reminiscing the sensation of Aoba on his skin before he shot Aoba a suggestive stare.

 “Who knows?” Leaning forward, he nipped frivolously on Aoba’s neck, the part where he’d left mark, before he mumbled against his skin. “I might not be able to control myself this time.” Proving his words with actions, he kissed all the way down to Aoba’s chest, stopping near his nipple before he looked up again and gave Aoba yet another provocative grin. Aoba had to grip harder on the sheets to contain his moans when Noiz took a mouthful of his nipple in and twirled around the sensitive bud with his tongue. “You’re too sinful, angel. You’re so filled with lust. You’re my _favourite food_.”

 Aoba didn’t know what Noiz wanted to achieve with this. Was he trying to intimidate him? Was he trying to make him regret this?

Or was he trying to draw _something else_ out of him?

“Try me.” He chose the former assumption. Stroking Noiz’s hair with feather-like touches, he continued. “Try checking if I’m _really_ your favourite food.”

Noiz obviously accepted the challenge because in the next second, he sucked Aoba’s nipple even harder, causing Aoba to arch his back and give out a loud moan. But his moan was quickly drowned away from he found Noiz’s tail inching close to his face. Acting on impulse, he grabbed the tail in front of him, brought it to his mouth and sucked the tip just as hard as Noiz sucking on his nipple.

He heard Noiz _groan_. Gratified, he pushed the tail deeper into his mouth, rolling his tongue around the length and putting in as far as he could as he felt Noiz stop his movements. He wanted to take a look at how aroused the demon was now – he wanted to see how the once predatory eyes were masked with a layer of desire.

“You’re testing my limits, aren’t you?” Noiz said between heavy pants. “You’re really not afraid at all.”

Aoba released the tail with a loud pop.

“Isn’t this your intention for telling me about your tail in the first place?” He was aiming a smirk at Noiz’s direction but he wasn’t sure if he was succeeding, considering how close he was to losing himself. All it would take was a simple trigger from Noiz.

Noiz merely let out a smirk, mimicking his own.

“That’s it,” Noiz said, playfully poking the arrow-like tip of his tail against Aoba’s cheek before he pulled it away. “You hit it.”

“Hit what?”

 Noiz paused, then sent him a sharp stare that had cold sweat running down his spine.

“My limit.”

The tail disappeared out of sight shortly after, but Aoba didn’t need to wait for too long to know exactly where it had gone to. He had to bite his lip to contain the moan that almost broke past his lips. Staring in bewilderment as Noiz striped every layer of clothing off his body, Aoba swallowed down his throat, trying to memorize the position of scars he found on the demon’s skin, trying to remember how slender this man was, despite being in the position of one of the most fearsome creatures he’d ever encountered. His curiosity overtook his embarrassment and all that was left within him was the intensity to know _more_ , including what else could this very demon do to haul him completely off his composed self.

He shuddered instinctively upon feeling the tip of that very tail drawing circles around his hole. It was still wet with his saliva from when he’d sucked on it. He wanted to take a glimpse but Noiz’s hand was on his chest, pinning him down firmly on his bed, restricting his movements. He could only imagine what the tail was trying to do now.

“Is this your first time?” Noiz asked. Aoba didn’t even realize his face was so close to his and he felt his breath trapped in his lungs when he saw the pair of lime-green eyes staring straight into his.

“You mean… doing it with a man? Yeah,” Aoba admitted. He wasn’t too experienced when it came to sex in general, but it wasn’t his first time having sex anyway. However, when it came to having sex with another man… this was, indeed, his first time.

And it had to be a demon.

“Hmm, so I’m your first, huh?” Noiz’s hum sounded amused. “I need to be careful with you then.”

Aoba cried out at the slight pain he felt when more than just the tip of the tail made past the tight ring of muscles, his head falling back as he almost passed out from the sudden intrusion. He was sweating all over, and he was breathing so heavily that it was starting to suffocate him. As if to calm him down, Noiz caressed his cheekbones with his thumb, then kissed the tears that almost fell off the corner of his eyes before he said,

“Does it hurt?”

Aoba took a few calming breaths before he finally managed to answer.

“It feels… strange, but I’m fine.”

Noiz let out a dainty smile as he wiped the sweat off Aoba’s forehead.

“You’ll get used to it. Tell me if it’s too much for you.”

Aoba knew he would. And he wanted to. So he nodded, his hand finding its way to Noiz’s wings as he gently stroked the smooth sturdiness of their black surface. When Noiz pulled his tail out and pushed in again, this time, more cautious and visibly gentler, Aoba moaned openly, searching support as he enveloped his pair of hands around Noiz’s broad back. He couldn’t remember when he started to plant kisses all over Noiz’s face, rubbing on his skin and inhaling the scent of arousal before he bit on Noiz’s earlobe, drawing a tethered breath out of the demon.

“Noiz…” he called out insipidly, still clinging onto him while Noiz continued thrusting his tail in and out of Aoba in slow motions.

“Hm?”

“How do you feel?”

He remembered how sensitive Noiz’s tail was, and he could only imagine how it’d feel to have it buried inside someone else’s body.

Had Noiz done this before, though?

“Warm,” Noiz returned with a hoarse voice. “Feels good.”

Aoba managed a relieved smile. Burying his fingers into Noiz’s soft strands of hair, he sensed the alarming increase of desire in the demon when Noiz started to nip and lick his ear shell, his free hand gliding across Aoba’s body and fingers twirling on his nipple every so often. The pain he’d experienced when he received his first thrust gradually turned into a faint sense of pleasure that rocketed straight into his groin. Now that he was no longer distracted by the initial weird feeling inside him, his attention focused on where the tip of the tail was hitting various points of his inner walls, as if looking for something. Occasionally, it’d make its way further inside, until Aoba gave out a cry that Noiz would carefully pull it away. This small gesture reacted as a huge reassurance for Aoba, telling him that despite being so blinded with his own lust, Noiz was still looking after him.

It took a few more painstaking thrusts before Noiz stopped, leaving Aoba with curt emptiness as he looked up just to meet Noiz’s misty eyes. He had a dark flush on his cheekbones, his stare sharp with irises that glistened with unmistakable restrained desire. He saw Noiz’s swallowing again, then, Noiz grasped him on the waist, keeping him in place before he hovered over to kiss him on the forehead.

“You ready?” he whispered, and Aoba nodded in response. For some reason, having the tail in him made him feel light-headed, as if he’d lost sense of time and place. Reading the question on his face, Noiz lifted a smirk and grabbed a bottle from the bedside table, which Aoba recognized as lube. “There’s something else my tail can do,” Noiz responded, coating two of his fingers with the liquid.

Aoba didn’t even need to ask what _exactly_ it was.

“It enhances the sin in the person I am to devour, bringing the best out of it.”

That explained everything – the impulsive spasm of ecstasy within him that he never knew existed, the abrupt desire that had him wanting Noiz so much more than he thought he would. It wasn’t something he was familiar with. If Noiz was right about him being ‘lust’, then that could only mean that whatever Noiz had enhanced within him was his _desire_ for pleasure.

“And you said you didn’t do anything to me,” Aoba teased as a final resort to portray his pride before it fell apart before his very eyes. “You’re literally feeding me with aphrodisiac.”

Instead of responding him, Noiz brought his fingers to Aoba’s hole and pushed one of them in, positioning it beside his tail.

“But it feels good, right?” Aoba released an instant moan the moment Noiz pushed his finger deeper, the lust written across his features clear as day. “You wanted me to confirm if you’d make a good food for me. I’m just doing what you requested of me. Besides,” Noiz pushed a second digit into him, causing Aoba to cry out loud. “I want to see your face when you lose yourself and…” All his actions paused, taking his time to gaze at the way Aoba was breathing heavily, cheeks tinted red. “…entrust everything of yours to me.”

Sure, he no longer had the urge to devour this angel for real. But the idea of seeing him losing himself in his very hands was an idea so tempting, even more enthralling than to taste him in his very mouth.

“Now then, _angel_ ,” Noiz purposed emphasized as he pulled out both of his fingers along with his tail and pushed them deep into him in one thrust. “Let’s see how delicious a pure yet lustful being like you can—“

Noiz didn’t even get to finish his words before Aoba sat up and caught him in a desperate kiss. Clinging onto Noiz’s neck, he plunged his tongue into his mouth, sucking hungrily on his tongue and moving his hips as Noiz dived his tail and fingers deeper inside him. It felt good; in fact, insanely good. He wanted to feel more, more, and _more_ – that was the only thing that was in his mind as he started sucking hard on every part of Noiz’s skin that he could reach.

He almost thought that he’d come right then and there; Noiz continued stretching and spreading him wide as he continued jerking down onto his tail and fingers with strength that he didn’t know he possessed. His vision completely white, every nerve in his body and every part of his skin screamed with unrestrained want. He couldn’t even form proper words when Noiz pulled everything out of him, leaving him in a state of daze for only a fleeting moment before he felt something better, something _harder_ pushing its way into him.

The only word he managed to choke out was Noiz’s name, his nails sinking into Noiz’s back, drawing blood. When Noiz pulled out and immediately pushed deeper and harder into him, he swore he almost passed out from the overpowering surge of intense pleasure that had attacked his entire being. It was as if something scorching was smearing his inside, attacking his veins, contaminating his blood, _transforming_ him into a whole different being. If that wasn’t enough to almost send him over the edge, the warmth he felt on his dick when Noiz wrapped his hand around it made him scream out loud.

“Heh, so this is the real you, _angel_ ,” Noiz’s voice was low and husky in his ear. It sounded distant but it went straight through his heart. “You’re sucking me in so deep. And you’re so…” Noiz gave Aoba a quick kiss on his closed eyes before he continued. “…you’re so _warm_ inside.”

He didn’t know what made him happier – Noiz experiencing warmth and genuine ecstasy, or _himself_ experiencing those very same thing; the sensations he’d missed ever since he became a different being. As he got hit by another thrust that went through his body like an electric shock, he decided that it was probably because they were sharing mutual feelings that was making this lovemaking process so much more gratifying. Before he knew it, Noiz had started stroking his dick, smearing his own precum along the length just to heighten the pumping speed while he rocked his hips back against Noiz’s cock, burying it deeper and guiding Noiz to hit the right, perfect spot in the process.

He was almost there – he could feel it coming. Noiz seemed to have noticed it as well because then he was sinking his teeth into Aoba’s neck, biting it hard enough to draw blood this time as he slurped on it with a satisfied hum.

“N-Noiz—“ As soon as Noiz hit his prostate, pressing his finger against his slit teasingly in the process, Aoba shrieked, only able to choke out the first half of his name as the rest of his voice became trapped in his throat. His hips stuttered, Noiz’s licking on his blood alongside the vulgar slurping sound sent him into a full-body shiver.

“You taste good,” Noiz panted. Aoba could make out that he was smirking at him again from the dazed corner of his eyes. “It’d be a waste to eat you up just like that.”

By now, Aoba was already far too gone to make sense of what Noiz was saying. He drew a distance between them just so he could cup Noiz’s face in his hands. And at that very instance, Noiz had to grasp _hard_ on Aoba’s torso to stop himself from coming then and there.

“I want to… see your face.”

Never had he met someone who could still smile so genuinely in the heat of sex; the smile Aoba was wearing now was nothing Noiz had seen before – he looked so happy and so sinfully innocent at the same time it had Noiz feel guilty for a slight second.

He was totally defeated. He touched a being too pure to be tainted, and now he had to taste his own remorse.

He was pumping on Aoba’s more impatiently now, speeding up his thrusting pace at the same time as he heard Aoba’s voice turn louder in response, eyes sliding shut and back arching. He used the remaining strength of his hips to thrust back, causing Noiz to hit him in the hilt.

“Noiz, I—“ He didn’t even allow Aoba to finish his sentence. He was completely consumed by pleasure and warmth he’d never felt before, and as he pulled Aoba over for a deep kiss, the dampness he felt on his face that he knew were Aoba’s tears made him wonder if the meaning behind hem was the same as the one he saw in the hospital.

Was Aoba truly happy now? Was he really fine with how things had turned out between them now?

When they finally hit their limit, Noiz closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Aoba’s naked, sweaty body, worshipping the warmth of Aoba’s skin as he felt their bodies vibrating from all the pleasure. It was then that he felt a burning sensation on his hands, on the parts where his skin came into contact with Aoba, reminding him awfully of when they first touched each other. And he opened his eyes just to have his breath being taken away at the sight.

At first, all he felt was fear; then, he found himself staring in awe. Because was he saw in front of him was a scene too beautiful for him to comprehend.

In his hands was angel, who had his head resting on Noiz’s shoulder, the intense orgasm he’d just experienced taking the remaining of his stamina away.

But he wasn’t just another, ‘ordinary’ angel anymore.

He’d just achieved awakening, weak gleam of glow emitting from his being, the sparks from his back making it hard for Noiz to keep his eyes open. At this moment, Noiz finally understood why Aoba could distract him so easily like that, and how he found himself so helplessly allured to this very being.

And not even getting involved with someone as emotionless as Noiz could stop him from being so… _beautiful_. The bright, clean and white pair of wings had told him so; the contented, innocent smile he wore on his face as he murmured Noiz’s name with his head leaning against Noiz’s body was a clear evidence.

And at that precise moment, Noiz knew that he had officially lost his demon title.

To this angel of his.

 


	7. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When they first met, Noiz was barely mature, just a young demon who knew nothing about the world.  
> And Aoba never knew that their first acquaintance would change both of their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This entire chapter was a chapter of the past.
> 
> Once again, I'm very sorry for the slow update but I hope this chapter makes up for the wait :3
> 
> Cover photo by the wonderful [Vian](http://just-tyrannical.tumblr.com/). Please send love ;w;

The year was 1900.

It was a year of building, reconstructing, and a year of discovery.

Stepping out of the train, Aoba took speedy steps towards the nearest shelther he could find, stopping under the train station’s roof before he turned around to look at the dark, thick smoke swirling up to the sky. The weather was unbearably warm, clear sweat trickled down his cheeks as he scowled.

The train ride fatigued him. If he hadn’t been summoned to this land for a huge sum of money he’d reject it without a second thought. But he needed the money; his family was waiting for him in Japan and he was the only person they could rely on thanks to their very strategic location in a unremitting war zone.

With a sigh, he wiped the sweat off his face with a handkerchief, adjusting his grip on the luggage – an old brown clothed bag – he was carrying before he made his way out of the station.

The atmosphere around him was an invigorating change for him. He’d never been in this part of the world before. Constantly ogling at the lavish items around him, he looked around, dumbfounded at how _different_ people could be despite living on the same planet. It was then when he noticed that _he_ was, in fact, the different one here, regardless of how he felt now. A few passers-by pointed at him, speaking in a language that he didn’t understand as he lowered his head, hurried his pace and pulled out a map.

“Hmmm,” he mumbled, attempting to read the foreign landmarks. “If I walk straight…” he said, moving his legs as if following the trails on the map. “…I should be able to see a clock tower…” He looked up, the clock tower was right in front of him. Smiling radiantly, he shifted his gaze back to the map. “From here, I’d need to turn right, then head out of the town…?”

He continued following the map. Soon, he found himself away from the city buzz and into an unobtrusive pathway that led him to an outskirt area with little to no people around.

It was surprisingly easy, he thought as he felt weight lifted off his chest. He admitted that he was hesitant when the offer came knocking on his doorstep but eventually, he gave in, realizing that the money he’d been offered could probably feed his family for the next three decades.

It had been a while since he was assigned for a serious exorcism task anyway.

Aoba was a prominent exorcist in Japan, whom many knew for his powerful incantation that had sealed many demons – both the fearsome ones and the new-borns. In fact, he was one of the most trusted exorcists alive. He shouldn’t have problems with finding a way to make a living, but sayings like demons and exorcism still appeared like a myth to many, making it hard to believe even when supernatural beings were roaming freely right in front of them.

He was able to survive with buckets of money he’d earned from his two years of exorcism, but the wealth was slowly but surely running out and this overseas offer came right in time to replenish it.

He shouldn’t even hesitate at all, but he couldn’t dismiss how strenuous it’d be for him to travel half a globe, into a place he had zero clue of, and having to waste half of his wealth simply to get here.

The thought elicited a sigh out of Aoba. After all the money he’d spent on this, there was no way he’d allow himself to return empty-handed.

He’ll annihilate the demon once and for all.

 

Aoba was eighteen when he first met the barely grown demon; he stood before him, without intention to keep his demonic features out of sight. All Aoba did was gaze at him, scrutinizing the small wings behind his back, the tiny horns on his head, and the long, active tail that was waving menacingly at him before he squatted, meeting the demon’s stare upfront and giving him a smile.

“Do you know how to go here?” he asked, pointing at the spot on the map, marked with a big red cross.

The young demon looked like an eight-year-old child from his appearance but Aoba learned enough about the demon’s world to know that he was probably ten times the age of his appearance. Still smiling at him, Aoba waited while the child-demon continued giving him an intense stare, seemingly without the intention to help him.

It was two minutes of awkward silence later that Aoba finally kept the map away and stood up.

“I guess I have to figure it out on my own way then,” he said, and was about to leave when the demon child pulled onto the hem of his kimono.

He stopped. Looking down at the child, he realized that the other was still staring at him, as if trying to say something.

“What is it?” he asked. The perpetual silence of the demon child made him suspect that the demon was unable to speak after all.

  “…where are you going?”

But that thought was swept clean off his mind when the demon started talking.

“I’m going to a house,” he answered, squatting again to meet the same eye level of the demon.

“Why?”

He didn’t want to tell him that he was going there to terminate his species; so instead, he smiled at him again.

“I have a job there.”

The demon child looked at him, now with obvious curiosity in his eyes.

“What is your job?” he asked, and Aoba couldn’t help but give out a bitter smile. Sure, he was an exorcist, but ironically, he still believed that demons shared the same level as humans – if there were corrupted humans, then there would be ferocious, good-for-nothing demons out there too, and vice versa.

 He still believed that there were demons who, if taught well, could do well for the world as well.

And that was his first impression towards this barely mature, young demon.

"I terminate evil beings,” Aoba said jokingly.

“Oh,” the young demon considered for mere seconds before he let go of Aoba’s clothing, and Aoba was surprised to see him wear a devilish smirk on his face.

He needed to remind himself that this was still an eighty-something-year-old demon, despite how young and deceptive his appearance could be.

“Aren’t you going to terminate me then?” the young demon said. “I’m sure you can see these,” he continued, waving his tail in front of Aoba on purpose. “And I’m sure you know who… or rather, _what_ I am too.”

Aoba was slightly taken aback by the response but he quickly put a smile back onto his face before he ruffled the young demon’s hair.

“Of course I know,” he said with a cheeky smile, causing the demon to scowl at him. “I’m looking at a brat that has yet to see the world.”

This time, it was the demon’s turn to gape at him as he swept Aoba’s hand off his head.

“I’m a hundred-year-old demon,” he gritted through his teeth, which did nothing but induce a laugh out of Aoba.

“Sure, _demon_ ,” Aoba said, standing up and tidying his clothes before he turned his back and continued walking down the path. He’d spent too much time here and he was already late for his appointment.

 

After spending a lot of time asking around and poking at different bushes, he finally found his way to the house, its splendour making his jaw drop.

“He’s been here for a few months already,” the owner of the mansion told Aoba. “It’s disturbing the peace of the house.”

“I can imagine,” Aoba replied out of courtesy. “Can you explain to me exactly what has he done in the house? Did he attack you directly?”

"He didn’t,” the owner was quick to respond, sparking more questions in Aoba’s head. “It’s just disturbing to know that our house has been invaded by such a filthy being.”

Aoba wanted so much to throw a few sardonic comments at the person in front of him but he swallowed his words down, pulling a bitter smile before he stood up from the high-class chair he had been sitting on since he arrived.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“How much time do you need?”

Aoba considered, a hand supporting his chin. Then, he raised two of his fingers.

“Give me two hours.”

He totally overestimated himself. He didn’t know if the demons here were stronger thanks to different culture or if the long hiatus had caught him off guard but it didn’t matter – the wounds on his body didn’t matter, the throbbing pain didn’t matter – because what mattered the most was that he’d won the tough exorcism and that the promised money was being shipped back to his hometown.

He rejected the appreciation tea, which he knew was done out of fake courtesy. They probably wanted him to depart as fast as possible, unwilling to risk someone finding a dead foreign man in the house. Sensing the ambiguous hint, Aoba quickly bowed, flinched when his wounds cut just a tad open when he did that, thanked the owner, and left through the main gate.

His breathing was heavy, as heavy as his footsteps. He could feel blood dripping from his shoulder, along his arms and trickling off his fingertips. His right hand was completely useless now, and he suspected that a few bones might have been crushed thanks to the intense impact he’d received back in the house.

There was a hierarchy even in the demon’s world. Starting from the new-borns – the ones that were still immature and had yet to grow fully into a hunger-filled demon – up to the ones that had absolutely no limits to their hunger. Aoba was faced with the latter. When he’d entered the room earlier, the abrupt sense of a rather ominous aura immediately stopped him in his tracks as he felt cold sweat running down his spine. The intensity was so overwhelming that he instantly rushed the butler who’d accompanied him out of the way and closed the door behind him, trapping himself in the room together with the being.

When he first saw the demon, he was horrified, no matter how much he didn’t want to admit it to himself. Ironically, the demon looked nothing like one; in fact, he looked perfectly human, his dark-coloured hair draped just over his shoulders. He was staring out of the window when Aoba walked into the room, seemingly unaware of Aoba’s presence, even though Aoba knew that it was definitely not the case. When he turned around, Aoba found his breath trapped in his chest when they made eye contact. His eyes were penetratingly perilous, powerfully red, if not more than the surrounding air.

When the demon took a step towards him, he staggered, feeling his back hit the door as he felt a clasp from beneath his chest. Then, everything happened so fast that he didn’t have time to register it. His body acted out of reflex, he only remembered how he had conjured a barrier in lightning speed, how the incantations fell from his lips like it was the most natural thing for him to do.

He remembered the pain on his abdomen, the overwhelming crushing feeling on his shoulder, and the blood that splattered on his entire body mingling with his own. When everything was over, he merely sat on the floor, leaning against the wall and panting profoundly.

He remembered seeing the moon from outside the window and feeling the cold air blowing towards his face, finding himself pondering what that smile that demon had given him before he lost sight of him meant, and if that slight touch on his face meant anything at all.

It hurt, Aoba thought as he made his way out of the vast lane of the mansion and into the same pathway he’d used to reach here earlier. He’d need to treat his wounds before they became worse but there wasn’t any place for him to stop. The surroundings were dark, it was well past midnight and all he could do was keep walking, keep chasing after the very faint source of light before he found the last of his energy leaving him.

When he collapsed by the roadside, body slanting against a tree and breathing cripplingly, he could barely make out what he was seeing in front of him. All he remembered was the bright moon in the sky, now clearer than when he’d seen it in the room.

 

* * *

 

His throat was incredibly dry when he woke up. He thought he’d died. But after a few blinks, he noticed that he was, in fact, still very much alive. He sat up, immediately yelping when the intense pain hit his shoulder. Taking a few deep breaths, he shifted his eyes to look at his wound and was surprised to see that it was bandaged. A hasty look around told him that he was no longer outdoors; instead, he was laying on a pile of straw pads. The cabin was a rundown one, but it managed to protect him from outside threats, especially when wild beasts weren’t anything uncommon in this area.

Multiple questions popped up in his head. But before he could start searching for answers, the cabin door opened and his eyes brightened when he saw the same demon child from before walking into the room, with a plate of what seemed like small pieces of bread in his hands.

“You,” Aoba mouthed, instantly regretting it when he felt the ache in his throat.

“You’re alive,” the demon child gave him a frivolous stare before he settled the plate by his side.

Aoba merely stared in disbelief.

“Why?”

All the demon child did was sat beside him, sweeping a few stray straws off his legs before he turned to look at Aoba.

“I ask you the same.”

“Huh?”

Without the intention to answer him, the demon took one piece of bread off the plate and munched on it.

"Aren’t you eating?” he asked.

Now Aoba was genuinely surprised. His knowledge told him that there wasn’t a need for demons to eat – well, _normal_ food at least – because they survived by consuming souls. Perhaps it could be that this particular demon was still young and that he couldn’t hunt his own food that was causing him to eat normally like any other human being would.

Concluding it to be as such, Aoba took one piece of bread as well and pushed it into his mouth.

“How long was I unconscious?” he asked after finished the third bread. He never knew how hungry he was when he tasted real food in his mouth.

“Two days,” the demon replied, looking at everywhere but Aoba. “I thought you died.”

“Oh, so you did all these?” Aoba asked, raising his hand a tad to show the demon his bandaged wound.

"It was done out of convenience.”

“Hmm,” Aoba hummed, trying to stretch his hand but to no avail. “Convenience, huh?”

This demon looked so young, yet when he spoke he gave Aoba a sense of authority that was a distinctive contrast to his outlook. It astounded him. This was his first time encountering such a young demon as well, but their interaction was nothing like how he’d expected it to be.

“How old are you?” he asked out of genuine curiosity.

At first, the young demon kept quiet, only staring at his tail. Then,

“I’m turning one hundred in a few months’ time.”

Aoba almost choked. Well, he sure didn’t look his age at all. He was faced with a totally different species, one which was so young and so new to the world.

It was a chance to learn more about them.

“I’m Aoba, by the way,” he said, budging himself closer to the demon, his actions staggered as he did, the frown in between his eyebrows portrayed palpable pain.

“Not ‘an exorcist’?”

His answer wasn’t one Aoba expected, either.

“W-well, ‘exorcist’ is a job title. But I have a name,” Aoba coughed raucously. “Don’t you have a name, _demon_?”

The demon fell silent again, seemingly considering an answer.

“Noiz,” he responded inaudibly.

“Noiz is it, then,” Aoba smiled defiantly at him before he reached out with his still usable hand to pat Noiz on the head; the pout he witnessed almost immediately on the other’s profile made him chuckle out loud.

 

 

* * *

 

Noiz didn’t feel like a demon to Aoba at all, except for his very evident wings and tail that was no way for Aoba to ignore. When Aoba was nursed back to health – enough for him to at least move – a few days later, Noiz followed behind him as he made his way out of the place.

“Where are you going?” Noiz had asked, to which Aoba answered, “I’m roaming around this place first before I head back to Japan. It’s a rare chance, after all.”

Aoba didn’t ask why Noiz was tailing him, either. Simply smiling at the small shadow behind him, he allowed Noiz to follow him from one town to another while he treated him like a companion without a second doubt. Even when they exchanged questions, they had nothing to do with each of their position, merely out-of-blue ones like “Why are you wearing those?”, to which Aoba laughed and put on a set of kimono for Noiz to try, much to the other’s annoyance, even though the next day Aoba found him wandering around the place with what he’d put on him.

No one seemed to be able to see Noiz’s demonic features, and Aoba was really grateful for it.

Before they knew it, two months passed and Aoba had travelled most of Germany, surviving solely on the part of the money he’d kept for himself from his first exorcism task here.

“You never asked me anything,” Noiz said one night when they stopped in an inn. Aoba blew the candle out as he cuddled under the blanket, pulling Noiz over and hugging him close.

“Hm?” he responded quietly, fatigue obvious in his voice. “Ask about what?”

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Noiz asked. Aoba’s relaxed breath was so close to him and when he looked up, he could see Aoba’s face so clearly even in the darkness of the room.

“Why should I?” Aoba asked instead, groggy.

“I’m a demon.”

“You’re just Noiz.”

Noiz didn’t know what the unfamiliar sensation he felt beneath his chest was but he decided to ignore it, leaning closer towards Aoba instead while he felt the other embracing him firmer, practically suffocating him.

Aoba wasn’t afraid at all, Noiz thought to himself. Aoba didn’t know that he could pierce his tail right into his heart at this very moment and make claw marks over his pale skin.

He thought Aoba had forgotten that he was a demon, and that demons had their own needs as well.

But instead, he wrapped his tail around Aoba’s waist, listening to Aoba’s slow heartbeats as he gradually dozed off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Across time, having Noiz throttling behind him had become something so natural for Aoba that he’d find himself showing and teaching Noiz various new things when they encountered something that Noiz had shown the slightest interest in. Perhaps to Aoba, Noiz was still a young kid; but Noiz was way too aware of his own nature that he often found it amazing when Aoba acted so defenceless around him.

He thought that he should remind Aoba of who he was, but just when he wanted to do exactly that, he would find himself hesitating – because if he were to do that, they’d lose his chance to…

He shuddered, almost wanting to shut off his own thoughts. It wasn’t something he’d ever considered but as time passed, he realized that there was no way he could reject his own nature that easily.

He was a demon, after all.

And he didn’t need to think too much to trigger the fear within Aoba.

Because he didn’t tell Aoba what would happen to him when he turned one hundred.

 

When it happened, Aoba merely stood at the doorway, mouth hanging open and eyes wide.

“Wh-who are you…?” he mumbled, almost ready to pull one of his talismans out when Noiz turned around, giving him a snappish glare that instantly had Aoba shiver out of reflex.

What he was seeing in front of him was a fully-grown man, a pair of huge black wings stretching out from his back, his tail undeniably longer and thicker than how Aoba remembered it to be. When Noiz turned around to face him, he also noticed that he had grown just slightly taller than him, instantly intimidating him as he took a step back, hitching a breath when his back hit the wall.

“What are you talking about?” Noiz’s paced, coming closer and closer to him, until Aoba could feel his breath hitting his face. “You know who I am.”

His voice was deeper, huskier, and more suggestive than Aoba remembered it to be, even.

“I…” Aoba stuttered, unable to move his gaze away from the striking lime-green eyes now boring deep into his own.

“I’m a _demon_ ,” Noiz emphasized as he raised a finger to stroke Aoba’s face, feeling Aoba’s skin shiver at the mere touch. But soon, Aoba gritted his teeth, pushing Noiz away and scowling at him before he bellowed,

“You can’t grow suddenly, just like that!” he growled at Noiz, who had retreated and sitting on the floor with his legs crossed, visibly confused with Aoba’s exaggerated reaction.

If that didn’t make things worse, he was also wholly naked, his too-small attire abandoned at one side, every part of his body exposed under Aoba’s eyes.

“You should’ve told me!” Aoba raged.

“Told you what?” Noiz retorted, and Aoba was _sure_ that he saw a pout on his face.

“That you’re growing!”

“I thought you knew,” Noiz said nonchalantly.

“B-but I didn’t know you’ll grow to be so… huge,” Aoba’s voice trailed off at the end as he eyed Noiz from head to toe. “You’re so…” Before he knew it, he was kneeing down right beside Noiz, touching the solid material of his wings, his eyes brightening in bewilderment.

“So?” Noiz asked fervently. Sure, his voice was no longer the one Aoba had come to know very well, but when he blurted that one word out, Aoba swore he could sense a feeble hint of want in it, with a mix of curiosity that he’d surely miss if they weren’t so close to each other now.

“So…” Aoba repeated, tracing his fingers from the inner side of Noiz’s wings to his shoulder, then ultimately stopping at his neck, a move after which he looked up and captured Noiz’s gaze.

“So beautiful.”

Noiz’s eyes widened in surprise as Aoba gasped, flabbergasted at his own statement.

“Do you know who you’re talking to?” Noiz asked, grasping the back of Aoba’s hand on his neck, impatient for an answer.

Aoba swallowed down his throat. He couldn’t quite believe what he said either. But Noiz’s unwavering gaze was so strong that he found his next words spilling out of his lips before he could stop them.

“I know who you are. You’re Noiz.”

“I’m a _demon_.”

“You’re _Noiz_.”

For a long while, they only stared at each other, until Noiz gave out a small chuckle, gripping Aoba’s hand harder in response and leading it to press it against his face.

"I want to answer your question now,” he said, voice barely audible. Aoba was about to move out of the way - finally realizing how intimate their interaction was - but Noiz wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him over to sit on his lap.

"Wh-what question?” Aoba breathed, face hot and confused with the sudden turn of events.

“When we first met, you asked me ‘why?’”

It took a while for Aoba to search his memory and when he finally found the missing piece, he nodded.

“I assume you were asking why I ended up treating your wounds?”

“I was asking why you even cared about me,” Aoba corrected, even though his justification wasn’t that different from the way Noiz had put it.

"I was curious,” Noiz admitted, caressing the back of Aoba’s hand with a thumb. “You’re an exorcist but yet, you let me live knowing that I’m a demon.”

"I have no reason to terminate you,” Aoba responded, completely honest.

“But I’m a demon,” Noiz emphasized again. “It’s your job to terminate me.”

“That’s true,” Aoba smiled. Removing his hand from Noiz’s grasp, he pinched Noiz on the nose. “But all I saw was an immature brat, not a demon. I trust my exorcism instincts.”

Noiz’s smile in the next second had Aoba holding his breath.

“You’re the only one to say this to me,” he confessed.

“Then I assume you could tell me why you ran away as an exchange?” Aoba was quick to respond with his own question.

Noiz raised a curious eyebrow. Seeing the question on his face, Aoba hastily continued.

“It’s obvious that you escaped from wherever you’re originally from. When I first met you, you seemed like you didn’t have anywhere to go, and that shouldn’t be the case. I’ve read that demons are supposed to have a guardian to assist their growth. But you had no one.” Pausing, Aoba took a few moments to look into Noiz’s eyes, as if attempting to search for something within them. “And you followed me after that. It proves that you really have nowhere to go.”

“You’re sharp.”

“I’m an exorcist, after all. I know demons like the back of my hand.”

Sighing, Noiz released Aoba, playing with his tail instead while Aoba gave him a questioning look.

“Are you going to tell me?”

“I couldn’t fit in,” Noiz admitted. “There were a lot of trainings but they seemed… weird to me?”

“Weird?” Aoba repeated.

“I couldn’t find the reason for doing a lot of things, like,” Noiz tilted his head, trying to remember. “Why do we need to eat souls? Why can’t we just eat normal food? Why do we have to kill?”

For the entire time, Aoba merely stared at Noiz, completely captivated.

“I didn’t want to live that kind of life,” Noiz affirmed. “There’s no reason to live life like a living corpse.”

“Noiz, you…”

Perhaps Noiz didn’t even realize it himself. But now that he’d laid his feelings out to Aoba, Aoba felt something flutter beneath his chest, making it hard to breathe.

He was right, after all – there were always two sides to everything. Humans could be equally evil as demons, they didn’t need to be humans to be demons; but there were demons like Noiz, who yearned for nothing but to live a real _life_.

“That’s why I escaped. I can’t stand that kind of life.”

Before he could stop himself, Aoba had lurched himself towards Noiz, tugging him into a tight embrace.

“I was right after all…” he mumbled into Noiz’s hair, feeling Noiz’s hands on his back, returning his hug.

“By the way,” Noiz said all of a sudden. “You’re a bit…small, aren’t you?”

And he wondered if his fear about what was bound to happen was just an illusion after all.

 

* * *

  

He wasn’t exactly used to Noiz’s fully grown body yet. But whenever he talked to him, he could still sense the same brat he was so familiar with and it gave him a sense of assurance. He _knew_ that he was dealing with a demon, but he also knew that he was dealing with Noiz, who was so unlike any demon he has ever met.

Perhaps he was being naïve, and perhaps Noiz was just too young and had yet to awaken the full potential of the species that he truly was that they found themselves taking their armours off. And as the days passed by, he realized that his fear might just become true.

“N-Noiz, stop! Ah!”

Blinded by his own intense pleasure, he couldn’t remember when the pleasure had turned into excruciating pain as he seized hard onto Noiz’s shoulders, screaming his lungs out when he felt Noiz’s fangs sinking deep into the pale flesh of his neck. His vision turned transitorily white, choked moans falling from his lips, his throat too raw to mutter another word.

He couldn’t remember what happened next. The pain was so tormenting that all he knew was the fact that Noiz was thrusting _deep_ into him, his insides intolerably _hot_ and painful and even when he passed out, he could hear Noiz slurping on the blood that was his own beside his ear.

For the first time ever since he met Noiz, he experienced _fear_.

He was sure that he’d die then and there if the demon he was facing right now wasn’t Noiz.

Noiz seemed to regret everything he did, though. When Aoba regained consciousness, the first thing he saw was Noiz’s fretful expression as he sat beside him. For a while, he stared at the demon vacantly, unsure of what to think and what to feel. When the demon stroked a finger against his cheek, he shivered out of impulse, causing Noiz to withdraw his hand instantly.

The remorseful air spread between them. Aoba wanted to say something, to tell Noiz that he was fine and that he would just need to get used to it. But the thing was, he wasn’t fine – his body ached, his mind was in shock – and there was no way he would get used to it. His body wouldn’t be able to handle it; and the same went for Noiz’s.

So instead of words, he stretched his hand weakly, placing it on top of Noiz’s and smiling at him when he looked at him with guilt written all over his face.

“It’s okay,” he whispered with a guttural voice.

“…It’s not,” Noiz said, seizing onto Aoba’s hand and intertwining teir fingers. “I’m sorry.”

Aoba didn’t know what else he could say. Both of them knew that it wasn’t okay at all and yet, they were both too afraid to face the truth.

Noiz obviously tried to keep his distance after the ruthless ‘attack’. Whenever Aoba was within eyeshot, he’d refrain himself from moving any closer. The only time Aoba was able to have any physical contact at all with him was when he caught the demon by surprise, sometimes hugging him from the back, or cuddling under the blanket with him when the demon was already asleep.

“Aren’t you afraid?” Noiz asked one night when Aoba had joined him under the sheets, hugging his torso so tight that Noiz didn’t have the heart to pull himself away.

“You aren’t going to eat me, right?” Aoba asked instead.

But Noiz responded to his question with silence. And he knew that Noiz knew the answer himself.

So did he.

 

* * *

 

How long could a demon survive without eating? Aoba wondered. Based on the knowledge he had, there wasn’t a possibility for demons to survive without feeding themselves. Even though they were able to control themselves perfectly well, they wouldn’t be able to sustain their demonic nature for too long – that instinct surpassed even their own consciousness.

Noiz had proven that being a young demon, it was evident that his demonic instinct was way too strong for him to handle. He’d lost control once, and he’d almost killed Aoba. There was no promise that it wouldn’t happen again.

Aoba had his own qualms, but he wasn’t terrified of what would happen to _him_ ; rather, he was terrified of what would happen to _Noiz_.

Noiz had admitted that he escaped from where he belonged, and it wouldn’t take long until the other side came and reclaimed their demon. They were literally living in terror every day.

“Come here.” Patting the empty space in front of him, Aoba smiled.

Noiz obeyed without hesitation. As soon as he sat in front of Aoba, Aoba immediately pulled him over to kiss him deeply. Their tongues tangled together, Noiz’s canines frequently poking Aoba’s tongue and even succeeding in drawing blood from his lips, which Noiz licked away the moment he could taste the rust.

Noiz’s hunger became more frequent across time. Every so often, Aoba would catch sight of him eyeing Aoba in such a _hungry_ way that Aoba could physically feel cold sweat forming all over him. Noiz probably did it unconsciously, but ever since then, Aoba noticed that he’d landed himself in a trouble so abysmal there was no way he could save himself.

But he could save Noiz. And that was the only thing that mattered to him.

 His body was full of Noiz’s marks – his neck, his limbs, his chest; every part of his body smelled pungently of the demon’s scent, and him being completely willing to _feed_ Noiz’s hunger did nothing but intensify the _need_ of the young demon.

He could just terminate Noiz once and for all; it wasn’t hard, Noiz was young and inexperienced after all. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Because before he knew it, he’d fallen for the demon.

Even though he knew that the demon was merely driven by a raw need to fulfil his hunger, Aoba knew that, sooner or later, it’d evolve into _something else_ – something that would drive him to his own end.

His heart thumped stridently upon reminding himself of that fact. While Noiz was indulging himself in the sweetness that was Aoba’s semen, he felt tears pricking at the corner of his eyes, his heart squeezing in pain. He was worried, so terrified of what lied beyond this demon’s road. And this demon was _so young_ , he was so…

“Noiz,” Aoba cried out, causing Noiz to come to an abrupt stop. When he looked at him, Aoba spread his arms. “Come here, Noiz.”

The demon in his arms was warm. He couldn’t feel his heartbeats, but he knew that it was just a matter of time before he could actually feel that _life_ beneath this very chest and he couldn’t allow that to happen -- not to this demon who had yet to know what living was all about.

 

* * *

 

 

“Aoba.” It wasn’t usual for Noiz to call Aoba’s name, so when he did, Aoba turned around, gave him a curious stare before he walked towards him and settled right beside him.

"It’s weird,” Noiz continued.

“What’s weird?”

“This.”

Aoba turned white the moment he felt it – that _ferocious_ heartbeats he felt against Noiz’s chest when Noiz led his hand to press against it.

“I’ve never felt like this before. Is this part of growing up?”

Aoba was finding it hard to breathe now. He was still looking for a solution to resolve this matter without hurting both parties, but now it seemed like he had run out of time.

“Aoba?” Noiz called again, noticing the how blood had drained out of Aoba’s face. Leaning forward, he licked the sweat off his cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Noiz…” Aoba said powerlessly. How was he supposed to tell Noiz that this was wrong? How should he go about letting Noiz know that they should go into hiding?

How should be tell Noiz that his own species would be coming after him when they realized that Noiz was gaining _emotions_?

“This is wrong,” Aoba muttered, pulling himself free off Noiz’s clutch and earning a surprised look from the demon. “This has been wrong from the very beginning.”

Noiz was still looking at him with astonishment written all over his face.

“Does this mean that I’m becoming more human?” Noiz asked. He was sharp, but not sharp enough to notice what consequences this implied.

“You… are,” Aoba stuttered. How should he break the truth to him? How should he tell him that he was happy that Noiz had fallen in love with him at the cost of their own lives?

"Noiz,” Aoba called out, leaning over to press his head against the place where his neck and shoulder met. “Noiz.”

Noiz responded by patting him on the back.

“I’m here.”

He loved Noiz, and from the strength of the demon’s heartbeats, he knew that Noiz loved him equally, if not more.

But it was wrong – their love shouldn’t have happened from the start. And when he pressed his palm against the demon’s chest again, he knew that it was about time he committed to his resolution.

 

* * *

 

Noiz’s emotions grew stronger throughout the days, escalating Aoba’s apprehensions at the same time. He had yet to tell Noiz what was going to happen but he knew that it was only a matter of time for him to finally break the truth.

Noticing his inner struggle, Noiz hugged him from behind, planting a soft kiss on the back of his neck before he rested his chin on Aoba’s shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?” Noiz asked, his breath warm against Aoba’s cold skin.

Aoba released a deep sigh before he reached behind to ruffle Noiz’s hair.

“I love you, Noiz,” he said, purposely avoiding his question.

Noiz smiled. Kissing him on the cheek, he simply responded.

“I love you too.”

It hurt. Aoba felt his heart clenching and he tried very hard not to let his tears fall but Noiz was too observant for that. Turning Aoba around, he stared at the way Aoba was avoiding his eye contact before he pulled him closer, licking the tears from the corner of his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I… I love you, Noiz,” Aoba repeated, almost sobbing as he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “But this is wrong. You know it.”

Noiz fell silent, a signal strong enough to tell Aoba that he’d noticed his tussles, perhaps as early as Aoba did. Then, Noiz cupped his face, kissing him on the forehead before he responded,

“I know. And I know what this means too.”

Aoba could only sob quietly into his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, this shouldn’t have happened,” Aoba said through muted sobs.

“You should’ve terminated me from the start,” Noiz said. “I wouldn’t have minded that.”

“I can’t,” Aoba admitted. “I couldn’t kill a being so pure and so young. I couldn’t do it.”

Noiz caressed the back of Aoba’s head, as if trying to console him but to no avail. Before he could say anything, though, Aoba straightened himself up, placing both of his hands on Noiz’s shoulders.

“I’ve made a decision,” he said, voice no longer quivering as before.

There was nothing else Noiz could do but stare into Aoba’s resolute gaze.

“I want you to devour me,” Aoba spelled out, strong and determined.

Noiz hitched a breath. He was about to pull away, finally understanding what Aoba implied, but Aoba grabbed him by the back of his neck, lurching forward to suck onto his neck as he gave out an unsuppressed moan. There was no way he could refrain this urge; Aoba knew that it was a suicidal act, but it was fine.

It should be.

At the very least, he wanted to save this demon from _his own_ inner demon before it was too late. And there was only one way to do it.

“You wanted to eat me for a very long time, didn’t you?” Aoba said, lips pressed against the mark that he’d created on Noiz’s neck. “I can feel it every time we make love. You’re always restraining yourself.”

Noiz didn’t want to admit it, but he didn’t want to deny it either. Because what Aoba said was true. During the many times they had sex, there was always this almost unsustainable urge to _devour_ Aoba just like that, to taste him to the very core, to feed on his soul, to feel him shiver under his touch, and to hear him giving out moans so sinfully sweet that it gave Noiz a full-body shiver upon realizing just _how many_ sensations he could feel from those alone.

But he never wanted to admit it to Aoba. He didn’t want to tell Aoba how much he wanted to wreck him, to fuck him until he passed out and until he lost all his ability to think. He didn’t want to tell Aoba how much, just _how much_ he wanted Aoba’s soul to be _inside_ him.

He knew it was his demon’s instinct – a hunger so powerful that it was almost impossible to control. He also knew that he loved Aoba, and he wanted nothing but to see him alive and healthy.

But, he also knew that he was a _demon_ – it was an unchangeable truth that so far, Aoba had come to deny.

“At least…” Aoba continued, and Noiz could tell just how much he was subduing his sobs. “Let me be your first food.”

He found his words stuck in his own throat. He had never consumed any food before, and he could only imagine how nice it’d feel to taste _real_ food on his tongue. Swallowing, he shook his head, attempting to sweep the thought from his mind, but he had no time to consider what else he could do to restrain his urge because then Aoba pulled him into a kiss again – this time, one that was more passionate than ever.

His subconscious rang boisterously in his brain, asking him to stop, telling him that this was mere impulse and warning him that he’d regret his action. But he had completely fallen prey to Aoba’s seduction. Aoba seemed to have made this resolution since a very long time ago. He could obviously feel Noiz’s burning urge to consume him in and out and it made Noiz wonder if he had ever regretted his choice of picking up the small, young demon when they first met.

He loved the way Aoba was drowning in pleasure so intense that he couldn’t help but let himself loose, coming completely defenceless in front of Noiz as he clung onto him, allowing him to leave marks after marks on his body and allowing the pleasure with a mix of severe pain to course through his whole body until all he could do was let out choked moans.

He could feel just how _hungry_ Noiz was towards him. There was no going back. Noiz was a growing demon. He had yet to learn how to control his own desire and he had yet to learn how to differentiate between raw emotions and raw, demonic impulses.

But it was fine, Aoba thought when Noiz’s tail thrust so deeply into him he thought he had blacked out for a second. It was all fine. If Noiz were to devour him now, he’d be able to retain his demon title; he wouldn’t need to face the consequences of having emotions, of becoming more human.

He didn’t need to face death when he had yet to live his life.

“Noiz…” When his name fell from Aoba’s lips, Noiz stopped, breathing heavily as he scrutinized the way a steamy look now graced every inch of Aoba’s face. “Please…” Aoba’s voice was weak, barely audble, but it was the only thing Noiz could hear now, despite being clouded with devastating hunger and lust. “Please live…”

He couldn’t understand what the meaning of Aoba’s tears was. Was he crying because he was too aroused? Or because he was sad? Or because he was…

… _happy?_

Before he knew it, he felt the squeezing of his heart, a sensation so foreign yet so gratifying that he had to lurch forward to devour the whole of Aoba’s lips to stop the emotions from exploding.

He’d never felt _so alive_ in his entire life.

Perhaps he did the right choice after all. If he hadn’t escaped from the demon’s den then he wouldn’t have met Aoba, and he wouldn’t have fallen in love.

But then again, if he never met Aoba, then Aoba wouldn’t need to face death in his place.

It happened so cursorily that even Noiz didn’t have the time to comprehend what _really_ happened. Before he knew it, blood was splattered all over the place – on the bed, on the ceiling, on the floor, on their bodies. He only came back to himself when he noticed how his tail had stabbed right through Aoba’s chest. It missed his heart by two inches and he could _feel_ Aoba’s heart pumping right beside his tail – weak, but still alive.

“Aoba…”

Was it too late to retreat? Was there no way at all for the _both of them_ to survive?

Was falling in love with a human a _sin_?

Aoba’s clutch on his hand was weak, ice cold and Noiz could hardly feel signs of life from him. But for some reason, when he leaned forward to hug Aoba’s head, he could _still_ feel life in him – Aoba was filled with so many emotions; emotions he held towards Noiz. He could hear Aoba’s voice in his head, telling him – _reminding_ him – to pursue the road he believed in. He could hear him telling him that the world was not as bad as he thought it was and that everything had its own solution if he tried hard enough. He could hear him telling him that _he_ was happy, and that he regretted nothing.

He couldn’t remember when tears started trickling down his face. All that he was capable of doing in that moment was to embrace Aoba as hard as he could, feeling the life flowing out of him, feeling the hunger within him being fulfilled.

And then, feeling his own heartbeats cease, until none of their hearts were beating anymore.

 

* * *

 

His heart was still beating heatedly beneath his chest when he placed his hand against it. He’d like to think that this was the first time he’d experienced such powerful _life_ within him, but somewhere in his memories, he knew that this wasn’t the case.

As he gently fondled with the soft, pure white feathers of the angel still soundly asleep beside him, he gave out a spontaneous smile. For some reason, he felt that even though they’d need to face the consequences that they’d rooted for themselves, this was all meant to be after all.

When he first met Aoba, he had given him that same vibe, and this confirmed to him that it was the same Aoba he’d met when he was a barely mature demon.      

As he lay on his back, twirling the ends of his angel’s hair with his fingers, he wondered if this time, he would be terminated for real.

And if this time, this _angel_ would, once again, save him from death.

 

 


	8. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When one dies, one doesn't truly leave.  
> They stay, as long as people remember them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I need to split this chapter because it's becoming too heavy and I don't want to overwhelm you with what's gonna be up next so... please take this plot filler as a breathing space while you prepare for more... graphical stuff in the next chapter :'D
> 
> [Fio](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fio13) is the best beta in the world.

Never had he seen angel so close in his life. Every time when he had to deal with a particular angel, he’d find himself putting a distance between them; he’d stay far apart from them, unwilling to have any form of contact with them at all.             

Angels are… distracting.

He once told this to Aoba, and he really meant what he said. He couldn’t comprehend the reason for angels’ existence. No matter what duties they had to fulfil, at the end of the day, they were dead beings, and they were meant to ‘return to death’ one day.

The angel’s lifespan was short, perhaps even shorter than human’s.

Alarmed by his own thoughts, Noiz unconsciously reached out to stroke Aoba’s face, feeling assured again upon acknowledging the fact that he could, once again, touch Aoba with this hand of his, that he could, once again, embrace him, kiss him, feel his warmth with his own hands. He’d missed this. Aoba was the first warmth he’d ever experienced and ever since then, he had been addicted to him to the point where it was frightening. He wasn’t sure if everything he felt was simply raw impulses; but now, he was sure that the addiction and intensity of love he was feeling within him was stemmed from raw passion and nothing else. Regardless of Aoba being human when he’d first met him, or if he was angel like how he was now, Aoba would always be Aoba, and he would always return to him, just like how he returned to Noiz after their separation a century back.

Aoba shifted in his sleep, rolling over slightly, his wings clipped to his side as he continued sleeping with a few white feathers slipping off the bed and landing on the floor. The new position gave Noiz a better view of the angel as he let out a soft sigh, tracing his fingers across Aoba’s cheekbone, all the while smiling affectionately.

In this life, Aoba was still very much alive, still breathing and was still by Noiz’s side. Even though Noiz knew that both of their days were coming to an end, he couldn’t help but cling onto the tiny hope that at least they were still able to indulge in each other’s presence and warmth like how they did now.

At the very least, they were still able to convey their feelings in such an intense way once again. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve a second chance like this, but then he thought of how he’d unconsciously missed Aoba’s heart when he’d killed him years back and everything started to make sense. He had almost forgotten about the feelings he held towards this angel, having lost all emotions when he killed the one person who gave them to him. But the same person was now back to hunt him down – or how Noiz liked to put it: to revenge on him – and instead of killing him, like he was supposed to do when they first met, this same person returned his emotions to him, once again divulging him to a world he once thought he knew, and above all, giving him a life despite Noiz taking his life away again.

It was an ironic yet calamitous encounter. It made Noiz laugh, feeling that this was a game fate had cruelly thrown at him, that at the end of the day, he deserved nothing but death after all.

Aoba yawned melodiously, instantly attracting Noiz’s attention. As soon as he caught sight of Aoba’s very pure yet adorable profile, he brought himself forward, no longer being able to subdue the ravenous feeling within him as he planted a soft kiss on Aoba’s cheek, feeling the tender texture of the angel’s skin against his lips as the kiss lingered, greedily indulging himself in this sinful, but oh-so-peaceful happiness.

"N-Noiz…?”

“…Hm? You’re awake,” Noiz said with a small voice, pulling away slightly, but before he could do so, Aoba slung an arm around his waist and snuggled into his chest.

“A little bit more,” he muttered into Noiz’s skin. Noiz had hidden his wings again, since it was uncomfortable for him to carry them to sleep, but Aoba obviously didn’t learn about the discomfort his wings could give him as he simply let his wings spread wide apart, his feathers fluttering only ever so slightly when Noiz wrapped the whole of his body in his arms.

“Sleep as long as you like,” Noiz whispered, carefully combing Aoba’s hair with his fingers as a soft snore fell from the other’s lips.

They stayed like that for the rest of the day, both naked. Eventually, Noiz felt the lethargy sipping back into his mind, finding it hard to keep his eyes open. It took another minute for him to surrender to the stupor, closing his eyes and hugging Aoba more firmly, clinging onto the warmth that Aoba’s body postulated while being staggered at the tickling sensation he felt on his skin when Aoba’s breath hit his torso. He didn’t even realize it when he fell asleep, but he remembered how his entire body was enveloped in a soft and gentle embrace, as if he was protected by some sort of strong yet calm barrier. It gave him a sense of assurance, something he’d never felt in his entire life.

 

The next time he woke up, Aoba was no longer by his side. Alarmed, he quickly sat up, looking around the room and only feeling the weight being lifted off his chest when he saw Aoba, now perfectly awake, standing right in front of the tall mirror in the corner of his room.

The scene reminded him of himself. When he visited Aoba’s room, he was equally mystified by the mirror, his attention caught when the sense of familiar yet different emotion swarmed beneath his chest when he looked at his own reflection in the mirror. At that time, even though he was looking at himself – a stance he should be more than familiar with – he was struck by a foreign yet nostalgic sensation; it was as if he had forgotten something extremely important and precious. When Aoba approached him back then, his intuition became stronger and, no longer able to contain himself, he stretched his wings, let all of his demonic nature loose, just to reassure himself that he was just imagining things and that he shouldn’t have felt that way from the very beginning.

But now, everything made sense. And he wondered about what would’ve happened if he were to probe on the matter further at that time. He assumed that he’d probably be able to regain those same intense emotions from the first time he’d met Aoba, only it would happen way earlier than it originally did.

“Aoba?” he called out softly, lifting himself off the bed to join Aoba in gazing at both of their reflections in the mirror. “Is something wrong?”

“Noiz…” Aoba responded with a smaller voice. “I…” His eyes were still fixed on his own reflection. Then, he reached out, gently caressing the outline of his white wings, giving out a small yelp when one feather came loose and fell to the floor.

“What is happening?” he asked, catching Noiz’s gaze in the mirror.

“You’re angel now,” Noiz said with a blithe tone as he enfolded his arms around Aoba’s body, burying his head in the crook of Aoba’s neck.

“I know that, but…” Aoba hesitated, stretching his wings just wide enough to surpass Noiz’s height. “What’s with this change?”

Noiz gave out a breathy smile. Instead of answering, he pressed his lips against Aoba’s neck, the corners of his lips quirked ever so slightly when he felt Aoba giving out a small shiver from the sudden sensation.

“I don’t know what happened but,” he finally responded, looking up to shoot Aoba a suggestive stare. “seems like you’ve fully awakened.”

“But…” Aoba whispered, his attention now shifting to a halo on top of his head, which was gleaming so much more than how he remembered it to be. Initially, the light was weak, barely noticeable even when he was to be tossed into a dark alley. But now, the lustre of the halo had increased significantly, so bright that it was almost blinding. “I don’t know what I’ve done to achieve this.”

His doubt made Noiz think. Still hugging Aoba from the back, Noiz straightened himself up, now properly looking at the new feature on Aoba. Instinctively, he traced a finger along Aoba’s wings, feeling the softness against his finger as he vigilantly stroked their surface. Aoba’s wings were beautiful and undoubtedly pure. It was like looking at a new-born baby. No longer able to contain his instinct, Noiz moved and brought one of the feathers in between his lips.

“N-Noiz!” Aoba choked out, falling back and leaning his body against Noiz’s chest from the abrupt impact.

“You feel it?” Noiz asked provocatively, the mischievous light flickering in his eyes.

"What was that?”

“I’ve learned that angels are especially sensitive when it comes to their wings, just like demons are with their tails.”

Without waiting for a response, Noiz brought his mouth forward, taking the solidest part of Aoba’s feather and pressing it against his lips, putting just enough pressure to elicit a weak moan out of Aoba.

“S-stop that!” Aoba retorted, attempting to escape from Noiz’s embrace. But Noiz was too strong for him and the most that he could do was bititng down on his lip to avoid making too loud of a noise.

“I wonder if you’ve gotten more sensitive elsewhere, huh?” Noiz said impishly, his hand skilfully giving Aoba light scratches across his chest.

It was extremely embarrassing. Not only did Aoba still have his eyes fixed on his own reflection in the mirror but on top of that, he was literally looking at how Noiz was sucking on his neck hard, creating visible marks on it and how Noiz slid his hand down south, slowly but surely drilling the want in him.

He remembered what Noiz said about him being angel, also as lust that had often seduced the hunger out of his deepest depths. But he also remembered how Noiz promised that he wouldn’t eat him, and that had allowed him to drop his defences.

But would it be the same this time round? Would Noiz be able to remain sane after Aoba achieved awakening right in front of him?

He had a lot of questions in his head, but when he felt the familiar yet unfamiliar pain of Noiz sinking his fangs into his neck, and the foreign yet nostalgic pleasure that had gushed through his entire body, he concluded that those questions could wait.

Because time was running out. And he didn’t want to give up on the intimate moments he could share with Noiz – moments that would make Noiz feel more alive than he ever felt before. When Noiz spread his wings, and when Aoba felt his tail wrapping around his waist, the tip of it inching closer towards his back, he succumbed, allowing Noiz to shroud him into the private barrier of his wings as he, once again, gave in to the genuine emotions Noiz was so desperately trying to express to him now.

 

It was another round of passionate lovemaking that Noiz finally released Aoba from his embrace, allowing enough breathing space for the angel as he gasped for air, completely drained on the bed, no longer having any energy to move a finger.

“I’m sorry, is it too much?” Noiz asked. He was still panting, perhaps not as much as Aoba but he could clearly feel the brutality of his heartbeats when he sat up. Being breathless was never supposed to be part of his dictionary, but when he first experienced it, he thought that it was a sensation so treacherously addictive he needed to take a few seconds to clear his mind. Wiping the sweat off Aoba’s cheek, he allowed Aoba to catch his breath while he scrutinized the rest of the angel’s body – the new bite marks on his neck, on his chest, and Aoba’s semen that was splattered across all over his abdomen, left alone to be cooled off.

Struck with a sudden idea, Noiz leaned forward, thoroughly swiping the cum off Aoba’s body with his tongue and resulting in a loud shriek from Aoba.

“Seriously!” Aoba yelled, almost pulling away from Noiz but Noiz quickly gripped his waist, restricting his movements and causing Aoba to stifle his moan by covering his mouth with his hands as Noiz licked off the last bit of his semen off his skin.

“It’s food,” Noiz commented meekly, clearly saying these words without any consideration. But that guileless statement made Aoba’s heart drop.

“What?” Noiz asked, noticing the oddity in Aoba’s behaviour.

“…Nothing.”

Aoba dismissed him with his hand, lifting himself up and giving a small squeal when Noiz’s cum dribbled out of his hole as he attempted to stand up.

Noiz said nothing, merely watching as Aoba made his way into the bathroom.

As soon as the sound of shower echoed from the bathroom, he shifted his attention elsewhere, lost in his own thoughts.

Even though he was practically surrounded by bliss he knew he wasn’t supposed to feel this way now, his initial fear still lingered deep within him. Fear wasn’t something he was familiar with. He’d matured into a full-grown demon after being forcefully escorted back into training. And after years of well-practiced hunting, he’d learned how to make use of his own abilities that in turn left him with nothing he could be afraid of.

He thought he didn’t need emotions, that the first century of his life was just one big mistake and that he’d gotten over it.

But it was a lie he had made for himself – a lie he had created in order to escape fear.

He gave out an unintentional sigh as he stared inanely at the ceiling, his head full of nothing but thoughts about what he should do next. Soon, his demon comrades would notice that he was drifting apart. They would know that he’d lost his demonic nature, that he’d started to feel emotions, and that he’d fallen in love with an angel. These reasons were more than enough to terminate him.

As he placed his hand against his chest, feeling the thumping of his heart beneath him, he wondered how termination would feel like. Would it be painful? But above all, he wondered what would happen to Aoba after he was terminated. Would he be able to make his way back to salvation in one piece? Would he be able to live his last moments peacefully?

He didn’t have answers to any of those questions. He had no one else to turn to for answers either. So he merely allowed the questions to whirl in his head. He tried to figure out a solution, but the moment he started to consider one, he instantly knew that he was deceiving himself. There wasn’t any solution to this. He’d crossed the border and now, he would have to face the penalties. It was just as simple as that.

He was about to close his eyes when the sound of the shower stopped, turning around just in time to see Aoba coming fresh out of the shower, his hair damp and a towel draped around his waist, the bite marks on his skin all the more rabble-rousing.

“Shower?” he asked, pacing towards Noiz and sitting beside him before Noiz rolled to his side and hugged Aoba on the waist. His skin felt cold against Noiz’s hot body and it gave him a refreshing feeling as he leaned his head against it.

“Later.”

Aoba fell quiet, simply drying his hair, unaware of how droplets of water fell on Noiz as he did.

“Are you okay?” he asked after a long pause. His wings were wet and when they stretched more water droplets fell on Noiz, just like how they did when Aoba dried his hair.

“Not really,” Noiz admitted. As if to answer Aoba’s interrogative stare, he sat up, crossed his legs and returned Aoba’s gaze with a gritty one of his own. “I’ve been thinking about what’s going to happen from now on.”

 He could see Aoba’s eyes dither, telling him enough that Aoba had been thinking about the same thing as well.

“Are you really serious about the whole termination thing?” Aoba asked. When Noiz nodded, he was sure that he could sense a hint of trepidation in Aoba’s eyes.

“Is there anything we can do to prevent it?” Aoba asked again, a slight tremble in his tone, but the determination in it was strong enough to cover most of his distress.

“Demons are sharp,” Noiz explained. “They should know by now.”

“Know what?” Aoba didn’t need to ask. He knew the answer.

“That I’m no longer part of them,” Noiz concluded with a smile. Averting eye contact from Aoba, he stared into the mirror instead. “I’m technically and physically still a demon. I still need to be fed. But here,” he said, pressing a hand against his heart. “…I’m no longer one.”

Aoba couldn’t hear any regrets in Noiz’s voice and he knew Noiz didn’t mind the change. He, instead, felt the guilt pooling within him as he opened his mouth, attempting to say something before he closed it.

“Don’t worry. Termination shouldn’t be painful. I should be able to—“

“Don’t lie to me,” Aoba interrupted, commendably halting Noiz’s words mid-sentence.

The silence spread between them. Scowling, Aoba cupped Noiz’s face and forced him to look into his eyes.

“Termination is painful, and it’s not going to help now that you can feel pain.”

Noiz didn’t know what to say. Aoba’s hand on his face was cold, and when he tried to look into Aoba’s eyes, he found himself staring at his own reflection, astounded at how he could even see his emotions on his own face.

“You’re afraid,” Aoba continued. “Admit it.”

Noiz opened his mouth, words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t move his eyes away from Aoba’s. For a moment, he thought that he would be sucked into Aoba’s gaze just like that.

“I… I’m not afraid,” he whispered. He could hear shivers in his own voice.

“You are.”

“I’m not,” he retorted, voice slightly higher.

“You are,” Aoba gritted through his teeth before he brought his face closer to Noiz’s. “You’re afraid about what would happen to me.”

Noiz’s eyes brightened. There was something about Aoba that often managed to spark a reaction out of him. It wasn’t fear, but admiration. As Aoba continued staring tersely at him, he could feel the willpower and the intensity behind the pair of golden orbs that froze him in place. He could do nothing but stare into Aoba’s eyes as Aoba gave out a sigh, then a smile, before he ruffled Noiz’s hair.

“You’re too easy to read,” Aoba pronounced.

“You sure?”

“I don’t know,” Aoba sighed. “For some reason, I can see your emotions so clearly now. It’s more like…” he titled his head, looking fleetingly at the ceiling. “…like I can feel them directly. They are so clear to me now.”

It was definitely fear, Noiz concluded. He was feeling fear within him. Not because he would be terminated, not because he was worried if Aoba would be able to find his way to peace after he was gone.

But it was because he’d realized it the moment the moment Aoba spilled the truth to him – that Aoba was—

“Perhaps it’s because I’m your guardian angel now that I can feel everything so clearly,” Aoba said, literally taking his words off his mind.

Noiz’s silence confirmed his doubts.

 “W-wait, I was just joking,” he hastily continued.

Noiz gave out a sarcastic smile before he commented,

“This is indeed, a very bad joke.”

“But…” Aoba considered again. “How did this happen? I was supposed to be Koujaku’s—“

“And you succeeded,” Noiz cut in. “I don’t know how it happened, but it appears that you’ve awakened because of me.”

There weren’t any answers to their questions. It frustrated Noiz. He thought he knew everything about the world around him. But it seemed to him now that this part of the angel’s world was something that was too out of reach for him.

"Speaking of Koujaku…” Aoba said slowly, distracting Noiz’s thoughts. “I wonder how he’s been holding up?”

His heart was still pumping irately beneath his chest. He was still confused with what was happening around him. But he smiled regardless, nodding at Aoba before he said,

“Let’s go and see him today.”

 

After giving Aoba a concise guidance on how to handle his wings better, both Aoba and Noiz dressed up; Noiz putting on a trench coat before he draped a thick scarf around Aoba’s neck, even after Aoba had continuously told him that the weather no longer affected him.

But as soon as they stepped out of the house, Aoba regretted his retorts almost immediately.

The weather was horrible; ice-cold wind blew right into their faces as they made their way down the streets while Aoba kept both of his hands in his pants pockets, keeping his mouth covered with the thick material of the scarf at all times. He didn’t remember the weather to be this bad when he came into Noiz’s house the previous day, although the rain wasn’t any kinder either.

If anyone were able to see him, they’d immediately notice how his feather flew and scattered across the floor, almost urging him to hug both of his wings to save their feathers. But as soon as he pulled his hands out, he pushed them back into the pockets instantaneously, the cold way too intolerable for him.

He was about to stop walking, what with the wind being too strong and with the combination of the weight of his wings. He was sure that he would be blown away if he wasn’t grasping onto the fence all the way to the hospital. But then suddenly, the wind had stopped – or rather, the intensity of the wind decreased drastically. Curious, he opened his eyes, looking up just to see a huge shadow hovering above him.

"Just a bit more,” Noiz said, taking his hand in his in the process.

Noiz had spread his wings, one of them blocking the strong wind from giving Aoba any direct hits.

“Thanks,” Aoba said, grasping Noiz’s hand back in response.

Noiz’s expression was scarce. Apart from the loud buzzing of the wind around them, they walked in silence, only stopping to rest when they were right under the shelter that was the hospital building.

“What’s happening with the weather?” Aoba wondered out loud. “It wasn’t so bad yesterday.”

 “Who knows?” Noiz said. Taking his shades off, he gave Aoba a knowing look, and both of them stepped into the building after Noiz gave Aoba a firm nod.

When Noiz opened the door, both he and Aoba were surprised to see Koujaku standing by the window, frowning at the awful weather outside before he turned around upon hearing Noiz closing the door behind him.

“I’ve been wondering when you’d drop by,” he said as he gave Noiz a bright smile. “I thought you wouldn’t come after all.”

“Because of the weather?” Noiz asked, pulling a chair to sit beside an empty one while Koujaku went to sit on his bed, eyeing Noiz curiously all the while.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t have minded, though, if you didn’t show up,” he said, shifting his gaze to the scene outside the window once again before he continued. “The weather is really bad. I heard there’s going to be a snowstorm soon.”

“Snowstorm, huh?” Noiz repeated.

“Say,” Koujaku’s attention was now back on Noiz as he eyed the ‘empty’ seat beside him. “I’ve been meaning to ask…”

“Hm?” Noiz shot a snappy stare at his direction while Aoba sat rooted to his seat, hands trembling a tad when Koujaku made eye contact with him.

"You always do this when you come here,” Koujaku said, then pointing at the seat on which Aoba was sitting. “Do you not like this chair?”

Aoba felt as if his heart would leap out of his mouth. His hands were rigid on his lap. When the silence spread for too long, he turned cagily to look at Noiz, who had his eyes closed and his arms crossed.

Did Noiz have an answer for Koujaku?

“N-Noi—“ Aoba started, assuming that Noiz was having difficulties answering Koujaku when Noiz suddenly started speaking.

“What if,” he said, tone sturdy. “I tell you that Aoba has been around all this while?”

Time froze.

“Noiz, what—“

“What do you mean…?” Koujaku cut Aoba’s words short when they spoke almost at the same time.

“I’m saying that Aoba has been around ever since his death. He never left,” Noiz said with voice so emotionless but yet so effective Aoba could literally feel his insides freeze.

“You mean like a—“

"—guardian angel, yes.”

For a long time, Koujaku merely stared at Noiz, and the other returned his stare with an unwavering one of his own.

“…I meant to say ‘ghost’ but that’s even better. _But_ ,” Koujaku paused, eyeing Noiz doubtfully before he said. “you aren’t joking, right?”

Noiz smirked.

“This is not something to joke about, right?” he said. Then, he looked over to the seat beside him. Aoba was pale, his hands clenched into fists as he gazed vacuously at the floor, unsure of how to respond. What was Noiz thinking? Why did he reveal something so… forbidden to Koujaku?

What was his intention?

“So is he… here right now?” Koujaku asked prudently, eyes drifting back to the empty seat again. Aoba felt his insides churn. How was he going to face Koujaku now? Could he talk to him? Would Koujaku be able to hear him?

“He’s right here.” He heard Noiz say, before he felt Noiz’s hand on top of his. “He’s always been here since you were hospitalized.”

He could physically feel Koujaku’s eyes scanning him from head to toe and it made him feel as if Koujaku could _actually_ see him right now.

“Aoba…?” Koujaku’s voice was directed at him, giving him an instant jolt. His breath was trapped in his lungs. It was hard to breathe and he had to open his mouth to try and calm the frantic heartbeats beneath his ribcage. Intending to give him a push, Noiz clenched his hand harder, urging him to look up directly into Koujaku’s curious yet concerned gaze.

“Kou… Koujaku,” he mumbled, even though he was _sure_ that Koujaku wouldn’t be able to hear him.

“He’s calling you,” Noiz said with a barely audible voice, and Aoba wasn’t sure if he was talking to him or to Koujaku.

“Is he?” Koujaku asked, startled. He was still obviously cynical but as he continued to stare at the empty space in front of him, Aoba watched as his gaze relaxed, losing the initial hesitance, and ultimately became a gaze he was so familiar with – the one Koujaku often used on him.

“Aoba,” Koujaku called out again. His voice was so gentle, the voice Aoba missed so much that the moment he heard it, he pulled his hand out of Noiz’s clutch, lurching forward to hug Koujaku.

He knew that Koujaku wouldn’t be able to feel him. And he was sure that even now, Koujaku was still staring in front of him, at the empty space. But then, he felt a pat on his head, and he shivered out of reflex, hugging Koujaku more firmly as he sobbed into his shoulder.

“You’re patting his head now,” Noiz said. He was the one who had guided Koujaku’s hand to Aoba’s head when Aoba launched himself at Koujaku.

Koujaku remained silent. But soon, he picked himself up and started caressing Aoba’s head for real.

“Are you really here, Aoba?”

"I’m here, Koujaku… I’m here,” Aoba mumbled into Koujaku’s shoulder, too overwhelmed with emotions to form coherent words.

“If you’re really here,” Koujaku continued, and then, Aoba heard a relieved sigh. “I want you to know that I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

It was surreal. It was as if Koujaku was able to see through Aoba’s thoughts from the very beginning. It did nothing but made Aoba sob harder, no longer able to withstand the overpowering emotions within him.

“I know. I know you will, Koujaku,” Aoba choked out. “You’ve always been so strong.”

It took a while until Noiz coughed, causing Aoba to part himself from Koujaku.

“He received your message loud and clear. Don’t worry,” Noiz said the moment Aoba settled himself back on his seat.

“Really?” Koujaku said. Looking at his hand, he considered, seemingly thinking of something.

“Yeah,” Noiz reassured him, giving Aoba a sideway glance. “Don’t worry about him either. He’ll be fine.”

For a moment, Koujaku gave him a sceptical look, but then he smiled.

“I don’t know how you manage to see him but,” he paused, launching towards Noiz to ruffle his hair. “thank you for telling me.”

Noiz simply allowed Koujaku to mess with his hair before he rashly swept his hand away.

“That’s the least I could do for both of you,” he muttered, refusing to make eye contact with Koujaku.

“Thank you,” Koujaku grinned broadly, clearly noticing the small pout Noiz was wearing on his face. “Come here.”

Koujaku’s voice triggered something inside him. He thought it sounded familiar, that someone had said it to him once. When he finally met Koujaku’s eyes, the older man was stretching his arm towards him, clearly asking him to come closer.

It was surreal. He thought he remembered this from somewhere. But what aggravated him further was that he couldn’t remember exactly _where_ he had seen this scene before.

“I’m not going to beat you up,” Koujaku joked, noticing Noiz’s hesitation.

Obliging, Noiz was about move towards him when Koujaku pulled him over and gave him a strong hug.

“I knew you weren’t as heartless as you seemed,” Koujaku’s voice rang beside his ears. But what distracted him was how strong and how _warm_ Koujaku’s embrace was. It gave him that same sense of assurance that Aoba had managed to give him and it did nothing but intensify his emotions even more.

“I’ll tell you the same thing that I told Aoba.” This time, Koujaku’s voice was no longer garish; rather, it was gentler than before, and it contained a hint of relief that had Noiz finding himself being hypnotised with. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. Life goes on, right?”

When they pulled themselves apart, Noiz was even more surprised to see Koujaku giving him the same smile he’d been giving Aoba all this while.

“You should also take care of yourself better. Stop attracting troubles to yourself,” he continued, then finally releasing Noiz after patting him on his shoulder for one last time.

Noiz looked away, not knowing how to respond. It was when Aoba nudged him on the elbow that he turned to look at him.

“It’s good manners to say thank you, you know?”

Aoba was wearing an idiotic beam on his face, and Noiz had to avert his eyes the moment he saw it to hide the awkwardness that was suddenly attacking his insides.

“Th-thank you,” he said, still feeling awkward.

Then, he heard Koujaku’s laugh, followed closely by Aoba’s.

All of a sudden, he realized that he’d finally understood what it meant to be _truly alive_ – it was when one was surrounded by the right people, in the right moments. And even though one was one step closer to the end of their life with each passing day, the moments spent with those right people would continue to stay in their minds, in their hearts, and would continue to be passed down to people who remembered and loved them.

At the end of the day, one never truly died. Because they would remain in people’s hearts. They would continue living, along with the memories and emotions they’d given to others while they were physically alive.

 


	9. Termination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Termination isn't painful," Noiz had once said. But Aoba knew too well that it was a lie.  
> A huge lie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter could be graphical at some points. It contains heavy plot and a big turning point.  
> This chapter is what that would lead to an intersection of a good or bad route.

Noiz had been averting eye contact with Aoba ever since they stepped out of the hospital. With his shades on, it was futile to catch his gaze, and after the fourth time of trying to capture his attention, Aoba gave up, releasing a small chuckle instead that effectively attracted Noiz’s attention to himself.

“What’s with that face?”

“Nothing,” Aoba smiled perkier before shooting Noiz a mischievous look. “I didn’t know you could make that kind of expression. It’s pretty refreshing.”

“You should do that more often,” Aoba continued, trying to catch up with Noiz’s pace. The wind from before had stopped and the view was clearer now, giving them a smooth walk back to Noiz’s house.

“What exactly?” Noiz retorted, his tone cold.

“Smile. You should smile more often. You look really good when you’re smiling.”

Aoba’s words stopped Noiz’s in his tracks. Turning around, he gave Aoba a suggestive smirk, wiping away the playfulness from the other’s face.

“Hmm,” Noiz hummed, leaning forward until their noses were merely inches apart. “Falling for me?”

His voice sounded like a breath more than anything else; but the fervour in it painted a deep flush on Aoba’s face before he pushed him away.

“W-well, didn’t you already notice, though?” Aoba stuttered, but immediately gave out a loud huff and crossed his arms as he frowned at Noiz. “Besides, I’m not the only one falling in love here.”

Noiz straightened himself up, not forgetting to send another grin in Aoba’s direction before he turned his back towards him and continued walking down the road.

 

Walking back to Noiz’s house felt like the most natural thing to do now. Aoba could remember most of the paths leading to his house but his eyes were mostly kept on Noiz, who was obviously still avoiding eye contact with him. It wasn’t hard to figure this demon out after all, Aoba concluded as he smiled to himself. He had become more expressive in his own way ever since he gained emotions. The only thing Aoba needed to do now was to draw out more of those emotions and observe him while he accustomed himself to the change.

“I’m glad Koujaku is doing fine now,” Aoba said as he sat on the bed, casually playing with the feathers on his wings when Noiz joined him by his side.

“He’s going to be fine from now on,” Noiz said, reflexively reaching out to stroke one of Aoba’s feather, an imitation of Aoba’s tender touch.

“Yeah, he’ll be fine from now on,” Aoba repeated before he leaned into Noiz’s touch as his fingers made their way to the back of Aoba’s neck, nudging him a few times and managing to relax his tensed-up muscles at the same time.

“We need to figure out what to do next,” Aoba continued with his eyes closed. Noiz’s movements stopped, urging Aoba to look at him, his eyes brightening when he saw a rancorous expression forming on Noiz’s face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. But he didn’t need to anyway. Because he was very sure why, or rather, _what_ was on Noiz’s mind now. Inching towards him, Aoba placed his hand on Noiz’s lap, drawing Noiz’s attention towards himself as he smiled at him.

"Whatever’s coming, I’m here with you,” Aoba said. Noiz wsa visibly still diffident, but he nodded nevertheless. Tracing a finger along Aoba’s spine and ultimately reaching his waist, he leaned forward, burying his head in the crook of Aoba’s neck as he pulled him closer by the waist. Aoba obeyed without a word. Soon, the hot breath he felt on his neck turned into wet kisses when Noiz licked a slick tongue against his pale, cold skin, the wet warmth forming goose bumps all over Aoba’s body.

“H-hey, I thought I just ‘fed’ you this morning?” Aoba retorted breathlessly, his hand on Noiz’s lap trembled ever so slightly when the young demon proceeded to suck ravenously on the bite mark he’d created on Aoba’s skin earlier that day.

“It’s never enough when it comes to you,” Noiz mumbled ardently against Aoba’s neck, separating his mouth just enough to respond to Aoba before he sucked a mouthful of the purplish mark again, conjuring a moan from Aoba that he wasn’t able to sustain.

“Seriously…” Aoba released a broken laugh before he it was replaced by another weak moan. Noiz’s deprivation was way too obvious; it was as if Aoba’s entire existence was meant to trigger his hunger. The thought itself was terrifying. Noiz was, after all, a demon. If Aoba wasn’t careful, he’d probably be faced with a demon too hungry to sustain his urge to devour him, and he’d find it too late to regret how tolerant he was towards this menacing being.

But at the same time, Aoba knew that Noiz was slowly gaining humanity. No matter how hungry he tended to be, there was no way Noiz would devour him for real. Sure, he’d quench his hunger by savouring Aoba’s skin, satiating his need simply to feel intense emotions – intense _lust_ – just so he could survive another day. But that was about it. He wasn’t going to raise his tail and plunge a hole through Aoba’s chest like how he did to the woman from before.

When he thought about that, an impulsive pain squeezed his heart and Aoba had to place a hand against his chest to sustain it. He wasn’t sure what it was. But the thought of having Noiz’s tail stabbing right through his chest was a thought – a _feeling_ – that was so familiar yet unfamiliar, and it puzzled Aoba prominently.

He wasn’t sure if he should ask Noiz about it, or if Noiz actually knew anything about it.

“You have a very beautiful body,” Noiz said between pants. Before he knew it, Aoba was laying on the bed, with Noiz hovering on top of him before the demon launched himself on him, carefully yet peevishly kissing every inch of Aoba’s skin he could reach. “It’d be a waste to eat you up just like that.”

Aoba chuckled.

“Then try not to.”

Noiz merely gave him a smirk before he went back to his ‘meal’, rolling his tongue around Aoba’s nipple, one hand teasing another at the same time. Aoba shivered submissively upon feeling the metal sensation of Noiz’s piercing on his sensitive bud, urging him to cover his mouth with the back of his hand. The growing pleasure was a great distraction and not before long, he found himself grasping on the mattress instead, no longer caring if his own voice were to echo raucously in the room.

Because now, this very moment belonged to them and them alone. No disturbance, no fear.

Just them.

 

It was an hour later that Aoba found himself staring at his own wings again, a few feathers jabbing out of place as he tried to press them back down. Across time, he realized that if he prodded on the right place, he’d feel a weak insinuation of sensation on his wings, as if they had their own nerves. He wondered if it was the same as how Noiz felt, and it reminded him of when Noiz had told him about only being able to feel with his tongue and his tail.

He was completely distracted by his own thoughts when he heard Noiz rummaging in the drawer of his bedside table. Curious, he looked across the room, just to see Noiz returning with a blue, nicely wrapped box in his hand.

“What’s that?” Aoba asked, staring at the box as Noiz placed on by his side.

“Before I tell you,” Noiz said, a teasing smirk forming on his face. “Can you help me with something first?”

It was rare for Noiz to request for help. Actually, Aoba wouldn’t expect him to ask for help, _ever_. So, still curious, he nodded. Giving out a relieved smile, Noiz pointed at the piercings on his ears.

“Can you help me take these off?”

“Huh? All of them?”

Noiz’s nod did nothing but intensify the curiosity in Aoba.

“Why so sudden?” he asked as he shifted closer to Noiz, lifting a finger to touch frivolously on the metal studs on Noiz’s ear.

“I don’t think I need them anymore.”

Aoba released a small laugh.

“Why did you get them in the first place?”

“I thought that if I try hard enough, I’d be able to feel at least… _something_.”

“O-oh.”

Now Aoba felt insensible for even asking. Coughing mellifluously to hide his embarrassment, he focused his attention on Noiz’s piercings again.

“How should I do it? Do I just… pull them out?”

“Hm,” Noiz hummed quietly in confirmation. Then, as Aoba was preparing himself for the task, he closed his eyes, a sign that told Aoba that he had officially left matters into his hands.

He was glad that Noiz trusted him enough to meddle with something on his body, seeing how he once reacted so strongly when they did as much as brushing skin. But he had never done this before, and the thought of causing pain to Noiz – who could now very clearly feel pain – only making him more nervous as he spent a whole minute studying the studs on Noiz’s ears, then on the ones on his eyebrows, the ones on the bridge of his nose, and finally, the ones under his bottom lip.

“Do you want to take out the one on your tongue as well?” Aoba asked for a lack of better things to say, and out of severe need to break the edgy silence in the room.

Noiz opened his eyes, catching Aoba in surprise when he noticed how sharp Noiz’s lime-green gaze was.

“It depends on you. Leave it there if you like it.” Then, he gave Aoba a suggestive smirk. “Same goes to the ones below.”

“Wh-what do you mean it depends on me, huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Aoba lied. He _knew_ perfectly well what Noiz was talking about. Embarrassed, he dismissed Noiz, switching his gaze back to the piercings on Noiz’s ear and carefully started detaching them from Noiz’s skin.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, holding the small metal studs in his palm. Noiz examined them for a brief moment before he shook his head.

“Not at all. Don’t worry.”

“Then I’ll proceed with the rest.”

Noiz nodded and closed his eyes. Swallowing down his throat, Aoba continued, taking off all the piercings from Noiz’s ear, then the ones on the other parts of his face.

When he took off the ones below his bottom lip, he gave out a relieved sigh, causing Noiz to open his eyes.

“Done?”

"Yeah.”

“You let some stay,” Noiz grinned seductively. “So you _do_ like them after all.”

“Shut up, you perverted brat. I just thought you should leave a few as remembrance. That’s all.”

 “And you left the ones that can give you the most intense sensations alone,” Noiz continued teasing. Gritting his teeth, Aoba raised a hand and smacked Noiz on the head.

“Now tell me what that is,” Aoba pouted as he pointed to the blue box by Noiz’s side. “You said you were going to tell me once I’m done with these,” he said as he lifted the metal studs on his palm for Noiz to see.

After keeping the studs away, Noiz returned to Aoba, finally lifting the blue box in his hand.

“This is a present,” Noiz started, stroking the top of the box with his thumb.

“A present? From you?” Aoba asked, staring at the box with mild amazement.

Noiz shook his head.

“It’s from your family.”

Aoba gaped. He was almost ready to move on but the sole mention of his family infused the memories back in him and he felt the tips of this fingers tremble, suddenly unsure of how to continue the conversation.

He hadn’t been seeing Sei and his grandmother for a very long time; he didn’t even know if he still had the courage to see them again. But the mere mention of them told him enough that he needed more time to be properly prepared if he was serious about leaving his past behind.

“Your brother gave this to me when we visited the last time,” Noiz continued, despite noticing the convulsions on Aoba’s body. “It was supposed to be your birthday present.”

“I…” Aoba mumbled under his breath. He didn’t know what to say. The emotions within him were threatening to engulf his entire being.

“He gave it to me, as if he knew that I’m still in contact with you,” Noiz said, ignoring Aoba’s rickety reaction.

Sei had always been sharp, especially when it came to things concerning Aoba. Perhaps he really _did_ notice that Noiz was communicating with Aoba. It wouldn’t come as a surprise anyway. They were twins, and if anyone were able to still feel what Aoba was feeling, it would definitely be Sei.

“I don’t know when your birthday is,” Noiz confessed. “But I think this is the right time to give this to you.”

When Noiz opened the box in front of Aoba, he could only stare, unsure of what to expect. What appeared in front of him was a necklace, with a pendant carved with a letter ‘A’ and a pair of wings right behind the platinum material.

“This is…” he whispered, still finding it hard to speak.

“It reminds me of you,” Noiz said. “An angel who’s so pure and beautiful.” Noiz fixed his gaze at the pendant, then, without warning, he let out a soft chuckle. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? How a single letter can have a different, yet same meaning.”

Aoba didn’t need him to elaborate what he meant.

‘A’ – it could mean Aoba, but at the same time, it could also mean…

… _Angel_.

“Sei…” Aoba uttered. With quivering fingers, he reached out to stroke the platinum material of the pendant, tracing the outline of the letter and stifling a choked sob before he lowered his head, visibly trying very hard to contain the overwhelming emotions that were mercilessly ripping his insides apart.

“ _You_ are the angel, Sei…” he murmured in between sobs.

Noiz gave him a few moments to calm down, and then he cupped his face with one hand, wiping the tears off the corner of his eyes with his thumb before he leaned forward and kissed his forehead.

“You’ll stay with them until the end of their lives,” Noiz said, an attempt to comfort Aoba. “They’ll remember you forever.”

“I know,” Aoba said, messily trying to wipe the tears off his face with the back of his hand before he looked up and smiled at Noiz. “I’ll remember them forever as well. Koujaku, and everyone else. I’ll remember them forever.”

Now moving to twirl the strands of Aoba’s hair, Noiz lifted them slightly and charily kissed the tips, drawing a quiver from Aoba in reaction to his loving touch.

“Let me help you put it on,” Noiz mumbled against Aoba’s soft strands.

With an assuring smile, Aoba nodded. Gesturing Aoba to stand up, Noiz directed him to stand in front of the mirror as he took the pendant out of the box.

When Noiz placed the necklace around his neck, Aoba could do nothing but stare into the mirror, completely occupied by the sight in front of him. Noiz’s action was extremely gentle, as if he was afraid that he’d accidentally hurt Aoba. Unconsciously, Aoba lifted his hand and touched the new item around his neck, mouth slightly agape. He wanted to say something, but his mind was in a pure, white bliss so all he could do was scrutinizing every one of Noiz’s tantalising action, until Noiz finally finishe that he looked at him in the mirror, only to be met with a genuine yet bemused grin.

“It looks beautiful on you,” Noiz complimented as he hugged the whole of Aoba’s torso in his arms. Pressing his lips against the back of Aoba’s neck, he continued. “It suits you.”

Aoba could literally feel tears gathering in his eyes, his hand caressing the too-luxurious item as he stuttered,

 “Is it really fine for me to accept this?” he asked, no sure if he was directing the question to Noiz or to himself – or even to Sei.

“It’s a present,” Noiz stressed. “And I see no one else more fitting to own this than you.”

Slowly allowing the truth to sink in, Aoba nodded, albeit still feeling very surreal.

“I’ll cherish it,” he said at last, feeling Noiz hum in acknowledgement before he leaned his weight against Noiz’s body.

“Anyway,” Aoba said after a transient pause. “Now that we have time to spare, I’m thinking of spending more time outside. What do you think?”

Noiz obviously had his own hesitation about his suggestion; his response delayed for a bit too long. Feeling unsettled, Aoba was about to take back his question when Noiz finally spoke, making him force the words back down his throat.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Aoba said out of desperation. “I was thinking that since we don’t have much to do, I could show you around town. We only managed to visit my house the last time.”

Noiz assured Aoba with a smile of his own as he released him from his embrace, walking towards the bed and putting on his trench coat again, a sign loud and clear enough to tell Aoba that he didn’t mind it the slightest.

“I’m more than fine with your idea,” he said, as if his simple action wasn’t enough to wipe away Aoba’s qualms. “We just need to watch out backs. I figure they would come after us anytime soon.”

“They…? Oh.”

So that was why Noiz was hesitating. Out of a sudden, Aoba felt that perhaps he shouldn’t have suggested it after all.

“Don’t worry,” Noiz said, noticing the uncertainty on Aoba’s face. “We can’t be wasting time hiding. We don’t have enough time for ourselves.”

Noiz’s voice became smaller at the end of his sentence, but Aoba was sharp enough to catch his hint, reminding himself of his own thirty-day trial at the same time. He often wondered if this condition still applied to him now that he had become a fully-grown angel. But from the way Noiz had put it, it seemed that nothing had changed after all, awakened or not.

A new sense of terror washed over him upon being reminded of that very truth – he couldn’t remember how many days he was left with. For all he knew, he could disappear just like that tomorrow – leaving Noiz behind.

Just like that.

“Let’s go,” he said voice firmed and determined. “We have no time to waste.”

Aoba quickly dressed himself up while Noiz waited by the door, occasionally peeking out of the window. It created a tensed-up atmosphere in the room while both of them remained silent. Aoba knew that Noiz was checking for any signs of his own species. But yet, there wasn’t any hint of apprehension on his expression, as if he was fully prepared to face them if they were to visit them now.

Trying to brush the disconcerting thoughts off his mind, Aoba grabbed onto the scarf Noiz had given him earlier and wrapped it around his neck when Noiz spoke,

“We would need to bring along an umbrella this time,” he said, eyes fixed on the streets. “The storm is back.”

"Do we want to wait for it to calm down first?” Aoba asked. Even though he was sure that he wouldn’t fall sick because he was practically unaffected by the weather now, the storm would still slow them down if they were to face it in such an upfront way.

“It’s fine,” Noiz replied offhandedly before he shifted his gaze away from the street and onto Aoba. “It isn’t as bad as before.”

Aoba nodded. When Noiz extended an arm, Aoba paced towards him, fast, and grasped onto it. Noiz returned his grip almost instantly, and if Aoba was to lose focus for one second, he’d probably not notice the faint quavers he felt from Noiz’s hand when they intertwined their fingers.

Noiz directed the way towards the door. He took another swift look at the street, merely opening a small gap of the window, before he led Aoba to the exit. Once he opened the door, the strong wind making its way into their house had Aoba clutching tighter on Noiz’s hand.

It was only a thunderstorm. There shouldn’t be anything to be afraid of. Like Noiz said, they couldn’t hide themselves for the rest of their lives.

Then, in a blink of an eye, he found himself grasping onto _nothing_. He didn’t know when Noiz had pulled his hand off his own, and he wasn’t even aware when Noiz slammed the door close in his face. The last thing he remembered was seeing Noiz noticing something, his eyes brightened at a distance Aoba couldn’t see and before he knew it, he was left alone in the room.

Alone. Without Noiz.

“Noiz!” Aoba shouted. He attempted to open the door but not matter how hard he tried, his efforts were proven useless. The door wouldn’t budge, as if a strong force was stopping him from opening it.

Panicked, he headed towards the window instead, wanting to take a good look of what exactly was keeping him locked in the house.

What he saw froze every one of his nerves. The sky was pitch dark, as if time was fast forwarded and that now they were vehemently thrown into the darkness of nightfall.

“Noiz!” Aoba screamed, gaze drifting around in search of Noiz. It was impossible for him to disappear just like that. One minute ago, he was still _here_ , with Aoba; he could still feel him so clearly in his hands – his warmth, his _existence_.

There was _no way_ he would disappear just like that.

“Noiz!” Aoba shouted again, praying with all his heart to hear some sort of reply, any sort of reply at all. He could feel cold sweat forming all over him. He ran back to the door, tried with all his might to force it open but to no avail. Desperate, he ran to the window again, his heart beat frantically beneath his chest. Five minutes passed; the outside view was definitely abnormal but that was the least of Aoba’s concerns now. The sky could fall, the world could end, but there was no way he could lose Noiz now.

 _No way_.

“Noiz!!” Aoba screamed again, pounding on the window glass as hard as he could. He was about to find something hard, _anything_ , to break the glass and to climb himself out of the house, when the abrupt change of vision in front of him halted all of his actions, along with his thoughts.

Fresh blood splattered on the window, smearing the whole of the glass with red. If that wasn’t enough to terrify Aoba, he then heard a loud scream, a voice which he recognized as Noiz’s.

“Noiz!!” He was practically bashing on the window now. It didn’t even matter if he ended up crushing his own hands. Nothing mattered to him now – nothing but _Noiz_.

The scream disappeared shortly after. Silence spread, the room filled only with Aoba’s heavy breathing. He strained his eyes, trying to look through the sea of blood-red, trying to catch a glimpse of blond, but all that he could see was red, red, and _red_. He could hear the very lurid heartbeats in his ears, he could feel the tension in his body, straining his veins. He knew that something was wrong, but there was nothing he could do and he hated himself for that. With one last attempt, he looked around, found something that was sturdy enough – a vase – and was about to smash it on the window when a huge impact hit the glass instead, doing the job for him.

Everything was happening so fast that he didn’t have time to react, let alone making out what the impact _really_ was. Until he finally made sense of what was happening that a strong wave of fear crushed his entire body, giving him a full-body shiver.

 _It was Noiz_.

Aoba couldn’t find his voice; he wanted to call out to Noiz but his attention seemed to have a better idea as if focused on Noiz’s entire frame instead – he was bleeding from head to toe, and Aoba didn’t need long to realize that something about him seemed _different_. His horns were visible, so was his tail, but his wings…

Aoba gaped. There was something _wrong_ with his wings and he couldn’t quite make out what was wrong; both his vision and Noiz’s torso blurred by the tremendous spurt of blood tainting the whole of his body. He tried, rushing towards the window, trying to see through the thick layer of blood, trying to make out where the joints of Noiz’s wings were…

…just to realize that there weren’t any joints to begin with.

“Noiz…?” he called out weakly. He could no longer feel the strength in him. He no longer had the power to move an inch, let alone reaching out to Noiz. Noiz was unconscious. When his body was lifted up ever so slightly, pulling him off the window and into thin air, Aoba finally saw it – _how one of his wings was torn apart, the remains of it left dangling, barely attached to his back._

It looked so fragile, as if one simple touch would detach his wing from his body. Aoba stood rooted on the spot, his mind blank, his limbs trembling, his blood boiling, his face pale.

It was as if whoever was doing this was laughing at him – “ _See what happens when you cross the line?_ _You shouldn’t have crossed it in the first place._ ” – and as if that wasn’t enough to petrify Aoba, the part of Noiz’s wings – the one thing of Noiz’s that Aoba had come to love so much – was ripped apart before his very eyes.

“Stop!” he screamed. His legs moved by themselves, bringing him closer to Noiz. His abdomen hurt when it hit the window sill, limiting his actions as he spread one arm, attempting to grip onto Noiz’s bloodied hand before he finally saw it, eyes widened in horror, _that one being_ that was responsible for taking away Noiz’s precious feature from him.

The new demon was bigger, taller, and definitely more menacing-looking than Noiz. Aoba didn’t need too much convincing to know that this demon was far more experienced and perhaps even far crueller than Noiz. At that exact moment, the truth hit Aoba – that he was facing a _real_ demon; a demon with absolutely _no_ emotions and who had _no_ intention whatsoever to reason with any other being.

This was not Noiz; this was _the demon_.

“Y-you…” Aoba stuttered, unable to move his gaze from the creature’s silhouette in front of him. He was muscular, a pair of big, long horns attached to his head, at least three times of Noiz’s size. Clutching only Noiz by the neck with one hand, his gaze shifted, landing on Aoba and Aoba swore he felt current running through his body when their eyes met. The demon’s stare was sharp, his golden orbs effectively triggering a petrifying sense of intimidation from within Aoba, his long hair waved swiftly with the wind. The smell of blood was so strong in the air it’s intoxicating. He was usd to smelling his own blood when Noiz would unconsciously bite him on the skin, drawing blood in the process. But this level of intensity, this thick smell of rush – it was so much different from how Aoba remembered it to be.

Completely frozen, he merely stared as the demon took heavy steps towards him, coming so close to him that when Aoba was finally able to see his face, he found himself stop breathing.

Apart from the astuteness in his eyes, the new demon also had an impassive feature, a face that reminded Aoba of Noiz when they’d first met. For a long time, the demon did nothing but continue staring at Aoba, as if he was expecting Aoba to make the first move, or if he was waiting for the perfect time to launch a sudden attack at Aoba.

Aoba knew that he was definitely no match for this demon. He could see Noiz’s comatose body from the corner of his eyes, he could sense how hard the demon in front of him was scrutinizing him now, making him wonder if this demon had the ability to read minds, just like how he often assumed Noiz to be able to.

But then, the demon straightened himself up, shot a hasty glance at Noiz before he turned his back towards Aoba, flapping his wings at the same time, a clear enough sign to tell Aoba that he was about to depart.

With Noiz.

“Wait!” Aoba cried. He ran towards the door, easily opened it and made hurried steps out of the house, onto the street, chasing after the demon.

The demon halted his steps, casting another frivolous sideway glare at Aoba.

“Where are you taking him?” Aoba panted. All the demon did was glare at him, then he replied, with a voice so low it sounded as if he was speaking under his breath.

“Termination,” he said simply before he turned around. “Don’t follow us, angel.”

“No way,” Aoba said, strong-minded. Clenching his fists, he took one step towards the new demon and frowned at him. “Noiz is my responsibility.”

To his surprise, the demon let out a smirk.

“This is a mistake. You should know it better than anyone else.”

The gravelly tone of the demon’s voice drummed in Aoba’s ears. He wanted to argue more, he wanted the demon to leave Noiz alone. But before he could say anything else, the demon spread his wings, blocking Aoba’s view, and left.

Gradually, the surroundings returned to normal. The storm disappeared, the damage of their house vanished, as if nothing happened in the first place.

But Aoba knew that things had changed. Falling to his knees, he stared at his hands, tarnished with Noiz’s blood, his breath trapped in his chest.

He needed to do something. But the thing was – he didn’t know exactly _what_ he should do. He brought his hands to his eyes, trying to calm his frustration down, trying to stop his tears.

But nothing was working. His body was covered with Noiz’s blood. And he didn’t even know if Noiz was still alive.

 

He couldn’t remember how long he had been kneeing down in the centre of the street. When he came back to himself, it was raining heavily, drenching him from head to toe. He lowered his head, eyes hollow as he watched trails of blood dripping from his hand onto the wet concrete floor. His wings felt heavy thanks to the weight of rain soaked into them. He opened his mouth slightly, eyes darting sluggishly from left to right, realizing that time had frozen, and that he was left alone on the street.

Then, he looked up, raindrops hitting his face. The sky was painted in dark grey, covered with heavy clouds, and every drop of water on his skin made him feel as if they were attempting to stab a hole through his body, destroying both his body and his sanity all at the same time.

He wanted to stay like that, letting the water fall heartlessly on him, wanting the water to wash away all his remorse and his _sins_. Anything was fine; he’d do _anything_ as long as it allowed him to save Noiz. Tears threatening to fall; one small movement was all it took for them to slide down the corners of his eyes, mingling with the rainwater on his face when the image of Noiz’s wing being bellicosely ripped apart returned to haunt him. He could physically feel the stab in his heart, his eyes sore. The temptation to break down was huge for him. But before the emotions could get to him, a transparent material appeared above him, blocking his view of the sky.

“I know you won’t fall sick, Aoba-san. But it’s still not a good idea to stay wet for long.”

He looked up to stare at the source of the new voice. The person standing in front of him was none other than the white-haired man who’d appeared and disappeared a few days back. He had completely forgotten about him thanks to the overwhelming amount of quandaries both him and Noiz were faced with. But even when he’d made an appearance now, Aoba found himself completely apathetic about it. His entire mind was set on Noiz, and Noiz alone. When he gave the other man an inane stare, it was returned with a sad smile.

He felt like a living corpse. He felt frothy when the man helped him stand up, placing him under the shade of his umbrella and then held him steadfastly as they walked down the street. When they ultimately settled at a bus stop, the man closed his umbrella and shook the excess water off it before he sat beside Aoba.

“Aoba-san, are you okay?” he asked. Aoba took a while before he finally nodded. Relieved that he’d managed to draw a reaction out of him, the man continued. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Aoba’s eyes brightened. When he spoke, his voice cracked, and that was when he realized that he had been straining his throat all this while – all the screaming seemed to have taken a toll on him.

“H-how do you know?” he asked before he shook his head, as if he’d just said something wrong. “You’re…” he paused, staring at the gentle smile the man was putting on his face now. “…Clear, right?”

Clear nodded.

“I’ve been around longer than you think, Aoba-san,” Clear said, answering Aoba’s suspicions. “Even before you died.”

With that last sentence, Clear had successfully claimed Aoba’s complete attention. He’d once tried to figure who exactly Clear was and was unable to come out with a conclusion. But now that Clear was right in front of him, sitting right beside him and seemingly willing to answer all of his questions, he found his thoughts gearing up all over again.

“Who are you?” Aoba asked, his composure gradually returning to him.

Clear smiled at him, pleased to see that Aoba had slowly returned to himself.

“I’m a fallen angel.”

“Fallen… angel?” Aoba pronounced, trying to make sense of the meaning behind each word he said.

“Fallen angels are angels who fail their task; angels who are trapped between life and death. In other words,” the corner of Clear’s lips curved higher before he continued. “fallen angels are angels who lost and become lost. We can’t die, but we have no reason to live either.”

Aoba didn’t know if he really wanted to know the truth now. He knew that he had yet to know about a lot of things regarding this new world. But when he got to know about this piece of new information, he suddenly felt that perhaps it was a blessing on its own to not know so much after all.

“What did you mean when you said that you… failed your task?” Aoba asked despite the urge to remain quiet. The temptation to know more trounced his inner conflict and before he knew it, he’d spoken his thoughts out loud.

“I didn’t manage to protect him,” Clear said quietly. Then, he inched closer towards Aoba as he lifted a finger, stroking Aoba’s cheek before he gave out another bitter smile. “I wasn’t able to protect you.”

Aoba hitched a breath.

“What do you mean… me?” he asked. His breathing felt heavy, his head was a mess.

“I was your guardian angel, Aoba-san,” Clear confessed. Pulling his hand back, he gave Aoba a smile, one that was less miserable than the previous one. “But I didn’t manage to prevent your death.”

Did this mean that Clear had the same responsibility as he had towards Koujaku once, and now Noiz? Aoba wondered. If that was true, then wasn’t he the same as Clear now? Since he wasn’t able to protect Noiz either.

“You’re not a fallen angel yet,” Clear said, as if he’d just read Aoba’s mind. “Noiz-san is not dead yet."

That seemed to be the only thing Aoba wanted to hear as he let out an intuitive sigh of relief, a wide smile appearing on his face.

“Really?! Noiz is still alive?!” he asked, leaning forward excitedly. “Where is he now? Do you know where I can find him?”

Clear chuckled at Aoba’s response. Realizing how he’d overreacted, Aoba blushed, sitting back down on his seat and looked away.

"I’m sorry, I just…”

“It’s okay,” Clear smiled cheerily. “That’s the reason I’m here, to tell you not to lose hope.”

“Do you know where Noiz is?” Aoba asked again, voice slightly smaller but unmistakably enlivening.

“I do,” Clear admitted. “But it’s not a safe place to venture into.”

“It’s fine,” Aoba quickly replied. “I’ll do anything to save him.”

“I know,” Clear said. “You have been like this since a very long time ago, Aoba-san.”

Aoba wasn’t sure if he wanted to probe more into what Clear was implying but before he could make up his mind, Clear intruded his thought process.

“It seems like he’s been brought back to the demon’s den.”

“You mean Hell?” Aoba was quick to ask.

Clear nodded. “There’s only one way to get there.”

As Aoba waited impatiently, Clear gave him a firm stare, as if wanting to make sure that Aoba was really up for it.

“I’ll do anything I can to save Noiz,” Aoba repeated, noticing the hint.

Clear laughed, catching Aoba off guard.

“Ah, it’s nothing,” he explained, realizing that he might have confused Aoba. “I just thought how ironic it is to help a person who had killed the person I was supposed to protect.” Patting Aoba on the head, he leaned towards him and kissed him on the forehead. “But I’m glad I can be of help to you.”

“There’s only one way to get there,” Clear continued, pulling their distance apart then with solemnity evident in both his eyes and his voice. “You will need to dive deep into the darkest place of your consciousness.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?”

“That’s why I’m here.”

               

Without waiting for the rain to stop, they made hurried steps back to Noiz’s house. Aoba had no idea how Clear was going to help him out. But when Clear asked him to lay on the bed, he obeyed without any further questions.

“Why are you doing this?” Aoba asked, laying face front with his hands placed on his abdomen.

Clean leaned the umbrella against the bedside table before he sat by the bed, giving Aoba a warm smile as he crossed his fingers.

“I wasn’t able to protect you when you were alive. I thought this is a good chance to compensate for my mistake.”

“But Noiz was the one who’d misled me,” Aoba confronted, still trying to make sense of things. “You did nothing wrong.”               

Clear shook his head in response.

“It was a mistake from my end,” he admitted. “I knew that Noiz-san was after you, I knew it all along. But I never expected him to be so aggressive. Not until I did some research on both of your pasts that it occurred to me.”

“Hm?” Aoba stared but Clear quickly shook his head.

“Anyway, Aoba-san, this is not the main concern now, isn’t it?” he replied with a bright smile, accompanied by a higher tone of voice. “The more pressing matter now is to help you get into Hell.”

“How are we going to do that?” Aoba asked. He was half-expecting Clear to summon a black hole of some sort but instead, Clear simply leaned forward.

“As I said earlier, the only way to go there is to venture into the deepest of your own consciousness. Precisely, the part of your self that contains the thickest of your desire, or what the demons called, your sins. This part of you contains a self that you hide, or even not known by yourself. It must be deep and powerful enough to draw out your strongest desire.” Sensing the confusion on Aoba’s face, Clear continued. “Demons feed off desires. I’m sure you’re well-informed about this. They feed on other being’s sins – wrath, pride, lust, greed, sloth, gluttony and envy. All of these sins, in other words, are the deepest desires of a living being. No one is an exception. As long as one is alive, they’d possess one or more of these _desires_. They are equivalent to their life force. Hence,” Clear smiled a bit wider, as if attempting to brighten the now melancholy atmosphere in the room. “the place that you’re seeking would be filled with these sins. Aoba-san,” he said, switching to a more serious tone. “you need to be very careful when you’re there. Please don’t fall for the trap of your desire. Or else you’ll be trapped in Hell, or rather, your own consciousness forever.”

The truth sounded undoubtedly like a faraway horror story, something Aoba would brush off if he heard it while he was alive. But this was no joke now – it was a reality he needed to face.

Nodding, he grasped his hand tighter, closing his eyes before he said,

“Thank you for doing this, Clear.” He had no idea how relieved Clear felt now.

“Please don’t mention it. Besides,” Clear placed both of his hands on top of Aoba’s, closing his eyes and pausing for a short while before he continued. “This is the last thing I want to do for you.”

“Huh?”

“Now then, Aoba-san, please relax,” Clear quickly interrupted. “You need to make sure that your mind is completely clear off all distractions. Don’t think of anything. Just focus on me.”

Aoba was burning to ask what Clear meant by ‘last thing’, but his instincts was stabbing his temptation, urging him to do what Clear asked him to do instead. Desperately trying to empty his mind, he relaxed his muscles, attempting to focus on nothing but the tiny sounds Clear was making beside him.

“I’m going to sing you a song,” Clear said, his voice sounding like a whisper. “All you need to do is to listen to it. And when you’re there…” Aoba didn’t need to open his eyes to know that Clear was smiling at him again. “Remember, stay true to yourself, to your objective, to the reason why you’re there in the first place.”

The only response Aoba gave him was a small nod, which was more than enough for Clear as he paused, just momentarily, before he started singing.

It was a calm melody; a type of voice that allowed Aoba to hear imaginary bells in his head. For some reason, he could hear not only the beauty in Clear’s voice, but also the subtle sorrow. There must’ve been something about Clear that Aoba didn’t get to know, something that was important to Clear, something that could’ve been important to Aoba as well.

Silently making a mental note to ask Clear about it as soon as this was over, Aoba allowed himself to be drifted to sleep, feeling his consciousness slowly leaving him and before he knew it, he was pulled into darkness, into an alternate conscious of his that he never knew existed.

 

When he thought it was safe to open his eyes, he looked around, seeing nothing but darkness around him. He tried saying something, but the words got stuck in his throat, and only after multiple tries did he realize that he was practically blind and deaf. For all he knew, someone might be standing right in front of him but thanks to his muteness, he wouldn’t even know if that someone was to point a sharp spear against his throat now.

“You really came.”

He jumped at the abrupt interruption. He couldn’t quite locate the source of the voice as he turned around frantically, hoping to feel at least something that could confirm the presence of another being in this space.

“You’re really determined, aren’t you?”

Aoba continued looking around, straining his eyes hard, trying desperately to catch sight of even the slightest hint of light, of _life_.

“That’s no use. I’m in your head. I don’t have a form.”

Aoba stopped. While he was trying to concentrate, he felt it. Deep within him, there was a being, a vague existence. Could this be the _desire_ Clear had warned him about?

“I need to be here,” Aoba thought.

“Why?” The voice was clearer in his head now, but it wasn’t as intimidating as how Aoba imagined it to be. Feeling slightly relieved, he continued,

“I need to bring Noiz back.”

“Hmmm, but he belongs here.”

For a while, there was only silence. Aoba could only assume that the owner of the voice was doing his own thinking.

“Why are you so determined? Why is there a need to do so? Noiz is a demon, he killed you. You should hate him.”

“That’s not right,” Aoba defended. “Noiz is indeed a demon. But he didn’t become that by choice. There’s only one Noiz I know, and the Noiz I know isn’t just any demon. In fact, he’s as human as any other human being can be.”

“But he killed you,” the voice persisted. “He took away an innocent life. You did nothing wrong. You don’t deserve this.”

“That’s… true,” Aoba agreed, before a frown appeared in between his eyebrows. “But Noiz didn’t do anything wrong either. He didn’t kill me just for the sake of killing me.”

“He wanted to eat you.”

“But he didn’t,” Aoba’s voice became stronger with every passing second. “He didn’t eat me.”

The voice laughed. It was so loud it echoed around the place, urging Aoba to believe that they were indeed in a room, or at least in a place with solid walls.

“You’re too naïve, Aoba,” the voice persisted. “You don’t know what happened.”

“You mean in the past?” Aoba asked, carefully looking around, still searching for a hint of some sort. “I don’t care about the past.”

“Do you really?” the voice threatened. “Do you not want to know what really happened to the both of you a century ago?”

“I don’t need to know,” Aoba said, even though he couldn’t deny the rising curiosity within him. “I have an idea and that’s enough for me.”

"Noiz ate you,” the voice continued, sounding more confident now that it detected the hesitance in Aoba. “With that tail of his, he stabbed a hole through your chest, just like that.”

Before Aoba could respond, a figure appeared in front of him, and he gaped upon realizing that he was looking at _himself_.

If that wasn’t enough to shock him, he felt a hand against his chest, right where his heart was located.

“Right here,” his twin said with a smirk he couldn’t recognize as his own. His eyes were glimmering _gold_ and they penetrated sharply into Aoba’s own light brown ones. “Just like that,” he said, teasingly drawing circles around Aoba’s chest with his forefinger. “With that tail of his, he pierced a hole right through here. He took your life away, ate your life force, and satisfied his own hunger with you.”

Aoba’s entire body stiffened. _Desire_ ’s touch was featherlike; he could barely feel it, but he was way too distracted by his gaze and intimidating expression to care about what he was doing to his skin.

“Are you sure you want to forgive him, Aoba?” _Desire_ asked. “Are you sure you are ready to forgive a murderer?”

One gulp down his throat later, Aoba replied, instantly feeling the trembling of his own voice.

“It’s all in the past.”

“No, it isn’t,” _Desire_ was fast to retort. “Just a few weeks back, he’d managed to take your life. _Again_. History is repeating itself, Aoba. Can’t you see?”

For a long moment, Aoba merely fixed his strong gaze on _Desire_ ’s sharp one. Then, he raised a hand and placed it against his own chest before he said,

“You’re right. But,” he felt ache in his throat, but he needed to continue, he needed to tell _Desire_ how wrong he was. “I forgive him.”      

 A loud laugh rang around them, triggering goose bumps all over Aoba’s skin. The same hand that was on his chest earlier moved swiftly upwards and stroked his face instead.

“You’re very naïve, Aoba. You’ve fallen in love with your own killer. The demon, on top of that.”

“I’m fine with that,” Aoba said, loud and clear. “As long as Noiz is _alive_ , I’m fine with anything.”

Now, he could see the confusion in _Desire_ ’s face. It seemed like he’d hit the jackpot.

“Why?”

“I’m a living being, but Noiz is as well. Can you imagine…” As a form of comfort, he raised his hand, stroking _Desire_ ’s face the same way that _Desire_ did to him. “…how lonely he felt having to live through entire century without being able to feel anything at all? Can you imagine…” Aoba slid his hand down, until it was placed against _Desire_ ’s chest, where he felt his heartbeats. “…how happy he felt when he was able to feel emotions again?”

Their gazes met. _Desire_ ’s eyes were no longer piercing and threatening; rather, they were gentler, and were definitely a reflection of Aoba’s own gaze.

“I fell in love with Noiz. And the Noiz I know is not a demon, but a living being who deserves to be happy, who has all the rights to feel what being _alive_ meant. If that means I have to trade my life so that he could feel exactly that…” Aoba trailed off at the end. He found it hard to speak, felt the stab in his heart clear as day. But he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and finished with a smile. “Then it’s fine with me.”

 _Desire_ scrutinized him for a long while. Without warning, he let out a small chuckle, followed immediately by a smirk.

"Are you sure? That would mean dying again, you know?”

Aoba smiled, a genuine expression that effectively halted _Desire_ ’s every intention to mock Aoba further.

“Life is, after all, only meaningful if it’s spent with people you love.” Shifting his gaze downwards, he found _Desire_ ’s hands, then proceeded to hold onto them, giving them a firm grasp. “I know you’re part of me which I had no knowledge of, but I hope you’re happy with how you are now.”

Aoba closed his eyes, attempting to feel the warmth in _Desire_ ’s hand – to feel how _real_ this seemingly unreal existence was. The pulse was a powerful hint strong enough to tell Aoba that the person in front of him was, in fact, very much true and living as well.

“I’d rather die a meaningful death than live a meaningless life.”

Aoba’s response was one _Desire_ never expected. He spent a whole minute trying to decipher what Aoba had just told him, as if trying to crack a non-existent code. But no matter how hard he tried, Aoba’s sincere smile completely captivated him and all he could do was stare at him, until Aoba broke the awkward atmosphere by ruffling _Desire_ ’s hair, quickly catching his wrist before he could jump away.

“You’re not as bad as I thought you’d be,” Aoba teased with a perky grin. Without giving _Desire_ a chance to retort, he pulled him into a hug instead, patting his back hard. “Can I count on you to bring me to where Noiz is?”

“How do you know?” _Desire_ mumbled, his attitude visibly softer than before, either thanks to Aoba’s unexpected genuine response or out of surprise.

“I’m you, remember? Or you’re part of me, whichever works,” Aoba said with a cheeky smirk.

He swore he saw _Desire_ pouting at him before he turned away, refusing to have any more eye contact with Aoba. But surprisingly, he was no longer struggling out of Aoba’s grasp. Getting the hint, Aoba gave him another smile before he held onto his hand more tightly, trying to catch his attention as _Desire_ gave him an awkward sideway glance.

“This way,” he said. Before Aoba could blink, his vision became clearer. They weren’t in a room; rather, they were in an open space. There weren’t any buildings around. A few blinks later and a door came into view. He wasn’t even sure if it was there from the very beginning or if it only appeared now.

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” _Desire_ asked. Aoba looked at him, but _Desire_ ’s eyes were fixed on the door, his gaze wavering ever so slightly. Was he afraid, Aoba wondered. Assuming it to be so, he intertwined their fingers, feeling the trembling of _Desire_ ’s skin before he nodded.

“You’ll stay with me, right?” he asked. _Desire_ frowned before he closed his eyes, considering Aoba’s question for a moment.

“Beyond this door is something that might crush you,” he said, turning a deaf ear towards Aoba’s question. “Or rather,” he opened his eyes, his scowl deepened. “something that might crush _us_.”

Aoba didn’t know what to expect. But even when _Desire_ said so, he couldn’t sense any hesitance in his tone. So, Aoba gave his hand a light squeeze, urging _Desire_ to look him in the eyes.

“You’ll go in with me, right?” he asked again. _Desire_ smiled, one that reminded Aoba fondly of himself.

“We’re one after all,” he finally answered.

Then, they walked towards the door. It was fiery red, the intensity of the colour so strong as if one touch would burn their hands. As Aoba contemplated about whether he should try pushing it open, _Desire_ suddenly pulled him back.

“Let me do it, you stand back.”

Aoba obeyed without question. Stepping back, he watched _Desire_ stretched out an arm, hesitating for a few moments before he placed his hand on the doorknob.

Both of them stopped breathing, expecting something to happen – an explosion, or a sudden attack of some sort. But when everything was too quiet for his liking, _Desire_ turned to look at Aoba over his shoulder, who responded with a nod. With that, he gave the knob a tight squeeze, then turning it, pushing the door open while Aoba rushed up to grab onto his other free hand.

He didn’t expect Hell to be so… empty. The space was wide, there was no sign of living beings around. But then again, when Aoba attempted to feel the atmosphere around him, he was struck with a simple realization – the very fact that this was _Hell_ was why it was so empty. There weren’t any apparent emotions, no signs of the many desires Clear had warned him of. It was the space that took place in his head; his alternate consciousness. In other words, this was the place he’d created – his version of how Hell looked like; and the only desire he ever possessed was the one whom he was holding in his hand.

Being extremely cautious, he took wary steps as he advanced further into the space.

“This is weird,” _Desire_ said, breaking the silence between them.

“What is?”

“I can’t sense any other desires around,” he said, looking around with a frown on his face.

“Isn’t that normal? This is my thought of Hell. And you’re the only desire I ever possess.”

“No,” _Desire_ denied almost immediately. “We are stepping into a space that intersects the real Hell with the common Hell humans create in their own heads. It’s not normal of the real Hell to be so empty.”

“Do you think this is a trap?” Aoba asked, trying to sort out the possibilities of the situation.

“If it’s really a trap, I wish they reveal themselves already,” _Desire_ responded casually. “There’s no use in wasting time here.”

It seemed like their thought matched. Still being extremely alert, Aoba moved his eyes around, trying to sense if there were any living beings near them.

“There,” _Desire_ suddenly said, stopping them in their tracks.

Right in front of them were two demons, undoubtedly young, judging from their faces.

“What should we do?” Aoba whispered, but _Desire_ gave out a smirk before he stepped forward and pulled Aoba over with him.

“Hey,” he called out, obviously fearless.

The two young demons looked at them, confused, then back at each other.

“Do you know where I can find a blond, one-winged demon?” _Desire_ asked, his tone harsh, as powerful as his gaze.

The two demons looked at each other again, still confused. When _Desire_ was about to pester them further, another voice echoed, causing both him and Aoba to go into a defensive stance.

“Now, now, don’t go bullying young ones,” the voice said. It was a light voice, the insouciance evident in it.

Both Aoba and _Desire_ looked around before they caught sight of the pair of blond-haired demons, although neither one of them was the demon they were looking for.

“I believe you’re looking for Noiz,” one of the demons – the bespectacled one – said.

“Do you know where Noiz is?” Aoba reacted instantly.

“I do,” the demon said with a smile. “But are you sure you want to go looking for him?” he paused, then flashed a suggestive stare at Aoba. “Aoba-san?”

“H-huh? How do you know…”

“The entire Hell knows about you, Aoba,” the other demon responded. He was bigger in size, taller, and had a deeper voice than his comrade. But they both wore the same hypocritical smiles that built an uncomfortable tension at the bottom of Aoba’s stomach. “You’re the infamous angel who our dear top-class demon is head over heels with.”

Gaining reputation in the underworld was the last thing Aoba wanted. He didn’t know how it happened but he didn’t want to probe anything further either. This wasn’t the time to be having a casual conversation when Noiz’s life was dangling at the edge of the cliff.

“Can you tell me where Noiz is?” Aoba asked again, this time, with a gentler voice. If persistence wouldn’t work, perhaps courtesy would.

The two demons looked at each other, then shrugged.

“Right up ahead,” the bespectacled one directed. “We didn’t expect to see you here, Aoba-san,” he continued before Aoba could walk out of their field of view. “But we’re glad. You’re as how the rumours said.”

Aoba wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know exactly what the underground rumours had to say about him. Meeting the other demons wasn’t his intention. But he knew that he was safe. Because he was an _angel_ , and as long as he still preserved this title of his, there was no way they could touch him, let alone harm him.

They encountered more demons along the way, all of them giving them suspicions glares and whispering to each other as they walked. Perhaps it was his huge, white wings, or his halo that was glimmering so brightly now that had drawn attention to them. Or perhaps it was simply because of the fact that an _angel_ had appeared in Hell that had triggered their interest. Aoba _knew_ that the demons couldn’t touch him; if they did, they’d burn themselves like Noiz did when they first made skin contact. But the hunger in their eyes when he walked past them was too intense to miss. The longer they walked, the more demons they encountered, all of them with huge wings, long, threatening tail and horns on their heads. It was indeed intimidating to witness so many menacing beings in the same place, but Aoba had no time to feel fear – he had one and only _one_ focus, and that was to find Noiz, to get him out of his Hell, literally.

He didn’t know if there was a time limit to how long he could stay here. But as the time passed, he could physically feel how worn out he was slowly becoming. His legs started to feel heavy, he wasn’t sure how far more he had to walk to finally see Noiz. His vision was quickly blurring out, and he was starting to gain a minor migraine that forced him to stop frequently just so he could catch his breath.

“Are you okay?” _Desire_ asked as Aoba squatted, panting heavily. He could physically feel the lack of oxygen in his lungs, as if a hole was punched through them, gradually leaking air out of him. It could be thanks to the overwhelming negative aura in this place, influencing and contradicting his nature. His whole body felt heavy, his heart felt like it’d stop beating any moment now.

“I’m… I’m fine,” he breathed, wiping sweat off his face with the back of his hand.

 _Desire_ clicked his tongue.

“You’re not. We need to speed up.”

 Another few deep breaths later, Aoba resumed his walk. He was feeling dizzy now, his consciousness slowly but surely slipping away. He was almost sure that he was hearing a voice in his head, but convincing himself that he might be hallucinating – that this could be one of the traps this place had set up for him – he ignored it, until it came to a point where the voice was _so strong_ , he had to stop and finally focus on it.

“What is it?” _Desire_ asked.

“Can you hear it?” Aoba said, straining his ears to catch what the voice was saying.

 _Desire_ concentrated upon hearing Aoba’s question. Aoba continued walking, still trying to grasp onto every word that was ringing in his ears. With each new step he took, the voice became clearer, louder, so he walked faster until he could hear every word so clearly in his head that he stopped, eyes brightening in surprise.

 

“ _`I cannot understand why we need to kill. Why is there a need to consume souls? Why can’t we eat normally?”`_

` _“I cannot fit in. I cannot understand.”_ `

”Noiz…” Aoba mumbled under his breath. This was, unquestionably, Noiz’s voice. He must be near, Aoba concluded. Whatever he was hearing must be Noiz’s thoughts, regardless of whether they were voices from the past or from the present.

 

` _“They told me that it’s a sin to fall for a human, but they never told me why it’s considered a sin.”_ `

` _“I didn’t want to live my life like a living corpse.”_ `

 

Aoba walked faster, chasing after the voice. Was Noiz trying to tell him where he was? Was Noiz guiding him?

“Noiz!” he called out, looking around the place and struggling to find the source of the voice.

 

` _“Aoba.”_ `

 

 

“Noiz! I’m here, Noiz!” he screamed, responding to Noiz’s call of his name.

 

` _“Aoba is… beautiful. Angels are… distracting. But Aoba… Aoba is… different.”_ `

` _“Tell me, how do you intend to make me more human when I don’t even look like one?”_ `

 

“Noiz!” Aoba continued calling out desperately. “I’m here for you, Noiz! Don’t give up!”

He ran, and ran, and ran. The voice remained loud, as if it was speaking inside his own head.

Then, he hit an end. It was another door. Before he could push the door open, _Desire_ pulled him back.

“I’ll leave you alone for this,” he said with a genuine smile.

“You aren’t following me inside?” Aoba asked, his heart dropped.

 _Desire_ shook his head.

“This is a territory I shouldn’t interfere with.”

“But what will happen to you?” Aoba asked, desperation obvious in his tone.

“Nothing will happen. I’ll still be inside you,” _Desire_ said as he flashed a playful smirk at Aoba. “No matter in which dimension, or which reality, I’ll always be a part of you.”

Aoba stared, mouth agape, before _Desire_ gave him a push.

“Go on.”

 And this time, without waiting for _Desire_ , he pushed the door open, and felt his breath trapped in his chest at the sight in front of him.

Noiz was chained against the wall, eyes closed, naked, bleeding from head to toe. His demonic features were fully exposed, his remaining wing dangling weakly, and there were so many scars on his body that the blood flowing from the wounds blurred his torso, to the extent that Aoba wasn’t sure if there were any parts of skin that were left unhurt.

“N-Noiz…” he called out, making cagey steps towards him. Noiz looked up at the call of his name; he was visibly fragile. As he breathed open-mouthed, Aoba could sense how _weak_ his breathing was, as if he’d stop breathing any second now.

“A-Ao…” He didn’t even manage to finish his words when he frowned, gritted his teeth and _growled_.

“Noiz!” Aoba shouted, running and coming face to face with him. “Don’t speak, don’t move.”

His heart clenched. When he touched Noiz’s face, the blood was still fresh, still oozing out of his wounds – both new and old.

“What did they do to you…?” Aoba mumbled, wiping the blood off Noiz’s face so that he could have a good look at his features.

Even though Noiz couldn’t move even an inch, his gaze when he looked at Aoba was strong, with a hint of affection – with _emotions_ that did nothing but hurt Aoba even more.

“T-termina—“ Noiz started before Aoba pressed a finger against his lips, stopping him.

“Don’t talk,” Aoba said, then gently pressing their foreheads together, the slickness that was Noiz’s blood almost breaking him from the inside. “Please…”

He heard Noiz letting out a small laugh under his breath, felt how Noiz was struggling to remain conscious.

“H-hurt…” Noiz said again, as if talking to Aoba was the only thing that could help him remain sane at this very moment.

“I know…” Aoba whimpered, heat gathering behind his eyelids. “I know…”            

“Aoba…” Noiz called out, urging Aoba to look him in the eyes. To his astonishment, Noiz was smiling; it wasn’t a smile Aoba was familiar with, even after he’d gained emotions. It was a smile so painful; a smile filled with so much regrets and despair.

It was the smile that told Aoba that whatever Noiz was about to say next wasn’t something he could accept entirely.

“It hurts…” Noiz continued, the foreign smile graced his profile. Then, he leaned forward, and it seemed like that action itself would’ve consumed the whole of his energy.

“Noi—mph!”

Caught in a sudden kiss, Aoba held tightly onto Noiz’s torso, keeping himself in balance. Noiz licked along Aoba’s lips, sucking intermittently, applying friction on the soft skin before biting on it and succeeding in drawing blood.

“O-ouch!” Aoba shrieked out of reflex, but his voice was quickly silenced wit Noiz’s lips. He sucked on the new wound, licked on it, tasting the rust on his tongue before Aoba heard a soft chuckle.

“Tastes… different,” Noiz mumbled into Aoba’s mouth. “Your blood…”

"Noiz!” Aoba struggled. One hard pull and he pulled a distance between them, after which he proceeded to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand before he advanced back towards Noiz again. “What is wrong with you?!”

To his surprise, Noiz laughed again, an expression which was so unlike himself.

“So this is pain…” he muttered, eyes wavering. “Aoba…”

“Wake up!” Aoba screamed, slapping Noiz on the face. “Don’t give up!”

The slap seemed to have done the trick as Noiz staggered, staring blankly for a few moments before he fixed gaze with Aoba again, this time with a stare that looked more like himself.

“It’s not over yet,” Aoba said with a sturdy tone, alongside a scowl on his face. “I’m not allowing this to be the end of everything.”

He hugged Noiz at the end of his words, the demon’s blood staining every part of his body.

“I’m not leaving you alone to die here,” Aoba reaffirmed, desperation obvious in his tone. “You’re not alone, and cannot be alone anymore. I won’t allow that.”

Before Noiz could say anything, Aoba released him, kissing him on the eye, then giving him a deep kiss on his lips before he pulled themselves apart, flinching at the deep wounds that he could now clearly make out on Noiz’s body.

“I don’t know if this would work…” he spoke to himself. Inching his own wings closer to Noiz, he plucked one of the feathers out, then pressed it against one of the deeper wounds on Noiz’s torso.

“At least it can stop the bleeding for a bit.”

“Aoba, stop,” Noiz said weakly when Aoba plucked out another handful of feathers to treat the scars on Noiz’s body. Aoba had yet to know what his wings – his feathers – meant to an angel. Noiz had to stop him, he had to—

“You’re very courageous, Seragaki Aoba.”

Aoba jumped and turned agitatedly to face the new voice. It was the same demon who’d come and forcefully reclaimed his demon, ripping Noiz’s wing apart and taking Noiz away right before Aoba’s very eyes.

This demon emitted an aura so very different from any other demons Aoba had encountered. For a brief moment, he felt terror swarming all over him again, similar to the first time when he met this very being. His legs disobeying his will, he staggered backwards, back hitting Noiz’s body. He was sure that Noiz was also glaring at the older demon in front of them and yet, Aoba couldn’t feel the same _fear_ from him; instead, Noiz was radiating a sense of willpower that was so strong that even the fact that he was physically weak didn’t lessen its intensity.

“Leave him alone,” Aoba growled, giving the demon in front of him a glare so fierce he half-heartedly wished that it was strong enough to give the demon imaginary stabs.

“You’re interfering with our system, angel,” the demon said. When he took a step towards Aoba, Aoba moved back instinctively, even though he was well aware that there wasn’t any space for him to retreat anymore. “Doing so will only kill him faster.”

His words got Aoba thinking. But this was not the time to hesitate as he continued glaring at the demon, now wrapping his wings around Noiz to protect him.

“Not doing so will kill him as well,” he countered, and deep inside he knew that he wasn’t wrong. The amused smirk the other demon gave him proved that to him. “Are you his guardian?” Aoba asked instead. He needed to buy himself time as much as he could while he thought of a solution.

The corners of the demon’s lips curved up ever so slightly and his huge wings flapped, sending a small wave of impact towards both of them before he took out a pipe from the thick coat he was wearing.

Aoba stared in disbelief. He was expecting a full launch attack. Even though Aoba was untouchable, this demon was obviously way more powerful than the others. He wouldn’t even be surprised if he could touch Aoba to his liking, like how Noiz was able to do now.

“I’m Mink,” the demon said, leisurely blowing smoke out of his mouth. “I’m the guardian of this demon,” he finished, giving Noiz a dismissive glance before he shifted his gaze elsewhere.

The gravelly tone of his voice still intimidated Aoba slightly. This being was extremely powerful, there was no doubt about that. Aoba should be very afraid. Any time now, he would have to risk having one of his bones snapped, having his flesh torn apart, or having his soul consumed. But Mink did none of those. Simply giving Aoba a disinterested look, he kept their distance, having no intention at all to move closer.

“Can you let us leave?” Aoba asked, hopeful. He wasn’t sure how fearful this being could be, but since he was showing a tiny hint of courteousness now, perhaps it was a chance Aoba could take, no matter how slim it was.

“It’s against the rules,” Mink replied slowly, his golden orbs penetrating Aoba’s.

“If you really need compensation…” Aoba said slowly, turning around to look at Noiz before he closed his eyes. “I’m more than willing to exchange my life with Noiz’s.”

"No,” Noiz breathed in his ear, shooting a frantic look at Mink all at the same time. “Don’t.”

Mink raised a hand, halting the disagreement between the demon and the angel. Putting his pipe back into his coat, he walked, coming face-to-face with Aoba before he leaned downwards, engaging him in an intense staring contest as he traced a finger against the angel’s face. Like how he’d felt with Noiz, he could feel the faint hint of warmth on his skin. Mink was barely touching him, his long nails threatening to scratch his skin but all he did was continue staring into Aoba’s eyes and giving his skin light touches.

“I don’t think anyone has told you this before, angel—no,” he corrected, his breath hitting Aoba’s face, causing Aoba to shudder out of reflex. “Seragaki Aoba. You were the one who has hindered him, the one who almost gave him emotions before he was even mature enough.”

Mink must be talking about what happened to them in the past but that was the least of Aoba’s concern now. The past should remain in the past; there was no reason to dwell on it further. The real hindrance was when one indulged in the past that they revisited it more frequent than they should. They had to move forward.

“Perhaps it was fate. You escaped it the first time, but you gave him a reason to live. Even though he eliminated you, you came back in the end.” Giving Noiz a quick look, Mink’s smile was no longer present. “And now, you risk having your life taken again, coming all the way here.”

Aoba was genuinely shocked at the demon’s reaction. He was prepared to be slaughtered now but as time passed by, he slowly noticed that the demon had no intention to do that. Instead, it seemed like he was reflecting on the situation himself, as if he was trying to understand something that was once very foreign to him.

“It’s interesting,” he continued, as if he’d read Aoba’s mind from merely scrutinizing his face. “How a demon, who isn’t supposed to know how to feel, falls in love with another being.”

Even if he was to direct this question at Noiz, Noiz wouldn’t be able to answer it himself. It wasn’t something Noiz had control over. He’d sunk too deep before he was aware of it, immersed in a new sensation called _emotion_ and was too late to save himself.

And perhaps, it was because of _Aoba_ that had made it possible – for Aoba was the true angel; _he was Noiz’s guardian angel from the very start._

“You should have realized, angel,” Mink said, every word uttered triggering a whole new sense of tension within the both of them. “The decision to let you go doesn’t lie on me, nor that it lies on you. It lies on _him_.”

He pointed his chin at Noiz, who was staring wide-eyed at him.

“You saw it yourself, how he was at the brink of losing to his desire. If you were to come a minute late, he would’ve surrendered to it.”

Did Mink mean how Noiz when completely out of himself earlier? So, if he was to consider this properly, it meant that, like Aoba, Noiz was also having a conflict with his _own_ desire?

“Noiz…” Aoba called out. Noiz was visibly still confused, but Aoba knew that he was thinking hard, perhaps having a conversation with the other _him_ within him.

“Noiz!” Aoba shouted, bringing Noiz back, just momentarily. “Listen, go and speak to him, whoever he is.”

"He shouldn’t have desire from the beginning,” Mink interrupted. “This is a consequence of bearing emotions.”

“Noiz!” Aoba ignored. “Trust me, trust yourself. Settle this once and for all. Let him release you from this Hell.”

Noiz wavered for only a few moments before he nodded. Closing his eyes, he focused, attempting to capture the broken voice in his head.

He didn’t remember much of what happened after. All that he knew was that a load of dark aura that once clouded his thoughts were gone. When he opened his eyes again, both Mink and Aoba were looking at him and upon seeing him returning to himself, Aoba grinned, alongside Mink, who released a low hum.

“You can go, under one condition,” Mink concluded, done with his own analysis before he gave Noiz a lingering look. “But know that he won’t be able to live long. You as well,” he ended, shifting his gaze back to Aoba.

“I know,” Aoba said, completely valiant. “I have no regrets.”

 “Is that so?” Mink said, and Aoba swore he saw a faint smile on his face when he said that.

“What’s the condition?” Aoba asked, trying to go back to the matter at hand.

“You’re taking my demon away from me. But I’m reclaiming the other wing,” Mink said, eyes now darting to Noiz’s remaining wing.

“N-no…” Aoba whispered, enveloping his wings more strongly around Noiz, blocking Mink from getting to him.

“His life or his wing. Choose.”

“It’s okay,” Noiz whispered into Aoba’s ear, giving it a soft peck. “It’s just a wing.”

“No, it’s not _just a wing_!” The trembles in Aoba’s voice told Noiz that he was at the verge of breaking down. “You have to go through that again. That… that pain.”

“It’s fine,” Noiz repeated. “If that means I get to live longer with you, then it’s fine.”

Noiz had a point, but Aoba didn’t know if he had the courage to make this decision. He didn’t have time to consider, though, because Mink was already advancing towards him, mercilessly grabbing Noiz on the neck and pulling on him, forcing him out of the chains and clasping a sturdy grip onto his wing.

“Close your eyes if you don’t want to see,” Mink said, but even so, as before, he didn’t give him time to do just that because in the next moment, he heard Noiz giving out an ear-splitting scream, alongside the excruciating sound of his wing being torn apart from his body. He felt Noiz’s blood splattering his skin, showering him in red, and he saw, with his very own eyes, how Noiz’s wing was vehemently separated from his body. The scene was so horrifying that Aoba could only stand rooted on the spot, his body rigid from the mere visual in front of him, and he only came back to himself when Noiz as thrown onto the floor, weak and lifeless, and he found himself running towards him.

 “H-hurts…” Noiz panted. Both of his wings were now gone – the one feature that Aoba once loved.

But it was fine. Because if that was the cost they needed to pay for a longer time to live, nothing else mattered anymore.

The space around them gradually turned dark. It could be that his time was up, forcing him to go back; or it could be that Mink had forced him back. But it didn’t matter, because what mattered was that when he opened his eyes, Noiz was right beside him, albeit soaked in blood.

“Noiz…?” he started. He tried moving but his limbs were numb and he was stuck on the bed, unable to do anything but staring sideways at Noiz, who was unconscious but, thankfully, breathing.

He wasn’t hurt himself but he felt as if he’d just returned from death. He felt empty inside; contrastingly, his body felt heavy, as if a huge force was sitting on him, limiting his movements and even his breathing. For a long time, he could do nothing but gaze at the ceiling, watching the fan spin, trying to feel his own body at the same time. Then, he felt a barely noticeable movement by his side.

“Noiz…?” he called again. This time, Noiz responded. His eyelashes flickered, he seemed lost for a moment but after a few blinks, the light returned to his eyes as he turned, finally looking at Aoba.

"We’re back,” he said, voice hoarse.

Aoba nodded.

“How are you feeling?” he asked. He tried to move his hand again, and was glad to know that he was regaining control of his limbs.

"Pain…” Noiz breathed, trying to sit up but immediately slumping back down. “My whole body hurts.”

Aoba sat up first, then supporting Noiz to sit up. His body was painted in a stain of red blood. By the time Aoba was able to support him to the bathroom, he was already covered in blood himself.

“Sit here,” Aoba said, dragging a stool from one corner and putting it under the shower. “I’ll manage the water.”

Noiz obeyed. But once Aoba turned the shower open, he jumped, giving out a shrike before Aoba quickly turned the shower off, squatting beside Noiz and placed both of his hands on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry! Does it hurt?”

Noiz’s expression sent a pang of pain right at his chest. Noiz was obviously in _a lot_ of pain. He clutched his head, gritted his teeth, his hands having been clenched into fists.

“It hurts, it hurts a lot,” he panted. Aoba didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what he could do to ease the tremendous pain Noiz was feeling now. The wounds on his body were deep, some even life threatening, Aoba wanted to treat them as soon as he could but he couldn’t do it without cleaning the scars clean first. Noiz would have to go through this; no matter how painful it was, he had to endure the pain and go through this.

It must’ve been tough. It must’ve been _very_ tough.

“I’m sorry, Noiz,” Aoba said, hugging Noiz’s head and leaning it against his chest. “Please endure this. It’ll end soon.”

He thought he heard a barely audible sob from Noiz, or perhaps just a suppressed one. He wanted to give Noiz more time but Noiz hugged him instead, pressing his forehead against Aoba’s chest.

“It’s fine. Do it.”

Aoba didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to be the one who would be giving Noiz more pain than he already had to bear. But yet, he knew that he didn’t have an option. So, when Noiz released him, pressing his head in his hands, Aoba opened the shower again, and this time, he heard it – _Noiz’s choked cries_.

“A bit more,” he said, hands trembling while he held onto the shower head. He wanted to do it fast, to end this suffereing _fast_ , but that would mean escalating Noiz’s already intensified pain and he didn’t have the heart to do it. It was a long, torturing hour of cleaning. Aoba tried as hard as he could to be as gentle as possible, wiping the blood stains off Noiz’s body with a hand towel, scowling at the sight of deep, ugly scars that were caused by sharp, aggressive slashes. Would the scars remain? Aoba thought as he washed Noiz with warm water. Will they disappear? he thought again as he shifted to Noiz’s back, almost dropping tears when he saw the dislocated joints that once held Noiz’s very proud pair of wings. He swallowed down his throat, struggling to contain his emotions as he washed the blood away, giving him a clear view of the imperfect skin that was the proof of Noiz’s battle. When he was almost done, he threw the shower head aside, lurching forward to hug Noiz from the back, instantly causing Noiz to release his bite on his arm to resist the pain as he looked back at Aoba.

“Aoba?” he called out.

“I’ll protect you,” Aoba sobbed into Noiz’s shoulder. “I’ll always be your guardian angel.”

For some time, there was only the sound of shower in the room, alongside Aona’s quiet sobs. Then, Noiz turned around, pulled Aoba into a hug and kissed him, deeply and slowly, while water continued showering on them, as if trying to wash this very forbidden sin off their bodies and their souls.

 


	10. Bliss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their time was limited - three days, seventy-two hours; four-thousand-and-twenty minutes.  
> They would miss a lot in three days; but they could also do a lot in three days.
> 
> It was the company and the memories that count in the end of the day, after all.

Halfway through showering, Noiz collapsed, head dropped, headfirst into Aoba’s shoulder before Aoba clumsily held onto him. If not because of his wings, he was almost sure that he’d risk earning himself a broken backbone. His back hit the cold marble bathroom floor, Noiz’s weight fell on him as Aoba hugged his head before feeling the back of his own head hitting the floor.

“O-ouch…”

He took a moment to catch his breath, his vision flickered momentarily before he tried to hold himself up.

“Noiz?” he called. Noiz was still unconscious. The unbearable pain must’ve finally gotten to him.

Gritting his teeth to endure the throbbing crush in his heart, he carefully supported Noiz up, helping him to lean against the bathroom wall.

“I’m so sorry…” he started, one hand gently caressing the broken demon’s face. He looked so peaceful now – his eyes closed, his breathing slow; perhaps this was for the best. Now that his conscious was taken away from him, he wouldn’t need to feel the pain anymore. He’d felt enough of that. If this was a punishment for him, it was already enough.

Swallowing his throat down to strengthen his composure, Aoba leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on Noiz’s forehead before he picked the sponge up again and started to clean the rest of the mess off Noiz’s body.

The entire of the spotless bathroom floor was spread with a corpus of red water that was Noiz’s blood. It was a horrifying scene no one person would want to stay for another minute longer. But it didn’t matter to Aoba. As he scrubbed Noiz’s wounds clean, he flinched at the sight of abysmal cuts – scars that no longer heal. No matter how hard he rubbed on them, the cut remained, clear as day. Warily tracing the outline of it, Aoba frowned, his nose felt sour from enduring his own tears. And finally, after giving the scars a few affectionate kisses, he supported Noiz up again, slinging one of Noiz’s hands over his shoulder and escorted them out of the bathroom and into the bedroom.

After tucking Noiz in, he sat by the bedside, scrutinizing Noiz’s sleeping face and occasionally stroking his cheekbones as he gave out erratic chuckles. He remembered when Noiz once teased him about being vulnerable; when he once humiliated him, calling him ‘angel’ and asking him if he even knew what he was doing. But now, in Aoba’s eyes, the once demon was no more than an innocent young man who knew little to nothing about the world, despite already staying in it for more than a century. It staggered Aoba as to how surreal his whole life had turned out to be – he thought he was just a normal human being trying to fit into the complicated society, just like any other; he never believed in demons, angels, or anything supernatural. He used to laugh at the topic whenever it was brought up. But now, he begged to differ. As he spread his wings, a few feathers fell loosely off it, floating in front of him and landed on the sheet near to where Noiz’s hand laid. He himself was an _angel_ now, a supernatural being who hold a very heavy responsibility to teach this demon, _another_ supernatural being, about the world he once thought he had no idea of.

He lifted Noiz’s hand up, pressing the back of it against his face. Noiz’s warmth was authentic, like the first ray of sunlight in winter morning – it warmed his face, the heat spreading straight into his heart. Grasping it firmer with both of his hands, he closed his eyes, yearning to feel more of his warmth when he felt movement on his face. Then, before he knew it, Noiz’s hand had moved out of his grip, shifting to cup his face instead.

“Aoba.”

When their eyes met, he felt the familiar impulse to cry again and he immediately closed his eyes, trying to hide them from sight.

“Are you okay?” Noiz asked. His voice was barely audible, hoarse, and it felt like he was using all his energy just to speak those few simple words.

Aoba nodded. Biting his lower lip, he took a deep breath, placed his hand against Noiz’s and opened his eyes.

“I’m okay. Are _you_ okay?” he smiled, his heart did a leap when Noiz returned with a compassionate one of his own.

“Pain,” Noiz admitted, immediately causing Aoba to regret his choice of question. As if sensing Aoba’s emotion, Noiz quickly took his other hand up, struggle to move slightly and stroke Aoba’s face with his hands. “But alive, thanks to you.”

“Don’t move too much,” Aoba reprimanded with a laugh. Pushing Noiz back to lay properly on the bed, he moved closer to him instead, wanting to save the trouble for him to adjust to his position.

“Don’t worry,” Noiz continued, now playing with the strands of Aoba’s hair instead. “I don’t feel too much pain from before anymore. It’s just… slightly hard to move.”

“Then don’t move too much,” Aoba repeated. When Noiz nodded, he shifted his gaze to Noiz’s body, the smile on his face faded gradually upon noticing that he’d left Noiz’s scars untended.

“Ah, sorry, I…” he stuttered, while Noiz perked a curious eyebrow at him. “I need to bandage your wounds.”

Noiz let out a snigger before he supported himself to sit up with his elbows.

“And who was the one who asked me not to move too much, huh?”

“I’m sor—“

Before he could finish his words, Noiz had lurched forward, swallowing his remaining words down with a kiss.

“Stop apologizing. I’m just joking,” he said after giving Aoba’s lips a hasty lick. “Besides, I’m feeling a lot better now. Passing out sure helped.”

Noiz was strong, way too strong, Aoba concluded. He couldn’t even imagine how _he_ would feel if he was in Noiz’s position. As if returning the favour, Aoba leaned forward to kiss Noiz, softly then deeply and Noiz had to circle his arm around Aoba’s back to bring them closer so that he could kiss him deeper.

“I love you, Aoba,” he said with a sigh. “I love you so much.”

Aoba knew this was more than just another spur-of-the-moment confession. Both of them knew that they were running out of time. They knew how momentous every word they said to each other was.

“I love you too,” he tried to hide his sniffle in his voice but it didn’t seem to work, judging from the sorrow look Noiz was wearing on his face now. “We’ll be fine,” he ended, standing up just enough to hug Noiz’s head.

He felt Noiz nodding into his chest, felt his hands returning his hug. Then, releasing Noiz, he smiled at him, helping him to sit up properly before he left to grab bandages from a cabinet. Noiz observed him the entire time he did that, and when Aoba returned to him, he reached out to caress Aoba’s wings, frowned when he accidentally pulled few wobbly feathers out.

“Sorry,” he said insentiently.

“Now who’s the one who should stop apologizing, huh?” Aoba teased with a rascally smile. “Ah, it might… hurt.”

 “It’s fine,” Noiz said, eyes still fixed on Aoba’s every action.

Aoba took his time to wrap the bandages on Noiz’s body. The blood had stopped, but the color of Noiz’s scars remained so garishly that it had Aoba constantly feared if they would start bleeding all over again. His touches were extremely gentle, to the extent that Noiz could barely feel anything on his skin, let alone feeling pain. When Aoba reached an terribly deep wound near to Noiz’s ribs, he let out an involuntary hitch of breath. And before Noiz knew it, Aoba was inching towards the scar, pressing a kiss against it and sent a shiver all over his body.

“How did you get this?” Aoba mumbled against his scar.

“It was the day when Mink came,” Noiz said under his breath. Observing Aoba’s actions alone seemed to have taken most of his energy away.

“What happened between you and him?” Aoba asked, straightening himself up to look Noiz in the eyes.

“I told him that I’m more that willing to discard my title even if that means I have less time to live.”

Aoba wanted to ask him why, but before he could mouth the word out, he realized that he didn’t need to ask him to know the answer anyway. He lowered his head, fingers tenderly tracing the outline of the ugly scar.

“I didn’t intend for it to turn out this way…” he whispered. “If you’re to live, you’ll get to see more.”

“But that would mean losing emotions again,” Noiz countered.

“Yeah, but—“

“I would rather die a meaningful death than live a meaningless life,” Noiz interrupted. Aoba looked up, stunned, just to see Noiz smiling at him. “You said that, right?”

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask Noiz how he knew about it. But Noiz’s fingers were on his face once again, tracing featherlike touches along his features and staring into his eyes with such overpowering tenderness that had Aoba gulping in reverence. It was surreal to even believe that the demon he first met was the same demon who was holding so much emotions in him now.

“I want you so much,” Noiz broke the silence, and Aoba felt his heart almost vaulting out of his throat.

Was Noiz hungry already?

“But you’re injured,” Aoba said, even though he realized how unconvincing his voice was.

“But I need to eat too,” Noiz smirked.

“In that case…” Aoba’s thoughts were running on a treadmill. It was too much to ask for Noiz to move now, considering how one simple movement could potentially open his wound again. Gulping down his throat, he took Noiz’s hand away from his face, kissing his palm, before he moved to sit on th bed, between Noiz’s legs.

“What are you trying to do?” Noiz asked, a gleam of amusement twinkled in his eyes.

“Let me handle this.” This time, it was Aoba’s turn to smirk. He pulled the blanket off, revealing the whole of Noiz’s naked body.

“It’s weird,” Noiz started, halting Aoba in his action.

“Hm? What’s weird?”

“I can feel it,” Noiz confessed, raising his and up to stare at it before he placed it on his abdomen, where he shivered faintly. “Cold.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, do I need to—“ Aoba was about to grab the thick blanket again but Noiz stopped him by placing his hand on top of Aoba’s, gave him a dainty smile then shook his head.

“It’s fine. I’m just amazed. All these sensations… I’ve never felt them before. Not this strong.”

Encouraged by his words, Aoba slipped his hand out of Noiz’s grip, placing it on top of Noiz’s and drawing teasing circles on the back of it before he promptly moved his hand downwards to touch Noiz on the thigh.

“Stop,” Noiz breathed, and it wasn’t hard for Aoba to notice that his voice was one tone lower, triggering an impetuous instinct out of him. “Stay like this for a while.”

Aoba did as he was told. Noiz closed his eyes, seemingly indulging in Aoba’s warmth on his skin before he opened his eyes again.

“Your hand is warm,” he commented, elicting an equally warm smile out of Aoba.

“You’ll feel more of this soon,” Aoba said, the tease still obvious in his voice. Acknowledging Noiz’s nod as a consent to continue, Aoba proceeded to trace his way along Noiz’s inner thighs, feeling his mucles stiffen when he nudged his skin a bit too hard than usual.

“Tell me if it hurts,” he said.

“It doesn’t matter if it hurts,” Noiz retorted again while Aoba sent a pout in his direction.

“You’re a wounded man now. I know you’re a demon but…”

“Not anymore,” Noiz corrected, instantly snatching the pout away from Aoba. “I can feel myself losing it,” he continued, as if two simple words weren’t enough to elaborate his point.

Aoba shifted his gaze away from Noiz, focusing his attention on his crotch instead. He still remembered the first time he set eyes on Noiz’s dick piercings – how they glistened under the weak moonlight pouring into the room, how he was dumbfounded yet again by this feature of Noiz that he wasn’t very familiar with. Now, as the metal mateirals entered his line of sight, he stared again, taking his time to observe the fine studs before he brought his hand to them, inadvertently touching on the cold materials and feeling them gradually gaining heat to adapt to his body temperature.

“These were the only ones you didn’t take out,” Noiz’s voice echoed. Aoba didn’t need him to remind him. Back then, Noiz had told him to take his piercings off but he’d decided to leave these on out of his own conscious. He couldn’t understand very well why he did that either. He stroked the outline of them, carefully brushing against Noiz’s crotch, feeling the rough skin against his fingertips when he heard Noiz gave out a chuckle.

“Tickles.”

That one docile comment did things to Aoba. The tension increased witinin him, he grabbed a fistful of Noiz’s dick instead, one corner of his lips curled when Noiz’s erection twitched in interest.

“Are you going to touch it? Or are you going to suck it?” Noiz asked, a question good enough to tell Aoba that he was holding his composure even though his body was saying otherwise.

“Which one do you prefer?” he returned the question naughtily.

Noiz supported his chin with one hand, seemingly taking the question into serious consideration. The way he acted so innocently like this amazed Aoba. Without giving Noiz time to contemplate further, he leaned down, sucked a whole of his head and grinned in satisfaction when he heard Noiz giving out a choked moan, obviously caught off guard.

He continued sucking on the head, trailing his tongue along the slit, his other hand stroking on the hardened length where his mouth hadn’t covered.

"That kind of hurt,” Noiz breathed between smirks.

“Hmmm…” Aoba purposely responded, the vibrations from his voice hitting directly on the length as he grabbed harder on Noiz, hearing yet another stifled moan from the former demon in response.

“D-don’t speak,” Noiz simpered, his face flustered, a sight Aoba greatly appreciated. Releasing his dick with a sloppy pop, he glanced upwards, sending an extremely suggestive stare at Noiz’s direction before he continued pumping on Noiz’s dick, harder and quicker this time, to bring it to full hardness.

“Just sit back and relax, brat,” he teased.

“How can I relax when you look more like a demon than I do now?”

His words got Aoba thinking. Lifting his head up just enough to catch Noiz’s expression, he hitched a breath, realizing how much their position has changed now. Noiz no longer looked as menacing as how Aoba remembered him to be. Instead, his eyes hold a tender light that urged Aoba to think that the sharpness he once felt from them was simply an illusion. When Noiz stretched his arm to lift Aoba’s chin up so that Aoba could see his own reflection clearly in Noiz’s eyes, he was surprised to see how much shrewder he looked like now. He didn’t even notice it himself. What sparked the change? Was it because that he’d accepted this demon?

Or was it because he’d accepted _desire_?

“I thought you’re going to do most of the work, angel,” Noiz intentional tease did nothing but arouse Aoba even further. He knew that Noiz was using the title as a representation of how satirical their positions were now. He’d grown to be more upfront than he initially was, and with Noiz surrendering to everything he was to do now, he felt as if they’d exchanged position for real – that now _he_ was the demon to Noiz.

Smirking, he returned his mouth to Noiz’s erection, pulling on the piercings at the same time as he sucked, as hard as he could, until he felt bitterness in his mouth that he released Noiz again.

“Are you going to ride me?” Noiz asked again, but Aoba’s expression told him that Aoba wasn’t about to do what he expected him to.

“You told me before – that your tail could intensify one’s sin,” Aoba said leisurely. Putting his weight on Noiz’s torso and pressing their chests together, he grinned seductively, their noses almost touching.

“I’m not sure if it still works anymore, though, considering I’ve given up my title.”

“Hmm,” Aoba considered, still wearing the grin on his face. “Want to try?”

“On you?” Noiz quickly responded, sensing a chance for revenge.

“On _you_.”

He needed a few seconds to make sense of what Aoba was suggesting. The image sent a shiver down his spine.

“Have you done it before?” Aoba asked, catching Noiz’s tail the moment it flaunted past him then playing with the tip.

“Done what?”

“Penetrating yourself with your own tail.”

His reaction told Aoba the answer. Feeling as if he’d found a rare gem in the midst of Noiz’s newfound emotions, he took hold of Noiz’s tail, nudging the tip of it against his nose before he budged to position himself in between Noiz’s legs again.

“What are you planning to do?” Noiz asked again. He wasn’t afraid, he just needed to be ready.

As if answering his question, Aoba took his tail into his mouth, sucking it hard and giving Noiz a flashback of how he did the exact same thing the first time they had sex. Soon, the arrow-shaped of his tail was slicked with saliva. Taking it out of his mouth, Aoba led it to his own hole, plunging it in before Noiz could take control of his own body part. He literally had to seize hard on the sheet to prevent himself from passing out, the sudden intensity had him releasing an unintentional moan as he felt the heat spread directly onto his erection. It appeared that his tail was as sensitive as usual; the deeper Aoba pushed it in, the warmer he felt. Aoba was pumping on his own dick, attempting to bring it to full hardness when Noiz reached out to place his hand on top of Aoba’s.

“Let me help.” His voice was husky, the mere sight of Aoba fucking himself with his tail seemed to have brought his hunger to another level. Aoba released his hand, and Noiz found himself grabbing on Aoba’s half-hard dick before he flashed a smirk at Aoba’s direction.

“What do you want me to do?”

“You know the answer,” Aoba panted, yelping when the tip hit a sensitive spot in him.

“I wouldn’t know if you don’t tell me, you know,” Noiz provoked. He dipped his finger around the head, slicking the length with precum just so he could smoothen his pumps.

“J-just… ah, yes,” Noiz grabbed slightly harder on Aoba’s dick, his strength just enough to feel the pulse of his erection in his hand. “Keep doing that.”

He wanted to draw more demands out of Aoba but one swift look on his own dick told him that he wasn’t willing to waste more time either so he kept thrusting on Aoba’s dick, feeling Aoba move by himself, his hips sinking low on Noiz’s tail, his free hand clutching on the sheet, trying very hard not to collapse.

“O-okay, stop, stop,” Aoba urged. “I’m going to come at this rate.”

“That’s not your intention?” Noiz asked, removing his hand and clenched his teeth when Aoba pulled his tail out, the icy air that hit him suddenly gave him a transient trap of breath.

“It’s not about me today,” Aoba pouted. Despite the sturdy tone, the fluster on his face was way too obvious to miss. His skin was now painted in a thin layer of flush, and Noiz wanted _so much_ to touch him, to feel that warm texture he had become so very addicted to that it was starting to hurt physically.

His tail was slicked wet; he didn’t need Aoba to spell it out for him to know what he was going to do next. With quivering fingers, he waved Noiz’s tail in front of him, smirking tastefully at him before he put two fingers into his mouth, the vulgar, wet sucking sound had Noiz swallowing down his throat before Aoba moved two dripping fingers to press them against his hole.

“First time?” Aoba mocked, giving Noiz a vivid flashback of how he’d said this exact same thing to Aoba during their first time.

It seemed like he’d experienced a lot of _first times_ with Aoba today.

“I’ll let you take care of me, then. You’re supposed to look after me after all.”

Truth was, he wanted to touch Aoba if he could but his current physical state was stopping him from doing so; one movement would probably open a wound and he was interested with what Aoba intending to do anyway so he merely stayed put, observing every one of Aoba’s actions as Aoba sank one finger into the tautness of his inner wall.

“Does it hurt?” Aoba asked vigilantly, finger stuck in Noiz while Noiz shook his head.

“Not at all.”

“Hmm.” Giving out a gratified hum, he pushed himself in deeper, feeling the warm tension swathing the whole of his finger as he pulled it out slightly, then pushing it back in again, this time, deeper than before.

“Now?”

Noiz shook his head again. “Feels weird.”

“You’ll get used to it.” Now wasn’t that familiar? Noiz hadn’t been doing this before, hadn’t allowed anyone to do this to him before. It was a territory he never thought possible, let alone trying it out. “Loosen up, you’re too tight.”

 _How_ does one loosen up? Noiz thought. As if reading his mind, Aoba stroked his dick, which had started to soften thanks to the lack of attention but as soon as Aoba pulled on the piercing, it sprung back up again, diverting Noiz’s attention from the finger inside him to the pressure accumulated on his erection instead.

“Now that’s better.”             

He didn’t know where to focus now – his erection or Aoba’s fingers. It was a whole new sensation that he’d never felt before. His head was oozing precum now, damping Aoba’s hand. Similarly, the more Aoba thrust, the more he felt himself soften up, and when Aoba added a second finger, he let out an innate gasp, suddenly realizing how much his body was succumbing to Aoba’s touch.

“Do you have experience with this?” Noiz asked. Heat started to build in the pit of his stomach when Aoba pulled his fingers out, then leaning down to squint on the reddened, crumpled spot.

“I learn from the best.”

He didn’t need further explanation to know who exactly Aoba was referring to.

He let out a sigh, feeling empty for the lost but he didn’t need to wait too long to feel full again. Because then, Aoba was pressing the tip of his own tail against his hole, pausing succinctly to give him a smile before he picked Noiz’s hand up and guided it to his tail.

“You are your own best judge.”

His hand was still on Noiz’s when he urged Noiz to push it in, unhurriedly and cautiously. Noiz could physically feel shivers all over him; he breathed open-mouthed, his hand moved by itself, feeling lightheaded from the multiple stimulations – both on his tail and inside him – when he felt Aoba kissing him on the cheek, causing him to open his eyes to look at him.

“Can you feel it?” Aoba asked, pressing his face against Noiz’s and removing his hand from his tail to give Noiz complete control to handgrip his arousal. “This is how I feel every time you do this to me.”

Noiz didn’t know how to describe the sensation – it was hot, _full_ , and even slightly painful. It felt as if his inside was burning, that one slight move would tear him apart. But at the same time, he could also feel the tight warmth wrapping his tail, it continued _burning_ him and it didn’t need too long for him to sweat all over, sheen of sweat coating the whole of his body as he kept pushing the tail in, until Aoba stopped him by gripping on his arm.

“Don’t rush it, you’ll get hurt.”

The ‘it’s fine’ comment in his head almost made him believe as if he’d started to fall prey to the sweet addiction of the sensation that was pain. If Aoba wasn’t there, he was sure that he’d continue pushing his tail impossibly deep in to the extent that he might even create new wounds inside him. His tail was already moving by itself. Even without the need of his hand’s guidance, he was perfectly capable of controlling his tail’s movement.

But Aoba seemed to have a better idea.

He slapped Noiz’s hand away, placing it gently on Noiz’s side as he returned to his position in between Noiz’s legs. Noiz was about to pull his tail out but Aoba pushed it back in, stopping him.

“Leave it there,” he said. He gave his own dick a few more strokes before he pressed the head against Noiz’s hold, alongside his tail.

“Tell me if it hurts too much.”

He didn’t say if ‘it hurts’, he said ‘if it hurts _too much_ ’, which meant that Aoba was already anticipating pain to be part of the process if he was to put it this way. Noiz wanted to stop thinking and let the flow wash him away but Aoba’s gentle smile when he pushed his head pass the ring of muscles served as a perfect distraction. He sat up as soon as half of Aoba’s length entered him, causing his weight to sink right on Aoba’s erection and pushing him into a wave of intense pleasure that he’d never experienced before.

“U-ugh…” he growled, lurching forward to hug Aoba before he felt Aoba thrusting upwards, hitting him deep, and before he knew it, his tail was moving by itself, his hips moved by themselves and the small broken moans he let out obviously brought Aoba’s arousal to another level. Aoba was biting, _sucking_ on his neck, the pace of his thrusts increased. It was tremendously hot, but it wasn’t painful; or perhaps, Noiz had gotten used to feeling intense pain so much that this pain he was feeling inside him, on his neck and on his back where Aoba was digging his nails into his skin was no longer comparable.

“Hot,” he mumbled into Aoba’s ears, kissing him on the earlobe before Aoba pulled their distance apart so that he could make out his expression.

“You look so erotic right now,” Aoba teased, purposely thrusting harder and Noiz swore his head went white for a second.

“You too,” Noiz retorted with his own smirk. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” Aoba grumbled. He was sweating all over, red-faced. Noiz was sure that he would’ve gotten a body ache once they were done with this.

“Look at me,” he said, holding Aoba’s face with both hands, disturbing Aoba’s pace. He wanted to see the face Aoba was making now, when he was buried deep in him – in a body of a _demon_ – he wanted to make sure that Aoba was doing what he wanted to do now.

“I love you, Noiz.” Perhaps angel could read minds after all, Noiz pondered. Smiling pleasurably, he felt Aoba’s hands slip, clutching him on the waist as he pushed himself deeper, hitting him in the hilt. “You’re so warm inside,” Aoba continued. Then, he stopped, indulging in the excruciating warmth of Noiz before he spread his wings, wrapping Noiz in it.

“I want to feel more of you,” he explained, noting the confused look on Noiz’s face. Before Noiz could ask exactly how he intended to do so, Aoba propped, kissing the scar on Noiz’s left cheek, then the bruise he’d created on Noiz’s neck, and lastly, the deep scar on his shoulder. “You’re filled with so much warmth now, you’re so…” Aoba faltered. He pushed Noiz down, causing Noiz to fall back on the bed then pulled himself out, along with the tail, just to push back in, picking up on a pace so wanton that had Noiz enfolding his tail around Aoba’s waist to contain the tormenting pleasure.

“So what?” he asked through raspy voice. The friction in him was so appalingly addicting he wanted Aoba to move faster, faster, and faster but his thoughts were cut short when Aoba slowed down, leaned forward, practically hovering over him and kissing him on the forehead.

“You’re so human,” he ended, which was then responded by Noiz’s deep kiss. It was fine, he thought. He wanted to feel Aoba like this – the electrifying heat that Aoba was burying in him, the wet kiss Aoba was giving him, the way his tongue desperately licked and sucked on his own, and the contrastingly gentle touch he was giving Noiz now that pulled Noiz into a state of ecstasy. He wanted to feel all of these forever.

Because in this moment, he felt _so alive_ , never more so in his entire life.

The pain had started to catch up with him. He knew that some of his wounds had torn open, he could feel the wetness on his skin clear as day. But he didn’t want to stop, he didn’t want Aoba to stop compelling his emotions on him, rubbing him raw from the inside, emitting voices from him that Noiz didn’t even know he himself was able to produce. It was addicting – dangerously sweet. The thought of him being addicted with pain crossed his mind again but he brushed it off almost immediately, tightening his hug on Aoba instead and feeling Aoba pressing his face against his shoulder, feeling the dampness on his skin he knew was Aoba’s tears. He didn’t need more of Aoba’s moans to know that he was pushing himself to his limit as well; he knew Aoba was already overwhelmed, the pulses he felt within him had told him so. But like him, he didn’t intend to stop, because he knew that Aoba also wanted to feel more of him, he also wanted to devour him from the inside out, just like how Noiz did to him.

He didn’t know pleasure could feel so murderous, that he could be torn apart from the inside and still felt so _good_ that he lost the ability to think, to make sense of things and all he wanted to do was move, taking Aoba in as much as he could, feeling Aoba hitting his prostate again and again and again and again until all he could do was give out heavy breaths and muted moans that told Aoba enough of how much he wanted him – how much he wanted to _feel_ more of him.

It did nothing but encouraged Aoba to pound harder, faster, and deeper into him.

When Aoba pushed intolerably deep into him, his mind turn wind, heard bubbling moans from from his lips. And when he clamped down on Aoba, squeezing Aoba’s dick with his own inner walls, he felt it – the gush of _hot_ liquid filling him to the brim. And when he felt the similar sensation on his abdomen, he knew that he’d achieved climax as well, almost at the same time as Aoba.               

He swore he passed out for a few moments until he felt Aoba poking on his face that he came back to his senses, blinking for a few times and letting out small moans when Aoba pulled himself out of him.

“Are you feeling okay?” Aoba asked, his tone immediately rose when he noticed blood on Noiz’s body. “You’re bleeding! I’m sorry! Wait, I—“

Noiz stopped him, pulling Aoba back when Aoba was about to reach to his back to pluck another feather.

“Don’t do that,” his voice hoarse, his throat burning. But he had to stop Aoba.

Aoba halted for a few seconds before he turned around, leaning forward to kiss Noiz on the lips before he smiled gently at him.

“It’s fine.”

It’s not, Noiz thought silently. But Aoba was already plucking a few feathers off his wings and pressed them against Noiz’s wounds. Sweeping the tarnished feathers off the bed, he proceeded to crawl on top of Noiz and pressed his chest against Noiz’s, grinning impishly until a small frown appeared in between Noiz’s eyebrows.

“What?”

“Cute,” Aoba commented, chuckling when Noiz pouted. “A submitting demon like yourself isn’t all that bad, after all.”

“That’s because I can’t move,” Noiz snapped, wrapping his arms around Aoba’s torso and pressing their chests even firmly together.

“Well, that’s not exactly all. I want you to feel how I felt as well.”

“And you did it really well,” Noiz complimented, fingers twirling on the messy strands that was Aoba’s hair.

Aoba pouted, a reaction Noiz anticipated. Giving out a small laugh, he enveloped his arms around the whole of Aoba’s body, kissing him on the forehead and indulging in the ephemeral peace before he heard Aoba’s soft snore. That was when he knew that Aoba had fallen asleep, his wings laid tranquilly on top of them, making Noiz feel as if he was protected by them even when Aoba was sleeping.

“Goodnight, angel,” he mumbled, kissing Aoba on the head before he dozed off to sleep himself.

 

What woke him up the next time was the awful throb on his shoulder. He opened his eyes, squinting through the bright light making its way into his bedroom just to find Aoba tampering with his wounds with his feather again.

“M’nin,” he grumbled. Instinctively, he reached out to grasp on Aoba’s hand, kissing it on the back before he settled his gaze on the angel.

“Feeling better?” Aoba asked, putting the feather aside.

"Mhm,” Noiz hummed. He was feeling a lot better now, but he was more concerned of Aoba, now that Aoba had totally overspent his feathers on Noiz.

“Are you feeling better?” He threw the question back at Aoba, who nodded.

“Lots better.”

“By the way,” sittiing up, he spread his legs, patting on the empty space in between them. Noticing the hint, Aoba climbed onto the bed again and settled himself in between Noiz’s legs, leaning his back against the demon’s body. “How did you manage to reach there?”

“You mean, Hell?”

Noiz considered, then he nodded. Perhaps it was called something else that Aoba didn’t know but he was sure that their line of thought as the same at this moment.

“Well, it was Clear who—wait.” Suddenly reminded of something, Aoba sat up and looked around. “Where’s Clear?”

When he looked at Noiz, Noiz was wearing an expression that Aoba hadn’t seen a lot on him – it was unpleasant, slightly bothered, but definitely not positive.

Deciding to ignore it, he continued,

“Clear sang me a lullaby, luring me to sleep and before I knew it, I was in.”

Now Noiz was looking away, telling Aoba that he was indeed, troubled.

“Noiz?” he prodded, but Noiz merely pulled him back, hugging his torso with his arms.

“Noiz, what’s wrong?” He was extremely curious. There was something that Noiz wasn’t telling him and he needed to know what it was. He was about to call out to him again, but Noiz opened his mouth, causing him to stop.

“Going into the conscious of your own requires a second life, more so when you attempt to enter another person’s conscious. It requires an extra conscious – one that could keep you sane in this world.”

It was a language Aoba had no idea of, but he waited, because he knew that Noiz was taking his time to explain the situation to him.

“You’ve gotten that second life from Clear,” he concluded, voice turning small at the end.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“He gave you his life, sipping his life force through the melody he transmitted to you.”

“You mean he’s…”

It was unfair. Clear had never told him about this before he decided to let him help him.

Noiz buried his head in Aoba’s shoulder, feeling Aoba quaver ever so slightly in his embrace.

“It’s his final wish, something he wanted to do for you.” He could feel Aoba’s grasp tighten on his arms; he could physically feel Aoba struggling from breaking down. “Be proud of him. Now he has a chance to rest in peace.”

Noiz was right, but there was no way he could ignore the fact that he’d sacrificed another life just to preserve _his_ for slightly longer.

“He did what he wanted to do,” Noiz reassured, patting on Aoba’s head. “He couldn’t protect you when you were still alive. Now he did.”

There was no way he could endure the pain he felt within him. He buried his face in his hands, sobbing into them, and all Noiz could do was hugging him in his arms, patting his head, giving him small kisses, until Aoba calmed down that he finally released him.

“We must make this count,” Aoba said with a firm voice, albeit still shaky. “There are too many sacrifices. I don’t want more people to sacrifice for us.”

Noiz nodded. Aoba’s wish was his wish. When Aoba stood up to clean himself, he remained seated on the bed, attempting to hide his horns and his tail before he felt a prick in his heart upon realizing that he could no longer do so.

“What’s wrong?” Aoba called from behind the wardrobe door. When Noiz didn’t answer, he called again. “Noiz?”

“I can’t hide them,” Noiz confessed. He touched his horns, waving his tail in front of him before he turned to look at Aoba.

Aoba scowled. After putting on a loose top, he walked towards Noiz, gave his horns a five-seconds stare before he spoke,

“I’ll do something about them. But,” he eyed Noiz apprehensively, noticing that Noiz was averting his gaze. “… there’s something else too, right?”

A thin frown appeared in between Noiz’s eyebrows. He must’ve discovered something else when Aoba wasn’t looking, and that something was something that Aoba wasn’t able to spot with his naked eyes either, which could only mean…

“… How long more do we have?” he asked calmly, doubting if he was even asking the right question.

Noiz closed his eyes, seemingly trying to find the answer for Aoba before he sighed,

“Three days.”

He could literally feel the sullenness that had spread in the room the moment he said that, and he didn’t need to see Aoba’s face to know that he was wearing a so visibly agitated expression. He couldn’t tell how long more Aoba had until he met his end; it was something only Aoba could tell. But he could feel his own life – so excruciatingly obvious that he could literally hear the ticking of the clock in his head, counting down towards his last day. The tension he felt from this realization scared him; it weighed him down on his chest, making him hard to breathe. And what came after had him grasping onto Aoba’s wrist, pulling him closer.

It was horrendous; but he wasn’t afraid of death, he was afraid of what would happen to Aoba when he was gone. He still wanted to look after Aoba, he hasn’t gotten the chance to look at Aoba properly yet. He didn’t want this to end yet.

Aoba’s pat on his head cut his rapid thoughts off.

“Don’t worry,” he said calmly, as calm as the touch he was giving Noiz now.

Noiz didn’t need to ask what Aoba was implying, because he knew that Aoba was answering his question from before, urging him to hug him tighter, the feeling of hopelessness suddenly becoming a bit too pronounced for his liking.

               

* * *

 

               

When he opened his eyes, he could see nothing but pitch black. It was as if he was thrown into a sea of darkness in his sleep – a space that he was once so familiar with. He tried to move, but he couldn’t. He was left staring into the dark, his perceptions dull, remnding him dreadfully of the time when he couldn’t feel anything. He strained his ears, trying to catch a glimpse of potential sounds but all he’d gotten was more silence.

Then, as he was trying to force himself back to sleep, hoping that this was just another nightmare, he heard it – footsteps. The footsteps grew gaudier with every passing second. He opened his eyes, glancing around, until he found the source of the sound that his eyes brightened in surprise.

“Aoba.”

Aoba looked… different. Noiz could still see the spark of placidness in his eyes, but there was also a hint of slyness that he only got to see once when Aoba teased him during sex. He was also emitting a different aura; an aura that reminded Noiz affectionately of himself. But that wasn’t all; what petrified Noiz the most was when Aoba squatted next to him, he saw the very obvious pair of _horns_ poking out from the top of Aoba’s head – a feature so unfitting to his angelic wings.

“Noiz.” When Aoba spoke, his voice was one octave lower than the one Noiz remembered. He reached out to Noiz, inching closer to his face, was about to touch him when he paused, boring his blank gaze into Noiz’s.

 _It hurt_.

The skin where Aoba touched torn apart, blood flowing out of it, trickling down Noiz’s face and dripping on the floor. A small smirk appeared on Aoba’s face upon seeing that. He traced his finger along Noiz’s cheek, splitting more skin, drawing more blood, and Noiz wanted to scream but his voice was caught in his throat and all he could make was choked sounds that didn’t sound like a scream at all.

“Aoba,” he called again, praying that his voice could reach him. But Aoba was looking at anywhere but him. At long last, he extended his hand, now drenched in Noiz’s blood and brought it to his mouth, where he licked the blood clean.

“Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?” Aoba asked, voice higher than before. “I’m here with you now.” While he said that, he launched forward to hug Noiz and Noiz could feel his body splitting apart – blood damping where Aoba touched him.

He could hear his own screeches in his head, along with Aoba’s small laugh beside his ears; a reality he never wanted to face.

 

 

He woke up with a start, panting, pain travelled all over his body, almost taking his conscious away from him again. He didn’t know how he managed to escape the nightmare but he was grateful he did. He looked around, still trying to regulate his breathing, and only giving out a sigh of relief when he confirmed that he was in the reality he wanted to be in.

He almost jumped when he felt a clutch on his wrist.

“Come here, you,” Aoba whispered, pulling him over so that he could caress him on the head. Noiz was about to tell him that he was fine when he heard Aoba _humming_ , except that he wasn’t saying anything but he was humming a melody; a rhythm that was so soothing and that it effortlessly comforted Noiz down in no time.

“There, there,” Aoba said after a while of soundless hum, looking down just in time to see Noiz peeking up at him. “Feeling better?”

He almost laughed when he saw Noiz trying to hide his pout, instantly causing Aoba to ruffle his hair out of amusement.

“Hey,” Noiz whispered, breaking the silence in the room.

“Hm?”

“Will we still be able to do the ‘exploring town’ thing again?”

“Oh,” Aoba stopped messing with Noiz’s hair, tilting his head to look at the ceiling instead. “I suppose so. Do you still feel pain, though?”

Noiz moved in response, finger chafing on parched wound before he shook his head.

“Not anymore.”

“Then we can do it tomorrow,” Aoba responded cheerfully.

               

Three days. 72 hours. 4320 minutes. That was all the time they had.

 

               

 

They barely gotten any sleep that night; they didn’t need any anyway, not to mention that their time was practically running lesser with every second. Keeping themselves awake, they snuggled under the sheets. Noiz told Aoba stories about how he grew to be a top-class demon like how the pair of demons Aoba met in Hell had told him, while Aoba told him how he learned to brew his first cocktail when he worked in the bar. The more they talked, the more they realized that they barely knew each other, and the fact that they were running out of time to do exactly that only made them cling onto each other closer.

When the first ray of sunlight hit their room, they got up, unwilling to waste more time and got dressed. Aoba spent most of the time dressing Noiz up instead of dressing himself up. After various attemps of fitting beanies of different sizes on Noiz’s head just to check if his horns were properly concealed, he finally settled with a green-colored one; one that reminded him of the bunny cubes he’d made years back. And once he wore the trench coat for Noiz, he tied his tail and folded them to hide them in his clothing before he took a step back, smiling heart-warmingly at the perfect look he’d put on his demon boyfriend before he draped a scarf around his own neck.

This time, though, Aoba took the lead as he guided Noiz to the front door, opened it and trembled out of instinct when icy air blew into the room, freezing the originally warm space.

“It’s pretty cold today,” Aoba commented after he took a step out. Holding his hand backwards, he urged Noiz to grab onto his hand.

Noiz glimpsed around, as if afraid that they’d be ambushed out of nowhere again. As soon as he confirmed that their coast was clear, he took Aoba’s hand and stepped out as well, the cold air immediately sent ache all over him.

“Are you okay?” Aoba asked, noticing the frown that had appeared on his face.

“Fine,” Noiz mumbled from behind his scarf. Just in case, Aoba stepped towards him, enfolded another layer of thick material around his face before he closed the door behind them.

“Let me know if it’s too unbearable.”

Noiz merely nodded. Smiling at Aoba, he intertwined their fingers together as they walked side-by-side down the street.

Nothing had changed; nothing except them. The street was like how Aoba remembered it to be – everyone was busy with their own business, no one took a second glance at them, even though Aoba knew that Noiz could potentially look awkward with the attire he was in. But they managed to walk serenely down the street, the passersby giving them no suspicious look at all.

“Do you have anywhere in mind?” Noiz asked, his voice barely audible, muffled by the obstacle that was his scarf.

“Hmm,” Aoba looked around, then, his eyes brightened when he spotted something far ahead. “Let’s try those.”

Following where Aoba was pointing, Noiz saw that he was pointing at a row of street stalls. Albeit confused, he followed Aoba’s lead.

A demon didn’t need to eat, and he was sure that an angel didn’t need to either.

But Aoba seemed excited for some reason and he was in no position to stop him. He did say that he was leaving the decision to Aoba anyway.

“Ask for two,” Aoba elbowed Noiz as they stood in front of an octopus dumpling stall. Noiz obeyed. As soon as he held the warm package in his hand, he peeked into it, conjuring a laugh out of Aoba.

“Why are you peeking? Eat it,” he chortled.

“How about you?” Noiz asked, opening the packaging and searching around for the stick to pick the food up.

“I can’t be holding it. It’ll scare people,” Aoba explained, and Noiz had to remind himself that Aoba was practically invisible to people around them.

“How do you eat then?” Noiz asked again, already picking one of the octopus dumplings up and staring intriguingly at it. “What is this, by the way?”

“It’s called octopus dumpling,” Aoba said with a rascally smirk. “And about how I eat, you can feed me. But I’d need to eat it in one mouthful, though.”

“Why?”

“Erm, I don’t think people would want to see a half-eaten dumpling floating in mid-air…”

Noiz chuckled.

“I’m sure your mouth is big enough for one gulp,” Noiz smirked, a gesture that Aoba didn’t need further clarification to understand what he was implying.

“C’mon,” he pouted with a frown before he opened his mouth, wide. Noiz smiled at the adorable scene before he picked the food up and pushed it slowly into Aoba’s opened mouth.

“Ngh.” He thought he was pushing it too hard but Aoba held onto his hand when he was about to take it back, pushing it deeper instead.

“That was erotic,” Noiz praised, withdrawing his hand when Aoba took the whole of the dumpling into his mouth. “Makes me hungry again.”

“Yoreu tafing evething ta rong wey ( _You are taking everything the wrong way_ ),” Aoba struggled, covering his mouth while he tried to make his points across.

“I cannot understand anything. Is that an angel’s language?” Noiz teased, taking a step back to avoid Aoba’s smack before he ran down the street. Aoba chased after him, mouth still full and trying hard not to accidentally knock people down and create a commotion.

Even with a distance apart, he could still hear Noiz’s laugh from where he was chasing him. It was so loud and clear it almost caused him to tear up. It was a laugh so genuine; a sound he’d never heard before. And he wondered if Noiz had gained emotions earlier, would he be creating more of these sounds than he already did? No matter how Aoba was to look at him, he looked nothing more than a nineteen-year-old brat who had just started to understand more of his surroundings.

He thought he almost lost Noiz when he turned a corner and found him standing in front of a florist.

“Noiz?” He walked towards him, finally finished with his food, staring as Noiz spoke to the shop owner. When the owner – an old lady – turned her back towards them, Noiz winked at Aoba from over his shoulder before he followed the woman into the shop, leaving Aoba outside to stare curiously at the disappearing shadows.

He was freezing, almost wanted to walk into the shop for some warmth when Noiz walked out of it, now with a bouquet of flowers in his hands. The moment he saw Aoba, he beamed, speeding up his pace and pushed the bouquet into his hands.

“This is for you,” he said. His scarf no longer concealed his mouth, which Aoba suspected that he’d pulled it down to talk to the woman earlier.

“Why so sudden…” Then, he found his words stuck in his throat when he saw what was in his hands. They were more than just flowers – they were a bouquet of _forget-me-not_.

“This is what couples do, no?” Noiz enlightened, eyes fixed on Aoba’s every reaction. “Besides, I wanted to give you something too.”

“You choose this on purpose, don’t you?” Aoba asked. He can no longer hide the grin on his face. He’d already had the impression that Noiz was extremely observant and thoughtful in everything he did. He just didn’t expect him to catch him off guard like that. “I remember seeing this in the hospital,” Noiz trailed, searching for his memory. “So I did some research on it.”

“Hospital… oh.” He must have meant the ones in Koujaku’s ward. “But you do know what this means, right?”

He realized how desperate he sounded but it was too late to take it back. He could see the trifling tease in Noiz’s eyes. There was always something in Noiz’s expression that made him stare in admiration. He could never figure out what Noiz was thinking until the other spill the beans on him. This time, Noiz was wearing a mien so genuine that he was momentarily lost for words. All he could do was continue gazing at him, feeling every second that passed to be dreadfully long until Noiz heaved a long breath.

“I know what it means,” he said indolently. Raising a hand, he stroked Aoba’s cheekbones, his smile lifted when flush appeared on Aoba’s face. “ _Forget-me-not_ , I meant it as much as the name implies.”

The way he said it sounded so earnest that Aoba couldn’t help but let out a choked sob. It hurt him. Noiz’s tenderness, Noiz’s genuine expressions, Noiz’s _emotions_ – all of these hurt him. He could physically feel the stab beneath his chest before he pressed the back of Noiz’s hand against his face.

“Don’t worry,” he started, feeling tears in his eyes, sore in his throat. “No matter how long time will pass, I’ll never forget about you. Not again.”

For a while, Noiz thought the memory had returned to Aoba – the memory from a century back when they first met. But before he could clarify this with Aoba, Aoba continued, now with his eyes closed.

“You promise to do the same for me as well? That no matter how mnay years are to pass, no matter what will happen from now on, you’ll never forget about me?”

Noiz laughed melodiously, and when Aoba opened his eyes, he was stunned to see a tiny hint of tears in Noiz’s eyes.

“There’s no way I can forget about you,” Noiz said, cupping Aoba’s face with both his hands, his gaze penetrating pungently into Aoba’s eyes. “You have been in my memory for more than a century. In fact, you’re my earliest memory, you know that?”

Aoba nodded, confirming to Noiz that he’d already had an idea of what happened to them in the past.

“I’d be really upset if you forget about me with memory that long,” Aoba joked. Then, pinching Noiz on the nose, he lifted the bouquet up. “Thanks for this.”

They intertwined their fingers again, walking down the street. While Aoba contemplated their next destination, a familiar voice called out from behind them.

“Noiz!”

They turned around just in time to see Koujaku running towards them.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he panted, holding his knees with both his hands to balance his breathing before he broke into an upbeat smile. “How are you, Noiz?”

Noiz was momentarily distracted before he snapped back to himself.

“Good,” he replied offhandedly, slightly awkward, before he properly met Koujaku’s eyes. “You?”

“As you can see,” Koujaku beamed. “Never better. But I can’t say the same to you, though.” He moved closed, inching his face closer to Noiz’s so that he could stare at him up close. “You’re very pale, young man. Where have you been?”

Noiz quickly looked away, albeit too late for Koujaku to forget what he’d seen.

“It’s just a cold,” he hastily dismissed.

“I hope you’re treating yourself well now,” Koujaku said, concerned. Before the obdurate air could spread between them, Koujaku patted Noiz on the shoulder, breaking the ice instantly. “So, have you made a decision?”

Noiz looked at him searchingly, with completely zero idea of what he was referring to.

“I think he meant what he said about you trying to find a purpose in life?” Aoba wondered out loud, an attempt to help Noiz remember. Noiz’s eyes brightened. Shooting a quick sideway look at Aoba, he smiled, confusing Aoba this time before he returned to Koujaku.

“I’ve made a decision,” he said, firmed.

“Oh, that’s good to hear,” Koujaku had, like he said, returned to how he used to be – the cheerful, perky bartender Noiz remembered; and the overprotective brother Aoba had come to know.

“Also,” Noiz continued, drawing Koujaku back to him. “I’m quitting my job.”

Koujaku was stunned only for a while before he smiled again, a less bright one than the one before but similarly genuine.

“If that’s what you think is the best for you, I’ll accept your resignation with no objection,” he said. There was this determination he saw in Noiz’s eyes that he couldn’t forsake; it was something he’d yearned but yet to see from this presumably young man. But it was so prevalent nown as he let out a sigh of relief then patting Noiz hard on the shoulder again. “I hope you won’t regret your decision.”

Noiz peeked sideway again, but Aoba had lowered his head, staring at the floor. Noticing that Aoba probably already guessed what he was about to say next, he continued,

“I won’t regret,” he said. “Also, thank you.”

He caught Koujaku completely off guard. Staggered, Koujaku gave out an unnaturally loud cough while he tried to figure out what to say next. Noiz was faster, though.

“You’re just like what Aoba said.”

“What did he say about me?” Aoba’s name seemed to have effectively snapped him out of the unease.

“That you’re a great man, too protective, but a good man nevertheless. And that you’ll be fine, and be greater in the future.”

He was astounded to even see a small tint of pink flush appearing on Koujaku’s cheeks. Coughing rowdily again, Koujaku averted his gaze, an odd smile embracing his features.

“He has too much faith in me,” he said.

“And with a perfect reason,” Noiz interrupted.

“I say the same to you.”

That day, Noiz learned one thing – how being alive also meant being surrounded by people who have faith in him; and those were the people that would make life worth living.

               

When evening fell, they found themselves sitting on a bench, merely observing the passersby: Not far from where they sat was a pair of couples, sharing a scarf as they spoke to each other in voice so small it sounded like a whisper. Right in front of them was a boutique, selling the latest men fashion. One middle-aged man stood in front of the store, glancing at one of the suit jackets inside before a store assistant opened the door to invite him in, and then, at another far end of the corner was an ice-cream truck, the ringing of the bell to draw attention to the truck resounding brashly in their ears, alongside happy cheers of children surrounding the equally perky man, who was distributing ice-creams to the children.

“Does it still hurt?” Aoba voiced out all of a sudden. His head leaned against Noiz’s shoulder, their hands in each other, cold breeze no longer unfriendly but comfortable, even soothing.

“It hurts,” Noiz admitted. “It’s been like this for the whole time but it’s fine. Rather, I’m relieved that I can still feel pain. It means that I’m still alive.”

Aoba didn’t say anything for the next minute. Noiz didn’t know what to say either, the air between them cosy it felt almost sinful to disturb it. Then, he heard Aoba releasing a soft sigh. He turned, just in time to see Aoba plucking a feather from his wing then pressing it against Noiz’s neck, where a small wound was present.

“You should stop doing that,” Noiz reproached. He had yet to tell Aoba about the consequences for this but Aoba shook his head, the feather pressed harder against Noiz’s skin before he leaned in to kiss Noiz on the cheek.

“I know,” he mumbled with a barely distinct voice. Noiz was sure that he’d miss it if Aoba wasn’t speaking so close to him. “I can feel it every time I pluck one,” Aoba continued, his voice still small. After making sure that the feather was stuck firmly on Noiz’s neck, he reached back to pluck another one again. “I can feel how my life drains away with this feather. When I hold it like this,” he lifted the feather up for Noiz to see. “I can feel my life in it. I know it sounds ridiculous, but that’s what I feel. Took me long enough to notice it, though,” he ended his sentence with a bitter chuckle.

Noiz didn’t know what else he could say. He wanted to do more for Aoba; if he could, he was more than willing to trade his life for Aoba. But he knew Aoba wouldn’t agree to it – not when _he_ was the one who insisted to exchange _his_ life for Noiz’s instead.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked at long last. He knew it was more than just love, more than just the will to protect. And he wanted to know exactly why.

“’ _I’d rather die a meaningful death than live a meaningless life_ ’,” Aoba reiterated, gazing into space as he did. “I really mean it.”

After he finished tampering with his feathers, he leaned against Noiz’s shoulder again, his stare fixed at the darkening sky.

“I’m grateful to be given a second chance,” he continued. His voice sounded so weak it worried Noiz if he’d collapse anytime soon. He clutched hard on Aoba’s hand, just to make sure that his pulse was still strong. He listened quietly, just to make sure that Aoba was still breathing. And when Aoba continued speaking, he felt his heart skip a beat. “I only care about you now, and I want to do as much as I can for you.”

“You’re the one who never gave up on me,” Noiz said, his voice broke at the end of his words. He never knew how it felt to have tears in his eyes before; but now, he could feel them swelling in his eyes, threatening to fall at any second now. Never in his life had he felt so overwhelmed with emotions. Never in his life had he felt so loved. And never in his life had he felt so much love towards another living being.

“You’re the one who taught me how to live in this world,” he continued. He had a lot more to say to Aoba. But for the first time after he’d gained emotions, he hated how his emotions were getting into his way to properly express his thoughts out. He swallowed down his throat, trying to contain his emotions but Aoba was quicker.

“This is all I ever wanted.”

He had to close his eyes to contain the unbearable emotions. His head was filled with myriad whys, but his heart told him that Aoba was genuine – that he was the only person who was treating him in such a sincere way.

“I never know why I was given a second chance. I could’ve just died when you killed me then. But now, I guess I finally figured out the answer.”

He took a pause, a silence both of them needed.

“That’s because I need to fulfill my duty as your guardian angel.”

At that moment of time, all Noiz ever wanted was to give Aoba all his life; he wanted to reverse time, to go back to the past – when he first met Aoba – and tell Aoba to terminate him, no matter how much Aoba was to disagree.

If he’d done that, Aoba wouldn’t need to suffer now. He would’ve lived life like a normal human being, enjoy happiness he so well deserved.

But he couldn’t; there was nothing he could do.

The only thing he didn’t want to lose is Aoba; but that was also the only thing he was losing –

\-- everything that meant the world to him.

 


	11. Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is given one chance to live. But there would come a time when we would lose that chance – either accidentally or intentionally. What if you’re given a second chance to live?  
> Or a third chance?  
> Or even.. a fourth?  
> And this time, you could decide how to lead it, as much as you want.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has finally come to an end. Thank you very much for your support all this while. Thank you for staying with me for this 8 whole months and thank you for bearing with my slow writing progress. 
> 
> I hope this finale would worth all the tears you'd shed for this story. 
> 
> Meanwhile, check out [Sagta's beautiful AMV ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVAY3gNiHcE) for this story. 
> 
> I'd also like to take this chance to thank everyone for supporting me and this story and I hope we meet again in the next multichapter story I'll be writing
> 
> Enjoy, and till then!
> 
> Second Chance novel, inclusive of the complete story (that's not published) and extra details are also on sale [here](http://shinocchidesu9.tictail.com/product/second-chancenoiz-x-aoba-novel) :)

How would it feel to hear the ticking of the clock in your ears that you knew was the indication telling you how much time you had left? How would it feel counting down the days to the last minute of your life? How would it feel holding the person you loved in your hands, hearing their heartbeats, feeling their breathing, until the heartbeats became slower, their breathing slower, and then suddenly – you heard nothing, felt nothing; the warmth slowly slipped out of your hands.

How would it feel to lose someone important to you? How would it feel to lose your own life, and to see another life sipping off their body as well?

How would it feel to live, then die?

Just like that?

 

 

“Noiz, are you done?”

Aoba tugged on the final strings on his kimono, tightening it up and giving his clothing a finishing tidy-up before he looked over his shoulder at the bathroom door. They had been stopping in this town for a few days; today was the last day they would be here and Aoba had expressed the interest to stroll around the place for one last time before they headed to the next town. Noiz, of course, had no opinions towards the proposal at all; in fact, Aoba had never heard him conveying any suggestions about his traveling plan at all, let alone his own thoughts. All he did was following him from behind, occasionally blurting out questions that Aoba found extremely endearing. He seemed like he didn’t know much about what he should do either, so Aoba decided to that the initiative to guide him – telling him what to do and how to do it, teaching him things that he may or may not be interesting in at the same time. The small demon didn’t seem like he minded, though. Often following Aoba’s flow, he found himself being amazed over anything else.

“If you need help, all you need to do is ask, you know?” Aoba called out again. Now turning to face the door, he walked towards it, and was about to push it open when the door opened by itself, revealing a young demon with a scruffily worn set of kimono.

It took only two seconds of silence until Aoba broke out into a loud laugh, practically had to cover his mouth with his hand to stifle his grin. Noiz was visibly unsightful, the small frown in between his eyebrows and the small pout he wore on his face told Aoba that he’d given up trying to act smart halfway through his dressing up. Rather than having Aoba to crash through the door and find him in the worst stare – the last thing he wanted – it seemed like he’d taken the option to surrender himself before Aoba could humiliate him openly.

“You can’t blame me, I’ve never worn this before,” he said, lifting a hand and scowling deeper when the oversized kimono slipped off his shoulder. “Besides, this is too huge for me.”

Aoba was still chuckling when he attended to Noiz – first picking up his hand and leading him to sit on the bed, then undoing the obi, his attention now focused on the clothing. There wasn’t much he could do. The only kimono he could find was one that he wore.

“This is how you do it,” he said offhandedly, wrapping the obi around the small waist of the demon again before he looked up into Noiz’s curious eyes, just to see Noiz eyeing Aoba’s hands while he tied the obi around him, giving it a steady pull when he felt Noiz’s hand on his, then on his obi, before he looked at Aoba again.

“Is it too tight?” Aoba asked, suddenly worried that he had been too engrossed with Noiz’s reaction that he’d become careless with dressing Noiz up.

Noiz looked down at the obi again, sinking a finger into the tightness of the clothing material before he shook his head. He was about to move out of the bed when Aoba pushed him back, causing him to almost topple and fall on his back.

“Not yet,” Aoba laughed, amused at how impatient this young demon could be despite how impassive he seemed to appear. “It’s still a bit messy here,” he continued after making sure that Noiz was completely obedient now.

All Noiz could do was stare at Aoba as Aoba tidied up the loose sides of Noiz’s kimono, folding the excess material just to make sure that Noiz won’t step on his kimono when he walked out onto the streets later. They were used to sharing intimacy now. Sleeping together was a routine for them, and when he woke up, Noiz would often find Aoba draping his arms around his small torso, hugging him close. He could feel Aoba’s breathing so clearly against his skin, he could hear Aoba’s heartbeats so boisterously in his ears when he pressed it against his chest. He’d never heard this sound before – the heavy yet peaceful thumping sound of another being’s heartbeats – and when he pressed his own hand against his own chest, he realized that this was exactly what made them different. Because he couldn’t feel the same thing he’d felt from Aoba, and it made him feel lonely.

"All done!” Aoba announced with a perky smile. Standing up, he supported his chin with one hand, nodding approvingly at the neat attire Noiz was wearing on him now before he put his hands on his wrist, now grinning cheekily at Noiz. “Shall we, demon?”

Until now, Noiz still felt surreal for having Aoba call him in such way. It only told him that Aoba was very much aware of his species, and he wouldn’t even be surprised if Aoba knew more about what he was capable to do then. But yet, he let him stay by his side; he treated him like any other, perhaps even better – he treated him like a real living being.

When he jumped off the bed, Aoba stretched a hand towards him. He stared at Aoba’s hand, then at Aoba’s face, hesitated fleetingly, before he finally took it.

Aoba’s hand was warm; his hand was two times bigger than Noiz’s, and when he held it in his hand, his palm wrapped the whole of Noiz’s hand – it made Noiz feel secure for some odd reason, but he clutched it tight, as if Aoba was going to disappear if he let it go.

He’d never been surrounded by so many people all at once before he met Aoba. More like, he had never been surrounded by so many _human beings_ at once, like how they were now in the middle of the busy street. The atmosphere was a huge contrast to what he was used to; when he was back at ‘home’, he was surrounded by cold pairs of eyes, cold pairs of hands, cold aura. He thought it was his nature to feel alone but Aoba told him otherwise. Aoba told him that he had all the reason to chase after the sun, after warmth, after brightness and after happiness, although he wasn’t sure what Aoba meant exactly by happiness. All he knew was that he was overly attached to this man before him – this naïve man who brought along a young _demon_ with him and possessing no fear whatsoever towards what this supposedly horrendous being could do to him.

He told Noiz that Noiz was Noiz and that he only saw him as such. He didn’t know when he started becoming so self-conscious towards his appearance. Occasionally, he’d find himself hiding his tail out of his own conscious. And sometimes, when he looked into the mirror, he hoped so much to chop his wings and horns off so that he could appear more… _normal_.

But Aoba seemed to have a better impression towards these abnormal features of his. Once when they shared the same shower, he found Aoba staring attentively at them, eventually reaching out to trace the outlines of his horns before he seized the sponge and scrubbed the hard material, saying something about wanting to polish it clean and that Noiz should be proud of them.

That was perhaps the only reason why Noiz _hadn’t_ chopped his distinctive feature off.

“Hmm, the sweets here are different…” Aoba mumbled to himself as he scrutinized the candies outside the window of a candy shop. “How should I say it…” He supported his chin again, a thin frown in between his eyebrows. “They are still sweet, but perhaps a bit more… tastes a bit different.”

As if attempting to satiate his own curiousity, he brought both Noiz and himself into the shop, instantly feeling awkward when the shop owner shot him a curious stare. His position as a foreigner in this place never failed to make him feel out of place. But soon, he straightened his composure and gave out a soft cough, then pointing at the candies display at the window – the one where they had been staring at for the last few minutes.

“May I know what that is?” he asked. Despite his clear tone, Noiz could feel him clutching his hand tighter, telling him enough that Aoba was struggling to get the right words out of his mouth as well.

He was sure that his pronounciation of the local languge wasn’t exactly accurate, either. But his body language seemed to be more than enough for the German shopkeeper to nod, take a sample from the cabinet behind him and push it into Aoba’s hand.

“Mozartkugel.”

“E-eh?” Aoba stared, wide-eyed and still akward, at the brown colored candy, then at the shop owner.

“Mozartkugel,” the man repeated. When Aoba continued staring at him, he laughed before he took the candy out of Aoba’s hand and snapped the candy in half, just to show Aoba the green-colored nougat in it. “Marzipan. Chocolate,” he said, word-by-word.

“Oh… Oh!” Aoba said, a bit too loud than his usual voice, before he took candy off the man’s hand again. “Chocolate,” he smiled at the man, who nodded at him.

He couldn’t understand what Mozartkugel was, he’d never heard about Marzipan. But chocolate was a word he was familiar with. He handed one half of the candy to Noiz, then put the other half into his own mouth.

“It’s sweet,” he complimented as the man gave him a thumb-up.

At this point, Aoba was too embarrassed to spend more time in the shop, feeling even more out of place with every passing second. He took a box of the said candy, paid and walked out of the shop, still with Noiz tailing behind him.

“It’s not too bad, really,” he remarked once they were out on the street again. “But there’s still this taste that’s a bit different from the usual candies I used to eat back in Japan.”

Noiz remained silent the entire time of the walk. Aoba didn’t seem to mind, though. Most of the time, he’d be either talking to himself or to Noiz, without expecting any response in return. And for the most time, Noiz merely followed him around, listening to every word Aoba said to him, sometimes nodding in return when Aoba was obviously asking him a question. If Aoba wasn’t asking him a question, he remained quiet, reserving his thoughts. Even after they’d returned to their inn, he sat on the bed, watched Aoba unloading the stuff he’d bought from town, and ultimately slumped on the bed while he stood by it, completely unsure of how he should react.

“That was a nice tour,” Aoba said with his eyes closed, limbs splayed on the bed. “I’m so tired of walking… That’s it, no more walking for a few days! … Oh wait, we’re supposed to travel tomorrow. Argh, more walking! I shouldn’t be walking so much today.”

He ended with a loud sigh.

He didn’t know what made him do the next thing he did. Before he knew it, Noiz was leaning against Aoba, pressing his face against Aoba’s chest, his small hand reaching up to touch the spot where Aoba’s heart was beating energetically, still attempting to regain his breathing from the laborious walk.

“Noiz? What’s wrong?”

He heard Aoba’s voice from above him, but he closed his eyes, with no intention to answer like before, the sound of Aoba’s hearbeats being the last thing he heard before he dozed off to sleep.

 

 

When he regained consciousness, the first thing he felt was someone stroking his hair, the touch gentle as fingers dove in and out of his hair. He wanted to continue sleeping, or at least, pretend to be asleep while he indulged in the peaceful atmosphere, with the only person he cared in this world.

“Don’t pretend,” a voice echoed above him, a voice he was more than familiar with. “I know you’re awake.”

He let out a small smile. Recognizing that he could no longer fool Aoba, he shifted slightly, just enough to wrap one hand around Aoba’s waist as he continued resting his head on Aoba’s lap.

He couldn’t remember when he’d fallen asleep, his last memory being coming out of shower with Aoba and then Aoba was urging him to lay his head on his lap. He remembered Aoba telling him that he wanted to feel Noiz in a different way, just like this, unlike the usual fanatical, almost aggressive lovemaking they shared. Aoba’s voice was small, calm and undoubtedly Noiz’s favourite sound. And perhaps it was precisely because of that that he found himself lured into the sweetness of his voice, a voice that sounded too much like a lullaby to his fatigued body. And before he knew it, he fell asleep, remembering Aoba’s voice telling him how he wanted to travel somewhere further this time so that no one would find them, not even Noiz’s own species who should’ve noticed that Noiz had gradually changed into the most forbidden being he could turn into.

Noiz breathed in the familiar scent of Aoba, feeling the familiar warmth wrapping him instantly beneath his chest. When Aoba traced his fingers along Noiz’s jawline and ultimately stopped near his mouth, Noiz took the tip in out of instinct, sucking on it just so ephemerally before releasing it to look up at Aoba.

“Had a good sleep?” Aoba asked.

Noiz nodded. Sitting up, he came face to face with Aoba, who massaged the spot on his leg where Noiz laid, then returning his gaze to Noiz.

“Sorry, does it hurt?” Noiz asked as he placed a hand on Aoba’s lap, attempting to help him soothe the pain. Aoba shook his head. Intertwining their fingers together, he stared intensely into Noiz’s eyes, a hint loud enough to tell Noiz that he was asking him to move closer, which he obeyed.

Almost instantly, he encircled his hands around Noiz’s neck, bringing him closer until Noiz was practically straddling on his laps.

He loved nighttime, because it gave him a stronger view of Noiz’s lustrous lime-green eyes than when he was able to see during daytime. He loved every feature of Noiz, from his horns, to his eyes, his canines, his huge, heavy wings, and his arrow-shaped tip tail. He loved _everything_ of Noiz.

“Want to eat?” he asked under his breath. It sounded like a form of sweet seduction and there was no way Noiz could resist it; not when Aoba was his favourite food.

Acting on impulse, he lurched forward without answering, capturing Aoba in a desperate, hungry kiss while the other clung onto him, all prepared to be devoured like how he usually did. But, surprisingly, Noiz stopped halfway. He separated their kiss, licking Aoba on the lips and giving him another tender peck on the cheek before he fixed his eyes pungently on Aoba’s again.

“What is it?” Aoba asked, breathless. Noiz’s hunger became more and more evident oever time and Aoba knew it was just a matter of time for him to finally surrender himself to this still-growing demon and become his first food.

“Your hair,” Noiz commented quietly, his hand crept from Aoba’s waist, tracing provocatively along his spine until he stopped to fiddle with the tips of his long blue-coloured hair.

“What about it?” Aoba asked, momentarily distracted.

Instead of answering, Noiz twirled the tips of his strands with his fingers, releasing them by pulling swiftly on it. A small smile formed on the corner of his lips the moment he did that, catching Aoba off guard.

“So soft,” he murmured. “Like you.”

“Oh,” Aoba responded, unsure of how he should continue the conversation. Then, struck by a sudden idea, he smirked impishly before he put both of his hands on Noiz’s head to ruffle him aggressively on the hair. “Yours too.”

Across time, he’d noticed how Noiz often gained interest in little things – things that were often trivial and sometimes unnoticeable – then commenting on them like it was the most natural thing to do. It made Aoba happy. This particular demon in front of him used to be extremely impassive, bearing no interest whatsoever towards anything around him. But ever since he gained emotions, he had become more expressive. There were a few times when Aoba caught sight of him smiling at himself when they strolled around town, the laughter he gave out when Aoba splashed water on him one day when they settled by the river to rest from their long travel still rang stridently in Aoba’s ears. He was no longer the detached demon Aoba once picked up from the roadside. If anything, he was becoming more and more human with every passing day, which was a double-edged sword of its own.

“Can I?” he asked. Aoba didn’t even know what he wanted to do. Regardless, he nodded, closing his eyes and immediately feeling Noiz’s fingers back on his hair.

No matter how much interest Noiz had gained towards his surrounding, there was _one_ thing that he’d never lose interest, that _one_ thing being the only being that held most of his interest – Aoba.

He was sure that by now Noiz had already explored most of his body parts, but this was probably the first ime he played with his hair. It sent a pang of thrill into Aoba’s chest; with every touch Noiz gave him, he found his heart picking up speed, and when he felt tiny twinges of electricity running through his veins, he almost believed that Noiz had the ability to transmit quivers with his fingers alone. He slowly opened one of his eyes, attempting to peek but the moment he saw Noiz attentive expression, he hitched a breath, no longer able to withstand the temptation as he opened both of his eyes, literally staring unblinkingly at the young demon in front of him, completely mystified.

“Soft,” Noiz chuckled, fluttering Aoba’s chest. If that wasn’t enough to send Aoba into a daze, Noiz picked some of the tips of his hair up and kissed them, urging Aoba to clutch stronger on Noiz’s shoulders to support himself.

“Can you turn around?” Noiz asked, releasing Aoba’s hair just so Aoba could move.

Once he had his back facing Noiz, Noiz dived his fingers back into Aoba’s hair again, and Aoba could feel him gathering a huge bunch of them and tying them up into a high ponytail. It hurt, just a bit. But it was bearable. Above all, he was more interested to know what Noiz was up to.

“Done,” Noiz said after a peck on Aoba’s ear shell.

He was about to turn around to face Noiz but Noiz pulled him over and hugged him from the back before he could do that. The warmth was addictive. Noiz’s heart beat viciously against his back, his state wasn’t any better either. When Noiz rested his chin on Aoba’s shoulder, he could feel Noiz’s hot breath by his ear, the embrace Noiz was giving him so firm that if he was to go any stronger than this he’d be suffocating him.

“Noiz?” Aoba called out, finally noticed how Noiz was acting slightly different from usual.

“How does death feel like?” Noiz asked out of nowhere. His voice was so small Aoba almost missed it. But that wasn’t the point. Distracted, Aoba wanted to turn around, but Noiz hold him firmer, as if stopping Aoba to catch sight of his face.

“I… don’t know,” Aoba started, recognizing that it was futile trying to struggle out of Noiz’s sturdy embrace. “I’ve never died before.”

He swore Noiz’s heart just beat faster.

“Does it hurt?” Noiz asked again. A question Aoba didn’t have the answer to.

“Maybe,” he said quietly, settling his hands on Noiz’s arm. “Maybe just a little.”

Noiz let out a sigh. He buried his head deeper into Aoba’s shoulder, pressing his eyes against it as if contemplating something.

“How to stop pain?” he asked, voice muffled.

“We can’t,” Aoba said, completely honest. “It’s part of being human.”

“How to _not_ be human?” Noiz asked again, faster to respond this time.

“Noiz…”

“How to forget about pain?” he asked with a quicker, heavier tone.

“Noiz, st—“

“How to stay alive?”

“Noiz!” Aoba raised his voice, effectively silencing Noiz. He knew what Noiz meant, and every one of Noiz’s word hurt him badly. Despite being able to feel pain now, Noiz was also, undoubtedly able to feel pain in an emotional sense. And Aoba knew too well how much emotional pain would hurt, a lot more than how physical pain would.

“You’ll be fine,” he assured, reaching backwards to pat Noiz on the head. “You won’t die.”

“But you would.”

He hadn’t considered this before, hadn’t occurred to him that being able to feel emotions in both a physical and emotional sense also meant being able to empathize with others. Now that Aoba was his world, it was just natural for him to put him as the center of all his attention.

It hurt very badly, just like how Noiz had put it, and he knew that Noiz must be feeling the same as well.

“I’ll be fine.” That was the only thing he could say. He didn’t know how to comfort Noiz because he knew that Noiz was right – that he would eventually die, in the most painful way possible.

But like he’d told Noiz – it was fine. It was fine for him; he’d chosen this path and he’d walk faithfully down the road. There was no space for him to hesitate, or even to consider even more now that he’d decided.

He hadn’t told Noiz what his decision was, and he was definitely not doing it now. Not when Noiz was still struggling with himself to make sense of what was happening to himself and what he should do from then on.

Noiz didn’t need to decide; Aoba would decide for him. As selfish as he sounded, he didn’t want this demon to carry a burden so heavy when he could barely make sense of the world around him. Even when he was to be thrown into the cruelty of nature, he’d have to face it.

It didn’t matter if Noiz was to lose his emotions now, it didn’t even matter if Noiz was to forget about Aoba once and for all.

What mattered to Aoba was that Noiz should be alive. He should be finding a reason for his life, live it, and when the time came when farewell was unavoidable, he didn’t want Noiz to forget living his life even after he’d passed on.

But when he allowed Noiz to kiss his neck, marking him again and again as his, he never knew that all Noiz ever wanted was _him_.

And he never knew that Noiz would experience the biggest regret in his life when he killed Aoba with his own hands.

He never knew that Aoba was the only reason Noiz wanted to live.

 

* * *

 

               

Being a demon meant throwing away all emotions, being tremendously unsympathetic, merciless, fearful; because being a demon meant being _inhuman_.

He’d forgotten how to feel, his emotions numbed, and ultimately faded off after he buried Aoba right behind the outskirt cabin where they first encountered each other. He sat in front of Aoba’s grave for days. He didn’t know what he was waiting for. Aoba wasn’t going to come back to life no matter how long he was to wait. But he didn’t want to leave Aoba alone. Aoba had been his home for the longest time. Now that Aoba was gone, he didn’t know what he should do, or where he should return to.

He’d forgotten how being a demon felt like. Aoba had made him into a human being filled with so many emotions sometimes he hoped he could abandon his title just like that, just so he could grow old with Aoba, and eventually die with him. But his wish was unattainable; it was never possible. The fact hat Mink had hunted him down and forcefully hauled him away from Aoba’s grave had told him so.

He was a demon after all. No matter who was to come into his life, and what they were to do, everything would be futile.

At the end of the day, he would return to being the monster he truly was. Continuous struggling would only make him suffer.

So a painful punishment later – which involved a lot of imprisoning and a lot of blood lost – he decided that there was no purpose for him to fight anymore. He should’ve embraced his fate from the very beginning; in fact, he should be proud of it – like how Aoba told him to be proud of his demonic features.

So he abandoned his emotions. He focused on growing as a demon, and he didn’t need to wait too long before he overpowered every other demon that was in the same league as him. He was the next in line to succeed the throne from Mink and to be honest, it didn’t matter to him at all. Being the ruler of the underworld or not, he still wouldn’t be able to feel emotions.

He’d still be a monster.

He’d almost forgotten how much he yearned to feel, although he never undersood why he still left the piercings on his body – the piercings reminded him how much he yearned to feel. He didn’t want to dwell too much on it, but he secretly knew that he craved for it. He desired the intense emotions he once held a century back, even though he no longer remembered how he managed to feel it. But the feeling was so strong it buried deep within him, in an area Noiz hadn’t had the courage to delve into. He knew that it was wrong; he knew that he shouldn’t go against what his true nature was. But he also knew that it wasn’t something he could forget so easily either.

That was when he sensed a faint hint of the exact same scent he’d encountered in a faraway memory that he had to swallow hard to contain the sudden excitement running through every ounce of his vein. He _almost_ felt a hint of heartbeat from beneath his chest, disappearing as soon as it came. He thought it was an illusion, and it should be. But when he followed the scent, he could clearly feel every one of his nerves pumping out of pure intense. He didn’t know what he was waiting for, but he never knew what his reason of living was anyway. If he was lured into a sinful deal and lost himself once, he was sure that this time, he wouldn’t repeat the same mistake, because he was stronger now, and definitely more rational than he ever was.

When Noiz encountered Aoba again, he needed to take a step back, trying to justify the complicated confusion within him that took the form of multiple question marks in his head. He remembered the scent, that’s for sure. But the problem was – he couldn’t remember exactly when he first encountered it.

It felt like a distant memory, or a forgotten memory. But yet, he couldn’t deny that the feeling was real, familiar, or even nostalgic.

There was something about the man before him that did things to him. Triumphing the next throne of the underworld, he rarely doubted himself, hardly ever found himself being confused. But now, as he continued staring at the cheerful man, who was carrying a tray in his hand and serving drinks from table to table, he scowled at how his composure wavered ever so slightly, suddenly feeling unsure of what he should do, or if he should even be do anything at all.

He drowned the remaining of his alcohol down his throat and was about to stand up to finally take some action – talk to the man, probably – when he felt a person, or rather, a being so very contrasting to his own existence sitting beside him.

“Please stay put, demon.”

He sank back to his seat; not because he was afraid of that being, but rather, he was interested – of what business this angel had with him.

He closed his eyes, obviously waiting for the angel to make his move. But when he didn’t, he opened his eyes again, turning his head just enough to make out the outline of the angel. He was white-haired, a pair of pink-coloured eyes gleaming brightly despite the darkness of their surrounding. He wore a smile on his face, eyes focused on the man Noiz had his eyes on ever since he’d followed the scent into the bar. But despite stopping Noiz from moving any further, he didn’t seem to have the intention to continue the conversation, leaving Noiz hanging.

By now, even without the need for Noiz to ask, he’d already make out what was with the angel. The way he was practically ogling at the blue-haired waiter had told him so. So he leaned back against the seat, crossed his arms and started,

“I haven’t encountered anyone who had successfully stopped me from hunting before, just so you know.”

To his surprise, the angel chuckled.

“Look at him,” he said, eyes still fixed at Noiz’s prey. He didn’t know where this conversation was leading to, and what purpose this angel had with him. If he intended to stop him, they might as well settle it now, once and for all. “Isn’t he beautiful?”            

Noiz returned his gaze to the waiter. Now that he was back to the bar counter, talking to a man who appeared to be the bartender, Noiz could finally fix his attention on him – his hair tied up into a high ponytail, his eyes light-brown in colour, and the cheeky smile he was wearing on his face made it seem like he didn’t belong in this shady place at all.

“There’s nothing impressive about a human being,” Noiz commented, his remark cold although it was too hard for him to dismiss how his breath was caught in his chest when the waiter turned and faced him before he waved and smiled brightly at him. it was probably done out of courtesy, seeing how he couldn’t even make out his face, not when Noiz was sitting in the darkest corner in the bar. “They are all the same,” he continued after the momentary distraction.

“He’s not,” the angel disagreed. “He’s different.”

Noiz let out an amused smirk. Different, huh? He’d known that angels are pure beings, but this angel seemed too naïve for his own good.

“Please don’t touch him,” the angel continued, finally turning around to face Noiz. “I won’t allow you to.”

One corner of Noiz’s lips lifted higher, his sharp, lime-green stare attempting to penetrate a sense of fear in the angel.

“Try me.”

That was all he said before he stood up, stuck his hands in the pockets of his trench coat and headed out of the bar, the loud voice of “Thank you! Please come again!” he heard from the waiter still ringing in his ears when he stepped out to the streets.

Winter had barely started but the winter wind was already strong. Despite leaving the warm atmosphere of the bar, he remained standing in front of the shop, hit by a wild sense of lost. All he knew was that there was this undefiniable tension within him that had disturbed him ever since he smelled, then saw the man behind the counter. He’d never felt so intrigued before. Sure, he’d had countless preys, and he’d fed himself so many times he couldn’t even remember it himself. But when he encountered this particular man again, for some reason, he felt something else; something that was more than pure hunger.

Something that felt like…

He shook his head, clicked his tongue and headed down the pavement. There was no way he’d agree with an angel; there was no way human beings were different than the other.

There was no way he would be distracted by a prey.

And there was no way he’d admit to himself that for some reason, he felt an indistinct hint of emotion within him, even for a second.

Seragaki Aoba had an angel with him and it was almost impossible to go near him. But Noiz was persistent. He’d never felt such a strong impulse in his life before. It wasn’t just pure hunger, it was _something else_. Something… dangerous.

It tingled every one of his nerves, resurrecting his demonic instinct.

When Seragaki Aoba appeared from the bar, no longer in his waiter wear but in a simple T-shirt, casual jeans, covered with thick jacket and a scarf around his neck, Noiz followed him from behind, constantly making sure that the angel – Aoba’s guardian angel – was nowhere to be seen. Seragaki Aoba was accompanied by someone else, a person Noiz deemed to be the bartender whom Aoba was extremely close with solely based on their intimate interaction Noiz witnessed in the bar. This human being possessed a similarly strong aura as Aoba but for some reason, there was just something… _different_ with Aoba. The angel had told him so, but he refused to admit it. Because it shouldn’t be the case – all human beings are the same, there shouldn’t be an exception.

He stopped a distance away when they stopped in front of what seemed to be Aoba’s house. Aoba bid his friend goodbye, and once he disappeared into the house, Noiz walked out, leaned against the wall right in front of the house and looked up. He could see the light of the window flickered, then shot to full brightness before a shadow came into view. The body line of the shadow confirmed to him that this body belonged to Seragaki Aoba and he found himself staring, unable to move his gaze away, completely transfixed as he observed every one of Aoba’s actions. He could only guess what Aoba was doing in his room, but the whole encounter on that day itself was more than enough for Noiz to mark his next prey.

 

 

He could feel it so clearly – how Aoba’s life left his body, how the body became just another piece of flesh, and how the light gleamed, how he created an angel, just so he could devour him.

The grief in the air wasn’t something he was unfamiliar with. He’d attended enough funerals to know how it worked. Everything was temporary anyway. Sooner or later, these people would get over the dead, continued living their life as if nothing happened in the first place. That was what it’d be being human. People come and left; it was a normal life cycle. There wasn’t any need to mourn over a dead person, because they’d eventually die anyway. It was just a matter of time. There wasn’t a need to be too attached to another human, because if one did, it’d be even more painful when it came to the time when they have to leave. He could see it on Koujaku’s expression. Koujaku had his face lowered the entire time of the funeral. He didn’t even look up when Aoba’s casket was lowered into the space, when it was covered in mud and when it was finally well buried underneath the ground. Noiz could feel regrets and unmistakable sorrow when Koujaku _finally_ lifted his head up. No one was around any longer. And perhaps this was what people said – that solitude moment one needed to recite their last words to a dead soul.

Noiz could never understand the need for this. He didn’t think people needed to cling too hard on another person. Attaching too much emotions in another person would only cause more pain because then they’d need to suffer when the said person left them. He couldn’t understand how it felt to _trust_ another person, let alone being concerned towards them.

Because he never understood how it’d feel to lose someone he loved.

Seragaki Aoba wasn’t dead. He plotted it; he didn’t want him dead. Not now, not until he tasted him on his very tongue. When he saw him again, there was this sense of relief within him that he didn’t know was possible. He cringed at the thought. ‘Relief’ – it wasn’t something he wanted to possess because he shouldn’t be feeling this in the first place. He shouldn’t be _concerned_ with another being in the first place.

There was something about Seragaki Aoba that he couldn’t put his words into. He wasn’t just another human, now angel. He was… something else and it irritated Noiz greatly. He wanted to devour him now, but he needed to wait. It’d be a waste to consume an angel just like that, especially not when he’d finally set his eyes on another being that wasn’t a human whom he genuinely interested in.

… _genuinely interested in._

For a lot of times, he found himself having to shake his thoughts off, constantly reminding himself that this angel was nothing more than just another food. He shouldn’t be too concerned with whatever this angel was to say; he shouldn’t allow this angel to distract his thoughts and his beliefs.

He shouldn’t allow this angel to meddle with the way he did things for the past century.

But in the end, it happened. He didn’t know how, and when it all started. But he knew why –

\-- because he had, finally, encountered his guardian angel.

 

* * *

 

Aoba closed the diary before he let out a soft sigh. Caressing the hardcover of the book, his gaze lingered in space, the words he’d just read resounding in his ears. For the first two days, Koujaku’s thoughts were all that he’d been reading. He still remembered how reading his thoughts worried him. Koujaku was obviously not okay at that time, and he wanted to help him as much as he could without interfering the flow of nature.

But now, he smiled warmly as he hugged the diary, pressing it close to his chest. He wished he could bring this book along with him when he was to pass on. These were important thoughts of not Koujaku’s, but of _Noiz_ ’s, and it became a bit too apparent that he was _indeed_ Noiz’s guardian angel all along. Now that Noiz’s demonic ability had gradually faded away, his effect on the book was no longer effective, allowing Aoba to read every one of his thoughts – from the day when they first met more than a hundred years ago, up to today. He already knew of the former demon’s thoughts in the present day, but the ones that he read about their past, along with the ones before they officially met again did things to him. He could feel the warmth in his chest - perhaps even a slight hint of pain - when he read. Lines after lines, words after words; all of them were genuine thoughts of the demon. He was amazed of how crazily curious this demon could be, how he could question every single thing in this way, and how, eventually, he could question everything about Aoba.

He laughed as he was reminded of one part where Noiz questioned even the color of Aoba’s hair. It wasn’t something he could help and even if Noiz was to ask him now, he was sure that he wouldn’t be able to answer him.

“What are you thinking about?”

The said demon sat beside him on the bed. He no longer possessed an intimidation so strong it used to make Aoba shiver out of reflex whenever they were in close distance. Rather, he now held an aura filled with gentleness, of _concern_ , that radiated so powerfully from him that it almost felt as if he’d turned in to a whole different person.

His voice was less vigilant now; it was soft, still not losing the intermittent huskiness in it, and especially when he spoke to Aoba, he gave out an aura so alike to any other average human being that it sounded like a huge joke when Aoba reminded himself that this very person used to be the same person who had pierced his tail into countless souls, fed on them, and ultimately intensified his own demonic nature.

He never once thought that Noiz was destined to be a demon. But he also believed that perhaps this was the only way for him to learn how to be more human.

With that thought, he turned around, still hugging on the book, and leaned forward to kiss Noiz softly on the lips.

“Nothing, just thinking about how great you are,” he whispered against his lips, giving out a small smile when he saw Noiz brighten his eyes out of curiosity.

“Not sure what that means but,” Noiz’s eyes darted to the book in Aoba’s hand and the truth hit him. “Oh.”

Aoba chuckled. When Noiz’s emotions became more and more apparent like this, he acted like a real nineteen-year-old, one whom couldn’t help but evoked a flutter in Aoba’s heart.

“Are we ready to leave?” he asked, glancing around the room while Noiz nodded.

“I’ve cleared everything. Anytime you’re ready.”

24 hours. 1440 minutes. 86400 seconds.

That was all the time they had.

 

They took more time to walk this time. Aoba could physically feel his strength leaving him, and if he was to walk too fast, he could even feel his heart beat slower, causing him to stop and take deep breaths before he continued again. Noiz wasn’t any better either. Of the many times Aoba turned to check on him, he could clearly make out the very painful expression on his face, telling him enough that he had been enduring the pain at most times. He hoped he could do something for him but there was literally _nothing_ he could do at the moment, not when his own life was also dangling dangerously at the end of the rope.

“A bit more,” he patted Noiz on the head, just to be returned by a tender smile. Noiz encircled his arm around Aoba’s shoulder, holding him close as they made slow, wary steps down the street and out of the city.

“Are you sure you don’t need a cab?” Noiz asked between pants. They had walked into an outskirt area, wide green fields spread around them, the wind strong but not too destructive. Even so, it still terrified Aoba when the breeze got stronger; it reminded him of how fragile he was at this very moment, that another stronger wind could potentially blow his existence off just like that.

It’s okay…” he said, face pale, hands shivering. “I want to… spend time alone with you.”

He didn’t need to look at Noiz’s expression to know that the former demon was scowling. He picked Noiz’s hand up, linking their fingers together and flashed another perky smile at him.

“Let’s go?” he urged, and Noiz could do nothing but nod as he greasped his hand tighter and supported him down the road.

 

 

 

    20 hours.

             1200 minutes.

                   72000 seconds.

 

 

 

It was already two hours before midnight when they finally stopped in front of a shabby-looking cabin. They were far away from the city now, their surrounding quiet. Noiz opened the door for them, supporting Aoba to sit on the pile of straw pads before he looked around for a candle to lit the place up. As he was about to stand up, Aoba pulled him by the wrist, bringing him back down to sit beside him again.

“Don’t go,” he said quietly. Even Noiz could feel the weakness in his strength when he held onto him.

“I’m just looking for lights.”

“It’s fine,” Aoba continued, almost too quick. “I’m fine like this.”

Their only light source was one from Aoba’s halo. But even so, the halo had lost most of its glow, unlike when Aoba had first awakened – it was now dimmed, weak; sometimes Noiz even realized the halo’s light going off, only coming back to life two seconds later. It was as if the light was a personification of Aoba’s heart and it terrified Noiz. He didn’t want to care too much, even though he _knew_ that Aoba probably had less life force than himself now. But when the truth was displayed in such an outward way in front of him, there was no way he could turn a blind eye toward it.

He wrapped the whole of Aoba’s body into a tight embrace, still trying very hard to ignore how the light of Aoba’s halo had just become weaker as he kissed Aoba firmly on the forehead.

“Tired?” he whispered. Aoba closed his eyes, his hand placed against Noiz’s chest, where the demon’s heart beat. “You can take a nap.”

“It’s… fine,” Aoba said, his voice now so small it was barely audible. “Let me stay like this for a while…”

Noiz would let Aoba do whatever he wanted to do. He would give Aoba whatever he wanted.

But all Aoba needed was Noiz now, and Noiz knew he was the same.

 

 

 

    11 hours.

             660 minutes.

                   39600 seconds.

 

 

Pain had become such a common thing to him now that even when he woke up, feeling the more than familiar stabs on his body, he merely flinched before he was immediately distracted by the weight on his hand.

Demons didn’t need to sleep; so as angels. The only reason why Aoba and even he himself had passed out for such long hours was probably thanks to the fact of their overly worn out body, now being a vessel too heavy to carry their life force. Aoba was now paler than how he remembered him to be, his lips white and dry, breathing slow and heavy, and when Noiz held his hand in his, it was cold, impossibly light, and lifeless.

He was sure that he wasn’t any better but as time passed by, he was also sure that Aoba was reaching his end faster than himself.

There was nothing he could do, he knew it. The only thing he could do was to stay by Aoba’s side and accompany him to the end.

The sky was bright and the wind from the previous night had stopped, replaced with gentle sunlight pouring into their cabin as they continued laying on the straw pads. A few minutes later, Noiz sat up, carefully shifting Aoba’s head away from his hand then gently laid it on the straw pad before he stood, nearly fell from the lack of energy in his legs and walked out of the cabin, supporting himself all the way out by leaning and dragging his body along the wall.

 

 

   

    9 hours.

             540 minutes.

                   32400 seconds.

 

 

 

Aoba was still asleep when he retutned, holding a packet of biscuits in his hand as he walked to where Aoba slept. The simple trip alone had exhausted most of his energy. When he slumped against the wall, breathing heavily, he pressed his hand against his chest, feeling the furious thumping of his heart and fearing it may stop beating anytime soon. Just like that. He closed his eyes for one whole minute, trying to calm himself down, trying to reassure himself that there was nothing to be afraid of now that he had Aoba by his side. But his effort was futile. There was one thing that possessing emotions did to him and that was giving him not only emotions that he needed but also emotions that he didn’t need as well.

He only opened his eyes when he heard movements, just in time to see Aoba blinking at him.

“Sorry, I fell asleep,” he said. He tried to sit up when he frowned, falling back onto the straw pads again as he closed his eyes, breathing heavy.

“It’s okay,” Noiz said. His throat burned when he spoke, his voice hoarse. His head was throbbing but he inched closer towards Aoba, holding up the packet in his hand and beamed. “Breakfast?”

Angels do not need to eat, demons neither. But Aoba returned his smile with a genuine one of his own before he nodded, stretching one arm out and urging Noiz to come closer.

“This feels nostalgic,” he mumbled as he took the first bite of his food.

“Taste of food?” Noiz asked instinctively.

“No,” Aoba grumbled, swallowing his food down before he looked up at Noiz. “This whole situation we’re in now.”

They said that a few moments before one dies, they would be able to see their life flashing in front of them, like a film reel – it was a painful reminder. And Aoba’s comment did nothing but reminded Noiz about that very fact.

“Are you…” he started slowly, afraid to know the answer.

Aoba took some time, sinking himself into silence and averting Noiz’s eyes to stare into space.

“…I remember.” Lifitng his hand up, he stared at them momentarily before he smiled sadly. “I remember the time when he first met.”

Noiz’s memory was foggy; he only remembered finding this exorcist by the roadside, bleeding heavily and barely breathing. He couldn’t remember what made him drag him all the way into a similar cabin like the one they were in now, literally threw him into the thickest pile of straw pads he could find before he stared at his unconscious body, doubting his life decision.

Perhaps since then, he was already addicted to affection.

“You were so small then,” Aoba let out a weak laugh. “And you look so sour despite being so young.”

His impression towards Aoba then was indistinct. But he remembered how valuable Aoba made him feel.

“When you said to move away from the city so that no one would have to deal with the commotion when your own kind was to retrieve your body, I didn’t expect you to bring me to a place like this,” Aoba continued, looking around the place with an amused expression plastered on his face. “It feels very nostalgic, as if we’re back in time.”

He should be happy that Aoba remembered, but at the same time, he knew that this didn’t mean anything positive either. It only meant that Aoba was slowly yet surely reaching the edge of his life and he was afraid, so very terrified that Aoba would drop dead right in front of him, just like that.

“But now the demon then had grown to be so big,” Aoba put on a cheeky grin and ruffled Noiz’s hair, his touch powerless. “And so mature too. I’m so proud of you,” he ended with a pat on Noiz’s head.

While he had changed, Aoba remained the same. He was still the defenceless exorcist Noiz first met more than a hundred years ago – still a bit too kind, and a bit too different. That was probably why he was attracted to him when they met again; when Aoba was reborn into a different yet still similar person Noiz had come to adore.

When Noiz picked Aoba’s free hand up to kiss his fingers, Aoba moved his hand to trace ghostlike touches along the outline of Noiz’s horns. The piercings on his horns flickered under the soft sunlight pouring into the cabin, the sledge-like material of his demon feature looked as proud and magnificent as how Aoba loved them to be.

“I’m sorry I can’t feed you anymore.” There was a haze of misery on Aoba’s face when he said that but Noiz immediately shook his head, looking up from his fingers to meet Aoba’s slightly sorrowful expression.

“Your existence alone is more than enough,” he said.

Truth was, he was also well aware of how fast Noiz’s life force was draining out now. Probably the best way to save him now was to feed the demon, even though he was extremely weak to the extent that one impactful blow might even be able to destroy his entire existence. But he knew that now that Noiz had lost his demon title, eating a real ‘demon food’ won’t help him much either. More importantly, he knew that Noiz wouldn’t want it, and killing him a second time when he was clearly very much in love with him now would do nothing but destroy himself further.

Noiz was all ready to face what was to come.

Their time was running out. Fast. But they had each other.

It should be more than enough for both of them now.

 

 

 

    2 hours.

             120 minutes.

                   7200 seconds.

 

 

His vision was blury, he could barely hear anything, let alone feel anything. He didn’t have the energy to move any further. So he merely laid in Noiz’s warm embrace – the only sensation he could strongly feel now.

“How are you feeling?” he asked quietly. He felt Noiz move slightly, seemingly trying to look at him but Aoba buried his head against his chest, stopping him.

“Calm,” Noiz answered, an answer that reflected his voice well.

Aoba closed his eyes. Pressing a hand against the demon’s chest, he smiled when he felt Noiz’s heartbeats – they were stable, slow; but still very much alive.

“Aoba.”

This time, it was Noiz’s turn to call out to him as Aoba hummed in response.

“How much more time do you have?”

He didn’t expect the question, it caught him off guard but he beamed nevertheless. Tilting his head sideway, he considered.

“One hour and fifty minutes.”

“How many seconds is that?”

Aoba chuckled softly. He wasn’t sure if his mind was in the right state to calculate, even though it was just a simple calculation. But he did it anyway, while Noiz waited soundlessly but impatiently for him.

“It’s one hour and forty-seven minutes now, which is… six thousand and twenty seconds.”

Noiz bit down on his lip. Aoba was four minutes ahead of him. He shuddered at the thought of having to see Aoba die before him all over again. His body moved completely on instinct, he held him closer, desperately trying to cling onto the remaining warmth he could feel of Aoba. He wasn’t as warm as before anymore, but it gave Noiz a sense of relief when he felt Aoba’s heart beating against his chest.

He swore it became slower since the last hour he’d felt it the same way.

Aoba didn’t ask Noiz how long he had left, which he was grateful of; he wouldn’t know how to respond to him if he was to ask – how did one tell another that he’d die before him?

But Aoba seemed to have figure it out by himself anyway as he returned Noiz’s embrace, his touch weak and gentle it gave Noiz an illusion that feathers were brushing against his skin before Aoba kissed him on the shoulder blade and laughed softly again.

He resisted the urge to break down with all of his energy. Aoba’s angelic voice resounded in his ears, stabbing him hard in the heart.              

“There, there,” Aoba whispered, patting Noiz on the head, then pulling himself out of Noiz’s embrace to look up at him. “Does it still hurt?”

Emotions had been everything Noiz chased after ever since he’d encountered his first food. But now, he hated the thought of possessing emotions. If he never knew about emotions, he’d probably be able to respond to Aoba better, not in a stuttering mess so unlike himself now. If he didn’t posess emotions, he wouldn’t need to go through a pain so intense; a pain so much more painful than any physical pain he’d ever encountered.

“I’m okay.” He literally had to force his words out of his mouth. “Worry about yourself first.”

“What is there to worry?” Aoba was still smiling. “There’s nothing scary about death.

He was right – there wasn’t anything to be afraid of when it comes to dying. He’d just close his eyes, and sink into a long, deep sleep.

Just like that.

Dying wasn’t scary, but _losing a person he loved_ was. He didn’t want to face the fact that he had to witness Aoba close his eyes, feel the breath draining out of him, feel his body turn cold, feel him turning into nothing more than another lifeless body.

“Aoba,” he called, heated but sorrowful. “Aoba.”

“I’m here,” Aoba replied. He didn’t want Aoba to talk any more than he needed, but Aoba’s voice was the greatest assurance he could get now.

And Aoba obviously felt the same.

 

 

 

    0 hours.

             450 minutes.

                   2700 seconds.

 

 

 

“I was terrified when I first met you. Do you remember the time when we met in the bar?”

 Noiz nodded.

“I thought I would never be able to talk to anyone else again. It was very lonely.”

Noiz understood how it felt to be lonely; he’d felt this way for more than a century. He thought he was fine the way he was, that he only needed to stay put, keep doing what he was doing, and succeed the underworld throne as how Mink had planned for him. That should be it. He shouldn’t be too ambitious, he shouldn’t hunt for an _angel_ , he shouldn’t overestimate himself.

But he did; and he regretted nothing.

“Are you lonely now?” Aoba asked as he played with his hair, gently brushing the soft texture of his blond-coloured strands as he waited for his answer.

Noiz shook his head. “I’m never lonely, not since you told me how not to feel lonely.”

Aoba chuckled.

“You always have a way with words. I can’t win you.”

“Then don’t.”

“Hm?”

Aoba halted, suddenly unsure of how to continue this conversation. He wanted to keep talking to Noiz, keep talking until their time was up. But Noiz was obviously having problems holding himself up at the moment. He didn’t want Noiz to show this kind of expression; he wanted Noiz to give him that smile that fitted him so very well. He wanted to see that expression of Noiz to the end.

“Don’t… win me,” Noiz mumbled, hastily kissing Aoba on the forehead before he leaned his own forehead against it. “Don’t go before me.”

  

 

    o hours.

             35 minutes.

                   2100 seconds.

  

 

Aoba was momentarily speechless. He kissed Noiz on the nose, rubbing his thumb against Noiz’s cheekbone, before leaning down to kiss Noiz on the lips.

“You’re very strong, Noiz,” he muttered, lips shivering. “You have done great things. You survived all those cruel years of loneliness, of battles between yourself and your own kinds despite knowing that the life before was nothing you wanted. You’re very brave.”

Noiz didn’t want to hear any of those. Because none of those would happen if not because of Aoba. He wanted to say something, to tell Aoba exactly what was in his mind. But whenever he opened his mouth, he closed it back, finding it hard to even speak.

“Demons aren’t entirely bad,” Aoba continued, sensing his struggle. “There are good demons too, just like how there’re bad humans, like how you used to see them. What matters is this,” he said, pressing his palm against Noiz’s beating heart. “…this. Your nature.”

He ended his words by flashing a smile at Noiz’s direction, who was still perplexed and still unsure of what else he could say or do to soothe the excruciating atmosphere between them.

“And you saw through me, since the very first day we met.”

“I was an exorcist, remember?” Aoba chortled lightly. “I know demons like the back of my hand, which include…” he paused, staring into Noiz’s eyes, a stab landed on his wounded heart when he saw the demon’s gaze waver. “…the nature of a demon.”

There were a lot of things he couldn’t understand back then. But now, everything started to make sense. He couldn’t understand how Aoba could be so selfless. Despite being an exorcist, he overlooked Noiz’s demonic features, as well as Noiz’s demonic nature. He allowed Noiz to follow him around, without fearing that Noiz would pierce his tail through his heart. He was not afraid of Noiz at all.

And perhaps, the trust and affection that Aoba had given him was what had given him his heart in the first place.

Even after he’d lost it after he devoured Aoba for the first time, he knew that he didn’t completely lose it. A heart that was planted could not be easily dismissed. It was hidden, buried deep in the darkest depths of his being, wiping his memory and emotions off and forcing him to forget everything _human_ he felt just so he could fit in. He remembered asking Aoba if he looked more human now that he’d lost his wings. He remembered Aoba giving him a shocked face, flicking a finger against his forehead and telling him that no matter how he looked like he’d be the most human person he ever encountered. It had been Noiz’s biggest insecurity and Aoba resolved it so easily.

Just like that.

But what meant to be was meant to be. Aoba returned, thanks to his unconscious intention to meet him again and he was probably _lured_ to him – so that they could continue what was meant to be for them once and for all.

 

 

 

 

    0 hours.

              16 minutes.

                    960 seconds.

 

 

Was he afraid of death? he asked himself. It wasn’t painful, at least he hadn’t felt any now. The first two times he’d faced death, it was agonisingly painful, there was no doubt about it. He shivered out of reflex upon remembering how it once felt. For a long time, he wasn’t able to think of anything else but the feeling of being dead. He didn’t want to revive the memory of how he’d died. Not now – not ever. So he clung onto Noiz, feeling the faint sensation of warmth on his hand and giving out a relieved smile when he felt the familiar rough texture of Noiz’s skin. He had memoriezed every inch of it by now – he knew which was the roughest part, and where the deepest scars laid.

“Aoba,” Noiz called out. “Do you want to listen to a song?”

Aoba wanted to laugh, but having the intention alone exhausted most of his energy as he managed a nod. He knew that it was done out of desperate attempt. Whenever Noiz woke up from a nightmare, Aoba would always do this to him – he’d pat his head, hug him, and hum him a lullaby. It worked every time. But Noiz didn’t tell him that it wasn’t the fact that Aoba had hummed him a song that had calmed him down; but it was the fact that he was reminded that Aoba was by his side that had pacified his tension.

He knew Noiz wanted to do the same for him. He knew Noiz didn’t want him to feel afraid of the idea of dying.

Noiz’s melody was varying, instantly telling Aoba that he was struggling not to break down. His voice was broken, breathless, and Aoba wanted so very much to stop him, but all he could do was held onto Noiz’s hand with quivering touches, desperately clinging onto anything of Noiz that he could reach.

 “Noiz…” he finally voiced out after a few minutes, hearing the deafeningly loud ticking of the clock in his ears now – the countdown to the last second of his life. “Noiz…”

Noiz stopped then, immediately realizing what was happening. He looked Aoba in the eyes, nose sore, tears damped his eyes when he noticed how water had swelled in Aoba’s own eyes.

               

 

 

    0 hours.

              10 minutes.

                    600 seconds.

 

 

“I’m not afraid,” Aoba said, staring as intense as he could into Noiz’s eyes. “I’m not… afraid of death.”

Noiz nodded. He knew, he didn’t need Aoba to tell him that.

“Aoba,” he called instead, realizing how difficult it had become for Aoba to even speak now. “Do you think Heaven exists?”               

Aoba broke down. It wasn’t easy for Noiz to express himself in the clearest way he wanted but Aoba didn’t need his concise communication to know exactly what he was trying to say. Aoba knew him too well.

“I don’t know…” he answered, completely honest. Before he could continue, Noiz pressed a finger against his lips, stopping him; or rather, wanting Aoba to believe what he was about to say.

“I belong in Hell,” he said, with a smile so gentle and so fitting to him. “But at the very least, I want you to go to Heaven.”

“Heaven might not be as good as you think it is, you know?” Aoba teased. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he brought Noiz’s hand up and pressed it against his face. “It might be worse than Hell.”

He might have gone too far but Noiz wiped his tears away with his thumb, leaning in to kiss Aoba again.

“Then… I’ll go wherever you are to be,” his voice broke at the end. “I’ll go after you, no matter where you go.”

Aoba released a breathless chuckle.

“You go wherever you want to go,” he said.

“And that’s wherever you are,” Noiz retorted, although it sounded more like a determination at that moment. “I’ll find you. Don’t go to where I can’t follow.”

He seriously can’t win him. Staring weakly into his eyes, he continued smiling. He wasn’t sure where he’d be going next. He couldn’t promise Noiz that.

But if Noiz was coming after him regardless of where he’d be going… at the very least, it made him feel relief, made separation a little bit more bearable.

 

 

 

    0 hours.

               5 minutes.

                    300 seconds.

 

 

 

“If there’s a new life…” Aoba whispered. His body turned cold, weak, and he no longer had the strength to move any further. “… I want to… be older than you…”

“Why is that so?” Noiz tried as hard as he could to remain composed even though the tormenting squeeze inside him was murdering him.

“It’s… unfair,” Aoba breathed. “You are born… older than me… I want to… be older so that I can… take care of you.”

He could feel how weak Aoba’s heart was now when they pressed their chests together. He could feel how life was slowly but surely trickling off him. He could even hear his own clock started ticking in his ears.

There was no guarantee that there would be a new life. He didn’t even know if a demon, let alone an angel, can reincarnate. This would probably be the last life they’ve got. If that was so, then he was relieved, even proud of himself to abandon his demon title just so he could be as normal as Aoba.

Just so he could _be_ with Aoba.

“Noiz…”

Noiz hugged Aoba fimer, tears damping the corner of his eyes.

“Do you regret this?” Aoba asked, refusing to move his eyes away from the demon.

“Not at all,” Noiz said. “You taught me what life is, even with an exchange of your own life. I’d rather die a meaningful death than—“

“—live a meaningless life,” Aoba laughed quietly at the end of his words. “I hope I managed to… do that.”

“You did. You did it magnificently.”

Aoba wrapped his wings around Noiz, the soft and tender texture fell on Noiz’s body, giving him a sense as if Aoba was using the last of his energy to protect him.

 

 

 

 

    0 hours.

                1 minute.

                     60 seconds.

 

 

 

 

They exchanged one last kiss before Noiz hugged him again, literally counting the beats in Aoba’s heart.

One,

Two,

One,

Two.

On the 30th second, it became slow almost unnoticeable and Noiz closed his eyes, wanting to feel the very last of Aoba’s warmth before it left him.

“I love you,” Aoba said with a voice that sounded like a whisper.

“I love you too,” Noiz could only blindly reply.

“Thank you.”

That was what Noiz wanted to say to him.

 

 

 

He was no longer used to the silence around him. Aoba’s heart was no longer beating, he was no longer breathing, his body cold in Noiz’s hands. It reminded Noiz dreadfully of how he’d hold this very body in his hands when he first killed Aoba. But now, all that he felt was relief, that Aoba no longer needed to go through the sufferings he didn’t deserve. He could hear his own life running out. Soon, he’d be gone from this world too. He wasn’t sure where he’d head to next – but he was sure that no matter where he was to go, he’d definitely look out for Aoba again.

It didn’t matter if they no longer remembered each other; because at the end of the day, he knew that they’d start all over again, regardless if they were to be friends, acquaintances, strangers who brushed pass each other’s shoulders in a busy city, or even enemies.

 As long as they’re still in the same universe, they’d eventually meet again.

It was the only hope Noiz held onto.

“Goodnight, angel.”

He remembered his last words when he felt the last of his breath leave him. He remembered making a vow – that he’d hunt Aoba down again if there was a next life.

  It is believed that ten minutes before you die you would hear voices, feel touches, or if you’re lucky enough you could even catch glimpses of the last few moments of your current life.

It is also believed that five minutes before you die you would start seeing something else – something that is no longer your present life but a past life instead. You would see bits and pieces of your memories flashing past your eyes like a film reel, highlighting your ups and downs, your bests and worsts.

Even when you are to close your eyes, you would still hear the voices of those distant memories, as if they are speaking inside your head.

And once everything’s over, you would see not your past, not your present, but your future, or rather, what lies ahead after your death.

And Noiz wondered if the hologram screens, rabbit cubes, the “Welcome home!” voice and the bright smile he was so very familiar with meant anything to him at all – being the last thing he heard and saw before his heart made its final beat.

 

* * *

 

 

When one dies, it doesn’t mean that they’re entirely gone. They continue staying in the hearts of their loved ones – their voices, their existence, and memories of them would continue staying with people they hold closely to their heart.

It isn’t the physical existence that’s important; it’s how the person made you feel that matters.

And they will stay with you, until the end of their own life.

 

The sun was high, the sky bright when both Koujaku and Sei stood in front of the grave. The grief-stricken air was less apparent than the first time they were here. Koujaku wiped lovingly at the name carved on the tombstone, crouching down to put the bouquet of flowers on it before Sei patted him on the back.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’m fine now.”

Sei merely smiled.

“I know,” he said, voice crisp and clear. “He knows it too.”

Both of them returned their gaze to the name on the tombstone, reminiscing on the memories they once shared with the person who owned the tombstone.

“Time to move on, I guess,” Koujaku broke the silence, while Sei nodded in agreement.

“Hey, Aoba,” Koujaku directed his voice to the grave. “I hope you’re doing fine wherever you are now. Don’t worry about us, okay? We’ll be fine. I’ll take care of Sei and Tae-san and…” he trailed off at the end of his words. “…I’ll work hard to make our dream come true. Look after me, okay?”

Sei chuckled at the end of Koujaku’s words.

“Don’t worry, Aoba,” Sei said. “I’ll look after Koujaku too.”

Kouaju stood up, patting the dirt off his pants before he turned around, walked away from the graveyard and headed to the main road.

“I guess it’s about time I clean Aoba’s room too,” Sei said, walking side-by-side with Koujaku as he considered.

“What? You still haven’t cleaned it?” Koujaku asked.

“I always feel that he’s still inside whenever I go in. It’s only now that I don’t feel like that anymore,” Sei defended.

His words halted Koujaku in his steps.

“Th-that’s a bit creepy, you know?”

“What is there to be creepy about?” Sei laughed. “It’s just Aoba.”

Koujaku released a bitter smile.

“You’re right,” he said after a momentary pause. “Do you need help then?”

“I should be fine,” Sei said. “There’ll be someone to help me out later.

“Do you mean Tae-san? But she won’t be able to carry heavy stuff.”

“No, not grandma,” Sei flashed Koujaku another cheerful smile. “Though… can you stay for a bit more? I want you to meet him too.”

Despite being suspicious, Koujaku nodded. And they remained silent as they walked back to the Seragaki household.

 

Aoba’s room remained the same as how it was ever since his death, the only thing missing was perhaps the pink headphones, which Noiz had taken along with him during his last visit to the Seragaki’s.

Leaving Koujaku downstairs to help Tae out, Sei paced slowly into Aoba’s room. He wasn’t lying when he said that he could sometimes feel Aoba’s existence in the room. Occasionally, he even found himself sitting on the bed, hearing Aoba’s voice in his ears. And often, he’d even find himself hearing a different voice, a voice which he didn’t rcognize until Noiz rang their doorbell just a few days after Aoba’s death.

He thought Aoba was trying to communicate with him at that time, so he spent a lot of time in his room, trying to catch his voice, but nothing made sense to him. Sometimes he thought he was hallucinating, only because he’d missed Aoba so much. But Noiz’s appearance gave him a new idea. He was confounded when he first saw Noiz – how could one look so emotionless, as if there wasn’t any life in him when he was very obviously alive? And why did a person who lived as if he didn’t have a purpose became so mesmerized with everything ordinary he saw in Aoba’s room?

But then again, he also knew that this was probably something completely out of his own league. It was an area he was unable to reach and if Aoba was _really_ still around at that time, he’d want to trust at least Noiz to guide him to where he could finally rest in peace.

He stroked the bed sheet nostalgically, looking around the space as he sat, indulging in the memories he once shared with Aoba in this very place. Aoba wasn’t very good with words; even when he had his own qualms, it’d take forever for him to finally spill it out at Sei. He wasn’t keen with asking for help, because he didn’t want to trouble people. And Sei had forgotten exactly how many times he’d told Aoba that they’re a family, hence, Aoba had all the rights to bother them whenever he wanted because that was exactly why they were there. It was a part of him that Sei found to be extremely endearing.

He pulled the empty boxes into the room, left them at one corner before he opened the wardrobe and started loading Aoba’s clothing into the box. He was about to clean the drawers when Tae called him from downstairs.

“Sei! He’s here!”

He put some of the items he was already holding in his hands into the box, grabbed the paper cranes on the window sill and hurriedly left the room.

Both Koujaku and Tae were in the living room when he got downstairs. While Tae mumbled about preparing dinner for them, Koujaku and the new guest sat, awkward, and unsure of what to say to each other. Sei was about to break the silence when Koujaku raised his voice as he swallowed his words down, letting Koujaku grip the wheel.

“So you’re the person Sei wants me to meet,” Koujaku started with a bright smile as he extended a hand. “I’m Koujaku, and you are?”

The man seemed hesitant for a while but soon, he took Koujaku’s hand and gave it a firm shake.

“Ren.”

“He’s our cousin,” Sei interrupted. “And Koujaku made these, by the way,” he continued, pointing at the paper cranes while he looked tenderly at Ren.

“Cousin?” Koujaku perked a curious eyebrow. “Never heard Aoba mentioned about it before.”

It sounded familiar, and it reminded Koujaku of Noiz, but he quickly dismissed the thought to focus on the matter before him.

“He doesn’t know,” Sei explained, which did nothing but intensify Koujaku’s curiosity. “We only get to know recently as well.”

“What’s this all about?”

Sei looked at Ren, who smiled at Koujaku.

“I didn’t have any memories of myself until recently.” His voice was deep, but confident, something that Koujaku had immediately taken note of.

“Oh,” Koujaku was slightly taken aback. This seemed like too much of a coincidence. He tried as much as he could to push the thoughts off his mind but the longer he stared at Ren, the louder the hunch rang in his ears.

“I like to believe that he’s someone Aoba sent over to look after us,” Sei leaned to whisper in his ear, while Ren continued staring fidgetly at the both of them. “That said,” Sei continued, voice slightly louder. “I wanted to ask if you have a vacancy in your bar? Ren just reached here and he’ll be staying with us. He insisted to pay rent even though we’re technically family.”

Koujaku took another moment to stare at Ren before he coughed, attempting to clear his mind. He _did_ have a vacancy in the bar – Noiz resigned, which opened up a space for new people. And probably, he could even click with the new bartender with a teardrop tattoo on his face when he started working there. So he nodded.

“Of course. When can you start?”

“As soon as possible,” Ren replied almost immediately, almost too hurriedly.

Koujaku laughed, his voice echoed loudly in the room.

“Calm down,” he leaned forward to ruffle Ren on the hair. “You need time to get used to this new place, right? How about next week?”

Ren seemed like he had an opinion about it but Sei quickly came to the rescue.

“Sounds good,” he said. “Meanwhile, I’ll bring him around the place.” Tilting his head to look at Ren, Sei smiled. “You’ll like Midorijima. I’m clearing out your room at the moment. Maybe you would like to help me out?”

Ren nodded, standing up just when Sei and Koujaku gave each other another relieved smile.

Time waited for no one. They didn’t have time to grief, or rather, time was urging them to move forward, to move on with life.

Just like how Aoba wanted them to.

 

* * *

 

 

Everyone is given one chance to live. But there would come a time when we would lose that chance – either accidentally or intentionally. But, think about this – what if you’re given a second chance to live?

Or a third chance?

Or even… a fourth?

Would you take that extra chance for granted?

 

The first time he met Aoba, he saw him as nothing more than another opponent – an _enemy_ , maybe. He couldn’t understand what was with this intense attraction towards him that had lured him towards the man. It was something unexplainable, something so overwhelming that he just _wanted_ to interact with him. He’d known of loneliness for a very long time, being locked in his own room for years by people he thought cherished him. But this was the first time he’d found himself being so insanely persistent to be _involved_ with someone else – someone whom he’d never even met before.

Seragaki Aoba was perfectly normal, nothing too extraordinary. He wasn’t the famous kid in town, nor was he was a person who looked strong even from his appearance. He’d retired from the Rhyme scene even before Noiz had arrived in the place. He’d missed him, literally; they practically brushed past each other’s shoulder. He thought he’d be able to let it go now that the once prominent player was no longer the number one Rhyme player in town. But ever since he found out about Sly Blue, about _Aoba_ , he could no longer let him out of his mind.

Seragaki Aoba was… different, he concluded, finding himself amazed at his own answer. There was a sort of aura around him that told Noiz that he wasn’t very normal; sometimes he even found himself wondering if Aoba was hundred percent a human being. Because there was just… _something_ about him that had entranced the almost emotionless man, and he wasn’t familiar with emotions either, so he wasn’t completely sure of what he was feeling the first time he’d encountered him.

When he met Aoba, face-to-face, the feeling became even stronger. He was _sure_ that he’d seen this man somewhere before, but the problem was, he couldn’t remember _where_ no matter how hard he was to search his memories and he deemed himself possessing very good memories especially when it came to things, or humans, that he was interested in.

…interested in.

He scowled at the thought. Was he interested in Seragaki Aoba? If yes, then _why_? He didn’t have any interest in him besides of the fact that he was once a champion in Rhyme and he didn’t deem the need for him to be so insanely _obssessed_ with a person to the extent that he would dig almost _everything_ about Aoba out – from his very personal details to even his family background.

Seragaki Aoba was… _different_.

He chased after him, followed him everywhere, attempting to find out more about him, directly from him. He didn’t want to know only about Aoba but he also wanted to know the reason why he himself felt so attached to him. There must be a reason and he wanted to know what the reason was.

No, he _needed_ to know.

But Aoba turned out to be someone he totally didn’t expect him to be.

Aoba was definitely strong, but he wasn’t strong as how Noiz used to define him to be. He held a different definition of strong that Noiz had never known. He only knew of strong in a physical way – he was strong himself; the inability to feel had forced him to be – but the ‘strong’ Aoba had given him flipped his belief completely.

Aoba was a world he never knew.

He approached him, challenged him, pushed all his limits; he was half expecting Aoba to break down and beg him to leave him alone. But instead, _Aoba_ became the one who approached him; _he_ became the one who pushed him to his limits. It left him with more questions – questions he knew only Aoba could answer.

He’d never expected himself to grow fond towards Aoba either. Aoba was way too pure for him to touch. He was nothing more than a monster – he couldn’t feel, couldn’t understand; he was _unneeded_ – but Aoba punched him at that thought, told him that he was perfectly human and that he was no monster.

Aoba told him that he _deserved_ being a human.

And Aoba returned his emotions and his ability to feel back to him; or rather, it was because of _Aoba_ that he was able to understand not only emotions, but also himself and the world around him at the same time.

Aoba was his angel – an angel who’d pulled him out of the darkest abyss of his world; an angel who had taught him how to love, and an angel who gave him the feeling of love.

Aoba was his guardian angel.

When they eventually ended up together, he was quick to realize that Aoba appeared to be more beautiful with every passing months they spent together, to the extent that he sometimes even felt worthless for staying so close to such a pure, untainted being.

He had his own doubts, but Aoba was quick to notice. Acting like a true angel, he’d pull him back from his own inner Hell, tell him again and again that _he_ was worth it and that _Aoba_ wanted to be the one to support him when he got lost in his own darkness again.

He still had his own inner demons; in fact, he knew that Aoba had his own demons too, but Aoba would never forget to nag him countless times about it – possessing inner demons meant that they’re perfectly human and that was absolutely fine. They just needed an angel to pull them back when they went too near to the edge of Hell.

It was a metaphorical description but both of them knew that it was true, that having both demons and angels within themselves only proved to them that they possessed desires and reasons and that was exactly what made them human.

So when Aoba agreed to move to Germany with Noiz, he made a vow for himself – a vow that he wanted to keep for the rest of his life; a vow that he wanted to exchange his life for owning such a beautiful, precious angel.

He wanted to give Aoba only the best – Heaven, if he could – and he wanted to try his best. He knew Aoba wanted him to walk on his own pace because there was no need to rush and that he had a lot of time in front of him. But for some reason, he felt as if this was a life he’d borrowed, or a life he’d earned, and that he just wanted to do _something_ – something that would tell him that he deserved this second chance he’d gotten when he’d lost his when he was born.

 

 

“I’m glad I’m older than you so I can take care of you,” Aoba said, teasingly pinching Noiz on the nose when Noiz pulled him closer by the waist.

“What does that got to do with anything? Just because you’re born four years ahead of me doesn’t give you the privilege to take care of me. I want to take care of you too.”

“No, how do I put this…” Aoba considered, momentarily shifting his gaze away when his eyes brightened. “Responsibility, maybe?” he guessed. “I feel that I have a lot to compensate for you. I don’t know why I feel this way but I kind of feel that this is a chance… I…” Aoba stopped, suddenly feeling a skip in his heart. What was this feeling? It felt nostalgic but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly _why_.

He turned to look at Noiz, who was waiting for him to finish his sentence. For a quick moment, he thought he saw a brighter shade in Noiz’s eyes. He thought he’d forgotten about something extremely important, especially when one corner of Noiz’s lips curved that he felt a sudden stab in his heart.

“Are you thinking too much again?” Noiz asked, rolling over so that Aoba was literally pressing his chest against his. “What’s in your mind?”

Aoba didn’t answer. Instead, he traced a finger against Noiz’s features, starting from the corner of his eyes to the bridge of his nose, then ultimately stopping at the corner of his lip.

“I’m imagining you having a different appearance,” he said slowly, his brain suddenly on a fast track, unable to stop the rapid thoughts.

“What? Like a role play?”

“It’s not like – well, you can put it that way if you want.”

“Hmm, what are you thinking about then?”

Noiz seemed to have taken interest in what Aoba was suggesting as he embraced Aoba firmly with both his arms, eyes fixed intensely into Aoba’s.

“Like…” Aoba started, trying to retrace the fragments he had been seeing in his head for the past minute. “What if, you start growing horns here?” he illustrated pressing both of his hands on top of Noiz’s head.

“Horns?” He could literally hear the laugh in Noiz’s voice.

“Don’t laugh,” he scolded with a pout. “And yes, _horns_. They’d be sledged-like material, tough and solid, and no matter how hard you’re to hit it, it’ll not break.”

He could _almost_ see the pair of horns now.

“Hmm, that sounds interesting,” Noiz responded. He wasn’t even sure if Noiz was taking him seriously or if he was merely playing along with him. “Anything else?”

Decided to ignore him, he looked away, eyes shifting to his body instead.

“And there’d be huge wings.”

Noiz almost laughed; Aoba’s warning glare stopped him.

“Big wings,” he repeated. “When you extend them, the tips will reach the ceiling.”

And the ceiling of their room was pretty high.

He didn’t know why but there was this sudden prod in his heart that made him frown. Assuming that Aoba was displeased with his lack of response, Noiz quickly commented,

“That’d be hard to move, won’t it?”

“You can hide them to your liking,” Aoba said, almost immediately. “When you don’t need it, you keep them.”

“And when will I need them?”

“When you eat.”

He couldn’t quite believe what he was saying himself and Noiz’s expression told him that he couldn’t quite believe him either.

“Eat, huh?” Noiz said with a smirk. “So what do I eat, exactly?”

Now Aoba was sure that Noiz was bringing this into a whole new territory of his own. But the mental image in his head was still so strong that he decided to continue, trying very hard to ignore the mood Noiz had initiated.

“Souls.” His eyes returned to Noiz’s. “Sins, precisely.”

“And I’m sure you’d be lust,” Noiz joked.

Under normal circumstances, Aoba would probably smack him on the head and tell him to behave himself. But he didn’t know since when did he start taking this sudden illusionary image of his so seriously that all he did was continue staring at Noiz, eyes wide. He could feel shivers all over him, the images in his head won’t stop flashing like film reels – like a reminder – to the extent that he needed to shake his head to shut all of them off.

“I’m just jokin—“ Noiz interrupted, but Aoba silenced him with a finger against his lips.

“You’re right,” he said. “I might be lust.”

Before Noiz could respond, he continued,

“You might be a demon who only feeds on lust,” he teased back, expecting a comeback. But when none came, his smirk softened, curious with the confused expression Noiz was wearing on his face now.

“You know what?” Noiz said, rolling over again and practically hovering over Aoba. “Feed me, Aoba. I’m hungry.”

“H-huh?”

He immediately found a wet kiss against his neck, and in the next second, Noiz was sucking his skin, creating marks after marks until Aoba pushed him lightly on his chest that he stopped.

“What’s with this sudden change of mood?” he asked, almost shrieking when Noiz pulled his briefs off and found his erection.

“You want a demon?” Noiz retorted with a smirk, licking on his lips in the most seductive way. “I’ll give you a demon.”

He thought his joke had gone too far but then Noiz pecked him softly on the cheek, pumping his half-hard dick languidly and in that instance, he knew that Noiz was _indeed_ hungry in all senses possible. He’d triggered the inner demon within this nineteen-year-old brat and even without his self-imagined demonic features of Noiz, he could already tell that Noiz was perfectly a demon himself, even though he’d be a demon who possessed perfect emotions ever since he Scrapped him.

Noiz kissed along his neck, reaching his shoulder blade and smiled fondly at the pendant Aoba wore around his neck. It was a present from him; a pendant with a letter ‘A’ and a pair of small white wings attached behind it. It’d reminded him of Aoba the first time he saw it, and whenever he was to see it so clearly again like now, he felt a pang of warmth hitting his chest, urging him to place a firm kiss on the pendant.

“If I’m a demon,” he said when he separated his lips from the cold, premium material. “then you must be an angel.”

“Shut it,” Aoba chuckled. “That’s a title too noble for me.”

“Not at all,” Noiz retorted. “I think it suits you perfectly.”

Heat rose to his face. He never considered himself as an angel and their current positions he’d hauled them into the flow made the situation to appear even more ironic.

He didn’t know what made him did it but before he knew it, he was hugging Noiz’s head, pulling him over and pressing his forehead against his chest.

“I’ll gladly feed you anytime you want, demon,” he said, half-joking, half-serious. But then, Noiz raised his head, grinning before he nipped on Aoba’s chin.

“That’s really seductive, don’t you think?” Noiz said. “But I wont eat you,” he said bringing their faces closer. “It’d be a waste to eat you just like that. I want to live with you.”

Aoba laughed. Even if Noiz was destined to be a demon, he knew that he’d never fit in anyway. He was fine the way he was – perfectly human. Sometimes, he could undoubtedly sense a hint of demonic aura from Noiz. But at the end of the day, as he scrutinized Noiz again, as he held Noiz in his arms and felt his warmth all over again, he reminded himself that Noiz was Noiz after all. There was no way he would turn into another being in the next second and there was definitely no way he’d eat him just like that. And even though he still struggled with his inner demons at times, he knew that he’d overcome them anyway.

Because he’d look after him for the rest of his life, like a true guardian angel he was, regardless of which dimension they were in.

 

_  
_


End file.
